A/N: Welcome to this year's October Mario horror-comedy fanfic! Unlike "Killer Mario" last year, this one is set in the Mario's Galactic Tale Universe (MGTU). But if you haven't read "MGT," that's fine – you don't have to have read that to understand any of this fanfic. This one takes place over a year before "MGT" starts. But if you enjoy this fic, then I'd recommend checking out "MGT" as well. Hope you enjoy it, and please R&R!

Also, for some reason, my Image Manager isn't letting me upload new pictures, so I wasn't able to give this fanfic the title I created for it. For now, I put a link to the image on my profile page, and hopefully the Image Manager will be fixed soon so I can upload the right cover image.

I do not own Super Mario or Sonic.

The doors to the chalet were thrown open. "Helloooo, Mushroom Kingdom!" the world's most annoying hedgehog said as he led the procession into the room. I groaned and put down the issue of the Mushroom Kingdom Herald I was reading.

First through the doors was Sonic, then the nine other folks playing on his team in the Olympics and the other characters from South Island who would be spectating. I can't keep them all straight, and honestly I've never even tried. We only meet once every two years; that's not enough for me to justify putting in much of an effort. There was Sonic; there was the mutated orange guy, Tails; there was the red guy with anger issues, Knuckle Sandwich; Sonic's nemesis, Dr. L'Eggo-My-Eggo or something like that; and I had no idea who the others were.

"Looking forward to the games starting tomorrow?" Sonic asked. "I know I am. Lots of the games are based on speed, if I remember correctly, and, you know, I'm the fastest around."

For God's sakes, the guy can't go two minutes without bringing up how fast he is. Dude, we get it!

"Ivo!" Bowser said, walking over to the evil doctor guy and giving him a hug. "It's been too long. We should really get together sometime and cook up an evil plot together."

"We really should," Ivo replied. "Orbot, Cubot, bring my suitcases upstairs. I want to visit with the folks down here for a little bit."

"Yes, boss," two robots floating behind him said before ascending the staircase at the back of the sitting area.

"Amy, how are you doing?" Peach asked a pink…hedgehog, I think?

"Hey, Shadow," Bowser Jr. said to a black hedgehog right behind Sonic. "Whattaya say we cause some mayhem?"

Shadow shrugged. "Sure. Whatever."

I have no flippin' clue why Bowser and Junior are always invited to any sort of sports competitions we have. I swear, whatever they do, they try to sabotage us at every turn. Meanwhile Sonic and that Ivo guy are always able to put their differences aside during the Olympics for the sake of winning. Back in our first Olympics, I tried going the same with Bowser, only for him to break my arm when I offered him a handshake, thus sidelining me from the entire week-long event. After that I've never tried having a temporary truce with him again.

"So Sonic, what have you been up to lately?" Luigi asked.

The hedgehog dashed over to the couch Luigi was on and sat down. "Oh, you know, saving the world, that sorta thing. A few months back I had to stop these six monsters called Zeti from destroying the world. You wouldn't know, I stopped them before they got anywhere near the Mushroom Kingdom-"

See, this is another thing I can't stand about this guy: the quests he goes on are actually important. Like, there's always something big at stake. With me it's just "Bowser kidnaps Peach supposedly so he can take over the Mushroom Kingdom, and yet he always just takes her and never makes any sort of move against the Mushroom Kingdom except two years ago in New Super Mario Bros. U."

"Okay, it's getting late, I'm gonna turn in so I can be at optimal physical condition for the games tomorrow," I said, getting up so I wouldn't have to hear any more of Sonic's heroier-than-thou rambling.

"It's only 6:17," a silver hedgehog said. Geez, how many flippin' hedgehogs were there?

"I don't recall asking your opinion," I said.

"Well, since this is probably the last time we'll all be together for the night, then I'll make my announcement now," Peach said. I turned around on the stairs, expecting some sort of big proclamation or something. Instead she proceeded to say, "After the complaints we got about the bathrooms at the Olympics two years ago, I installed four different toilet sizes in the chalet: a 14-inch seat for most of us; a 20.5-inch seat for Yoshi and the Birdos; a 26-inch seat for Donkey Kong, Vector, and Dr. Robotnik-"

Dr. Robotnik? That was his name?!

"-and a 29-inch seat for Bowser."

"Thanks, Peach," Bowser said. "For this, I might bump you up to three meals a day when I kidnap you later this year."

I'm not kidding; he literally said that.

"Aw, thanks, Princess," Yoshi warbled. "Most people aren't so accommodating of Yoshis' rectal needs." As he said "most people," he turned towards the stairs, glaring daggers at me.

I wasn't taking this lying down. "Look, I've told you before, you want another toilet, you buy one with your own money!"

"You offered to let me live with you, saying that you would provide for all my needs, which include my rectal needs."

"Stop saying 'rectal needs'!"

"Mario, you don't even need a new toilet. They sell toilet seat extensions that you can put over your human-sized seat to make it more accommodating for Yoshis. They sell them for, like, $10 at Bed Bath & Bananas."

"Yeah, and I refuse to put money in those stupid Kongs' pockets!" I retorted.

Donkey Kong made some sort of angry grunting noise.

"You heard me right!" I snapped. "Now, all of you, good night! Leave me alone until the morning!"

I walked up the rest of the stairs, then down the hall to the room with my name on the door. I'll never understand why Peach decided to start hosting these games every two years back in 2008. The summer ones are even worse than the winter ones, because those always come right on the heels of me saving Peach from Bowser, when I just want to lounge around in my underwear for two months or so and do nothing, but nope! Apparently, thanks to the fine print of some contract with Peach I don't even remember signing years ago, I'm legally required to participate on behalf of the Mushroom Kingdom in any sporting events Peach hosts.

I flopped on my bed and pulled the mushroom-print quilt over me, then went to sleep.


"Well, Mario, looks like I'm the fastest," Sonic said.

I threw my skiing poles to the ground and stormed to the bench at the side of the finish line area.

The games started on Sunday, the morning after everyone arrived at the chalet, which was four days ago now. Since then, all the events had been one sort of garbage or another, with Sonic winning basically all of them. The only exception was 4-man Bobsleigh because, since there were twenty of us and four people per bobsleigh, one group of four was split 50/50 between Team Mario and Team Sonic for some stupid reason, with both me and Sonic ending up in that bobsleigh. And I gave up a shared win just to sabotage Sonic and make him come in last.

"This is all a load of hooey!" Bowser said. "I've been working out for months preparing for this! And every single time, I keep coming in dead last…except the 4-man Bobsleigh, since that was basically just Mario Kart."

"I'm surprised your weight alone didn't drag your sleigh back to last," Yoshi chuckled. "Or Wario's. Or Dr. Robotnik's."

"No, that was because Mario kept crashing us into the walls on purpose so we'd come in last," Sonic said.

"Well, you can't win them all, dude," I said. "Yay. Contest over. Can we all just get back to the chalet now? I'm freezing my balls off out here."

"Uh, I guess," Peach said. "I'll call the ski lift cars down. Just a reminder this afternoon at 3:00 is the Snowboard Parallel Giant Slalom, and tomorrow's our Figure Skating Singles and Figure Skating Pairs competitions, so be sure you have those routines down."

"Mario, when are we going to practice out routine?" Luigi asked. "I keep mentioning it to you, and you keep saying, 'We'll do it tomorrow.' And now it's the last day we can practice before the competition, and we still haven't practiced at all or even worked out a time we'll practice today."

"Why do you even care?" I asked. "You're not gonna win. Sonic's gonna win, because basically all of the Winter Olympics events are based on speed, and he has an unfair advantage in that arena."

"Look, Mario, I can't help that I'm fast-," he started.

"Oh look, the ski lift cars are here," I said, pointing to them arriving several yards away. "Let's all get it, get back to the chalet, and be glad we're a few hours closer to this sad excuse for a sporting event."

"But Mario, what about-"

"Luigi, if you mention our skating routine one more time-!"

"Nah, I'll head back up on my own," Sonic said. "I saw this cave on the way down, off to the side of the course. It looked really cool, had a bunch of frozen stalagmites and stuff in it, and maybe I can take some neat selfies in there."

"Good, at least we'll be spared your presence on the ski lifts," I said. "Now let's go."

"If I didn't know better, I'd say you were trying to replace me as Sonic's nemesis," Dr. Robotnik said.

"Oh really, and what does make you know better?" I asked.

"Mario, get on the ski lift; it's not worth it," Daisy said.

"A cave?" Peach asked. "Hmm. I don't remember seeing any caves on the map when I chose this area of Snow Land for the Olympics."

I was not listening to Peach and Sonic talking about a flippin' cave that supposedly appeared out of nowhere. I find it hard to trust Sonic's sight given how fast he always moves; everything he sees is obviously just one big blur at those speeds. I marched over to the ski lift cars and got in one, shutting the door behind me. Then I pulled the lever in the car to head back up to the chalet.

A/N: So…not too spooky yet, I know. That'll come next week in Part 2. Until then, thanks for reading!