A Friend From The Past
Note: The end of "Cogenitor" always bothered me to no end, most of all because in the following episode the relationship between Trip and Archer was back to normal, just like the Cogenitor's death never happened. I always felt there was missing something. So, I took matters in my own hand to patch up their relationship.
I know that "Cogenitor" is followed by "Regeneration", but I conveniently ignored that fact and omitted the episode entirely.
I want to thank my great beta and friend Volley for her help. English isn't my first language so I'm very grateful that she smoothed out a few (actually a lot) things.
Summary: Ten days after the events of "Cogenitor", Archer is still mad at Trip. But he wouldn't leave him on a deserted planet, or would he?
Chapter 1
Deep in thought, Trip shuffled to his quarters. A young ensign greeted him, but he didn't even notice. He was still in shock. The captain had just informed him that Charles had killed herself. Yes, Trip thought of her still as a young woman. Just because she looked like one. He never asked her what exactly made her a different gender and really, he never cared to know. He just wanted to help her to explore her potential. She had done so well. And now she was dead. And it was his fault.
Trip suppressed the sob that was building in his throat. Why couldn't he just leave other races alone with their customs? Who was he to tell a foreign species how to treat their people? It had felt so good to see how Charles had thrived because he had helped her, but what had he expected? That the Vissians would suddenly accept her as equal to them? Give her books to learn? Her own quarters? Let her climb that mountain? What was he thinking? Trip Tucker the hero, who singlehandedly managed to change a whole culture within days just by being friendly to someone? Yeah, right, and now Charles was dead because of that. Trip had shown her a window to the world, had shown her what she was capable of, but the Vissians had slammed this window shut again with brutal force, condemning her to the dull life she had led before. A life she had always been contented with. Until Trip had come. Whichever way he looked at it, the conclusion stayed the same. It was his fault that she was dead. Jon had been right to reprimand him. He'd had no business interfering with Charles's life. Scanning her brain to learn what she was capable of had definitely broken every rule there was when it came to first contacts. Of course, sometimes it was the only way to determine the intelligence of a species and Archer had ordered scans like that himself. But he was the captain. And Trip definitely was not. He should have stayed in the Vissians' engineering department, trying to figure out their sophisticated drive. Or even better, he shouldn't have gone over there at all.
Trip opened the door to his quarters and let himself fall onto the bed. Finally, he gave in to the sobs. He was expected in Engineering but he couldn't do it right now. How could he ever concentrate on his work again with this guilt weighing on him? He would do everything to be able to go back in time and change the way he had treated Charles. Problem was he wasn't so sure he would do anything differently. There was nothing he could do, anyway. He was responsible for someone's death.
"Damn right you are." Jon's hard words seared his mind like a hot knife, and he cringed. "Maybe that will teach you a lesson."
Yes, Cap'n, lesson learned, Trip thought bitterly. By now tears were streaming down his face. Not only was he responsible for Charles's death, he had also lost his captain's respect. Maybe even their long-lasting friendship. How could Jon ever forgive him for that? This first contact was the best they had ever had until Trip Tucker had stepped up and ruined everything. For Jon, for Starfleet, and for himself. Probably the whole ship already knew what he had done. He had seen the disgusted stares of the bridge crew when he had walked to the turbo lift. Travis and Hoshi disappointed, Malcolm outright accusingly and T'Pol with the ever so cool demeanor, but her eyes had betrayed her. It's your fault, Commander, all the looks had said silently, you don't deserve our respect and our friendship anymore.
Trip wiped his hand over his eyes. There was no sense in lying here and wallowing in self-pity. He had a job to do. Jon hadn't demoted him, so he was still Chief Engineer and he would do his best to show the captain that he had earned his place on Enterprise. Sighing, Trip got to the bathroom and washed his face with cold water. Then he took a deep breath and went to work.
Lieutenant Anna Hess was worried. During the last week she had worked different shifts, but every time she had entered Engineering, Commander Tucker had been there. When did the man sleep? It wasn't as if the ship was in a dangerous situation that made his presence crucial, just the opposite. Everything had gone smoothly during the last few days. The previous day they had entered the orbit of an uninhabited planetoid and Captain Archer had sent a team to explore it and take a few samples for the science department. Usually, Commander Tucker was eager to join this kind of explorations, but he didn't seem even remotely interested now. Come to think of it, Anna realized that her boss hadn't engaged in social life at all since their encounter with the Vissians almost two weeks before. Had something happened during their days together with the friendly species? The captain had seemed to get along with their captain very well, they had even spent some time together. Commander Tucker had also spent a lot of time on the Vissian ship. But since they had left, he'd been in a somber mood. The grapevine said that it was something to do with a woman. Hess smirked to herself. Not that she would have admitted it to anyone, but Trip Tucker was definitely eye candy. But he was way too professional to engage with a woman of a different species. At least not willingly.
She sighed. She would not speculate about rumors. But it was a fact that her superior officer looked haunted and haggard. Now that she thought of it, she hadn't seen him in the mess hall for days. But that could be due to the irregular schedule she was working. Of course, Commander Tucker would eat regularly. Why wouldn't he? Most of the time he had dinner with the captain anyway, so it was normal she wouldn't see him in the mess hall.
Still, she couldn't shake off the nagging feeling that something wasn't right. The way he sometimes seemed to zone out, just staring into space for a few moments, before he concentrated on work again, was unsettling. Commander Tucker never was one to let his thoughts wander.
"A penny for your thoughts, Lieutenant."
Anna startled, then smiled at Crewman Rostov. "Hi Mike, starting your shift?"
"Yes, I thought I was late, because Commander Tucker is already here. But he always seems to be here, although his shift starts an hour later than mine."
"So, you noticed." Hess nodded. "Does he seem different to you?"
Rostov shrugged. "He seems to be a bit stressed. It's been days since he cracked a joke or even smiled at someone. Maybe family issues?"
Anna bit her lip. "I hadn't thought of that. Perhaps he got bad news from Earth." That was more possible than being lovesick because of a flirt with an alien woman. Maybe he just needed a friend. She nodded to her crewmate and walked over to her boss.
"Are you alright, Sir?" she asked tentatively.
Trip gave her an inquiring look. "Of course, I am, Lieutenant. Why wouldn't I be?"
"You've been here for the whole nightshift, Sir. Aren't you supposed to sleep at least every now and then?"
Her boss laughed, but it sounded somewhat forced. "Don't worry, Anna. I'm fine."
"How about getting to the mess hall and having breakfast?"
"Later, Anna. I still have work to do. Besides, my shift starts in ten minutes."
"You can't work another shift without a break, Commander."
Trip sighed. "I've been having some problems sleeping lately. But it's nothing serious. I'll take a break when I'm tired."
Anna nodded. She wasn't convinced, but it was not her place to tell her boss what to do. So, she left Engineering to get breakfast and then some sleep.
Trip watched the doors close behind her. He appreciated the concern, but at the same time it was unsettling. He had seen the pity in Anna's eyes. She knew exactly why he couldn't sleep but she didn't dare to let it show. No one had addressed the subject at hand. Not even Malcolm had come by to offer some comfort, he hadn't even asked what had happened to Charles. It was an uncomfortable subject, but Trip might have found a bit of comfort by talking it through with a friend. But was Malcolm still his friend? He had busied himself with some weapons upgrades and apparently didn't have time to speak to Trip, for he hadn't done so in more than a week. Oh yeah, it was perfectly clear he was avoiding him. But it was okay. Trip wasn't in the mood for talking anyway.
Wearily, he wiped his eyes. It wasn't as if he wasn't tired. He was. Dog tired, all the time. But as soon as he lay down, the images kept tormenting him. Images of Charles and how eagerly she had absorbed all the new knowledge, like a sponge. He pictured all the possible ways she could have killed herself, for he didn't know how she had done it. Jon had never told him and he had never asked. At the moment they weren't on speaking terms. They hadn't even seen each other. When Jon had to contact Engineering, he let Hoshi do it and of course the dinners with the captain were cancelled. Trip didn't need to hear it, he just knew Jon didn't want him to sit at his table anymore. And T'Pol? She had advised him to keep his opinion to himself, so he did just that.
Trip's stomach rumbled. Maybe he should eat something. When was the last time he had eaten? He couldn't remember. Had he eaten properly at all since the cogenitor's death? He couldn't keep anything down. He had tried a slice of pecan pie yesterday, but like everything else nowadays the first bite had made him nauseous. Charles would never again enjoy eating something and there he was, munching on his favorite dessert. He had forced himself to swallow, but then he had managed to get to the head just in time to throw everything back up. The rest of the pie was left untouched on the table as Trip had gone back to Engineering. Work was the only thing that could distract his thoughts at least a little bit.
But he had to eat if he was to keep up his strength. His hands had started trembling from weakness and that had already earned him a few electric shocks when he'd come too close to a power relay. He didn't care about that, but he had to do something about his strength. Maybe he should get at least a cup of coffee.
Just as he was about to enter the mess hall, Malcolm came out. "Trip …" his friend said, blinking in shock and almost taking a step back. Trip's insides cringed. Enterprise had only confined space, you couldn't avoid bumping into someone forever. But he could spare Malcolm the trouble of having to speak to him. Trip turned around. "Sorry Malcolm, something's just come up."
"Trip, wait", he heard Malcolm call out, and he accelerated his pace until he was almost jogging.
Baffled, Malcolm watched Trip virtually running away from him. It had been some time since he had seen his friend and had been shocked at what Trip had looked like. Like death warmed over, actually, that would even be a compliment. Malcolm considered running after Trip, but his shift was about to start, so he had to postpone talking to his friend and finding out what that was all about. On his way to the armory, he pondered when he had last spoken to Trip. The weapons upgrades had consumed all his time, but that was no excuse for neglecting their friendship. Malcolm felt a pang of guilt. That day, after Captain Archer had summoned his chief engineer to his ready room to speak to him, Trip had come out again white as a sheet and trembling, so that even T'Pol hadn't refrained from staring at him in ill-concealed surprise. Trip had barely dared to look at the bridge crew as he quickly walked to the turbo lift. Malcolm had exchanged a look with Hoshi and Travis but hadn't dared to say anything for at that moment the captain had entered the bridge, telling Travis to maintain course and asking T'Pol to find them something interesting ahead. The captain's mood had been somber for the rest of the day and the usually amicable atmosphere on the bridge had been strained to say the least. Malcolm had intended to talk to Trip that very evening, but he hadn't been in the mess hall, and when Malcolm had knocked on his friend's quarters, he never got an answer. He'd assumed that whatever had happened, Trip needed some time to come to terms with it and wanted to be left in peace for the time being. He would come to him when he was ready to talk.
Malcolm bit his lip. That had been a week ago. His friend's appearance confirmed his suspicion that something serious had happened. Maybe he should ask the captain about it. Malcolm reconsidered when he entered the bridge. The captain had changed, too. Ever since they'd said good-bye to the Vissians, he had been in a bad mood. Maybe he missed Drennik. He had formed quite a friendship with the Vissian captain. And it hadn't helped that Trip had got involved with the Vissians' third gender, the cogenitor. Malcolm smiled. Of course, Trip would want to help someone that was subdued by their species. Malcolm didn't know exactly what he had done, but it had become a security matter when the cogenitor had asked for asylum on Enterprise, and the captain had given him at least the rough details. Malcolm could all but wonder how Trip always managed to get in such situations. He always had the best of intentions, yet he kept getting bitten in the rear. Archer had given Trip quite a dressing down about his interference, but what had visibly shaken Trip up had been a couple days later. Was it even related to the Vissians? Had Archer and Trip had a fallout about the cogenitor? Or had it been something else entirely? That very evening Malcolm would go visit Trip again and this time he wouldn't accept no for an answer. They had to talk.
