Tanya had decided that Kazuma might actually be a threat to her.

It was a conclusion reached after careful thought and plenty of deliberation. She didn't throw out that label very often, after all.

Nevertheless, she had reached that conclusion.

"Can we stop here? I wish to have that Explosion contest now. It is best we do it now, before we arrive at the village for no particular-"

"Megumin, tell me again of the horrible monsters surrounding your village… considering how weak Kazuma is, I'll have to… protect him, at some point. It's best to be informed about whatever horrible, tough monsters are-"

"Don't call me weak! Just because this Explosion-wielding, kill-stealing loli exists to finish off most of our enemies that aren't at a disadvantage against Aqua doesn't mean I'm-"

"Hey! Kazuma, now that I'm not tainted by poison anymore, refer to me as Goddess again as thanks for sending you here! If I can't receive the praise of my followers directly, then your praise will-"

Yes, Kazuma was a threat. Him and his party were going to drive her insane.

"That's it!" she shouted. The arguing quieted down for a moment, but she was already far too gone to hear it.

She took in another deep breath, letting the colder air far above the snow-dusted farmland below her fill her lungs.

For as much as she liked not having to be in the army and listen and carry out orders she would rather not, she definitely missed having disciplinary control.

She grumbled to herself as she looked down, studying the landscape they were traveling through. Oh, what she wouldn't give for the ability to call in an artillery strike on them…

Or even something to occupy them with, like a book or newspaper or something to get them to stop talking to each other and badgering her.

Sighing again, she took a moment to actually think about their landscape. In their rush to leave, no one had bothered to grab a map, which left them either having to ask for directions in every single hamlet or village they rode through, or either she or Viktoriya would fly up and try and get a lay of the land.

To their southwest, she did spot the forest they'd been told about, and she grinned. Finally! They'd been getting warnings about it in the last three towns they'd gone through.

-OxOxO-

"Who wants some experience?"

Kazuma looked up from where he'd been giving Aqua a noogie to get her to shut up.

After comparing his card to his own party's cards – and to Degurechaff's party's card – he was very well aware that his level was by far the lowest in their group. Megumin especially had been bragging about all the levels she'd gained since blowing up all that slime.

"Drain touch! Drain Touch! Bind!"

With a dark chuckle, he left his teammates behind. He'd be the one to…

His jovial expression quickly faded as he looked at the sight before him and then directed his gaze between everyone standing around.

Degurechaff and Serebryakov were standing with the guns pointed at a monster. Lorelei was apparently calming the horse and trying to look anywhere but at their friends.

And there was a small girl, looking terrified, laying on the ground between the two seemingly unbothered women. Her head seemed injured and her skin was an unhealthy color, while her tattered dress did little to hide the darkened bandages on her arms and legs.

The only bright spot about her seemed to be a healthy looking flower in her hair.

Kazuma blinked a few times wondering if he was, indeed, seeing things, because he didn't think these two…

And then his Enemy Detection skill went off.

Behind him, he heard his teammates falling out of the carriage and bickering as they stood up…

Only to stop dead in their tracks at the sight before them.

"Tanya?" Darkness asked, shocked. He heard someone behind him stride forward purposefully, and he grabbed them…

Or he tried to, but his strength was nothing compared to Aqua's stats, so she ignored his attempt. "How could-"

"Aqua, my Enemy Detection skill activated. That's a monster in disguise."

The two women standing over the monster blinked. "You… oh, I guess you all don't know about Tranquility Girls, then?" Degurechaff asked.

"Kazuma, I think that girl wants us to save her from those two brutes," Aqua whispered loudly. "Shouldn't I Heal her, at least?"

The two 'brutes' backed away from the girl, with Serebryakov leaning against their cart while Degurechaff began to pace in front of the little girl. "Right. Tranquility Girls are plant monsters that disguise themselves as people," Tanya said, beginning an impromptu lecture.

Kazuma looked away from it as its face saddened. "Kazuma, I think it's about to cry… and it must be pretty cold in this weather… see! It's shivering," Darkness said, dragging his gaze back towards the girl with how worried she sounded.

"They kill adventurers who they manage to convince to stick around, and every single one we've run into has been a filthy liar," she continued, oblivious to the girl in the dirt's blubbering.

"Look, Kazuma! It's smiling through its tears and waving as if to say goodbye. I should go and give it a hug," he heard Megumin say. He grabbed the collar of her shirt to stop her from doing just that.

"There's a plant behind the rock she's sitting on that will make you feel full… but won't actually provide you any nutrients," she said, holding up a fruit while the girl on the ground cried out, as if in pain from having part of itself ripped off.

"Even if it is a monster…" Darkness muttered. She walked towards it, and Kazuma sighed, letting go of Megumin. All three of his party members were now surrounding the thing.

Degurechaff opened her mouth again… only for her face – seemingly in a good mood from giving the lecture – to freeze as she looked back down at the monster.

And the people around it.

"…Are you all deaf? Did you not just hear any of what I-"

"Can it, Tanya the Evil! You're just mean! Look at this poor, defenseless thing! Heal!"

Her confused expression shifted, becoming both angry and tired. Aqua blinked as she inspected the wounds she thought her magic would fix to find that the 'bandages' were not actually bandages.

As the three of them began to dote on the girl, cooing over its cuteness. Kazuma looked at Degurechaff. "Do we really have to kill it? It's not doing anything, right?"

She sighed. "It's worth a lot of experience, any guild will pay handsomely if you kill one with or without a quest, it's undoubtedly already killed people before, and it's likely got some equipment from adventurers below it that we could use or sell," she rattled off.

After a moment to allow him to digest all of what she'd said, she shrugged. "Technically, however, while people are supposed to kill them on sight, the guild understands if adventurers are unable to kill them."

She took out her pistol this time. "I, however, have no such qualms," she said, cocking her pistol.

His teammates blocked her. "Killing something so innocent for experience points…" Aqua began.

"I've heard about Tranquility Girls… but we can't hurt a monster that looks like a little girl. As adventurers, we have to have limits, right? And Kazuma, you wouldn't kill this little girl just for some experience, right?"

Kazuma felt his insides shriveling up. He glanced at Degurechaff and found her expression was one of exasperation – she wasn't letting the expressions of his teammates or of the Tranquility Girl get to her.

Darkness looked between Tanya and Kazuma and the monster. "… No. If you two have decided to exterminate it, then it should be done. I came over because I thought it was injured, but it wasn't hurt at all. Judging from this, this monster must be a very cunning mimic. If we leave it alone, there'll be more victims in the future."

With that, she stood, taking out her own, which Tanya couldn't help but sigh at – as if she'd actually hit the thing with her sword.

"…Want kill… Me…?"

The voice of the Tranquility Girl, with a lisp like a child's, could barely be heard over the sounds of the forest they were right next to. Her grip on Megumin's hand became tighter as it peered into Darkness's soul with saddened eyes.

The great sword in Darkness's hands started shaking intensely, and her expression shifted to match the monsters as she looked at Kazuma. He felt his insides continue to twist as he looked between the monster and Degurechaff, whose expression hadn't wavered.

Aqua rose from the ground, putting herself between Tanya and the Tranquility Girl, her hands raised as if she was going to punch her. Tanya's eyes only narrowed.

It looked again to Kazuma. "…Want kill… Me…?"

Kazuma licked his lips and drew his short sword. If he left it here, someone else might fall prey to it. Leaving it there would be morally wrong, and there would be benefits to killing…

With a gurgling sound in the back of his throat, he thrust his sword into the ground, panting. Why-

"Kazuma, when you feel lost and need to make a choice, no matter which path you decide to take, you will definitely regret it later. Therefore, just choose something that makes you feel the happiest right now."

He looked up from the ground to find Aqua sounding like she might actually be somewhat holy… if it weren't for the actual meaning of what she'd said.

Licking his lips again, and with all of the benefits Degurechaff had outlined repeating in his head like a mantra, he picked his sword up again.

"You look painful… Sorry because I live…"

The Tranquility Girl said as she showed a fragile smile.

"Because, I, monster live… Will cause trouble…"

Specks of tears appeared in her eyes.

"Since born, first time, talk with humans…"

It clasped its hand before its chest as if in prayer.

"First, and last time met with you, wonderful… If, another life… Next time, not monster, will be wonderful…"

After saying its piece, it closed its eyes in resignation.

"Hey. Where did you get your clothes?"

The question perfectly derailed Kazuma's decision to not kill the innocent creature.

His gaze snapped back to Tanya, who seemed to be idly examining her fingernails. "Like I said, it's a liar. This is not the first time it has met humans, judging by the fact that that dress seems to be real cloth. Sure, someone could have given it one to 'hide its modesty,'" she said, glaring down at the girl.

"But all I have to do is start digging to figure out how many people you've killed."

She aimed her pistol. "If you all want to watch, do so. If not, you can leave if it helps you feel better," she offered.

His teammates took him up on the offer, as did Lorelei, while he sent one last look over his shoulder and started walking forward, following behind the wagon with their stuff in it.

He tried, desperately, not to think about it, to think about the perfectly logical things Tanya had said and not about what Aqua had said about regretting any decision he makes and doing what made him feel happiest right now…

He looked up from where he'd been looking fixedly at the ground to find that his teammates were all staring at him, emotion swelling in their eyes…

He turned around, running towards the clearing. It was completely defenseless, he couldn't just leave it-

He slowed down, activating Lurk as he approaches, stretching out his hand to Steal their weapons from them-

BANG!

"You bitches! Fuck you! I hope you idiots die a painful death! I'll be with you in hell and I'll laugh at the look on your faces when you see me! I'll-"

Kazuma crept closer. "You see them?"

Viktoriya shook her head at Tanya's question. "Doesn't look like it."

Tanya sighed again. "Next time-"

Kazuma dropped his Lurk as he stood above the Tranquility Girl. "So… you don't have a lisp at all? You can talk fluently?" he asked, ignoring the surprised shouts of the two girls.

The plants crying began to quiet down – they'd shot it in the chest, which apparently wasn't enough to kill it – and it smiled nervously. "Ah, could you maybe just forget that-"

"You played me like a damn fiddle!?" he shouted, drawing his sword, shouting as he-

-OxOxO-

Later, when they caught up with the others, Kazuma found that the other three were looking at him expectantly.

He smiled at them and flashed his card. "Look! I raised three levels in one shot!"

Then he gestured to the items they were carrying. "Plus, these two said it might come back if we didn't pull its roots out of the ground, and we found a bunch of stuff we can sell!"

Their expressions collapsed. "We discussed your good merits while you were gone," Darkness began.

"Waaahhhh… Waaahhhh! Kazuma, you demon! Evil demon! Compared to you, even Tanya's much cuter!"

"Ah… Ahhh… Ahhh… It's all my fault… All because I mocked Kazuma after raising so many levels…! Kazuma laid his hands on that child because I agitated him…? It's, it's all because of my arrogance that I did all that…!"

As he tried to explain to his friends what had happened, Tanya sighed darkly. "Remind me not to go on any quest with them. If they're going to turn every quest they do into a… a production like that, I think we'll die of old age long before we get a chance to beat the Demon King."

She'd thought it would be over quickly. A nice chance to butter Kazuma up for what she had planned for their entrance to the Crimson Demon Village. He'd get some experience, and maybe his teammates would stop badgering him about his level – and she could get some peace and quiet.

But no. That was not how it had gone.

"You can't argue that they're entertaining, at least," said Viktoriya. The four of them piled back into the wagon, and Tanya could only sigh. "Perhaps. But if they want to act like that, maybe they'd be better off as actors instead of adventurers."

Next time, she was going to destroy it from above and be done with it.

-OxOxO-

Tanya was not surprised when everyone else was.

They'd been dividing up the watch for the night, and she had volunteered to take over for Darkness.

And to be on watch with Aqua.

Although everyone was surprised, no one could find any reason to object, and so, after a bit of sleep, she woke to find herself being roused by Darkness, and then she got up and climbed on top of their wagon to get a better view of their surroundings.

Aqua sat below her on the rear seat of the wagon, looking out across the landscape and at the stars. She was quiet – which Tanya would not have thought she could be, considering how much she seemingly enjoyed talking.

Tanya had some work of her own to do, while Darkness fell asleep, and got to cleaning her rifle and pistol. It was mentally stimulating, by any means, but it needed to be done and it gave her some time to… prepare.

Eventually, Tanya broke the silence. "Thank you, Aqua."

She looked down to see the not-Goddess startled. "Eh? What for?"

"Well, for starters, for attempting to convince me to come here instead of forcing me to," Tanya said. Below, she could not hear the woman's reaction to-

She found herself startled as the woman climbed on top of the wagon and sat down next to her, rocking the vehicle and scattering the carefully deconstructed and organized pieces of Tanya rifle.

She didn't notice. "Hmph. It's nice to finally be appreciated. Besides, even if I am one of the most famous, powerful Goddesses around… I don't have that kind of power."

Tanya laughed once as she began to reorganize her deconstructed rifle. "Well, it was certainly better than Being X. Even if I knew you were obviously trying to sell me on the whole idea, I like at least having some kind of choice."

Aqua pouted, looking down at the top of their wagon and tracing a circle with her finger. "Yeah. By the way, you owe me for getting you out of Heaven – I got yelled at and everyone was mean to me for getting 'The Atheist' out from under the windbag's thumb," she groused, crossing her arms.

Tanya blinked. "…Do you all really call me that?"

She rolled her eyes and looked out across the landscape. "A lot of us. There aren't exactly a lot of mortals that are quite as stubborn and in-your-face about their beliefs as you are."

Tanya acknowledged the information with a sound at the back of her throat, and they drifted back into silence as Tanya reassembled her gun and aimed it out across the plains, not really aiming at anything in particular.

"…Windbag?" she asked, only now realizing exactly what she'd said. Aqua snorted. "You call him Being X. He's got so many names, though. It's what happens when you're around for as long as he's been."

Tanya snorted in return. "But… windbag?"

Aqua shrugged. "Well… I'm sure you know how much hot air he blows."

"You could say that again," she snarked. "I mean, when's he going to realize he's never going to convert me? I even… well, he's proven himself a giant waste of my time."

Aqua sighed in relief. "Right? He never wants to just talk with you, no, it's always business with him! He never knows when to take a second to relax!"

"I don't know if you've got much room to talk. How much work do you actually do?"

"Much more than you'd think, tiny mortal."

And for quite a bit longer than she thought she would, the two of them… talked. They complained about various divinities and the work they had to do – Aqua in managing her 'sometimes' unruly followers and reincarnates from Japan, Tanya with her place in the army and her Governorship of Axel.

Tanya found herself quite… flummoxed by her current situation, especially considering she'd just been trying to compliment Aqua to butter her up so Tanya could interrogate her.

They did drift into a more genial silence after a while, with Aqua using her 'divine nails' to scratch a piece of art into the wagon while Tanya thought.

"Hey Aqua."

"Yeah?"

"You're… affected by the beliefs of your followers, correct?"

"Uh, yeah? See, look at my hair," she said, grabbing a seemingly important strand.

It was hard to see in the light of the moon, but Aqua didn't seem to mind the darkness. "This whole thing used to be purple, but it's almost all blue again! Plus, Kazuma told me I was pretty mean."

She scoffed. "As if that Tranquility killing trash doesn't deserve it."

Tanya fought the urge to let her annoyance from earlier in the day grip her as Aqua continued on. "Well, yeah, what you said is correct, and I couldn't be happier that I'm going back to normal!"

Tanya nodded. "Then… does Being X derive his power from the followers of the Abrahamic faiths?"

She tilted her head at her. "The abra-whatsits?"

Tanya sighed. "You know… Christianity, Protestantism, Islam-"

Aqua blinked in recognition. "Er… yeah, I think those are his."

"All of them?"

"Uh… yeah?"

"Then… how does he exist?"

Aqua tilted her head again, and Tanya sighed, slightly frustrated – though she wasn't sure if it was at Aqua or herself for asking these questions. "Just the most famous three of those faiths have mutually exclusive beliefs, as far as I know. How can he derive his power from…"

But Tanya trailed off because Aqua was answering her question.

Not with words, but with laughter.

And not the kind of dainty giggling you might expect from a beauty like Aqua.

No, she was chortling at Tanya's question and fighting desperately to keep herself quiet, while Tanya stared on, fighting to keep her anger in check at having her ideas laughed at.

Eventually, Aqua got over what she found so funny and straightened up, looking once more across the landscape. "This… that sort of thinking is why some humans are so…"

She trailed off, apparently using whatever she had that passed for a brain. "Funny? Weird?"

She shrugged. "Eh, whatever. Why can't gods be self-contradictory? Aren't humans?"

Tanya rolled her eyes. "Of course humans are. The divine shouldn't be… not that any of you are real gods. If there were gods, there wouldn't be any suffering."

Aqua raised an eyebrow. "Hmm. Maybe we could pull that sort of thing off… but can you honestly say that you would be happier than you are now if you had never suffered a day in your life?"

Tanya wanted to say that of course she would be, as would any other person…

But…

She looked behind them, towards where Viktoriya was sleeping. If the world had no suffering, and she hadn't been killed by that train…

She opened her mouth to reply that even if she wouldn't have been as happy, there were millions of people – some of her friends among them – who would be happier, but Aqua cut her off.

"Tanya von Degurechaff."

Tanya paused, looking at Aqua, and Aqua turned her head to look into Tanya's eyes, smiling happily. "You remind me of why I love my followers so much."

Tanya tried to process that, for a moment, tearing her eyes away from Aqua's. She, an atheist, THE Atheist, apparently, reminded a supposed goddess of why she loved her followers?

She tried to figure out how to respond to that, but Aqua spoke again after a yawn. "Still… I guess you're right. Even among the divine, that old windbag… is a… special case…"

Tanya's gaze, having drifted down to the ground while thinking, snapped towards Aqua – but she was asleep.

Tanya looked at her watch… and decided to let Aqua sleep through the rest of her shift. She had a feeling she wouldn't be in any sort of mood to answer Tanya's questions if she woke her from her sleep.

-OxOxO-

Kazuma did not wake easily under the best of circumstances – he quite liked staying inside and sleeping all day, thank you very much – but even he knew that he'd be in hot water if he didn't contribute to their defense.

Not with a monster, but with Degurechaff.

So, here they were, freezing – or, they would be if it weren't for Degurechaff's spell – waiting to see if anything happened.

"Anything on your mind?" he heard asked. He didn't bother to turn and look at her – he was quite comfortable staying in his sleeping bag and keeping watch – and he let out a sigh.

"I hate this stupid world. I thought it would be just like a video game, but nothing's how I imagined it."

He kept going. "There's monsters who pretend to be little girls and undead Liches in tombs that want to move on, and slimes are super strong. I've only got a place to live because my party screwed up."

"And my party! They're all way more trouble than they're worth, and if it weren't for my Luck, we'd be toast at this point."

He didn't hear anything from next to him, and he sighed again. "This place is too much trouble. I'd much rather go home."

Still, she was quiet, but before he could continue-

"That…"

He winced. She didn't sound particularly impressed with his complaints. He didn't blame her – he probably sounded like a bitch, compared to what she'd gone through.

He also didn't care.

"Look," she said, finally. "Having been in three worlds at this point, I think I can say that every world is pretty stupid."

"As long as people are people, you'll have problems you need to solve. People will expect unreasonable things from you and… horrible things can happen. We might be facing more dangerous problems here than we would back in Japan, but it's not like we didn't still have problems."

He heard her shift her weight. "And besides. You've just got to find something that makes the problems worth solving, whether that's safety or…"

This time, he did turn. He saw her looking down at their party members, and Kazuma couldn't help but do the same.

-OxOxO-

They had to get Aqua up once – the undead had begun to gather in numbers – but Tanya had dug a deep trench around their encampment after that once she got buffed by her own and Aqua's spells.

She'd soon gone to bed, leaving Kazuma up with Megumin. In between her yawning, she'd talked a little about her life before coming to Axel – she'd apparently had to stay in school for longer than she wanted in order to save up for Explosion.

As he told her about his own limited experience with school, she got a curious look in her eyes when he didn't yawn once. "Hmm. Can you really stay up all night? Even with your detection skills being as useful as they are…"

Kazuma let out a "Hah!" and gestured grandly. "Don't worry. I have the characteristic of being strong in staying up all night. In the country I was from, staying up all night was nothing to me."

Megumin looked at him, raising an eyebrow. "By the way, where did you and Aqua live in the past? I'm curious about… Japan, was it? From Degurechaff's items, it seems to be a place with a lot of convenient magic items. I wonder what kind of life you lived there, too. Just what kind of lifestyle could train up the characteristic of 'being strong in staying up all night'…"

He thought back to his peaceful life in Japan again.

"Well… I was a Ranker in my country."

"Ranker?" Megumin asked.

Kazuma blinked. Right, of course she wouldn't know what that meant.

"If I must explain, it means someone with a high ranking. I was known to my comrades as 'Kazuma-san who's only lucky in getting rare drops', 'Kazuma-san who's always online no matter what time I log in', and so on… Anyway, I had all sorts of nicknames and was trusted by everyone. We raided fortresses, hunted powerful bosses; those were enjoyable times… Staying up all night was a norm. I didn't eat proper meals, and only slept two hours a day before returning to my quest to hunt monsters…"

"It's hard to believe those words since I know how Kazuma usually is… But why, why do I get the feeling you aren't lying? Just now, you were brimming with confidence and nostalgia…" she asked, suspicious.

Kazuma preened under the praise-

"Hey, Kazuma. Can I explain what an MMO is?"

His face went blank as he heard Aqua's question. "Please don't."

"You owe me one for not explaining what that means, Kazuma," said Tanya. Kazuma just sighed. "Fine."

Megumin sent him a questioning gaze, but he made a shushing motion with his finger in front of his lips, and she quieted down. Soon, he could hear Aqua sleeping soundly.

Megumin could too, apparently, because she continued the conversation. "About Japan," she asked, unexpectedly timid, "have you ever thought of… returning home?"

He shrugged. "Hmm," he gave as his answer. He'd just been discussing that with Degurechaff.

He looked over at her sleeping bag – an extra large one she was sharing with Viktoriya – and then looked back at Megumin. "I can't go back even if I wanted to. Even if I did, I'd just live a busy and meaningless life once again. I wish we had more money, but I've already got a deal with Tanya," he said, remembering their deal to work on Japanese merchandise.

Really, for all the danger here, there wasn't much difference in being a NEET here and being a NEET in Japan. Both had their pros and cons, but in the end he couldn't go home, so it was a moot point.

Of course, fighting the Demon King was the exact opposite of being a NEET, but he could let Tanya handle that. Maybe she could even get them both home with her wish, if that was what she wanted.

Megumin sighed in relief. "Is that so…? I like my life right now too, so I'm glad. We get into danger often, but everyone works together to get through it. I'm very satisfied with my fun life right now."

He felt an eye twitch and started to turn his head. He was about to let her know getting into danger was not his idea of fun, when-

Her head softly touched his shoulder. She grabbed onto his hand with her own. She let out an exhale.

Kazuma resisted the urge to loudly lick his lips – for no particular reason! He wasn't nervous…

Why was she holding his hand? What was with the bittersweet stirrings in his chest?

Memories flashed from his conversation with Tanya flashed through his mind again, of a childhood friend who promised they'd get married when they grew up and of a summer spent online, followed by years.

And now, Megumin was holding his hand.

No biggie.

Should he say something to match the mood?

No, of course not. He'd never thought of her romantically and also wasn't doing that right now. Plus, he was fairly sure Degurechaff would castrate him if he got up to anything fishy with someone so young, regardless of their respective ages and the social mores of this world.

Regardless of how not interested he was, he was still a virgin who was extremely self-conscious of things such as this.

Gulping, he began to try and formulate a line to match the mood when-

He shuddered violently. Megumin rose from his shoulder, confused for a moment and then equally disturbed as he was.

He fought to keep his gaze fixed on the horizon as the absolutely, positively most wet, involved sounds of kissing he had ever heard emanated from one of the sleeping bags behind him.

To say nothing of how loudly they were moaning.

"Get a ROOM already, would you? Let the rest of us sleep a little! By Eris, I'll tie you two up using lingerie if that's-"

"Wh- What? Kazuma? Is there an attack! Worry not, for I, Darkness, will lead the way against whatever monster-"

"Darkness, shut up, would you! As a Goddess, I don't need beauty sleep, but sleeping feels nice, so-"

As the camp erupted into noise, he remembered everything Tanya had been saying to him earlier.

With a nod, he threw everything she'd said out of his mind.

She got a goddamn girlfriend and he didn't?! After having helped stop that Undead Mage, shouldn't he have gotten a few fangirls, at least?

No! This stupid goddamn world could suck it! So could that blonde loli!

Megumin looked between his face and his shoulder and blushed a bit, but Kazuma just rolled his eyes. "Stop blushing. I'm no lolicon-"

"You'd better not be," he heard shouted at him in Japanese by Tanya, who then went back to apologizing – though, she didn't sound like she meant a goddamn word of it.

"Who, exactly, would you be thinking about to be considered a lolicon, Kazuma? Surely it is not I, Megumin-"

And as she yelled at him and he yelled back and they made even more noise, he hoped those trenches would stop whatever monsters came to investigate the noise, because he had no desire to deal with that shit too!

-OxOxO-

Things had gone… better than one might expect, as far as their safety was concerned.

Lolisa's Sleep spell was pretty good at at least making anything they ran into drowsy, which gave them an opportunity to escape, considering the only weapons they had between them were Zach's wand and his knife.

As did Zach's odd spell which she hadn't actually caught the name of yet, though its ability to replicate Lurk was uncanny.

Trailing Tanya also wasn't difficult – they made their direction and path fairly obvious, though they almost got lost when traveling through a forest.

Of course, for all the ease of their fights and navigation, their conversations were incredibly… forced.

After a few hours of walking in silence, she'd asked about the weather, which had gone about as well as one might imagine. He was from a town called Torall, south of Axel in a hilly area, and he liked when it rained. She wasn't from Belzerg and had first seen snow when she had arrived.

The conversation hadn't amounted to much more than that.

They'd decided to stop in one of the small towns – despite its relative proximity to Alcanretia, it seemed they'd at least be allowed to stay a night in a generous person's stable – instead of risking it outside of the relative safety of civilization.

Considering they hadn't found Tanya and the others, Lolisa supposed that they didn't mind as much.

Still, as Zach set up his sleeping accommodations – Lolisa really didn't need to – she gave in to the urge to try and break the tension again.

She was curious, as any demon was likely to be, about a member of the clergy who didn't want to cleanse a demon.

"Hey, we never introduced ourselves to each other, did we?" she asked. She'd been looking out of the small window of their stable as she asked, and she heard him still.

"…I suppose we didn't. My apologies for the impropriety. My name is Zachary Crila. What is yours?"

Lolisa blinked. "Eh… I guess you might not know, but Demons don't just hand out our names to people," she explained, looking towards him.

He seemed on edge, his eyes widening-

"Wait, no, stop. I can't do anything to you just by knowing your name," she said quickly. He held his gaze on her for a moment more and then sighed in relief. "I'm not that kind of Demon… but they do exist, so be more careful."

He nodded curtly and continued to take out his sleeping bag. "Then, what shall I call you?"

She shrugged. "Lolisa works for me."

He looked at her, skeptical in the extreme, and she crossed her arms haughtily. "Hey! A friend decided to call me that, and I've grown attached to it."

He agreed with a grunt as he finally got his sleeping bag lad out. With little more than that he got in – he'd taken off most of his more protective and uncomfortable clothing a while ago… not that he let her peak.

"Why are you sparing me?" she asked again, facing out of the window. There really wasn't a good lead into that question.

She heard him sigh. "As I already told you, I want confirmation from Eris before I do anything of that nature."

She raised an eyebrow – not that he could see her in the dark. "I can assure you that she'll probably tell you to kill me, unless you think she's going to rebel against Heaven."

"Perhaps. But having that… ability proves that what I've been doing thus far has her blessing. In this matter I shall wait for her answer."

"Well… I guess you aren't wrong. I've never heard of an Eris Priest doing something like you have…"

She heard him shift around for a moment as she let her statement hang in the air. "However, I'd caution you from asking for answers from on high. They might tell you something you don't want to hear. Ask you to do things you'd rather not do. How far are you willing to go if your Goddess asks it of you?"

He did not say yes immediately. "What are you talking about? Eris wouldn't ask any such things of her Priests."

She blinked… and then she chuckled, shaking her head. Right. He was too young.

She told him as much. "Now what are you on about? I've got at least a decade or two on you-"

"I'm 3000 years old."

That quieted him down for a moment, and then she sighed again. "Well, I suppose you wouldn't know of what the Eris Cult has done to the followers of other cults."

He scoffed. "We may not like the Axis Cult, but we never try to attack them if we can't help it, and they bring down others' wrath on themselves at least half the time."

Again, she raised an eyebrow, looking back at him. "No, not the Axis Cult. The cults of the others."

He was quiet, again, when he shifted, sitting up and looking at her silhouette in the window. "Others?"

"Regina and Wolbach were once-"

He laid back down again, turning away from her. "Demon Religions? Pah! I-"

"No." She cut off his dismissal, and he did not argue further.

She sighed, looking out of the window. There really wasn't anything remarkable outside of it – they were well within the bounds of the town, far away from the edges that possibly teemed with monsters.

"Once upon a time, decades ago, they were not. I don't know how many deities preside over this planet, but they were counted among them… until they rebelled against Heaven," she began.

"They fled down to the mortal world and were sealed away, weakening their followers, who still supported them despite their spurning of Heaven."

"Of course, some of them took their Goddess's rebellion as a desire for them to aid the Demon King… which made them a problem for Belzerg."

She sighed again. "So the Eris and Axis Cults joined together and wiped out the cults of the Dark Goddesses."

For the first time in a while, Zach spoke up. "When you say wiped out…"

She shrugged. "Some were given a chance to convert."

What went unsaid was that some weren't. She hoped he could infer that much.

Judging from his silence, it seemed he had.

After five minutes of quiet contemplation, she spoke again. "Are you prepared to fight against the Axis Cult and against the Eris Cult for your beliefs?" she asked.

He did not hesitate this time. "If Eris asks me to-"

"And if she orders you to give up on your beliefs? Tells you that your ideas are heretical? What will you do then?"

"I'd…"

He fell back into silence, and Lolisa resisted the urge to feast on his emotions. Although none of them were even close to Lust, they felt especially potent… but he'd stop her and probably exorcize her, and she likely couldn't even stomach emotions with so much faith mixed with them.

"Go to bed. I'm going for a fly – I promise not to try and feast on anyone's emotions either."

With that, she hopped through the window and took off, leaving behind Zachary, who simply stared after her through the window, unsure as to the answer to her question.

-OxOxO-

While tired – and thoroughly baffled after the town they'd had to pass through to get across a major river in the region – Tanya felt incredibly good about the day ahead of them. She'd extracted a promise from Kazuma about what he owed her for not telling Megumin what an MMO was, and they were closing in on the village.

Unfortunately, they'd come across a massive plain. There wasn't any cover – and considering the strength of some of the monsters they'd come across thus far, they needed to conserve at least some of their ammo for the trip back, which meant picking their fights.

Megumin's spell was also apparently out – setting off a massive explosion might take care of any immediate problem they faced, but it would undoubtedly attract more monsters. Tanya felt the urge to use her enhancement spells on the horse again, but Lorelei had told her in no uncertain terms that it was still recovering from their usage of it in their escape from Alcanretia.

So, she, Viktoriya, and Kazuma were on lookout duty. Griffons, Fire Drakes, and One-strike Bears were nothing to sneeze at, especially with the cargo they had to protect.

She and Viktoriya were obvious choices, while Kazuma…

"Hey, I've got plenty of speed, especially with your and Aqua's buffs. Without any armor on, I'll just run back here."

She raised an eyebrow skeptically, and he shrugged. "Hey, I'm leading from the front."

She let his words hang in the air for a moment and then turned away. "Fine. We better not have to save you, though."

He assured them they wouldn't and while he walked off, his teammates talked.

"'Lead from the front…?' What an odd turn of phrase for someone not leading our party," Darkness said. Tanya looked to find that the other two were nodding in agreement.

"Wait, he isn't your leader?" she asked. This was news to her.

Megumin and Aqua both scoffed. "Of course not. As the Goddess Aqua, I'm clearly the leader."

"As a Crimson Demon possessing more intelligence than the rest of my party, as well as the one who deals the finishing blow to our enemies, of course I'm the leader."

"As a member of the nobility, it only makes sense that I'm the leader…"

The three of them looked at each other, waited a moment, and then-

Tanya sighed as they argued furiously with each other – or, in Darkness's case, getting verbally beaten up – and looked to her own teammates. "I'm glad we're not like that."

She looked at Kazuma's back as he started to shrink into the distance.

"Yeah."

"Yep."

"Yes."

The three of them let the sounds of argument wash over them for a moment, not looking each other in the eyes.

"Hmm. Well, we are in agreement over who is our leader, yes?"

"Of course. There isn't any doubt."

"Why would there be?"

Their conversation stopped again, and Tanya cleared her throat. "We all say a name on three. One, two, three."

"Tanya."

"Tanya."

"Tanya."

As soon as they all said the same name, they breathed a sigh of relief in unison, glad that they had not been living with a misunderstanding like that under their noses for who knew how long.

How embarrassing would that be?

-OxOxO-

They'd been at it for a few hours already and taken out a few monsters – they'd even thrown Kazuma a bone and let him finish one off, sparking a very interesting conversation with Megumin that gave her something else to investigate in the village – but a group of three fire drakes had caused trouble and forced the two of them into the air while the wagon retreated back the way they'd come.

The monotony of heading forward, interspaced with either fighting or retreating, was reminding Tanya of the vast, endless, and empty country she'd almost died fighting in.

Before she could go too far down that rabbit hole, Tanya heard a voice echoing in her mind. Blinking, she tuned into Viktoriya's frequency. "Be advised, looks like Kazuma's run into something. Seems humanoid. Hasn't signaled for help."

Tanya opened her mouth to respond – had he been looking out for this monster, and that was why he wanted to lead? – but she was quickly cut off. "Megumin, look!" shouted Darkness, pointing forward. Tanya looked forward to see…

Yes, it did look like Kazuma was walking towards some kind of monster out in the distance. But what-

"Megumin, remember what that village warned us of? It must be an Orc!" Darkness said happily.

Tanya blinked. An Orc?

She rattled off an order to Viktoriya. "Darkness thinks the enemy is an orc. I repeat, an orc."

"Understood. Plans of engagement?"

Tanya grinned maliciously. "Get him back to the wagon and then rejoin me. We'll take care of it."

Viktoriya didn't have to, it seemed. He'd left it nearly dead on the side of the road when they all managed to catch up with him. He urged them onwards, and Megumin and Aqua agreed… they left the near-corpse behind, and…

Kazuma seemed to not understand his situation, which Megumin quickly fixed. "There are no male orcs left-"

The scream Darkness let out pierced the sky.

Not that Tanya particularly cared. As Megumin talked, Tanya took a moment to begin looking across the horizon. They'd left that body behind in the dust, pushing their horse to run ever faster.

…There, on the horizon. Was that a cloud of dust?

"Wait…" Kazuma said, looking at Degurechaff. He was still pissed from last night and indignant over what she wanted as compensation for not telling Megumin what an MMO was, but none of that mattered as he looked between her and the growing cloud of dust in the distance…

And began to chuckle. She sent him a dangerous glare. "I- I'm sorry. It's really not that funny," he said, struggling to contain his laughter.

She smiled widely. "Is anyone else laughing?" she asked, and he noted that Darkness and Megumin seemed more confused by his laughter than everyone else. "I could abandon you to them and let them have their way with you. No one would call you a virgin again, right?"

Rumbling began to shake the earth as the cloud of dust began to grow larger and larger. "…You wouldn't actually do that, right?"

"…Fine, no. For as much as I've done, I haven't sunk that low."

She stood up, facing the cloud of dust. "But don't worry. I'm going to take care of them," she began.

And then she started to laugh. And not happily, no, this was the laugh of someone who was being incredibly dramatic about something extremely violent.

She took off into the air and rocked the wagon with the force of her takeoff, leaving them to watch them work. "You know, she really does live up to the nickname of 'Tanya the Evil,' sometimes," Lorelei commented.

Her words were met with a round of agreements from all parties left in the wagon. Kazuma watched as explosions bloomed in the distance, the Orcs being halted and completely unable to fight back.

"We're not supposed to fight with the Orcs, since they built their village right next to us… but I don't think I'm going to try and tell her that," Megumin commented.

Lorelei raised an eyebrow. "Why not? Aren't you guys super strong?"

She scoffed again. "Of course! But… well, levels can only help you so much when almost the entire town is made up of Archmages, and they can have a lot more magic defense than you'd think."

Lorelei opened her mouth, but Megumin stood. "I can't take it! Seeing such inferior explosions…"

She gestured with her staff. "From within, I call forth my great power! Deliver destruction upon those who face me and who cower in the face of explosions barely even worth the name! Wipe from this planet those who would seek to defile me and mine! Explosion!"

In the distance, the explosion blossomed, while the two tiny specks above were sent away by the shock waves from the blast. Megumin stood triumphant…

For a few seconds. Then she fell face forward out of the cart and hit the ground with a meaty crunch.

The four of them looked at the place where she had been standing and then-

"Megumin!"

They rushed out to see a pool of blood. Aqua cast Heal, and…

"Thank you for that, Aqua. I might have drowned in my own blood from breaking my nose if not for your aid-"

"IF I HAVE TO GIVE YOU ANOTHER LECTURE ABOUT GODDAMN FRIENDLY FIRE, I SWEAR I'll-"

And so the shouting began anew.

-OxOxO-

Tanya had not stopped laughing – interspersed with mean comments – for the last ten minutes they'd been in the forest near Megumin's home.

She'd asked Kazuma for permission to physically reprimand her. He'd wanted to ask her why she thought Megumin was his daughter, but the pleading look Megumin had given him had convinced him to just tell her no and chalk it up to some weird military thing.

He had told her she could verbally berate her as much as she wanted, and he was half convinced that the Crimson Demon would have preferred physical punishment at this point.

"I mean, I knew that your spell was inefficient, overkill, and overall a massive waste of talent and resources, but you haven't even had the backbone to tell people about it? I already knew I was a better mage than you, but even Kazuma's more useful to have around!"

Kazuma winced at that one. Megumin tried to give as good as she got, but it seemed Tanya's experience in the military gave her an edge in their verbal sparring… or she'd always been a hardass critic of everyone around her.

He had a sneaking suspicion he knew which one it really was.

Still, the only reason Megumin hadn't put a stop to it by trying, at least, to physically clobber the older girl was that he'd refused to give her any mana.

It definitely wasn't a precaution for if those Orcs showed up.

Nope. Not at all.

"Hey, we got company! Appeared out of thin air!" Came a shout from the front. Tanya stopped, and Kazuma leaned forward, out of the wagon, to look…

At a group of four men in black robes…

Actually, two of them were dressed like bikers, with a full black bodysuit and fingerless gloves. Some of them had wands, while others wielded nothing. Their weapons and costumes might be different, but they had one common point.

All of them had a pair of scarlet eyes.

The group of black clothed men had scarlet eyes just like Megumin, which meant…

Tanya hopped out of the wagon, and Kazuma sighed. "Do we really…?"

She nodded, and he sighed following her down. They paid them little attention, gesturing towards Lorelei.

"Are you all invaders, seeking to defile the lands of the Crimson Demons?"

"We warn you, many have tried to uproot our village, and all who have tried have failed!"

"We invite you to play your hand, but be warned, you'll face… steep opposition…"

"Me… Kill… You…"

Kazuma felt his insides shriveling up from the sheer cringe. No matter how confident they seemed, he couldn't comprehend how any of them thought they were being cool with those over-the-top poses and exaggerated words…

He heard more people dismounting from the wagon. He was arranged to Tanya's left, while Viktoriya was standing towards her right. He looked behind them to see that Aqua was supporting Megumin and helping her stand, while Darkness – still not over the revelation of the Orcs – stood next to them, seemingly dejected.

Still staggering, Megumin walked forward. "Aren't you the son of the shoe shop owner, Bukkoroli? Long time no see. We've got some business with my father."

Meanwhile, the other Crimson Demon clansmen looked between the various people assembled before them.

"By the way Megumin, are they your adventuring comrades?" Asked the man apparently named Bukkoroli.

In response, Megumin nodded a little shyly.

With a determined nod, Bukkoroli formed his expression into a visage of stone and flicked his cape.

"I'm Bukkoroli. Son of the owner of the number one shoe shop in the Crimson Demon village. Archwizard that wields Advanced Magic…!" he shouted, introducing himself.

Perhaps Kazuma would have responded in kind in a different world, if in a more level-headed manner. But since he owed Degurechaff…

Well, he could at least grasp the concept of wanting one's dick back, so he could understand her desire to use any means necessary…

Including selling her skills and credentials and making a good impression. Which meant…

"Ha! I am Kazuma Satou, Jack of All Jobs, and Master of None, an Adventurer Extraordinaire. Having bested every challenge in my homeland, I came to Belzerg seeking a fight worthy of my skill! I have fought against hordes of Undead, the offspring of a General of that most heinous Demon King, and against the very personification of Winter itself!"

Having jumped around, gestured, and generally gesticulated in front of them, he waited for Viktoriya to go…

As the eyes of the Crimson Demons widened, he thought, for a moment, that he'd been set up to look like a complete idiot in front of them-

"OOOOHHH," they cheered loudly, but they were suddenly cut off.

"Ho! Menya zovut Viktoriya Ivanovna Serebryakov, Ace of Aces and the Argent's Right Hand! I fought the tyrants of my homeland to protect my new home and those I grew to care for under the fires of war! Not even the Gods themselves can bar me from pursuing that which I treasure most, and I gladly accept even damnation in the name of love!"

Breathing heavily, she smirked at the astounded Crimson Demons, while Tanya stole their attention with a dark chuckle.

"Eins, Zwei, Drei… All I wanted was a quiet life, but for my beliefs, I was cursed by Sanzai Ektsu… I fought on every battlefield, gaining titles, adoration, and love along the way. And while I came to Belzerg seeking glory…"

She laughed again. "Ha! It is in this land, in this village, that I find the one who can lift my curse! Though you Crimson Demons may be powerful, not even you could stand before my might…"

"The Tranquility Destroyer, the Rusted Silver, the Devil of the Rhine… I have been called all that and worse by those who seek my destruction, but you all may simply call me… Tanya von Degurechaff!"

An explosion went off behind them, and as one, the three of them bowed. "We are in your care!"

They seemed to be at a loss for words… not that Kazuma could tell what they were feeling, because his face was pointed at the ground, desperately held in a confident smirk that he was not feeling on the inside.

That was so fucking cringe… what were they, D-list shonen villains? God, he couldn't-

Then the four began to clap… and whistle. "M… Megumin, when you sent word that you had friends and even a rival, we hadn't thought outsiders would respond in kind!"

After that, things passed in a whirlwind. Aqua made an introduction of her own, Megumin got upset for some reason, and they were teleported into the village.

If he was lucky, he'd never have to do that stupid introduction again.

-OxOxO-

A/N 1: I hope everyone enjoyed today's chapter! Sorry I got it out so late – it was supposed to be even longer, but I want to give you all what I promised. If I need to, I'll just come back and add to it later.

I've had that scene of their introductions in my head for a while now – Tanya's not one to toss away an opportunity to make the impression she wants. The earlier scenes where everyone got a bit philosophical were a bit of a surprise to me, but I like them.

A/N 2: If you'd like to donate to support me monetarily, gain access to the monthly poll, and gain access to my (very long) summary of the KonoSuba Light Novels, search for Sugarcane Soldier on the website of the Patrons.

A/N 3: Many thanks to lekille, Afforess, and Twin for being Super Patrons,

And a big thank you to WarmasterOku for being an Ultra Patron.