I slam my fist against the heavy door. "Hey!" Sheets of rain slap against my skin soaking me to the bone.
My scream is answered with an aggravated, "What the hell do you want?"
The question comes from a small girl standing in the doorway of my old residence. Strange how familiar she looks when I've never met her before but staring into her face is like looking into a mirror. The first thing that comes to my mind is to warn her, but a shiver runs through me and I remember my purpose for being here.
"I need to speak with Shou." I tell her.
"Shou-chan, some ugly fat bitch wants to speak with you." She looks over her shoulder calling to him. I hear his voice tell her something and she giggles. "Shou-chan says that he doesn't want anything to do with an ugly servant like you."
The insult stings but I can't retaliate. I came here because I need his help, even if it's only for the night I need a place to stay. I shiver holding back the tears that my situation has brought to my eyes.
"Please Shou-chan, I need to get out of the rain. I lost my apartment and I've been living on the streets. I haven't eaten in three days. Shou, please." I sound pathetic, but I need his sympathy right now. If it were only for my sake, I would not beg but I have something more important to protect now.
"You look like you've been doing nothing but eating." The girl comments, prompting me to clutch my large belly protectively. "Or have you been working the streets for food and shelter? Ah!" Suddenly she is pulled back in and my childhood best friend is standing in front of me.
"You were told to get rid of that thing." He growls pointing at my stomach. "Father gave you a lot of money to take care of your little problem and you were told not to come back until you'd done that."
"But Shou-chan I'm out of money. I spent it on food and…"
"Get rid of it! Then I'll let you in. I also won't mention to father that you spent the money on useless things. Here," A couple of coins scatter to the ground then the door slams shut leaving me alone in the freezing rain. My heart breaks thinking about how much I had loved Shoutaro.
I don't really know why I loved him. I'm not even sure it was love or if I just appreciated his kindness. Shoutaro hadn't exactly been good to me all the time but he was the only person who showed me any mercy.
I never knew my father; I don't even think I ever asked my mom any questions about him. Mom and I never really got along. She hated me for not inheriting her intelligence. Then one day she left for work, leaving me with the Fuwa family and she never came back. The Fuwa family took me in but I had to work as a maid for everything they gave me. Their young son Shoutaro was given whatever he wanted without him having to lift a finger, I had to work as a maid in their inn for everything I wanted. The only downtime I received was when Shou-chan forced me to play with him and his friends. I was always the monster or the servant in their games of make believe.
As we got into our teen years Shou-chan started to want to play more adult games with just the two of us. I didn't want to do any of it, but I was so used to doing as I was told that I never protested. If I did whatever he told me to, Shou and his family took care of me and that was as close to love as I thought I'd ever get. It wasn't until my eighteenth birthday that I learned the word no.
"No, no, no, no, no! No!" I dropped the plastic applicator to the floor and quickly opened another one. I'd saved up two months' worth of allowance for the four little sticks, just to be extra sure. Not one of them came out negative.
"No." Tears spilled from my eyes and I sobbed like a child until I heard Shou calling for me to make dinner.
By that time, we lived in a house his parents rented for us. It was their expectation that we would marry after Shou finished college. Shou never told them that he hadn't gotten into a school. I had, but I kept it a secret knowing that I didn't have the money to go anyway. It was enough for me to know that I had been accepted. I was prepared to marry Shou and help support him in his dream of becoming a singer. That was the only future the Fuwa's had prepared me for.
The little plastic sticks changed that plan forever.
"Shou-chan, can I talk to you for a minute?" I walked out to the living room, where Shou and his friends were playing a video game, that he'd received for Christmas.
"What do you want? Shouldn't you be cleaning something or making my dinner?" Shou tried to shoo me away but I needed to tell him.
"Shou-chan?"
"What!" He threw his controller nearly hitting me in the head.
Breathing deeply, I mumbled, "I'm pregnant."
"What?" He stood up and advanced on me. Towering over me as I shrunk away. He'd never hit me, but he had threatened to plenty of times.
"I…I'm… we're having a baby." Rough hands gripped my arms.
"No, we're not!" He screamed and shook me violently. "Get rid of it!"
"What's all that yelling about?" Shou's mother entered the house, arms filled with presents. Shou had complained that she hadn't gotten him everything he wanted so she went out to buy him more.
"She's a slut." His words made me flinch. "Cheating on me with all my friends. She seduced them and now she's gotten herself pregnant."
"What! Kyouko, I hadn't even realized that you…" Her eyes held a million accusations in them. She looked from me to Shou to the other boys in the house, then she dropped the presents and walked out.
Later that night Shou came into my room. "Dad isn't even mad. Lucky you he gave me enough money to get rid of that thing. Make an appointment now. After it's aborted, you're going home to be their servant."
When all I did was stare back at him blankly from bed he stomped forward and seized me by my hair. "I said go call the doctor, stupid girl!" He dragged me out of bed and threw me out of my room.
"Hey man, not cool." One of his friends shouted and tried to help me up.
"Shut up!" Shou shoved passed him to grab me again and dragged me to the phone. "Call now."
"I can't."
I don't know why, but I didn't want to get rid of my baby. It didn't matter to me that I was only eighteen. I didn't even care that it was Shou's baby. It was mine and I wanted it. Maybe I hadn't planned it and I certainly never wished for it, but now that it existed, I didn't want to lose it.
"You little…you'll take care of this. You'll do it, or you won't ever have a place to call home again." His friends stood in shock as he shoved me towards the door.
"Hey!" One of them protested and Shou turned on him.
"Is it your baby? You screwed the slut and got her pregnant!"
"No." Nervously the smaller boy backed down. "I would never." None of his friends looked like they thought his treatment of me was right, but they didn't want to be thrown out too.
I was locked out that night. Shou handed me enough money to get an abortion and every instinct within me told me to do as he said. To have the abortion and return home immediately so that I could resume my duties as his parents' maid. If I wanted to continue to live in his house and receive daily meals than I had to listen and obey. I whispered a happy birthday to myself and shivered the whole night, making a bed on the back porch. When Shou found me there in the morning he shoved me off the porch onto the front lawn.
My stomach has grown ten times larger since then. I've run out of money, despite only buying
the bare minimum of food and one outfit to fit my growing belly. That's why I need Shou to let me in now. I'm starving, cold, and the shelter I'd been staying at is full. I sulk on the side of the street, not even feeling the rain anymore. I should have had the abortion, but at the time it had seemed important to keep this one thing for myself. Now I feel stupid and selfish for condemning this baby to live in this cruel world.
I use the money Shoutaro dropped for me to buy a sandwich at a convenience store and wander down an alley where I know some homeless people sleep. That's what I am, and I must accept it. I am homeless, and my stomach is nearly ready to pop. I curl up against the building careful not to get too close to any of the others and I eat my meal in peace. If I weren't pregnant, I would still have my waitress job and be able to afford a simple apartment. Then again if I weren't pregnant, I'd still be living with that asshole and his family.
"Pretty girl like you shouldn't be out here all alone." A plump older woman says holding her broken umbrella over me.
"Oh, good evening Ai-san." I manage to smile at her. I don't know her well, but her and her husband are always kind to me whenever we bump into each other.
Her husband and her used to own a restaurant, until a corporation bought them out. Of course, before that could happen the corporation smeared their names in the mud to drive away costumers and lower the selling price of their restaurant. They barely had enough to pay the legal fees to the lawyer who had lost their case against that corporation. It didn't help them that Mogami Seana was the corporation's lawyer. That wicked mother of mine ruined the lives of these sweet people.
"My husband brought me this from a soup kitchen. I was wondering if you wanted to share it." She holds up a Styrofoam bowl and two plastic spoons. I smile ripping my sandwich in half and following her back to the makeshift shelter her husband built for them out of cardboard boxes and broken umbrellas. He isn't there and I assume that he's out searching for work again. The Taisho is always out either searching for a job or working some odd job. More often than not people hire him as security or a temporary chef, but they never keep him around for long. He's an old stubborn fool, at least that's what Ai-san says.
"…the baby?" I look up confused as I catch the end of her question. She's eating her half of the sandwich and looking up at me with curious eyes. Ai-san has a way of being wise and stern but innocent and kind at the same time. "I asked, what do you think you'll name the baby?"
"Oh, um…I haven't thought about it. I suppose I should decide what to do with it first. Adoption seems to be the most likely solution." The thought makes me want to cry. This is my baby, as a result it would only end up being mistreated by other people. I probably won't even be able to love it, since I am my mother's daughter. "Then I could get a waitress job and would only need enough money to support myself."
"Oh, sweetheart." Ai-san wraps her arms around me, and I break down crying. I don't want to give my baby away.
The next day I resume my search for a job but as Taisho-san points out people don't hire pregnant teenagers. I didn't counter his argument, but I had to at least try to get a job. I wander around and get shooed away every time I inquire about working somewhere. Lonely and unable to purchase a train ticket I wander the station needing to get on to reach a shelter before they all fill up. The alley isn't so bad when the Taisho-san and Okami-san are there but sometimes they manage to get into a shelter or get a night in a hotel room. They offered to let me stay with them before, but I didn't want to take advantage of their kindness. Their homelessness was partially my mother's fault after all. Ai-san said she doesn't blame me for it, but I feel guilty all the same.
Someone bumps into me pushing me towards the train.
"Excuse me." I apologize with a bow.
I don't know why I feel guilty though, he bumped into me. Someone else bumps into me then another person in a rush to get on the train pushes me.
"Hey stop!" My pleas go unheard as a crowd of people shove me onto the train with them. I hold my belly protectively as I am squished between the people on their way to and from work or school. The doors close and I am stuck on the train until the next stop.
I sigh not even mad at this situation. It's just more of the same, isn't it? Everyone always pushes me around. I always survive, and this will be no different. I'll get off at the next stop and find a shelter for the night. When my baby comes, I'll find a job and pay Ai-san what I can to look after it, so I can get another job. My baby won't go unloved, at least not by me.
"Oh my god look!" A high pitched nasally voice exclaims.
I look up and glare enviously at a group of schoolgirls chatting near me. If I'd had the chance, I would have loved to wear a school uniform all day and talk with my friends. I'd never had any friends though and after school I had chores to do.
"Ew! What is wrong with her?" One girl sneers. I look away from them embarrassed to have been caught staring.
"I wonder if she's even married. She looks our age." Another girl remarks and I can feel their eyes boring into my large stomach.
"I doubt it. No man would marry someone who looks like that. She probably sleeps around for money. Look at her filthy clothes, they don't even fit her. What a slut." The girls snicker, and I tug at my clothes.
"What are you saying about my wife?" A strong masculine voice asks the girls. They gasp at the man and scurry to the opposite side of the train.
"Thank you." I mumble meekly looking up at the handsome face of my savior. He smiles at me sweetly and I feel a little overwhelmed by the beauty of this stranger who wasn't embarrassed to stand next to me and proclaim me his wife. "We're not really married, are we? The way my life has been I wouldn't question that."
I really wouldn't think it odd if mom had showed up one day to tell me she had married me off to some man without my knowledge. She would do anything to be rid of me, but who would be desperate enough to agree to marry me? Certainly not this handsome man. The Fuwa's only took me out of pity for a child.
"No." He says it with a laugh making me feel dumb for asking but it doesn't feel like he's making fun of me. "At least I don't think so. You look tired, come on I know a place where you can sit down."
He could be an ax wielding murderer, or a kidnapper, or any number of heinous things but for some reason I follow him anyway. I find it hard to believe that anyone could truly be nice to me without an ulterior motive, but this man feels different somehow.
He's gorgeous and tall like a prince. I allow myself to slip into a fantasy where he falls madly in love with me, and we get married. We'd live in a simple house. I don't want anything fancy just a nice place to raise a child.
"Who's this?" A sultry voice asks as we enter a small private room. My fantasies crumble around me as I take in the vision in white and blue silk.
"A pregnant lady I found by chance. I like her better than you." He says it jokingly and her beautiful face lights up as she lets out a mirthful laugh.
"But I'm sure she doesn't like you nearly as much as I do. Go get us some drinks so I can threaten her to stay away from my husband privately." She giggles standing up with some difficulty as her belly is just as huge as mine.
"Yes honey." He leaves us in the tiny room with a kiss on her cheek and I swallow hard, fearing her wrath. What had I gotten myself into?
"When are you due?" She asks pulling an outfit out of the trunk on the floor. I shrug staring at the garment that she tries to hand to me. "Go on take it. Forgive me for saying but your clothes…" she pauses to rethink her words. "Well, they don't look comfortable, and they look like they need to be washed." There is no insult in her voice, it is sweet and warm.
"Thank you." I mumble meekly taking the luxurious fabric in my hands. It feels too nice for me to touch.
"In there." She points to a door to the side, and I open it to find a bathroom. "It's a bit of a tight squeeze but you don't look as big as me, so you should fit."
I suppose her stomach is a bit larger than mine, but I think she carries the weight better than I do. There is an elegance to her that I don't have. I'm sure that she is what people think of when they say women glow while pregnant.
"I suppose Rick didn't bother to introduce himself to you. He's the epitome of impulsive. Lucky for us he only does what he thinks is right. I'm Tina by the way." I listen to her pretty voice, a little envious that she should have so much. Beauty, a husband who loves her, and all sorts of nice things that I could not afford even in my wildest dreams. She even has a wonderfully sweet personality.
I pull her dress over myself and marvel at the softness of the material. Once when I was still very little Shou's mother had let me try on an expensive dress at a shop. It had layers of smooth fabric and for once I felt like something good was about to happen. Then Shou said that I looked ugly in it and I should take it off before someone saw. If Tina says I'm ugly it won't matter because I'm already aware of my ugliness.
"There isn't that better?" She asks when I exit the small bathroom. "Come sit."
She pats the spot beside her, and I take the seat. I'm glad for the chance to rest but my guard stays up, ready for the vicious attack that I have come to expect from people.
"You haven't told me your name." Tina pouts smoothing her dress out over her belly.
"Mogami." I say my last name with little emotion. It's my mother's name not mine. She said that daddy was weak, and his last name was inadequate for someone who had her blood. That was back when she still had hope that I would be smart like her. "Kyouko."
"Kyouko-chan, you're my first Japanese friend." Her smile looks giddy, like a child. "I've come to meet Rick's family, especially his little brother. He's a big shot businessman here in Japan and Rick hasn't seen him in nearly six years. Rick and I eloped though, and Rick said his brother had asked to meet me." I smile sadly at her pretty hands and the large diamond ring on her finger. "I don't have any relatives, so I hope Rick's family doesn't hate me."
She shook her hands out and began to wipe them on her pretty dress. "I'm so nervous my hands are sweating." She toys with the ring on her finger and tries to slip it off. "My fingers are so swollen." She complains.
My fingers look like sausages, hers are long and slender but she still manages to find fault with them. With one final tug, her ring flies off across the room.
"Shit! If I lose it Rick will kill me. It was his grandmother's." The two of us drop to our hands and knees in search of the delicate ring.
"Oh, I got it!" I announce picking up the gorgeous diamond. "Here." I try to hand it back quickly because someone like me should never be allowed to hold something so precious for long.
Tina must see the longing in my eyes because she suddenly says, "Go ahead try it on."
I wonder if it would be bad luck to try on another woman's ring. Like I'll never get married. But who am I kidding? This is as close to a wedding ring as I'm ever getting. Tina giggles as I slip the ring onto my finger.
"Pretty isn't it?"
I feel a sense a dread as I stare down at the sparkling ring. This is something that was never meant for me. It's too nice and beautiful for a plain nobody like me.
"Here." I try to slip the ring off and I hear a loud screech.
Everything happens so fast I can hardly comprehend what's going on. The lights go out. Tina and I are thrown down and luggage flies all around us. The loud screech gets louder then everything fades away. I think I might be dying. This is it; I can finally rest in peace.
A/N: So I says to myself "Self go work on your stories before work." Self: I found this old story I started probably back in 2015. Me: You do not need to publish a new story.
Self: I'm gonna write a second chapter and see where this goes. Me: This is so much fun.
And that is why I now have another story to work on. Because I apparently am insane and my therapist does nothing but encourage me. The jerk even sent me a new notebook for story ideas.
