AN: Hello, everyone! It's Halloween month! In light of this, we've made this satirical (sort of) parody of The Purge (2013). After all, it's 2022, right? The Bad Guys film is a crime film and the Purge could be considered a crime thriller, so they both match. But the thing that makes this story not an official crossover is because none of the canon characters from The Purge will appear here.
In all honesty, this story isn't going to be too serious. The main inspiration for this is 'SMG4: The Mario Purge (Halloween 2018)' which is a classic SMG4 video! Also, there is a sub-plot that takes inspirations from ABC3's 'The 2013 Beach Soccer Smackdown!' I like to thank I.M. Rally for helping me out for this special Halloween story alongside being a good sport in letting me use Mr. Hornet and Mira Rose. A new character created by King Halloween will appear in this story as well. The question remains on if this will be connected to my AU (as part of 'No Decision Goes Unpunished') but it is what it is. - TU4QU0I53T4IAN6L3
It's been really fun being part of writing this amazing story. It's complicated to write ideas for this Halloween-themed story, but it was fun to add up something to make this story a little funnier. It's been an honor to work with TU4QU0I53T4IA6L3 after he helped me a lot with my story. I made a lot of references in this story, so have fun reading! - I.M. Rally
Now enough talk, let's sit back and enjoy the show. And oh, make sure to check your window. :3
Chapter 1 - Carnage Begins, Self-Isolation Ensures
In this world, the Bad Guys were known to be some of the most feared and top criminals of all time. Or more specifically in Los Angeles, California. If it weren't for how humans view animals these days, then those guys would have turned out to be normal. Though, that being said, sometimes being feared can give you a few advantages that nobody could ever have.
As soon as Mr. Wolf and Mr. Snake hit the newspapers, word about them spread throughout the criminal world. From robbers to mob gangs to thiefs to even mercenaries who spent most of their days in the desert, it was like wildfire. And as soon as the team grew to having at least six members, they are really well-known by every criminal in the States.
While the Bad Guys have settled down from being menaces and became the city's favorites vigilantes and thieves, they are still famous in the criminal world.
Snake never encouraged the crew to visit other criminals besides Mr. Hornet and his growing department, but Wolf sometimes went out to visit crime clubs hidden from the rest of the world. It would have made Wolf nervous, but he let his charm do the trick. Not all of them are hostile towards him, so that means the Bad Guys are well-respected, even if civilians doesn't respect them that much.
Whether it is due to him becoming a symbol of the insightful criminals or how he managed to get the team out of jail forever, nobody dared to place a hand onto Wolf or any of his buddies.
It's true that they did run across some rivals, but they are nearly immune. Besides, some people are scared of getting caught in their reckless actions.
As a result, the Bad Guys are less likely to be caught by any criminal who tries to rat them out. Only two times their hideout was invaded and the second time was due to Diane Foxington, the retired Crimson Paw, trying to find a new angle of the team. So who else would want to provoke mayhem with the Bad Guys?
However, somebody did and they were the ones who were directly responsible for the mayhem.
Los Angeles is going into a lockdown soon.
But not the kind you think of. Just turn on the TV and watch it all unfold. If you flip over to the only TV channel active before 7 PM - seriously, the executives of the other channels scrammed out of the studio before it was too late - you would be greeted by a live conference of the current governor giving the live emergency broadcast.
The fox looked rattled as if she ran all the way to the government house. She offered to take care of Wolf's cat since he wasn't sure if he would be safe. The cat was already in her hands, purring softly.
The other governors were going to be protected inside. While nobody is going to get them, that doesn't mean they aren't taking any chances. Two political figures were by her side, so they meant business. Tapping the microwave and making sure that everybody on set was calm, she read her lines.
"This is not a test," said Diane, trying to not make her voice shaky. "This is an emergency broadcast system announcing the commencement of the Annual Purge sanctioned by the US Government. It's that time…of the year."
She could already feel the eyes from one of the political figures on her side staring at her.
"For those…who just arrived in the country or new…" continued Diane. "To decrease the crime rate and violent nature of people, the Purge is a 'special event' where all kinds of crimes become legal. For the next 12 hours, starting at 7 AM, all crimes won't be charged."
She gulped a little, trying to maintain her composure.
"Weapons of Class 4 and lower have been authorized for use during this time. Only those weapons and not above. Government officials have been granted immunity from the Purge and shall not be harmed. Police, fire and emergency medical services will be unavailable until tomorrow morning at 7 AM when the Purge concludes. While it has been going on for several years, we are going to be starting a debate tomorrow on abolishing the e-"
The poor fox quickly shut up when one of the political figures pointed a gun at her. He shook his head as a warning sign, telling her to not patronize the government. Diane growled, shaking her head.
"So with that," she said. "I highly recommend that everyone stay at home until the Purge is over." She frowned. "That means you, Bad Guys."
She doesn't have a doubt that they would get seriously hurt, but she wanted to make sure that they wouldn't be hunted down. Last year, she tried going out as the Crimson Paw, but she had to retreat when she got rival gangs on her tail.
"The Purge will now commence. May God be with you all."
At the Bad Guys hideout, Mr. Shark and Mr. Piranha were jaw-slacked upon seeing the emergency broadcast. When Diane's speech wrapped up, they could only stare at each other.
"...well, that's not good," said Piranha blankly.
Meanwhile, Shark lost his complete cool.
Just then, Wolf entered the main room. He was finished talking to Doctor Zee, a scientist he hired over to help create some new and backup weapons, and gracefully swung the cafeteria-like doors open. He was thinking of getting some sleep already since it was going to be a long night. As long as nobody bothered him.
That changed when a screaming Shark ran up to him and shook him by the shoulders.
"WOLF!" cried Shark, nearly at high pitch. "DID YOU KNOW ABOUT THAT PURGE THING?! WE'RE ALL GOING TO BE RAIDED BY OTHER CRIMINALS!"
Crickets.
Wolf blinked, calm and mostly collected. "Shark…we did this every year. We have nothing to worry about…"
"Uh, really, hermano?" asked Piranha as he waddled over to them. He doesn't know what to think about the whole Purge incident, but he has to admit that he never got word about it ever since he arrived in America. "It feels like the first time it happened."
Wolf clenched his teeth nervously. "Well, but the last nine years, you two got wasted really easily and fell asleep earlier."
"What? No! Me and big shark slept at 8 PM!"
Wolf raised an eyebrow. "Every year on this night, you two went through our entire Push Pop supply. And you fell asleep like babies."
Shark blinked owlishly. He never grew up in the main cities of America, so to come here to know that this kind of thing happens yearly in Los Angeles is a big shock.
"Oh dear," whimpered Shark. "Nothing…bad is going to happen to us, right?"
Wolf shrugged. "Calm down, big guy. We got prepared. Why do you think there are so many people here?" Looking over the two fishes, Wolf spotted the rest already gathered at a large computer table that resided near a wall. "Webs! Hornet! How are things looking there, kids?"
Wolf and Snake made sure that they were prepared for the night. Really. There is no way any of them are going to be caught up in the Purge. Webs and Hornet were already working on small laptops connected to a huge display of large screens. Each of them revealed the security system of their hideout, the tunnel maps and footage of security cameras placed all around.
"The metal doors should be coming in now," explained Webs casually. "Blurred the satellite and activated the trap system."
As if on cue, they all heard the metal doors shutting the windows, the main garage door and the pipe tunnels.
"You're sure that the traps will work THIS time?" said Hornet as he checked through the security cameras. "The last time you tried that out at my house, I had to get house insurance! I don't think getting those bombs from the black market will be stable."
"Don't worry," said Webs, waving her hand. "It'll be fine! I'm sure that they will work! Once some fool outside steps on them, kablammo!"
"That you know of," said Hornet, crossing his arm.
"Oooh!" said Piranha, bouncing up and down. "Can you show me how the traps work?"
"Maybe later," said Webs. "Let's not waste our bombs yet."
"As long as everything is in place, then I'm happy," said Wolf, patting the two small bugs on their heads.
"Are you sure that this will keep us safe?" asked a worried Shark.
"Don't worry, my man," said Webs cooly. "Why do you think I painted the entire building outside yesterday? Because the walls are peeling outside?"
It was true. Since they mostly stayed in an apartment-like building isolated from the city, it would be high enough for anyone to recognize it. Not only were their metal walls transparent for them to see through, they had curtains to hide themselves, but there was graffiti sprayed all over the building. This was all in hopes to disinterest any criminals stalking around, making them think that this place was already vandalized. It could even glow in the dark since it was neon black light!
Nevertheless, Hornet could see the warning signs of making the building more attractive. "Peeling outside? More like looking more appealing outside."
"Appealing to be boring," joked Webs with a grin. "No one goes around a property that is already vandalized!"
After checking the traps, Hornet left his laptop on and lifted up a box next to him. It was full of several things he brought along.
"Anyway, thanks for letting us stay here, guys," he said. "My place wasn't safe for the purge."
Wolf made a sly-like but warm smile. "Hey, you didn't need to ask our permission to stay here, Hornet. You used to live here and you still do. You're always welcome here anytime you want in your own home."
"Heh, yeah, my own home," said Hornet, smiling while looking around. "You know how much I miss this place, and I miss you guys everyday."
"Aww, we miss you too, Hornet," Webs cooed. "Even if we get to see each other all the time."
Waiting on the side was Snake preparing a deck of cards. If he wants to get through the night without falling victim to sleep and death, he needs to entertain himself. Fortunately, he can tolerate everyone else. Sort of. Doctor Zee is kind of eccentric, so he can be a bother. Hornet's secretary, Mira Rose, is a nice person to be around.
The massive pain in the tail was that Tiffany Fluffit, their main news reporter, somehow managed to sneak in to stay for the night.
"Hi, everyone! We are coming to you live at their not-so-secret headquarters, super duper headquarters of the Bad Guys!" said Tiffany speaking in a microphone, talking to…well, nothing. "And I, Tiffany Flufflit, is the first to report at this scene for the hottest news on the planet. We'll be having an exclusive view of the Bad Guys' life during a special event happening right now."
Annoyed by the reporter, Snake put the deck of cards down.
"You're bragging to nobody?" he deadpanned.
"Wait," said Mira, crossing her arms. "Are you narrating?"
"Wha-What?" slurred Tiffany, snapping out from rehearsing. "No, I was…practicing! It helps me stay in character."
"As long as you keep it all in your head, then you will stick in character."
"But reporting is not always easy."
Mira could only shoot a jealous look. "You think so? You don't seem to be that logical. I should know, I'm a journalist myself. With MY own research."
Tiffany just cleared her throat. "I'm just following what is needed to be noted. Not other notes."
"Then it's quite shallow of you to do so."
"Where's the fun in just getting to the point like what most people do in big essays?"
Mira raised an eyebrow at that remark.
Snake sighed. If the two girls start bickering, he is going to find the nearest thing to shove it up someone's mouth.
"Remind me again," he said. "Why do we have guests over?"
Wolf scratched his neck. "Because Hornet wanted to test our hideout's security system, remember? He even needs to have some company as well. So does Zee who agreed to help us. We didn't pay him for nothing. And Tiffany called shotgun when we were driving around. Besides, Mira is our friend. She's like our 'honorary Bad Guy'."
"They're both nice to be with," said Shark. "It would be bad enough if they had to stay at their homes, defenseless."
Snake rolled his eyes. "Oh, right." He looked behind to see Tiffany narrating again. "I rather have that stupid fox governor over here instead of Little Miss Nosy. We can't seem to wiggle out from her word! And I'm still considering Mira. We've only known her since our first months out of prison."
"I wonder if having Chief Luggins would be a good idea," commented Webs. "Bet 10 bucks in staying in the closet with her for 7 hours."
"Ha! I'm on your side for this one, Webs," Hornet chuckled before rubbing his hands together. "I would like to see that happen."
Piranha blinked as he watched Mira pulling Tiffany back from standing on top of a glass table. "Oooooh. I thought that we were having a slumber party here."
Hornet blushed. "Let's…not go with that. I don't want that news reporter picking up anything."
Piranha's eyes glowed, rubbing an engagement ring he wore on his thumb, similar to one Hornet was wearing. "You know what I'm thinking?"
Hornet giggled giddily and planted a kiss on Piranha's cheek, "Maybe another time, dear."
"As long as nobody cause any trouble around here," informed Wolf. "Then we're good."
"I never really hid in a shelter during the Purge before I joined this team," admitted Webs.
"Well, I never heard of the Purge before I joined the team," added Hornet, "I stayed in my hive for a year before I moved out."
"I mostly stayed in a tent if I got too far out during the Purge years ago," said Snake. "I'm probably the closest who got…close to it. But don't expect me to know everything."
"And Wolf?" asked Hornet.
"I stayed indoors," said Wolf. "When I moved here, it took time to adapt to it."
Webs then suggested, "Can we use this time to do another heist?"
"Tempting," said Snake. "But we can't risk it. It's already a warzone out there."
"How about-?"
"No. No hacking."
"Aww…" groaned Webs, trying to put on a puppy-eyed expression.
"He got a good point," said Shark. "Anyone can pick up the signal and be tempted to come over here."
A loud blaring erupted from the city. It was loud enough that the Bad Guys could hear it from inside. It was as if somebody just pulled off a dirty prank using a phone and a boombox. Immediately, Shark rushed to the window and lifted the curtain a little to survey what might be going on outside.
"This is kind of sad," he sighed.
"Why's that?" asked Snake. A stupid question, but he would need to know Shark's opinion.
"I don't know, man," said Shark. "I mean, isn't it…chaotic that there is a day where everyone gets to kill each other?"
There was barely any activity outside yet, but as the sky darkened and the headlights flickered on, they knew that it is going to come.
"Yeah, it doesn't really set right for me as well," admitted Webs. "It's…gonna be messy."
"It's like the end of the world out there," Hornet said softly, "Until the world reborn and everything would be back to normal…until possibly next year."
"You think so?" asked Tiffany. "I thought you might support it as bad guys."
"Geez, we're not THAT 'bad'," grunted Wolf. He got to admit, despite some of his moments of being offended, he wouldn't go out of his way to be too violent. "We're not really 'monsters' as you call us. We would have an extended prison life sentence if we did murder. That is not like us. Meanwhile, there are worse monsters out there like the 'real' big bad wolves."
Hornet shivered. "I don't even want to imagine how that would be like. As you know, I don't do murder, despite my species title was called 'murder hornets'."
"Same with me," said Shark. "I hate it when sharks like me get brutal. I'm a shark as well, but I don't like the name being known as murderers. Too much blood."
"I'm not sure if there is anything else we can do," said Webs. "Diane is trying to find a way to get rid of the Purge once and for all, but for now, it is up to the government."
"That is just really low, chico," grumbled Piranha.
Snake snorted. "That is just people. The scared ones, when they get REALLY scared, they do terrible things to be like the scary ones. This holiday is the perfect example for them to unleash whatever selfishness, sociopath or stubbornness they inherited."
"Kind of taking things too far for people to lash out like this," said Wolf.
"Mr. Snake is kind of right," said Tiffany, meekly raising her hand. "What's the alternative? Everyone has a dark side to them. Therapy barely works since most people don't engage with it."
"So, you're saying that drawing guns at a person's head is therapy?" questioned Mira, concerned.
Tiffany curled her lips. "Not really. But people are just like that I suppose."
Shark clicked his tongue. "Wow. That's really dark. It…" He sighed sadly, trying to calm his nerves. "It would have been much nicer that someone could do something about this. This is probably the worst thing any criminal would do."
There was a long solemn silence as everyone agreed with that. None of them were really happy with the idea of getting everyone to be the worst of themselves. That would have make them the bad guy more than any of them. While there is hope that it wouldn't last forever, it is still a gutted situation they have to endure when they thought about the innocent being destroyed and turned into something else on a night of free crime.
"I know that it's gonna be hard," said Tarantula. "But we will have to go through this. But not by ourselves. Time will only tell when the Purge will be lifted. We were prepared for this and it is likely no other criminal is willing to attack us tonight."
"So we don't get caught, then we will be alright," summed up Piranha, nodding. "Fight for another day."
Shark stared out the window for a long time, still waiting for something to happen. To make sure that he wasn't dreaming. He decided that it wouldn't be worth keep looking out the window when he was doing nothing.
"I just hope that people will be OK," he said.
"I hope so as well," said Hornet.
"Whelp, here's to hoping that we don't die," said Snake.
"And me and Tiffany trust you that you'll protect us, right?" asked Mira.
All six Bad Guys nodded.
"As long as the camera and security systems are running," said Hornet as he checked back on his laptop. "Then we are good."
Before Snake could call if all of them wanted to play a card game, somebody entered the conversation. His strange appearance probably spoiled the tension, but fortunately made them feel somewhat better.
Zee grinned as he got into the middle. The green lizard was taller than Piranha, but he wasn't as tall as Wolf. With a ridiculous amount of blonde long hair styled as a mullet and a constantly swinging tail, he wore a white lab coat, a glittery purple jumpsuit, a zebra pouch over his chest and shiny golden boots.
"What's up, my space children?" he said, jumping onto the desk. "Guess the party is nearly started?"
"We're about to play Murder Trivia Party and it's going to be a bloody good time," snarked Snake. "Whoo-hoo. Somebody bring out the machetes."
"Sounds like about to cut the pinata soon!"
Wolf chuckled a little at his partner's response. Doctor Zee was a fellow ally of the Bad Guys, even before their redemption. Zee just worked for anyone he find the most interesting.
Shark and Webs probably got along well with Zee the most due to the former's love for 1980s style and the latter's interest in speaking in jive.
Meanwhile, Piranha was a bit creeped out with the lizard, Hornet had trouble getting Zee in the straight mind and Snake only saw the lizard as another annoyance.
To Wolf, Zee was always a good source for company and entertainment.
"I'm sorry," said Tiffany. "Who are you?"
Oh, this is Mira's and Tiffany's first time meeting the lizard wizard, so an interesting meeting to watch.
"I'm Zee," said Zee, reaching his hand out for a handshake. "You dig?"
Tiffany blinked. She glanced at Mira as if asking for her. The latter just shook her head with a look saying that she was as speechless as she was.
"Oh, uh, hi there!" said Tiffany, shaking Zee's hand. "Sorry, I never really heard of you before."
"It's cool," said Zee with a smile. "Always nice to meet the new peeps."
"Oooh, so you're a scientist, right? Are you also like a disco dancer? What's with the shiny dress you are wearing?"
"I swear to God, you better not start reporting," growled Mira.
"Actually," said Zee as he hopped towards Wolf. "I actually need to have a word with Wolfgang right here."
Wolf raised an eyebrow. He wasn't really up for science, but maybe the scientist coming to him could mean that the weapons were done?
"What is it?" he asked, bending down.
"I think I know a way on how to make the shooters much stronger than before," said Zee. "Follow me."
"Don't think of using him as a test subject," warned Snake, narrowing his eyes. "We only got you here because we need you."
"Oh, don't worry," reassured Zee. "Your boyfriend is in good hands!"
"I'm not so sure about that. The last time a scientist got near Wolf, he manipulated him into trying to turn his back on us!"
"Uh…to be fair," pointed out Webs matter-of-factly. "Zee doesn't exactly have the best reputation as Marmalade."
"But he worked with criminal forces as well. Even some of the most shadiest companies ever."
"Pfft, that's not really true," said Zee. "A company has to be shady so that they can avoid any leaks coming right out of their bottoms."
"But aren't leaks usually taken out by a few of the company's employees who grown sick of their work?" asked Snake.
"Not all the time," said Zee proudly. "So that is where these 'shady deals' came in by taking out those employees!"
"Just please don't test anything on Wolf, OK?" hissed Snake.
"Sweetheart, sweetheart, I'll be fine," reassured Wolf, patting on Snake's head. "Besides, you know how much we sometimes had to work with him. And put it as this way of him repaying us for allowing him to stay. It would be dumb if he tries to off someone."
Snake muttered something inaudible under his breath. He was unsure since he isn't a big fan of scientists and he is growing a bit more protective with Wolf. However, seeing that Wolf is confident enough and trusts Zee, then it shouldn't really be something Snake should worry about.
"OK," muttered Snake. "I guess so."
"Maybe I can tag along?" asked Shark, his initial worry slowly turning into relief. He needed some time off for his mind to refresh.
"Sure then, Lou!" said Zee. "Follow me."
"Wait, his real name is 'Lou'?" questioned Mira.
As Zee took Wolf and Shark to the laboratory room, the rest of them started to unwind themselves. Piranha bounced up towards the window, slowly moving the curtain to take a peek. Seeing this, Hornet flew towards him to join along, leaving Webs to be on watch duty. Snake shrugged to himself before starting to arrange his cards on the table. Meanwhile, Mira sat back on the couch while a clueless Tiffany stood there.
"Hey, Tiffany," called Mira. "Want to do a special challenge for the news? Try to make sure that you don't get replaced by another higher-rating newsreporter during the Purge. That would be 100 bucks since you're in the same room as your competition."
Tiffany giggled, pleased with the idea. Though, she stopped and thought about it, considering about the context of the bet.
Upon confirming that Wolf was gone, Webs looked around once again…and started playing a video game on her laptop. With a cheeky chuckle, she started off Friday Night Funkin', continuing playing where she left off.
She could have done it without the others being three feet close to her.
"Seriously?!" hissed Snake in disbelief.
"What?" insisted Webs. "A girl got to take her break!"
"You mean with catching up to being popular. Kids always have to catch up with the latest trend."
Piranha hummed, squinting his eyes. He was relieved that nothing seemed to be happening in the city in front of the hideout. There seemed to be no sign of any crime occuring which meant that they were safe for now. It would be his luck to see someone joyriding around their property.
He felt Hornet trying to find a good spot to sit on his head, even wanting to take a look.
"I'm kind of tempted to go out there and beat the crap out of someone," said Piranha, smacking his lips.
Hornet chuckled. "That's a bad idea, Pepe. You might get ganged up on."
"I ate more golden bullets than even Shark. I have experience and skill."
"Will that work?" asked Hornet. "You might end up being unlucky if you go out there. It's a total freak show now."
"Skill always beat luck, abejerro," said Piranha, rubbing Hornet's engagement ring. "Remember that."
Hornet couldn't help, but admire Piranha's fierce determination. Even if he seemed to be calm, the thrill-seeking attitude was still there.
"Better bring over a nuke if you want to go to war," joked Hornet, patting his hand on Piranha. "They might unload all their bullets on you."
Piranha was about to argue back before he decided that it was better to breathe than not question the risk of getting holes in his chest. "Oh yeah, good point. Dying over lazy cheaters is just…lazy."
"That is not what I meant," said Hornet, dumbfounded, "Piranha, I love you, but you can be so dumb sometimes…and that's why I like about you."
Piranha just let out a giggle and a blush from his fiance's compliment as he gave him a small peck on the cheek. "I love it when you're being honest with me."
When Wolf and Snake first bought (stole, maybe…) their hideout, they didn't bother what they should do with the empty large kitchen-room. They weren't really running a bakery and Snake wanted to go for a more simple and nice kitchen set up. There were debates on what they should do to it alongside hiring allies to reconstruct the room.
Now, it was remade into a scientist laboratory. None of the Bad Guys thought why it was a good idea as they didn't rely on flashy weapons that much. Webs was more happy to use it, tinkering on her computer, grappling hook guns and phones inside. Sometimes, Hornet came in to pick up a few things. One time included him needing to sell some nuke ingredients at the black market…
As Zee came over before the Purge started, he customized it to his own liking. To say that it would be distracting in a work environment was an understatement. The tables were covered in purple blankets that had glittery stars on them. Disco lights were pointing in all directions, nearly rendering one blind. Strangely, there was a disco ball hanging from the ceiling.
"Mmm," said Wolf as they entered. "Anyone wants to watch Thriller?"
"Isn't that a scary movie?" asked Shark.
"Scary movie meets disco, man!" said Zee as he slid across the floor.
"That is still kind of freaky, man."
"As freaky as it gets," said Wolf. "The movie's production is alright, though you can tell that it has cheap scares. Predictable jump scares, too many close ups, lines becoming rushed and turning out to be incredibly cheesy. It's not too scary."
"Aww, c'mon!" said Zee. "It was an icon!"
"Doesn't really take away how creepy it is," said Shark.
"Anyway, my space children," said Zee, directing them to a table that had a laid out poster for all to read. "There's something that I found which can help us with your weapons. You want non-lethal shooters, right?"
"Well, yeah," said Wolf. "Killing is always against our code of honor. Especially before we met Marmalade. We're not really bad." A chuckle escaped his lips. "Except…eating animals who are considered pets in society."
Shark inhaled sharply. He remembered too many times of how many mice and chicken Snake loved to eat. Shark wasn't really one for murder, though to be fair, the seas he swam in contained a lot of fish and nobody was going to worry about them. Most of the fish, unlike Piranha, were brain-dead.
Zee rolled his eyes. "My grasshoppers. Today, I've discovered a new world event about to happen again!"
Wolf and Shark took a look at the poster right in front of them. It looked like some kind of sci-fi movie picture due to the many planets they could see. One meteorite seemed to be flying around, even crashing through the rings of Saturn. It looked more like a soccer ball due to how the lines were aligned. The odd spots of this meteorite were glowing orange.
"What is this?" said Wolf, raising an eyebrow.
"According to the theories I gathered and my predictions," blabbered Zee. "The Anthropowal Meteorites passes through our solar system every 10 years."
All the lizard got was a blank stare from Shark. "An an-to-pow-er meteorite?"
"Yes, an Anthropowal Meteorite," said Zee proudly.
"Why do we have something to do with meteorites nowadays?" groaned Wolf, pinching his nose, "We already dealt with one that was destroyed last year."
"I don't know, babe," said Shark, shrugging. "Maybe I guess that we have more rocks to store in our pants."
"Hold on your horses," said Zee, lifting up a finger. "This thing has a great source of power. But this power can convert a person into another involuntary form if it is not stabilized."
Wolf's eyes widened. "Wait, you mean shapeshifting someone into another form?"
"Oooh, that's gonna hurt, man," said Shark, cringing. "My brother once got caught by hunters and when he came back, he appeared more like a hammerhead shark."
"Listen, fellows," said Zee, getting irritated at being interrupted. "One of those meteorites hits Earth every year, but they have never been found or retrieved properly without exploding. So, judging by how strong the readings from my outer space satellite are, there's going to be one for this year colliding with Earth at high speed really soon. Right near where we are now."
That sounded like bad news. The last time a meteorite came into Los Angeles, it left a huge hole right in the middle of the city. It could have killed more people, but it was all out of sheer luck that it didn't do worse. Snake blew it up, but the news of another meteorite coming wasn't a kind fact the Bad Guys would want to take in.
"OK, maybe this is a bit too much to take in," chuckled Wolf nervously. "It's the Purge!"
"Should we be concerned about this?" questioned Shark. "I hate being caught up in a crater close to our home."
"No, boys," answered Zee, looking confident. "It's very fast, but it's very small. The crater is estimated to have a radius of approximately 2 meters. We need to catch it."
Wolf shook his head. There was no way he was going out on a hunt for a meteorite in the middle of an apocalyptic holiday. "Zee. This is a bit too ridiculous. Why do we need to catch it?"
"Because we need to now!" exasperated Zee. "It's the MAGICAL. ANTHROPOWAL. METEORITE! Ugh!"
A loud beep from his computer. It took a shot of what must be live footage in space, near Earth. A flying, flaming object raced through the infinite darkness and descended towards the blue planet. According to the image, it was about to break through the Earth's atmosphere.
Zee gasped in glee. "It's here!"
He slid away. Literally. It was as if he was on an escalator since his feet didn't move him across the floor. All in the same position with the same excited grin. When Wolf and Shark looked back, they found that he had disappeared.
That was weird.
Wolf and Shark stared at each other before snickering.
"MAGICAL. ANTHROPOWAL. METEORITE!" shouted Shark in a VERY perfect voice of Doctor Zee. "SPACE CHILDREN!"
The two men burst out laughing. Bonus points for how Shark nearly sounded like Zee. Speaking of the devil, the lizard slid back, giving them glares to shut them up.
Mira was thankful that Snake allowed her to use the kitchen facility. And the fridge as well since they loaded it with groceries. There were more vegetables in it as both Snake and Shark refused to eat them. Hornet and Mira even brought along some camp food for all of them to share, and Tiffany brought over a bag of junk food, so they wouldn't run out of food.
She was surprised when she pulled out a gigantic soup cooking pot. Must be due to how big Shark is. And a need for mouths to feed. Oh well. The bag of uncooked popcorns she brought was too big for her to keep, so she might as well dump the whole thing in it. Just a touch of oil (she rather go being healthy) and all good to go.
As she poured the bag in the pot, she heard Tiffany coming behind her.
"That smells delicious!" said the news reporter. "What is this?"
While Mira was a bit annoyed of Tiffany getting her space, she decided to just go along with it.
"Popcorn," said Mira.
"Wait," said Tiffany. "Don't you…need the lid? It's going to fly all over the place."
Mira just laughed. "That's the whole point. When you have the lid off of that pot, it will make a rain of popcorn all over the place."
"Why's that?"
"My father did that once and it showered the entire living room. He's accident-prone sometimes, but this is one of the best accidents. It depends on much is added and the heat. So, we're going to turn this baby higher."
Tiffany nodded, starting to see where this was going. She looked behind to see Piranha and Hornet flipping through the TV channels, Webs playing on her computer and Snake still trying to set up his card game. It felt kind of…boring around here. Wouldn't be for that long since she might as well join Snake in his card game, but maybe some extra tastiness to spice things up. Not like too hot, but what if…?
Like a kid taking cookie from the jar, the news reporter grabbed a full box of butter from the fridge, opened it and marched right towards the pot.
"Wait!" warned Mira.
But Tiffany already dumped half of the butter right in the pot. As if it was acid, the butter block melted in less than one second.
"What?" said Tiffany innocently. "I was trying to make it tasty!"
"You're going to burn us all with more boiling oil!" said Mira.
"Don't worry. It'll be fine! It can't be that hot since it might cool off when it flies in the air."
Without warning, the pot suddenly spewed out a hot, golden trail of popcorn. Cooked, freshly popped and fluffy popcorn flying in all directions of the entire room. A burst of popcorn from a pot so large - the size of an explosion - that it reached the other side of the room where the others were chilling at.
"Oooh!" squealed Piranha, clapping his hands. "Dinner time!"
He opened his mouth and within moments, his mouth was full of popcorn.
Hornet quickly grabbed one. He licked his lips, but before he could take a bite, he was bombarded by a fresh pile of soft popcorn. From head to toe. He nearly looked more like a snowman than a hornet.
Eventually, he popped out of the pile. "I'm still alive!" Upon seeing the sea of popcorn slowly forming around him, he decided to play around with it. He started swimming around, giggling. "Look at me, I'm swimming on popcorn!"
Webs barely paid attention to the showering popcorn. She was in the middle of an intense battle. Battling against other beans as she raced through the obstacle course on her computer. Though, she did lean her arm away from the keyboard to grab a popcorn before stuffing it into her mouth.
"See?" said Tiffany as popcorn fell onto her opened palm. "This makes things tastier!" One bite of it and it melted in her mouth. "Ooooh! Cinema-salty!"
Mira growled. "Well, I guess that this makes them as thick as your head."
"You're welcome," said Tiffany, oblivious to the stealth insult.
Meanwhile, Snake continued trying to sort out the cards. A few popcorn got in the way, but he didn't mind. He was already starving at this point and savory food was one of his favorites.
As he opened his mouth, he suddenly felt the boiling hot stream of melted butter. He winced, gulping it down. He needed to remind himself to drink a bottle of water soon.
Then, a boiling hot stream of melted butter splashed into his eyes. He screamed like a banshee.
To see the old snake twitching violently as he collapsed onto the floor was a teeth-clencher. Especially since his tail was wagging to give off a rattlesnake-like hiss.
As he continued to scream in agony, Mira slowly turned to Tiffany with a stink eye.
Tiffany looked back at her with a face that screamed 'what?!'
The laboratory doors swung open as Wolf and Shark came out into the shower of popcorn.
"Aww," groaned Wolf. "I just bleached the floors!"
"Chill, man," said Shark, immediately pulling out a bowl from behind. "It's not like you get to be in Cloudy with a Chance of Meatball once in your life!"
As Shark ran around to catch as much popcorn as he could, Wolf made his way to his other friends. Snake quickly moved past the pain and continued trying to set up his card game. Piranha and Hornet were already sharing a bowl filled with popcorn, crunching intensely. At one point, they touched hands and a blush went over their face. Webs was still nonchalant to the raining popcorn, even not paying too much attention when hot melted butter splashed onto her head.
"Mmm," she only said. "That smells delicious. Wait, is it coming from me?"
"How are things going?" asked Wolf.
"Alright so far," said Hornet, taking another look through his helmet. "There seems to be no sign of criminals coming near the pipes. Guess that you made the right spot of being in a more secluded area in the first place."
"Good to know then."
"Hey, Wolf," called Snake. "Can you come over here? I need your help."
Wolf bent down on his knees, seeing all the cards neatly arranged. There were a few in the middles while there were piles for each person in the room.
"Why do you have our card game out, sweetheart?" asked Wolf, wrapping his arm around Snake. "We did plan a movie marathon."
"I don't really like ruckuses around here, bud," said Snake, fiddling with a joker card. "This is why I don't like having guests. I just-just don't like the noise, the noisy noses and the hands touching around, leaving their fingerprints everywhere. If there is one way to get a person engrossed, then it's this game."
"Wouldn't Generation Z be bored of playing this card game?" asked Wolf.
"Maybe, but it keeps them busy."
As if fate had it, Shark accidentally landed on the table, ruining all the cards. His bowl was half-filled with popcorn.
"WATCH IT, BIG TUNA!" roared Snake. "It took me 30 minutes to set this up!"
"Sorry about that," chuckled Shark sheepishly. "I got a bit too excited. My stomach is crackling like a kraken right now!"
"It's snow season and it's going to get crackling in here," joked Wolf, flicking one card off the table.
"Snow don't really crackle," said Snake.
"Well, water do when under hot heat."
"Maybe a bit too hot," said Snake, pulling his collar a little. "Is it just me or is it getting hot in here?"
Due to the massive amount of warm popcorn spilling all over the place, the heat level was rising. So was the buttery smell, stinking up the entire place.
"Pee-yew!" said Webs, finally breaking away from her computer. "Piranha! Did you fart?"
"What?!" said Piranha. "No!"
A small fart noise from him and he quickly held onto his pants.
"I swear I'm not lying."
"Sorry, guys," said Tiffany. "I added my own mix and it spiced things up."
"At least this could be our new perfume," said Hornet, trying to dig into the bowl to find a buttery piece.
"Oooh!" said Shark. "Popcorn perfume! I like that."
"Maybe we should clean this up later," said Wolf, sniffing in worry. "It's going to feel like a deep fryer any time soon."
"Eh, we'll get used to it," said Snake, getting back to sorting the cards on the table. "Though, I have to agree or we might all die from a carnage of spoiled corn."
Meanwhile, Mira lifted up the curtains to inspect the outside. "Oh, look. Carnage."
All attention was drawn to the windows as everybody gathered around. Through the transparent metal, they saw cars speeding through the city. A loud bang from nearby followed by pink gas. A crash unseen followed by a loud explosion. And riding through the empty moat was two cars in a fiery chase.
Literally fiery.
The purserer's car's engine was on fire.
"Can I have some popcorn please?" asked Mira.
"Sure, chica," said Piranha, lifting up his bowl.
"I don't remember the event starting out THIS huge," said Tiffany. "Usually, it's all guns first."
"That's the Purge for you," said Snake glumly.
"Freaking selfish people," Hornet sighed disappointingly.
While nobody really enjoyed the whole ordeal going on, the Bad Guys felt as if they were used to this. Living a life of crime and chaos probably got to them at this point since seeing the chaos unfolding reminded them of their happier days. That didn't remove the thought of uncomfortable death that could occur.
For Piranha and Shark, they were a bit upset with what was going on.
"I feel awful for eating popcorn now," said Piranha, chucking his bowl away much to Mira's dismay. "Maybe watching those kinds of fights is a bit…uncanny."
"Yeah," agreed Hornet. "Though, we are safe from here."
"I wish there is something we can do to help out," said Shark.
"Same here," said Wolf. "Though, not like we got that much of a safe choice."
"I'm sure that it'll be all over," said Webs.
Piranha squinted his eyes, checking out the fiery chase below. "Hold on a sec. Is that the Barbershop Boys and Kristopher Knife?"
"Oh yeah!" said Wolf in surprise. "Their cars exactly look like theirs!"
"Because it is theirs and it's really them!" pointed out Snake.
"It seems that Knifey is paying his debt today," said Webs. "Purge can be one way of getting your revenge easily."
"I bet 10 bucks that Kristopher is not going to make it in an hour," said Hornet, stroking his chin. "I don't know why I'm saying this, but escaping is not his biggest strength."
"I call it 20 bucks for him not making it in 30 minutes," said Snake.
"Maybe 7 minutes?" asked Tiffany. "Kristopher nearly got arrested many times before."
"This is getting inappropriate right now," said Shark. Then he muttered, "OK, maybe less than 45 seconds."
The chase went on as Kristopher drove his car right up the hill and back onto the road. A loud string of curses from the car the Barbershop Boys were driving in which nobody could translate well. Kristopher was laughing his head off as he drove down the road at high speed…before a REALLY tiny spike on the road popped one of his tires. And he crashed into a water hydrant.
Then, his car exploded.
Don't ask how.
It just did.
"...I'm sure that he'll be fine," said Snake cooly. "He got his metal armor on! He'll have a 99% chance of surviving."
Piranha was also calm about it. "I ain't too worried about it."
This was followed by the Barbershop Boys ramming their car into the burning car. Nearly flattening it.
"...maybe 21%?" squeaked Snake quietly.
"This feels kind of disrespectful," said Hornet, shaking his head.
"Yeah, let's not watch any more of this," said Shark, pulling the curtains.
AN: Yeah, best to not let the kids see this, guys.
As you can probably guess, Mr. Hornet and Mira Rose appear in this story as well. Rally helped out with some of their lines, especially with Mira's interesting rivalry with Tiffany (who doesn't know). Also joining the crowd is Zee; a book-exclusive character! Here, he is a disco scientist. There's something funny about him based on his first appearance, so I thought I should include him since he's fun to write. He probably takes some aspects of Milton the Velicoraptor.
Tiffany narrating is based on Buzz Lightyear's habit of narrating in 'Lightyear'. Snake's comment on this is a reference to Family Guy and it matches! The part where Mira cooks popcorn without the lid on is actually a reference to 'The 13-Storey Treehouse' by Andy Griffiths (admittingly, the first time butter is included in the open pot).
As this story connects to 'No Decision Goes Unpunished', Piranha and Hornet are a couple and are engaged. While not used in this story, Wolf and Snake are gonna catch up soon!
If you enjoy this story, follow or favorite it. Let us know in the reviews what you think. Constructive criticism will help as well, but flames will NOT be tolerated.
