A/N - WARNING - WARNING - WARNING! This story has references to suicide attempts and depression. It can be triggering and I urge you NOT to read it if you feel this may not be right for you. And I need to add that this is a personal expression and if you don't like the way I write then I respect that and you should just scroll on past. If you just want to attack — DON'T! Nobody has to read anything that's posted on here but I have the right to post my work the same as everyone else. This is so far removed from what I usually write but it's coming from a personal place. There will be a few chapters of this. And if anyone ever needs to talk - My messages on here or twitter (same username) are always open and I will listen without judgement. Nobody ever has to feel alone in this world xx


The breeze held a coolness to it that signalled the death of summer. The days were growing shorter and the daylight disappeared much quicker than it had just weeks before. The leaves were starting to fall from the trees, settling on the ground in beautiful piles of oranges and browns and autumn had definitely arrived.

For Elizabeth, this had always been her favourite time of year. The darker evenings and lower temperatures didn't bother her — In fact, it was just the opposite. They enabled her to cosy up at home with her family and look forward to hot cocoa, toasting marshmallows in front of the fire and holidays such as halloween, thanksgiving and Christmas — All of which the Adams clan celebrated in style.

Her parents had continually made sure their home was a happy one. Their door was always open to friends, neighbours and family alike and Elizabeth and her brother, Will, had wanted for nothing. Love and affection were abundant and their beautiful house was always so warm and comforting. As far as Elizabeth was concerned, she had the perfect life — Right up until the day two police officers arrived at the door and with a few words — Took everything from her.

Four years had passed since that awful day and although life had moved on and everything had changed— Elizabeth was stuck in what felt like hell. Hopelessly clinging to a life that was no longer hers. Desperate for that comfort and love her parents provided. Longing to feel like she belonged somewhere — anywhere! But she didn't — She was alone and lost and no longer felt anything but deep sorrow. Her life was all but over before it had even really begun and she was so tired of trying.

The coffee Elizabeth clutched in her hand had gone cold and the bustle of students who had filled the campus a few hours before had dispersed as the evening drew in. And yet she couldn't bring herself to get up from the hard, wooden bench even though her ass had gone numb. There was nowhere for her to go. She hadn't made one connection since starting at UVA and loneliness had become her only friend.

The longer she sat there, the deeper the cold air permeated her skin, making her shiver. But as uncomfortable as it was, she relished it. She didn't want to feel anything anymore so if everything went numb, it would hurt so much less.

Reaching into her jacket pocket, her fingers wrapped around the pill bottle hidden there. It held far more than it should, but that was the whole point. Finality was her quest, it's what had been filling her thoughts every waking moment for months, probably years if she were totally honest with herself.

Elizabeth had gone through each and every reason in her head why she shouldn't be thinking of doing this but she came up blank no matter how many times she went over and over it. She wouldn't be missed — Her parents were gone, her brother couldn't stand her, she had no friends to speak of and the few family members that remained couldn't even remember her name. She was a useless being in a pointless world and enough was enough.

She looked over at the paper bag propped up next to her on the bench with the bottle of vodka hidden inside, and she felt grateful that the guy she'd flirted with in order to get him to buy it for her, hadn't asked any questions or wanted anything in return. She had learned very quickly that her looks were far more important to people than who she was as a person, so she felt no shame in using them to get what she wanted. It's not like she would be around to feel any guilt anyway.

She then started to ask herself if anyone would even notice she'd gone. Her roommate may fleetingly wonder why they hadn't crossed paths in a while and obviously someone would have to find her — And she did feel bad about that. But if she followed her plan, it would probably be someone who saw that kind of thing every day and wouldn't be too phased by it anyway.

It was all set out in her mind, she knew what she had to do and she was ready — She just needed a few more minutes to take in her surroundings, to feel the gentle wind through her hair, to take in the colour of the trees and to feel her parents close to her one last time where their own story began before she got to see them again — And she would see them again so very soon, or at least, she hoped she would.

Closing her eyes, she enjoyed the silence. It wrapped around her like a blanket and soothed her. She was used to it. Solitude was all she knew and she was ready for it to come to and end. Butterflies were churning in her stomach but nothing was going to deter her from this now. She had put it off for too long already and it really was now or never.

Dragging her bag up over her shoulder, she picked up the bottle and made her way across the quadrant. She had written a letter for Will and had also made her wishes clear for how she wanted arrangements to be handled. She didn't want a funeral, what would be the point as nobody would go anyway, and she wanted to be laid to rest with her parents. Anything she owned and her trust fund balance would go to Will and that was pretty much it.

The streets were quiet as she walked which was a blessing. She wanted her last moments on earth to be peaceful and calm, not chaotic like her mind had been for so long. She was grateful for everything she had experienced and for the love she had known. But it was her time and she was ready.

As she walked through the hospital corridors, she could feel the nausea washing over her in waves. There were too many people and far too much noise — But this was just the means to an end. All she had to do was get to the memory garden and everything would go to plan. It was evening and nobody would set foot out there in the dark. She would be hidden enough that she wouldn't be discovered until it was too late to do anything. Her plan was foolproof — She just had to keep going.

In the very corner of the garden, the little wooden gazebo was nestled amongst the weeping willows. It was beautiful and Elizabeth figured it would be a really good place to spend her last moments. She tucked herself into the corner, out of sight and retrieved the pills from her pocket. As she tipped them into her sweaty palm, she couldn't believe how anything so small could end a life. It didn't seem possible, yet she knew it was.

She unscrewed the cap on the vodka bottle and took a hefty swig to settle her nerves. She had never really liked the taste of alcohol and always threw up before she could get as drunk as she wanted — something she inherited from her mother it seemed. But she didn't think water or coffee would be fitting for this particular occasion — So vodka it had to be.

With one last look up to the sky to see the stars, Elizabeth raised her hand and emptied the pills into her mouth. With another long swig of vodka, she swallowed them and then closed her eyes. She wasn't entirely certain how long it would take having no previous experience — But it didn't matter. She would see her parents soon and all would be right again.

As she was waiting for the inevitable , Elizabeth could hear the click of a lighter and see the glow of a cigarette being lit. She tried to push herself further back out of sight but there was nowhere for her to go.

Footsteps got louder and she felt someone crouch down in front of her. She could smell the cigarette and turned her head away from it. This wasn't part of the plan — This wasn't supposed to happen.

"I'm going to get you some help — Don't you die on me Elizabeth, you hear me? Don't you fucking die."

She felt herself being lifted and then everything went black.