A/N: This is a follow up to my one shot, Tonight I'm Here. I hope you guys enjoy this! I own none of these characters.

Elliot POV

She had agreed to ride with me, and I was mostly silent, playing out different scenarios in my head. I knew I had to play this carefully. I looked over at her, and she was looking out the window. I looked over her face, her body language. She had changed, I'm not talking in a physical sense. But something was different inside of her. Her spirit. Something had happened. I knew it in my gut. Maybe it was years of being on this job. SVU was not for the faint of heart, the horrors that come out of there, especially the ones with children. But something tells me that that's not it exactly. It's something more. She looks over at me, and I give her a quick grin. "What you looking at, Stabler?" I look back at the road, and answer, "At the road, of course, Captain." I knew that she had been keeping me at arms length, and I understand why. It was nice to have a little banter from her. God how I've missed her. We find ourselves a little shop, and we go in and get ourselves settled. When I come back to our table with the coffee, she thanks me, taking it from me and putting it up to her lips. I take my seat across from her, but I'm not sure if she wants to go first or if she wants me to go first. So, I ask about Noah. "You have a wonderful boy, Liv. How is he?" She smiles a little. "Thank you. He's truly a gift, a blessing in my life. He's doing good." I feel like she is going to make me work for more information, which, I can't blame her for either. "Elliot, I want you to explain something to me- why you didn't tell me that you were leaving. I feel like I deserve an explanation. And I know you said that about not being able to leave if you heard my voice. But that's still not an exact explanation." Damn. She was always straight to it. So here goes. "If I'm being perfectly candid, it was for two reasons. One- I was serious when I said that if I'd spoken to you, I wouldn't have been able to leave. And I would've destroyed you- us - everything we had. That last shooting- IAB wanted to burn me, bad and you would've been drug down with me. And I know you Liv- you would've stayed by my side, stuck with me until the gritty end. But I could not- would not do that to you. And the second reason- was for my marriage. I wanted to make it work, for Eli's sake. I wanted him to know his parents together, and do better with him and the others. I just- I had to hold on to something, and I wanted to give you a chance at a happy life. Fresh. Without me holding you back. You were always the heart, Liv. Always. And you deserved to have happiness. Success. And then I heard about your award ceremony. I couldn't have been more proud. And the closer we got to the event, the more excited and anxious I became. I had no idea what I was going to say to you. I knew what I had done, and I was overcome with hurt and guilt. When I left you, I tore my soul in half. And I never got over it. Kathy knew it, she saw the cloud hanging over me. It never went away. But, when we moved to Rome, things got a little better. Kathy was at ease, and I threw myself into the job. So, when I told Kathy that we were going, she suggested a letter. So I tried and tried. But nothing I could think of to write- nothing could justify what I did. So, she dictated." I looked up at her, and she was listening intently. "So, tell me, Elliot. What did the last part mean? Why write that? And why give it to me after her death?"

"But in a parallel universe, it will always be you and I."

"Out of the whole letter, Liv, I'd think you know what that last line means." I at least, was hoping she would understand. She gave me her look, and I knew she was wanting me to elaborate.

"Olivia, I wrote that because I wanted it to negate the entirety of that letter."

"Why, Elliot?"

"Because, Olivia, that whole letter was a lie. Those were not and never will be my feelings concerning you. And the reason I gave it to you is simple. I'm a coward, Liv, and I felt a sense of owing to my dead wife. And I really didn't know how or where to begin with us, that much was true, but I knew that, hoped that, you would see that last line and know." She looked at me and leaned forward in her seat a little. "Know what, exactly?"

"Know that I always cared about you and us and I never forgot. And that I never stopped. You were always there in my mind. Always. " It spilled out of me, and I didn't even try to stop it. I needed her to know. I not only cared for her, but that she was everything to me. She took another sip of her coffee, and studied my face.

"Elliot, you are right. You were a coward for that. But I do understand why. I do. But you have no idea what it was like for me to read that letter. When you left, it broke me. But reading that letter was like breaking all over again. And then I got to that last part, a total contradiction to the whole damn thing, and it was totally confusing and it kinda pissed me off a little. But it also gave me a sliver of hope." Me too, Liv, me too. I nodded. "Liv, I wanna know. What happened after I left?" She gives a nervous look and takes another sip of her coffee.

A/N: I'm going to stop here. I was just going to make this a one shot, but I've decided to do chapters, and all of them are going to be in Elliot's pov. I like this angle and don't want to stop now. So please read and drop those reviews! Thank you!!