"Max, are you OK?" The sound of Esha's voice brought her mind back. Everyone stopped what they were doing to look at her, seeming to expect something dramatic.
"Yeah, just thinking."
Rachel and Chloe were finished with their game and sat with the rest of them, Rachel looking curiously at Max. "Let's have it, Max; think we didn't notice you being all spaced out and quiet? I mean, we're not trying to be the thought police, but I did notice a sort of ... shift in the emotional atmosphere, or am I imagining things?"
Max sighed; she should have known better than to expect she could have a few thoughts to herself. "Just reminiscing about my life, and all that's happened ... and how I still have no idea where this power came from or why it chose me."
Everyone's attention shifted to Esha, expecting an answer from her. She responded without hesitation, "I'm sorry, Max, but this is one thing that's beyond my mind's comprehension. When I explore your chi, I come to a certain point where I feel ... blocked in some way. There's something I need from it to sustain myself, yet the only way I can receive or sense it is through you as a medium. If I can't access it or explore it directly, I can't answer those questions; in fact, even if I could, I may not be able to; I'm far from being a master in such things."
Chloe looked curious. "Didn't you learn how to do it from gurus in India?"
"Yes, it was one guru in particular who taught me concerning these things. Compared to her, I'm just an amateur." Everyone seemed to have the same thought at once, which she noticed. "Yes, we could go there and have her look at Max, but it would be difficult and dangerous; she lives deep within the Himalayan mountains, so it isn't a matter of simply finding her online and getting directions. I remember the first time I went to her, with the guidance of a hermit who knew the area; I barely managed the journey, and the hermit who helped me has likely passed away since then, so I'm not even sure it's possible."
Chloe looked excited. "Awesome, when do we start?" As everyone looked amused and skeptical, she became defensive. "Am I the only one who's seeing this the right way?"
Victoria responded cynically, "Us dying of starvation, lost in the Himalayas, and freezing to death; how's that for seeing it?"
Everyone chuckled except Chloe, who maintained her defensive stance. "You're forgetting the most important thing here: If we get lost, or something shitty happens, Max can either rewind it or go back in time and warn us to take a different path or something; it could hella work."
Everyone suddenly looked enlightened. Max was surprised Chloe was the first one to look at things in a hopeful and positive light. Victoria looked more agreeable now but in a cynical way. "Or even better, we could all go there, find the woman and figure out the secret to this aura, then Max could come back in time to this very moment and tell us, so we don't even have to go." Everyone laughed.
As ridiculous as it sounded, it could be done, but Max wasn't sure if she liked the idea of screwing around with reality so much. After they finished laughing, Chloe looked at Victoria questioningly. "Dude, where's your sense of adventure; why would you want to forget an epic journey like that?"
Victoria looked surrendered. "I don't know, I guess I'm not exactly an outdoors sort of person ... not that I'm saying I wouldn't want to go, but ... whatever; I'm sure I would get some great photos."
Max was agreeable. "Truly, they would be your best photos ever."
Victoria smiled back with appreciation but quickly seemed to regain awareness of the shack in the junkyard they were in. Everyone could tell she hated being here, despite her words. "So, what else do you guys do here? Besides playing darts, eating pizza, and drinking beer."
Chloe chimed in, "Don't forget smoking weed, although I think it's safe to say that's behind us."
Rachel looked agreeable. "Hella behind us. We mostly just talked and fixed Chloe's junker truck, or I should say she fixed it, and I'd chat with her, wondering what the hell she was doing. It was more like a hideout from the world than a chill joint; when we were here together, nothing could touch us."
Chloe looked at her fondly with amusement. "Yeah, Rachel, nothing could touch you ... except that guy that stabbed you with his giant knife in your arm."
Everyone chuckled as Rachel glared at her playfully. "Well, besides that one time."
Chloe looked at her questioningly. "What about the time when-"
Rachel suddenly looked dramatically frustrated. "Look, Chloe, I know that shit happened, but the point is that I don't remember it like that, OK? It's not what defines it for me."
Chloe looked conceded. "Fair point ... as you would say."
"Exactly. ... So, is this India thing a pipe dream, or are we actually doing it?"
Everyone's eyes began to gravitate towards Max. She felt reluctant to be the leader. "It's up to me?"
Rachel looked at her with appreciation. "We're here because of you, Max ... literally in my case."
Max felt like she was cornered, especially in this wheelchair. "Well, there's no hurry or anything; it's not like my life depends on it. I am curious, though; I mean, maybe knowing could be of some use, but I don't see how. What's important is that I learn to control it, and Esha can teach me that. Let's hold off for now."
Esha looked agreeable. "I agree; India will feel like a chaotic and disorderly place to all of you, and it will overstimulate your senses and test your limits in every way; waiting would be wise."
Everyone looked in agreement as they sat quietly for a moment, reflecting on the decision. Chloe began to look around with a renewed sense of where she was. "This place has kind of lost its charm."
Rachel looked more somber now. "Maybe it's because we're not hiding anymore."
"Yeah, kind of defeats the purpose of having a hideout, if you're not ... hiding." Everyone looked mildly amused.
Rachel looked at Chloe curiously. "David would probably be at work now if you wanted to visit your mom."
"Yeah, but she's probably at work too. ... I'll text her." They watched Chloe as she took her phone out and tapped at it. "Turns out she's got a late shift today; she won't be going for awhile."
Rachel took Chloe's hand and stood up. "Come on, let's go; you can't leave again without seeing her."
Chloe sluggishly stood up, looking unenthusiastic. "Yeah, I know; I want to see her, but I'm just ... not looking forward to another emotional event."
Rachel looked at Chloe sincerely as everyone began to stand. "You're hella lucky you're able to see your mom; please, for me, don't take that for granted."
Chloe's face took a sudden dramatic turn, looking startled and enlightened. "Wait a sec, now that your karma thing is fixed, wouldn't it be OK if you went to see your mom now?" Rachel looked startled by the suggestion as Chloe's head turned to Esha with hope.
Esha looked mildly positive. "I don't see why not; Max can always come back and warn us if something unexpected happens, but please don't see my words regarding this as expert advice; this is new territory for me too."
Rachel embraced Chloe in a hug. When she backed away, she had tears in her eyes. "Thanks, I really need this. I feel like my memory is fading or something, and for the most part, that's great, but ... some things I don't want to forget, like my mom, you, and this place with all the great times we had; everything else can disappear for all I care."
Max began to feel concerned. "What do you mean by 'fading'?"
Rachel looked confused. "I'm not sure, but it's harder to recall my past life, like trying to hold onto something that's too slippery. If Chloe hadn't made the suggestion about my mom, it never would have occurred to me."
Chloe looked doubtful. "But you're the one who mentioned my mom."
"I know, I don't understand; it's kind of freaking me out."
Max responded curiously, "But didn't this start after you went all hardcore on the meditation, like as a side effect?"
"Yeah, sort of; ... hopefully it's just that, and my mind isn't erasing itself."
Esha didn't look worried. "I think you're fine, Rachel; if your memories were going to erase, it would have happened either when you came back or when Max and I were repairing you. There's no doubt something significant changed within you, but it's not your memory. I believe it may be your sense of being that has ... rewired, you could say. And because of the suddenness, it may feel like emptiness or a loss of who you thought you were, but really, you've become more one with your true self. My advice is to embrace this feeling of space or emptiness within you; don't be afraid of it."
Everyone seemed to be relieved by Esha's confidence, especially Rachel. Chloe looked at Rachel with optimism. "Come on, let's go see her; my mom can wait another day."
Rachel looked hopeful but also a little frightened. "Chloe, I don't think I can do this alone; I'm not sure how I'm going to explain all this shit."
"Don't worry, we'll make sure to catch her when she faints. Maybe if I explain things alone first, she'll be more ready?"
Rachel shook her head. "Trust me, the only way she'll believe it is if I'm there. Don't worry, though; she can handle it; she's a lot tougher than she looks."
They all left the former hideout and went back into the RV. Chloe didn't waste any time starting it up and heading out.
The ride there was relatively fast and mostly quiet. Rachel seemed like she was building up an emotional explosion within herself with anticipation. Max hoped this was what she needed to find peace after her last encounter with her mom.
As they pulled up to the front of her house, Max could see Rachel's eyes becoming wet again. She stood up and went to the RV door as Chloe followed, looking at her cautiously. "You sure you want to go in with me?"
"Trust me, it's the only way she'll believe ... and I don't think I could handle the anticipation of waiting here. Come on, I see her car out front, so I know she's there and alone."
The room resonated with silence as they closed the door behind them. Victoria glanced around at the others, looking neutral. "I don't think I would even bother visiting my parents if I came back from the dead; it would feel more like a relief to be free from their ... notice." She looked at Max with interest. "Have you met my parents in the other reality?"
"No, apparently, they're usually out because of work."
"Know any specifics?"
"Your mother owns some art galleries, and your dad's an investor."
"Yeah, same here, but I'm guessing that he didn't lose all our money in a bad investment like my dad did ... idiot." She suddenly looked bitter. "Fuck this reality."
Esha looked at her compassionately. "We're a part of this reality, Victoria, and even in this other reality, we would never have come together if it wasn't for Max intervening. I believe you would find that in every reality there could possibly be, they would each have their own sweet and sour flavors to them. Think of each reality as a dish, and the universe, god, or whatever you want to call it, is the chef, and a good chef is always known for the variety of their dishes."
Victoria smiled at Esha pleasantly. "Esha, what would I do without you to set my head on straight." She turned back to Max with admiration. "You're lucky you're so tough, Max; if you were as fragile as me, you'd be history by now."
Max scoffed, "Are you joking? You give me way too much credit; don't forget the two weeks I was comatose after the tornado."
"But that wasn't really your-"
Suddenly, the door to the RV burst open as Chloe came running up to them with urgency. Everyone froze as the atmosphere of the room did a one-eighty degree turn. Chloe burst out, "Max, you have to go back; it went bad, fucking god awful beyond belief bad." She had to catch her breath.
Max looked at her earnestly. "Chloe, just take it easy; nothing is going to prevent me from going back, so just tell me what went wrong."
Chloe appeared to calm down a little. "Her mom died; that's what went wrong, for starters. Rachel is ... something happened to her, something not good; she's hella out of it; I don't know what's wrong."
"How did she die?"
"It looked like she had a heart attack. Rachel completely freaked and tried to call the police, but I told her it would be pointless since you could just go back; she basically lost her fucking mind and didn't know what I was talking about, so I had to ... knock her out. She wasn't herself at all."
"Maybe she was having a panic attack ... but it doesn't really matter; I'll just go back and warn us not to go."
Chloe looked excessively agreeable. "Yes, please do, please most certainly erase this fucking shit forever ... and Max? Please don't tell her that I knocked her out."
Max looked at her sympathetically. "It's not like you can be responsible for something in another timeline."
"OK, whatever, just ... go already before I freak even more."
Max closed her eyes calmly, despite the atmosphere to the contrary, and began to focus. She thought for a moment about where a good moment to warp in would be. When she visualized it in her head, she almost effortlessly pulled herself inward, and everything became bright white.
It happened how it usually did: The bright light faded out, and she felt disorientated, having to almost remember again where she was and why she was here. She was back in Chloe's old hideout, and they were all standing in front of her as the sound of Rachel's voice faded into her hearing. "Don't worry, though; she can handle it; she's a lot tougher than she looks."
Suddenly, she was being wheeled out of the hideout towards the RV. Rachel and Chloe were just ahead of her and Esha to the side. Max finally snapped out of her daze. "Stop!" Everyone stopped and turned to her, looking a bit startled. She looked at Rachel with regret. "Rachel, I'm sorry, but ... you can't see your mom; it doesn't work out."
A look of shock and emotional turmoil hit Rachel, the others quickly following. Rachel seemed to gather on her own what was going on. She sounded surrendered yet reluctant. "What happened?"
"She ... had a heart attack. I'm sorry, she just couldn't handle it."
There was silence between them as Rachel closed her eyes and a tear came down her cheek. Chloe put a hand on her shoulder as she opened them, looking reluctantly submissive. "Thanks, Max."
Everyone stood quietly, looking at Rachel sympathetically as Max began to let go of her hold on this moment in time. The walls of light closed in around her, and everything became white again.
When the light faded again, she was sitting in her wheelchair inside the RV, which was currently not in motion. Rachel, Esha, and Victoria were sitting in the booth beside her wheelchair, quietly looking out the window. Rachel still looked down in the dumps, but her eyes were dry. Max's tone was more informative than enthusiastic. "Hey, I'm back."
They all shifted their attention to her with mild enthusiasm. Everyone's mood seemed to be reflecting Rachel's at the moment, even Victoria. Rachel made an effort to smile a little. "Hey ... that was quick."
"Yeah ... sorry to be the bringer of bad news."
"Max, as far as I'm concerned, you hella saved my mom's life ... and probably mine too, again; I don't think I could have handled that; in fact, I'm willing to bet I didn't." She looked at Max with a mildly depressed look of anticipation.
Max responded reluctantly, "Um ... you could say that; I didn't actually see it happen, but Chloe said it was pretty bad ... like you completely broke down ... and lost your mind or something." Rachel didn't look surprised but cast her eyes down with self-disappointment. Max began to look around curiously. "Where's Chloe?"
Rachel answered, looking back up again and seeming content about changing the subject, "In her mom's house; we decided to go see her after all. She left about ten minutes ago."
Max joked, "So, you didn't want to see Joyce again?"
Rachel smirked a little. "And give her a heart attack too? I don't think Chloe could handle another round of that shit. She did want Esha to come, but I think she was just trying to avoid emotional situations."
Victoria chimed in, "This whole town is an emotional situation for all of us ... except you, Esha."
Esha looked at them skeptically. "I believe we could all use a lengthy session of meditation after this."
Rachel looked mildly agreeable. "That's a step in the right direction, but I think getting the hell out of this place would be even better."
Esha seemed to disapprove. "Remember, problems come from the mind's interpretation of reality; you can't escape them by running from a town."
Rachel seemed to reluctantly accept her words as Victoria looked at her with critical fondness. "Esha, you're just too damn good for us." Everyone unexpectedly laughed, lightening the atmosphere.
It was about an hour before Chloe came back. When Max heard her coming through the door, she didn't even have to look before she knew something was wrong. Chloe solemnly walked to the table and sat down next to Rachel. They all looked at her sympathetically, but she didn't seem to notice them for a moment, like she was deep in her thoughts. When she snapped out of it, she looked at Max with anticipation. "So, you back yet?"
"Yup ... how did it go in there?"
"Mostly my mom getting mushy followed by chit-chat. She wanted to see you, but I told her you weren't feeling well today."
Max looked at her expectantly. "And?"
Chloe looked confused and a little annoyed. "What do you mean?"
"Chloe, we know something's wrong; we could tell the moment you walked in. Just get it over with and spill the beans."
Chloe rolled her eyes as she sighed, "Well, she wanted me to ... clean out my room."
"You mean like out out?"
"Yeah, out out."
"Why?"
"Well, since she knows I have a place to live now, she wanted it available as a guest room, but that's obviously bullshit."
Max was confused. "Why is that bullshit?"
"Don't you see what's going on?"
"Um ... no."
"They're going to have a kid."
Max was skeptical. "Did she say that they were?"
"We don't have guests in our house, Max; we don't know anyone."
"Chloe, why does it even matter?"
Chloe looked mildly offended. "Seriously, Max? Just the thought of his creepy ass DNA intermingling with ... Fuck!" She abruptly slammed her head onto the table, her arms around her face.
Rachel put a hand on her shoulder as she continued looking sympathetic. "Chloe, maybe you're just ... overthinking this."
Chloe mumbled to the table, "I fucking hope so."
After a moment, she lifted herself back up and seemed to abruptly shrug the whole thing off, looking at Max with a renewed sense of purpose. "Anyway, if your legs are working tomorrow, I could use your help."
Max was delighted that she would get to see Chloe's room one last time, yet at the same time, unsure of herself. "So, I have to try to clean your room again? You remember how that went last time, right?"
"This time, everything must go, one way or another."
"I'll only do it under one condition."
Chloe looked confused. "What?"
"We have to dress up as pirates."
Everyone laughed, although Victoria looked somewhat perplexed. "Is that some kind of inside joke?"
"Yeah, Chloe and I used to dress up as pirates when we were kids. The last time we did, we were thirteen, and I was helping Chloe clean her room."
Victoria looked enlightened and amused as Chloe began looking mildly grim. "Hopefully, it won't end as badly this time."
Victoria looked interested. "Why, what happened?"
The room was taken by a dead and awkward silence. Victoria looked confused. Chloe blurted out in a neutral tone, "My dad died."
Victoria looked startled and regretful. "Oh, sorry ... I had no idea."
Chloe mumbled, "It's fine."
After Chloe drove the RV back to the beach parking lot, Esha insisted they meditate before getting any other ideas. It was a bit chilly out, but they changed into warm clothing before going onto the beach, wheeling Max out with them. When they were sitting in a circle, Esha looked at them in her neutral-toned expression.
"It's easy in the world to be swept away by feelings and concerns, then blame them on some external circumstance or person. I know I've said it before, but I believe it worth saying again: It's better to take responsibility for your own thoughts and feelings. If you don't, all you'll do is project it on those around you, and you'll never have peace. I know it can be hard to see it this way sometimes; I'm not asking you to deny yourself or what you believe to be yourself, just keep the awareness of this in your mind like a seed; the simple awareness of a thing can sometimes be enough to inspire change, and allow that seed to take root and grow." As Esha finished her sermon, they closed their eyes and began.
Max was surprised at how fast the time went by, and she somehow got the impression that the others felt the same way. About halfway through, Esha changed things up and focused them more keenly on their breathing. When they finished, everyone was a little light-headed. Chloe looked like she was enjoying her new high as she looked around in a delightful daze. Everyone easily stood up and made their way back to the RV.
As they sat in the booth and Max on her wheelchair beside them, no one seemed to have any desire to talk for awhile, as if the meditation connected them in a more meaningful way than words. It almost felt like they weren't there on some level and continued to meditate without even trying. Eventually, they began to look out the window at the pleasant cinematic view of the beach and cliffs in the distance.
After awhile longer, Chloe broke the silence. "That was ... the most far-out experience I've ever had ... wow." She looked over to Rachel as no one responded. "Rachel, what was getting high on drugs like compared to this? I mean, like the hard shit."
Everyone suddenly seemed to snap out of their meditative state from the question. Rachel looked over to Chloe and appeared in thought for a moment, then looked unsure of herself. "It's hella strange, but when I try to think about when I was high, I get an empty space in its place. I said before that it's hard to recall my past now, but with those particular moments, it's a complete blank. But I think I understand it now, or I mean, I'm not afraid of it anymore; I took Esha's advice during meditation and embraced that emptiness."
Victoria looked amused. "No offense, Esha, but I don't think you'd be the best counselor for suicides. 'Embrace the emptiness within you.' I'm pretty sure they'd all be fucked." Everyone laughed, seeming to fully snap out of their state of meditation.
Esha looked at Victoria in agreement. "Yes, I suppose it could be seen in such a way; I'll keep this in mind if the occasion presents itself."
Rachel chimed in, looking like her mind was somewhere else, "Chloe, do you think you could do me a favor before we leave Arcadia?"
Chloe responded reflexively, "Sure, anything."
"I know my mom is a dead-end for me, but you did meet her a few days ago, and she said you could talk to her if you wanted. So, I was thinking you could take her up on that ... and maybe try to get my photo album; it would mean a lot, like my bracelet."
"Not a problem ... in fact, why not right now? Especially since I'm not feeling like myself after that long-ass mediation session; probably the best time for me to talk to someone."
As they drove to the former Amber house, Max and the others found themselves reverting back to their silent meditative state. Max closed her eyes and enjoyed the inner peace between them for what seemed like a moment, then the RV stopped, and Chloe spoke up. "Be back in awhile; who knows how long she'll want to cry on my shoulder."
Rachel looked at her imploringly. "Be gentle, Chloe ... for me?"
Chloe smiled back sincerely. "I will."
She left, and the rest of them sat there silently and quickly went back to their former state. It felt somewhat eerie on a certain level. It was almost like they weren't aware of what was happening, to an extent. It just felt like such a comfortable and secure place to be.
After awhile, Max could tell it was beginning to wear off, as her thoughts began to wander like they usually did. "Chloe, alone with Rachel's mom? I might be worried about that, but in this state, it might actually work out. ... I wonder what happened with Rachel's maternal mother? I mean, I know that Mr. Amber tried to have her killed, which ruined his family when Rachel found out, but did Rachel ever meet her even once? It's probably not a good time to ask, considering what's going on now; the last thing I want to do is stir up more of Rachel's shit; clearly, she's suffering enough right now ... and what difference does it make anyway? What's done is done. Rachel needs help moving forward in her new life, just like I did. This thing going on with her memory is probably for the best."
Her thoughts were suddenly interrupted by Esha's voice. "Penny for your thoughts."
Max opened her eyes to see everyone looking at her nonchalantly. "How did you know I was thinking?"
"It's like with our meditation sessions; I just know. I guess you could call it a sixth sense."
Victoria looked at Esha with unease. "I have to admit, that's kinda creepy. I mean, with them, I can understand because of your connection, but you even knew when my mind was wandering. Don't get me wrong, I'm not calling you a weirdo; I just ... want to understand."
Esha responded informatively, "It isn't something that can really be described, but I've practiced meditation with many gifted individuals and tuned my inner senses to see subtle things with my feelings."
Victoria looked curious. "But as a spiritual person, aren't you trained to ignore or suppress your feelings?"
"I would say it's more about control, and using them for less tradition things: For example, if I can master the feeling of anger to the point where I don't feel that anger at all, I can then channel that energy to a higher purpose."
"A higher purpose?"
"Yes, there are more functions of the human body than you're aware of, but when I say higher, I mean the functions which are of a more spiritual or invisible nature."
Rachel looked intrigued. "Esha, you are hella interesting and mysterious. I feel like it's a privilege to even be sitting in front of you, let alone connected to you in this way."
They all sounded off in agreement as Esha smiled shyly. "Thank you, you're very kind, but ... I feel the same way about all of you; your lives have added so much to me. For the first time, I truly feel like I have a purpose."
Max was amused with curiosity. "Did you ever use the word truly before you connected with me?"
Esha smiled with amusement. "No."
"I didn't think so."
Esha abruptly looked at Max with concern. "But really, Max, you seemed to be bothered about something in your thoughts; please, do share; it'll help."
Rachel chimed in playfully, "Yeah, Max, please do; I can only handle so much mystery in my life."
Max responded hesitantly, "I was just thinking about you ... and how we were going to find you a new identity."
Rachel gave her a knowing but thoughtful look, and somehow, Max knew that she knew what she was really thinking about. "You're nice, Max ... but don't worry; Chloe can help me out there. When I met her, she had a pretty nice fake ID, and later on, she got me one too. A new identity sounds hella more complicated, but I'm sure she knows someone that knows someone."
After a minute went by as they looked out the window quietly, Victoria looked at Max curiously. "Looking forward to having your legs back tomorrow?"
"Yeah, I think I'll go running up and down the beach like Rachel."
Rachel smirked at her. "We'll go together; hope you can keep up."
Max smirked back. "In this body, I'm not so sure."
It was dark out by the time Chloe got back. They were casually watching a movie in the bedroom when she came in carrying a large box. Rachel hopped up with anticipation as Chloe set the box on the bed, looking relieved. "Yes, I got the album."
Rachel launched herself at Chloe, embracing her in a gripping hug. When she let go, she suddenly seemed to notice the presence of a lot more than a photo album. She looked at the box curiously. "What else is in there?"
Chloe opened the box, and on top was a small photo album while the rest of it looked crammed full of clothing. "She didn't have the heart to give it away to a thrift shop, so she offered them to me. I could tell that they still meant a lot to her, but she was struggling to move on, so I accepted. This is just the half of it, though; I still have to go back for another box."
Rachel looked at the contents in awe, picking up a shirt laying on the top with reverence. As she held it up, her eyes scanned it with sentiment, then she abruptly set it down and hugged Chloe again but more gently this time. When she let go, she looked at Chloe fondly. "I know you know how much this means to me; most of this stuff we found together."
"Yeah, I'm pretty sure I've worn most of it at one point or another, although you look hella better in it."
Rachel smirked. "Yeah, but best of all, I can finally get rid of that fucking DARE t-shirt." They all laughed.
As Chloe left again to get the second box, Rachel picked up her photo album with reverence, as if it were her personal bible. They watched her as she gently slid her fingers over the top cover, feeling the grooves of the laces on the surface. It had a dark green earthy color, and the lace spread out over the top was a dark brown like the roots of a tree.
When she opened it to the first page, a sad look came over her as she saw a picture; it was with her dad in a forest when she was young, and she was standing beside him with his arm around her. Max could feel the distress and lamentation coming from her as if it were her own; it seemed to paralyze her. Esha put a hand on Rachel's shoulder, looking at her sympathetically. "Rachel, I know this is hard to hear, I know because I was there too, and there's simply no excuse for what he did ... but you should try to see it from his perspective: He thought he was fighting for you and your love. He obviously went about it all wrong, but his intentions were good; the problem is that he gave into fear and let that cloud his judgment. ... He loves you, Rachel, and still does."
Rachel responded hesitantly, looking conflicted, "Part of me forgives him ... but not the bigger part. I mean, I still got to see my real mom by some miracle, but it's almost like she was afraid of me. In a way, what he did was worse than murder; he alienated us from each other through fear and doubt ... and I just can't stop hating him for it."
She closed the album as a tear rolled down her cheek, setting it on the bed and looking at Esha imploringly. "You asked me once how I deal with it, and I gave you an honest answer ... but something tells me I should be asking you."
"It's not about dealing with it, Rachel; it'll always be there, and fighting it will just make it stronger, so don't. Be one with it yet don't allow it to consume or control you; channel it and put it into something higher within yourself. I know this sounds far out there, but with time and practice, we'll do it."
Rachel responded hopefully, "We?"
"Yes, I'm still struggling with it myself; you're not alone in this; we're all feeling it on one level or another." Rachel embraced her in a hug.
Max and Victoria watched them with tears in their eyes. When Rachel let go of Esha, she noticed the box of clothes again but with doubt. "Well, I'd better figure out where my new wardrobe is going to fit. This isn't going to be easy; we're starting to run out of room in here."
They sat on the bed as Rachel organized the clothes in the drawers. In a few minutes, Chloe came in with the second box and threw it on the floor. "This is it. I think I've had all I can take of crying and sentiment today, so can we all just take it easy?"
Rachel smirked at her. "I'll do my best."
Chloe abruptly crashed on the bed, closing her eyes and looking exhausted. After a minute, she spoke wearily. "I don't know if I can make it back to the beach; can we just stay here tonight?"
They all looked to Rachel for an answer. "I don't mind; I guess this is as close to being in my old room as I'll ever get; might as well take advantage of it."
Chloe responded, "Ya know, she never even touched your room after you died; when we went in there, it was like a blast from the past; not a single pencil or poster was out of place. It was kind of a tripped-out experience, actually."
Rachel smiled with sentiment, then began to slow down as she unpacked. She abruptly stopped and closed her eyes as she faced away from them, but Esha quickly noticed something was wrong, standing up and holding her. Rachel immediately began to sob, holding Esha tightly. Chloe and the rest of them watched sympathetically, which quickly changed to empathy as they were swept away by the new and strong emotional atmosphere.
It went on and on, and Max began to think it would never stop, but when it did, they were all sitting on the bed with tears. Rachel looked at Chloe wearily. "Sorry, Chloe ... I guess my best is worth shit today." They all smiled a little but quickly faded back into melancholy.
Chloe mumbled, sounding just as down as Rachel now, "No worries."
The rest of the evening was somber. Rachel spent some time looking out the window at her house but looked better all in all after her long crying session. Despite the atmosphere, none of them could deny the need to take a shower, having spent the day in a junkyard. When they finished, Rachel let Victoria wear a pair of her pajamas, and she didn't hesitate to stay in their bed again, despite it being a tight fit.
The atmosphere unexpectedly lifted as they lay there together. There was such a profound and meaningful connection between them at that moment that words weren't at all necessary. When Max began to fade, she felt closer to them than she ever had.
