Chapter 1

Honeymoon Bliss

Many times over the past six months, I stand in awe of my marriage to Louisa. Sometimes it is when I'm writing up patient notes at the end of surgery and often unfortunately during surgery between patients. It seems no matter the place, my study or the sofa with my BMJ, my family enters my thoughts.

My first important event after our wedding was Louisa's birthday. Only a week later, she turned 38 years young. I felt it was important to start our marriage out right, as I know dates are very special to women — Doctor Hayes and my Auntie Joan continually tell me. I decided a special dinner out, with Auntie Joan minding Phillip, but what gift to buy? My first instinct was a book on babies first two years, but Auntie Joan said 'NO', so I tried to recall the past year, what I did that Louisa liked, what made her happy. I remember my research on flowers, and returned to the village florist ordering a bouquet to pick up on the morning of her birthday; a dozen white rose buds, a few blue roses and baby's breath to finish the bouquet. Next, I go to the card store. As I look over the cards, I remember that Louisa was not very happy with my previous card choice — the old hag, as she put it — She is incapable to understand the significance of the great artist's paintings to me, so I try to locate a different, romantic birthday card. I search through the selection and can't find one that meets my expression of my love, so I walk to the selection of blank cards; I can fill in with my wishes to my wife. I found a simple white card with a single red rose embossed on the cover; perfect. I am not the hearts and flowers kind of guy — I've been told — but I am learning to become one. I spent two evenings in my study putting together what I wanted to say to my wife on her birthday.

I rescheduled all my afternoon appointments on Louisa's birthday. Many of the villagers were not happy since many left their medical needs to fester while I took family leave. I understand many of the villagers didn't trust the medical advice provided by my locum, but reading through the notes I can't argue with any of his medical decisions.

After the morning surgery, I quickly walked down the hill to pick up my cleaning and stroll nervously over to the florist shop. I figure I can hide the long white flower box under my cleaning, but of course, I didn't realize the strolling girl gang saw me enter and waited for me to come out. I stood waiting for the clerk to finish closing the box with my card, when I noticed their faces plastered up against the window and the sounds of giggling. The clerk and I looked in horror as some have spit on the window to write messages of a heart with LG and DM smeared in the center. The clerk is angry at having to rewash the window and calls PC Penhale for his help. Just as the sound of his siren came close the girl-gang disappeared around the corner and I make my escape before I need to answer the idiot Penhale questions on the incident; any non-vision impaired person can see the mess they made.

I make my way home, quickly shower, and change into Louisa's favorite suit. I want everything to go well tonight. Joan is downstairs attending to Phillip; she plans to take Phillip to the farm to stay the night, but she wanted Louisa to see her son before departing. At exactly half past four, Louisa, like a giddy school girl, rushes in to get ready for her dinner, my birthday gift to her. She runs upstairs to clean up and changes into her cream with green flower dress. When she finally comes downstairs, Phillip is more than happy to see his mum. I asked Joan to find a suitable present to give from Phillip, and she found Louisa's favorite perfume in Wadebridge and wrapped it up. Louisa rips the paper away, a bit surprised that I remembered her favorite scent; kissing Phillip and me. I handed Louisa my white box tied with a red ribbon. She sat down and pulled on the bow and lifted off the box lid to reveal the flowers. As I watched her moments go by, I became shocked as the tears rolled down her cheeks. I immediately went to her asking what was wrong.

"Martin the flowers are beautiful," she says through sniffles, and she wipes at her tear stained cheeks. I handed her my clean handkerchief, wiping her eyes as she pulled the cream-colored envelope out of the box. She pulls the card from the envelope. I hear the sound of a moan and a gasp; she looks up at me with that endearing smile I love. I watch as she reads my poem to her, acknowledging each word written in silence with her.

This feeling I have, I wish I could freeze.
It's deep within and makes me shake at the knees
It's my love for you that keeps going strong,
And when you're with me I know nothing can go wrong.
My heart for you is like an open book.
This heart of mine you finally took.
The day came when we did meet,
And now our love, it is complete.

My love for you is like the raging sea,
So powerful and deep it will forever be.
Through storm, wind, and heavy rain,
It will withstand every pain.
There will be times when we will disagree,
But as we grow and explore, we will see
As long as together we bind our hearts,
Then we can be assured we will never ever part.

When she finishes, her tears start anew as she wraps her arms around me and kisses me soundly. Of course, I am embarrassed and blush from her emotional demonstrative kissing, and touching in front of my aunt. When I was finally able to mumble into Louisa's ear that Auntie Joan was watching, and she released me from her wandering hands, I could see Joan trying to contain a smile as she spoke to Phillip. Louisa gave Joan the knowing smile that women secretly pass to each other and Joan made excuses that she needed to leave for the farm to settle Phillip before his bath and feeding for the evening.

We departed the village not long after Joan departed; our drive was quiet with Louisa placing her hand on my thigh and gently running her fingers along it. I must say it was very difficult driving on the winding Moor road and I soon took hold of her hand before I became too distracted.

The rest of the evening was happy, not a tear shred by Louisa and no noticeable wandering hands above the table cloth. Dinner was adequate at the St. Tudy Inn in Camelford. I was pleased with the sea bass and Louisa said the scallops were cooked to perfection. We stayed the night at the B&B. My other present to Louisa; a long night of sensual pleasure with my wife, the woman I love.

XxXxX

I was correct about moving out of the surgery, buying our house has made each evening as I return home from a long day of moaning villagers a sanctuary with my family. Most days I walk from the surgery to my home, ridding myself of the stresses of the day, like today. I had to put my foot down again with a villager who refused to take all the antibiotics I prescribed; he infected every member of the fishing boat with his bacterial infection. When will they learn to do as I ask? My walks home were a suggestion Louisa made in mid-October when I complained it took longer to warm the car up than driving home. She suggested leaving the Lexus at the surgery to use for my daily emergencies when I had to drive out of the village and using her new SUV that I bought a few weeks after our wedding for nighttime emergencies.

'I know you like your walks, and they always help clear your mind.' She said.

Louisa's car is a Volvo XC60 SUV, smaller than my Lexus with plenty of safety options that I required. Once again, she argued that she didn't need a new expensive vehicle, but a good used vehicle she could afford would be fine. We spent days discussing the merits of a newer vehicle with more safety options for her and Phillip.

"I would be lost without you two and the possibility Phillip or you are hurt in a substandard vehicle when I can afford a good reliable one. Please, Louisa let me do this."

We continued our discussion for several days since I declined to be swayed, so we looked online at different types of vehicles, including make, model and options. Louisa wanted a smaller vehicle than my full size Lexus and I suggested a small SUV. She liked the photo of the Ocean Blue Pearl CX60 she spotted on the Volvo website. I looked at the different options and discovered it was spacious enough inside, so I could comfortably fit in it to drive. After much trepidation over the cost, she related and chose the color that matched the sea surrounding Portwenn. If it was my choice, I would have chosen silver metallic. Louisa manages to drive through the small village roads without any problems, and I am satisfied they are safe on any trip.

XxXxX

My usual day full of patients is finally at an end; I am finishing with my last patient notes and recalled the emergency to the farm out near the Moor earlier in the day. I went to one of the many farms near my Aunt's own farm, the Roberts. An older couple resides there.

"Doc, thanks for coming. My wife is in here." He points the way towards the lounge. "She hasn't been herself since lunch; complaining of a severe headache, blurred vision and dizzy spells. I made her sit here, called you and an ambulance when she made confusing remarks about our daughter. Doc our daughter, Sarah died twenty years ago just days after she was born."

"When is the ambulance to arrive?" I ask as I look closely at my patient; a possible stroke.

"They said in about thirty minutes. What's wrong with my Elea, Doc?"

"Stroke; the symptoms you described over the phone and my observation add up to a stroke," I say as I continue with my medical task, taking her BP, simultaneously listening to the heart and lungs, and I examine her eyes, facial muscles. "Mrs. Roberts, Bela can you hear me? Can you move your arms?"

"Doc, my wife's name is Elea, not Bela."

I shake my head at the unimportant interruption. "Elea look at me, lift your right arm for me."

Elea does as requested; I see she displays difficulty in moving the appendage. "Now the left arm; good. Elea does your arms feel numb or is it a tingling feeling?" She nods her head, but her verbal response is slow and slurred, not completely incomprehensible, more like she is under the influence of alcohol; this is good, possible a minor stroke, but she needs the ambulance to arrive soon.

"Mr. Roberts how long before you called me did her face begin to droop," I asked pointing to her unquestionably slack right side of her face.

"Just a few minutes before I called you; I sat her down on the sofa and went to make her a cuppa. When I returned, she looked like that and was mumbling about our dead daughter."

I check my watch, evaluated the times of onset and possible time of ambulance arrival, hopeful we are within the guidelines and recovery is possible. I pulled out my mobile, dialed 999 and requested an update on the ambulance. After their assurance that the crew has the medication required, I continued my examination of Mrs. Roberts safeguarding her BP and breathing remained stable.

"Mr. Roberts, your wife suffered a stroke; the ambulance will transport her to hospital for a thorough physical examination, to include blood tests, CT and MRI scans of her brain and a carotid ultrasound of the arteries in her neck. The paramedics carry a medication, tPA which will improve her chances of recovery. You mentioned the first symptoms over the phone and my examination along with her medical history may be diagnosed as an ischemic stroke and this medication, tPA, is a thrombolytic, a clot-busting drug, and will break up the blood clot causing the stroke and damage to her brain. Your wife is likely to recover from this stroke if the tPA is administered within three hours of the onset of the symptoms."

I hear a siren in the distance. "Mr. Roberts, if you could meet the ambulance and bring them in here, I will continue to monitor your wife."

Elea Roberts is loaded into the ambulance, IV inserted along with the tPA medication. Mr. Roberts turned to me, yanking my arm up and down in thanks before entering the rear of the ambulance and joining his wife for the ride to the hospital. I go back into the farmhouse, gather my medical bag, and lock the farmhouse before I return to Portwenn, to my surgery and the patients waiting for me. I entered through the kitchen door, walked straight over to the cupboard, retrieved a glass and filled it with water from the tap, gulping it down as I prepared myself for the hoard of patients waiting for me. To my surprise, there were only two patients in reception. Later, I finished with the last patient of the day and headed home.

The following day, I checked on Mrs. Roberts, satisfied she would survive, but would need to change her diet and adopt other healthy lifestyle habits. She will be in rehabilitation for several months, in and out of the hospital for her long-term recovery. It seems the only noteworthy injury is her palatalization. She is slurring her words, and with speech therapy, her tongue will learn to touch the roof of her mouth again and her constant sounds will improve. I finish her notes with the new medical information and my mind wanders again back to my marriage, recalling my vows to take care of Louisa; it is early autumn, school started when I suggested to Louisa her flu vaccination. She was afraid the flu vaccine would be problematic since she was breastfeeding Phillip, as he is only three months old. I roll my eyes and utter nonsense. Studies show women who receive the flu vaccine while pregnant or breastfeeding develop antibodies against the flu. Then they share those antibodies with their infants through their breast milk. If anything, it will be important this winter for you and Phillip to be protected from the flu, as the school is always a breeding ground for all manner of germs. The chiming of the clock on the mantel brings me back to the present; the incident with Roberts plays heavily on my mind and my responsibility to Louisa and Phillip.

I gather my finished patient notes, sliding the last one in its holder, walk out of my office to reception and open the file drawer, placing the files in the box for Morweena to refile in the morning. Morweena is working out well as a replacement for Pauline, a consideration that needed my attention when I returned from our honeymoon. I can't blame Pauline for leaving for another job at the Newquay Phlebotomy Lab since I no longer needed her for the surgery's blood work; the receptionist part of the job wasn't exciting enough for her. Pauline didn't want to marry Al and be tied down with kids. Louisa mentioned it was really Al's lack of motivation to step away from his dad — to go work and earn big bucks to support her that made Pauline leave. She left the village in a whirlwind with little notice. Louisa informed me of her friendship with Morweena's grandfather from the mining days her father actually worked and how the two ran into each other at the Green Grocer where he mentioned his granddaughter was looking for work. Per usual, here in this village I had no voice in the hiring of my receptionist. Morweena is a surprisingly well-organized young lady that was able to decipher Pauline's filing system and actually improve it. She is a tad shy, maybe only around me; if she could only dress more appropriately for a doctor's surgery, all would be well. None of my receptionists know what business dress consists of; it is not as if I'm asking them to wear suits. Louisa reminds me that 'this is a fishing village with tourists, not London, and nobody dresses up like you. She fits in with everyone, besides do you want a well-dressed 'London style' receptionist or a receptionist that is well organized and knows everyone in this village and how you run your surgery.' Louisa went so far to remind me; 'Elaine is back and hinting about coming to see 'The Doc' for her job back.' I cringed at the idea of dealing with Elaine. I quickly decide to hire Morweena.

XxXxX

Lunch in the surgery allows me to relax and look through the pictures on my mobile by myself. I see pictures of Phillip, a happy child sitting in my Auntie Joan's lap, sliding through a few more pictures of him, I remember the decision that impacted him the most; child care. A few weeks prior to the new school term starting, we had a huge decision to make. Would Louisa extend her maternity leave or find a child minder for Phillip? Louisa couldn't decide, but was leaning towards returning to her Headship at Portwenn Primary. 'I was just rehired for the position. What will they say if I want to extend it for a few more months? I would leave the school in crisis.' I was of two minds; Louisa would always feel the need to work, due to her independent personality and fear of abandonment. Secondly, I believe the best teacher for our child is his mother. With this in mind, I did some research and found an agency that provides trained child minders. With this information in hand, I approached Louisa; we sat down one evening with our tea and explored the possibilities of using a nanny in our house during the day while we both were at work. Louisa was surprised by my suggestion and later I reaped the rewards for allowing her to continue teaching. Selfish is a better word for my research; I want my child in the best care possible if not with us.

We arranged with the agency, explaining our needs, and they provided us with several qualified applicants to interview the following week. The surprise came with our second interview. Of course, I didn't remember her, but Louisa did. A young blonde-haired woman, around twenty, knocked at the appointed time. I answered her knock and noticed her big shocked eyes when she saw me. At first, she was nervous, stumbling out her answers until Louisa nudged me and said, 'Martin, you remember Poppy. She filled in for Pauline when she went on her Phlebotomy course.' Of course, I didn't until Poppy mentioned the dishwasher and the cases of diarrhea I caused with the incorrect connection of the water hose. After a few uncomfortable moments on my part, we continued Poppy's interview. One week later, I gave Poppy her physical, ensuring she was up to date on all her immunizations. She was upset with me after waking up with a sore arm because of her meningitis ACWY vaccine. It seems she is like Morweena when it comes to needles.

Poppy has worked out splendidly; well trained to include first aid, child CPR and, most importantly, Phillip adores her. I like the complete run down on Phillip she provides every evening and I reciprocate in the morning; she is like a well-trained ward sister. Poppy takes Phillip out every day to see Louisa during her lunch break. Louisa nurses and spends some time with her son. Mum and son are very happy with this arrangement, so the nanny is working out very well for all of us.

I am very happy with our arrangement; Poppy called me one morning in late November when Phillip's temperature became elevated and he was cranky, luckily he wasn't ill just cutting his first incisors. Two days later and two new teeth, with only a short bout of diarrhea, Phillip was his giggling happy self. I had my self-doubts about using anyone other than us for his care while he was young, but she has provided excellent care for my son; the noise of the surgery door opening and closing reminds me it is time for afternoon surgery to start. I rinse my dishes and put them in the dishwasher before heading into reception, picking up the patient notes and calling them back to my consulting room.

XxXxX

I am thankful to my Auntie Joan every day; my true 'mother' in every sense of the word. Lately, when I do have issues, I ask Joan and, of course, she tells me 'I am an idiot for doing or saying the wrong thing that made Louisa angry'. Her bear hugs make me uncomfortable at first, but she knows when I am in need of them; they are very reassuring to my fragile soul, only Louisa's hugs are better. I noticed Joan was limping one morning just before the New Year when she delivered our vegetables for our New Year's Day feast. I immediately went to my study, grabbed my medical bag and gave her a physical right in the kitchen. I was upset she didn't mention one of her sheep had run into her out in the field earlier in the week. Her knee was swollen and needed rest; Joan spent the next week in our house resting it. I called Al Large, to employ him to feed and water all the animals on the farm while Joan recuperated since the restaurant was closed for the season. The job worked out so well with Al that Joan kept him on, paying what she could. Al and Joan went one step further; she was tired of being on the farm alone and offered him room and board for his help around the farm. I made a deal on additional funds to do additional updates, fix ups whatever the farm and Joan needed. So far this arrangement is working out for both of them.

XxXxX

I have improved my non-communication skills somewhat. I still internalize everything; I don't believe I will ever stop my self-incrimination. I learned communication is vital in the endurance of our relationship — regardless of how uncomfortable it makes me.

I love Louisa unconditionally; her mere touch steadies me. I recall my mum's last speech to me in the surgery kitchen; 'Before you were born, your father was always touching me under the table, in the car, everywhere. The electricity from his touch.' I feel that way about Louisa, always wanting to touch her, but that is where the resemblance with my father ends. I will always see Louisa as the beautiful, loving woman that I want. NO need to touch and make love to as often as possible. I am not my father, Louisa is not my mother and Phillip will never feel unloved by either of us. There are days that I revert to my old self and wonder what Louisa sees in me. It is a privilege to make love to her and I take it seriously, as someone can come along and sweep her off her feet away from me; like Danny Steele. I need to make sure that doesn't happen. I remind myself every day how it was when she left for London after our non-wedding a year ago.

We are finding consolation in one another instead of isolation, at least for me. We work together, instead apart onto our own paths. Taking big steps for each other — relying on and supporting the other every day.

The realization of seeing him in the village, joking with some fisherman outside the chemist, sends me into despair. I need to talk to Louisa. Does Louisa know he is in the village? Of course, she does; the knowledge of Danny in the village wouldn't get past her. I am very possessive of my family; sometimes this possessiveness causes a rift with Louisa. Maybe that is why she didn't confide in me. When I see her with other men, I get jealous; it takes on a life of its own. Will I ever feel secure in our marriage when jealousy comes busting in?

Months of marriage — complacency in our relationship; my mind seeing Danny touching Louisa, kissing her lips brings out the Green-Eyed Monster in me. Misguided attraction of her to Danny by my over reacting introverted, unloved mind always retuning to the thought, ' why is Louisa with me, loving me when there are so many Danny's out there to replace me.' Danny will take for granted the friendship between Louisa and himself, he always wanted more than friendship.

My issue with Danny and Louisa sends me to Auntie Joan's farm that afternoon. Auntie Joan has heard the gossip and is sitting at the table with a fresh pot of tea patiently waiting for my arrival; how she knew I needed her advice befuddles me. We sat in the kitchen for some time, I, no wiser for why Louisa hasn't told me about Danny. Joan has her own ideas, but said I wouldn't understand and suggested I find out for myself by talking to Louisa.

I tried to talk to Louisa that evening, but I was agitated. I can't get my question out about Danny. This leads to a misunderstanding, leading to an argument between Louisa and me; this plays on my mind, leading to nightmares of my inadequacies, imperfections and suitableness to be with Louisa. My panic attacks regarding the blotched surgery of Mrs. Clark that brought about my haemophobia stirred me up again. Unwanted childhood memories send me further into my ineffectiveness of being a partner, husband to Louisa, so I back track to my old ways. I shut out everyone and, in return, Louisa turns cold hearted towards me. The haemophobia returns. I am pushing her towards Danny and I have no way to stop it.

End of Chapter

Medical information for this chapter is from search engines, mostly WebMD. I am not a medical professional and know nothing regarding medicine.