« I have to tell you something »
It was messed up. Everything was messed up. Hero's mind was messed up. How could he understand everything? Does he really hear what was being said? He couldn't hide it; he couldn't cover up those rushing feelings overwhelming him at the moment. He needed to rush, he needed to cover those feelings, he wasn't allowed to break up like that, not in front of everyone. He wasn't able to be there for everyone. It was too much. He needed to pause, to think, to really understand this past truth in this messy present he was facing. As this moment felt like eternity, he excuses himself in a mumble and quickly escapes this place in which he couldn't breathe, without looking back. Hero was always the one you can rely on. But when it comes to that topic, to that tragic day, to the moment of no return in Hero's life, he couldn't be the one everyone was expecting him to be.
When Hero regained his mind, he felt a gentle breeze caressing his face. What a beautiful day it was. A day you naively think nothing bad could happen, a normal day as the one before. It was the same kind of day back then. And it was the same unexpected deadly surprise that hit him in the guts. Powerless and astounded when his world turns upside down. But, as Hero was focusing on the mess that was his feelings, something was different than before, a little sparkle in the void, a little piece of feeling that wasn't unbearable like the others. A weak ray of light that was illuminating this room that was for so long switched off. It was relief. Relief, that Mari, didn't kill herself. Relief that it wasn't his fault. Relief that he had not failed Mari. It was an accident. A tragic and messy accident. He felt as the wind was taking away the guilt that he had hidden deep down for so many years. His failure that he couldn't stand. He did not fail Mari. The truth, the horrible truth about Mari's death.
It was not like everything was going to be alright now, but, still, he couldn't repress the shame of being so relieved about that damn horrible truth. Even if he wants to blame Sunny for ruining his life, even if he feels betrayed by Basil for faking in the most unforgivable manners Mari's death. Even if the thought of Sunny bearing this burden all this year was paradoxically heart-breaking. Even if he was devastated to have lived a lie all this time.
Despite all of that, he was crying of relief, as he was finally able to move on.
