It felt like a lifetime. But it only had been what? Two years? Three years? Well time didn't matter much when you realize you can be in this rotten world longer than anything else. How I dreaded this fact. Since the time I stared at my new shell of shit in a mirror in profound confusion, I was only eager on the fact that I could die now, that it would be so much easier than before when I was a styrofoam display yearning to end my existence and that of Johnny C. - to be freed. Never did I expect that no matter how hard I tried nothing would come of it. No darkness. No numbness of all senses leaving. No coldness of death to take my newfound existence. I was met with stagnant moments of nooses around my neck, pill bottles still empty, hell, shooting my brains out came to no avail as the crunching and squishing of brain membrane and blood reincarnated in the back of my head and in my ears.
Fuck my hair even grew back.
One episode in particular, I attempted to use Effs toaster in the bathtub to do the trick. Didn't work. Eff horrendously screeched at me for breaking his toaster for 10 minutes, when suddenly he said something, peculiar. "Don't you see?" He settled down, "We're real, and hell, immortal. We have all the time in the world, and cherishing it through lifetimes isn't the only things we can do. Trying to throw it away when you can dispose of others is also a great thing." Unconvinced, I replied, "Then you can do all those magnificent things by yourself , I'll find my way out of this, you already have your own way." With that I felt a tinge of something creep out of him, for a moment. He meekly said under his breath, while walking away,"It was the will of our Master."
Our dear Master
I never thought of other scenarios of what would happen after Nny died. I religiously believed that our Master would grant us both Eff and I our separate desires, and his own would disappear. I wanted to disappear, I never questioned it. As I was set as the Voice of Misery, ending would be simple and less terrible than anything else. But as these assumptions of dreams-do-come-true was shattered, my self identification was. Why was I existing in a semi-human form with Eff? Why couldn't I die? Why did it end up like this? And why the fuck did our time like this exist?
Sitting in the old, worn, and stained sofa in house #777 where it reeked of ancient flesh, this house was seen as abandoned by all, but it was so much more than that. It was where things came to die for a warden of hell, by an emaciated idiot with no control of his life, Voices instructing his life, and having the crazy audacity to leave town forever. And leaving us two behind, mysteriously alive. There was too much memory here in this house, and in a guilty thought both us Voices knew Nny wasn't wrong for leaving, this was a chapter - no a series - that needed to be swept away forever. And it secretly angered and pained me to know this and to see that rusted colored wall, unmoving with no eldritch abomination of any kind to be there. Just a few cockroaches however.
"So where do you think we ought to go?" Eff entered the room, and sat crossed-legged across from me, almost everything he did was child-like.
"Dunno, maybe northeast but definitely out of this city," I replied
"Why Northeast?"
I tossed my head back, staring at the decrepit roof, "More secluded and wooded where stars and the moon beam bright. Not too hustle and bustle in their countryside I suppose."
We had managed to get our hands on maps of the outside world and of and state called "Maine." It seemed interesting as it was on the border of another country and near water. A lot of talk about their trees and lobsters not to mention.
With little belongings bundled up, and I stood in the living room and took a last look. The faded curtains, the creaking wooden floor boards, the putrid smell of the old deceased, the scattering roaches, holes and marks in the walls, the t.v set, and… a picture of nailbunny.
"Y'know I kinda missed that little hissy fucker." Eff commented.
"Yeah," I replied, "What a sight it would be to see him reincarnated."
Turning around, we both headed outside under a moonless late night, and seeing the radiating light pollution of the city ahead. The other route we'll take. No need to go through the city filled with living garbage, Eff would have a bloody parade.
"Should I lock the door?" Eff spoke.
Turning towards the Voice of Insanity I replied monotone as usual, "Yeah, at least try a little to prevent some poor sap seeing what went wrong in this house."
Locking the door behind him, Eff joined my side as we both took one last look of the house.
Already getting melancholy
"Let's go." I said, breaking the silence.
