So yeah, this is a series of stuff that I had over on Spacebattles that I decided to add here. They don't really factor into the main story, so... separate thing. Obviously, the thing to start us off is the April Fools joke I wrote almost two weeks ago. ... Oops. Enjoy it anyways!
There was an earth shattering kaboom.
Ritsuka turned around to see Mount Enzou crumbling to pieces, a massive figure rising up from the debris. True fear began to bubble in the boy's gut, fear he didn't believe was possible. Even though the figure wasn't some monster, even though it was most likely the most beautiful thing he had ever seen, he couldn't appreciate it due to how much fear coursed through his veins.
Medea Lily took a step out from the rubble, her foot flattening acres of land beneath her sole, the force of the simple action sending out a shockwave that blew back the Master of Chaldea all the way to the Emiya household. With a pained groan, he picked himself and Jack off the ground, Ritsuka now able to make out Demon God Pillars replacing the gigantic Medea Lily's finger and toenails, with her hair becoming a giant horde of Demon God Pillars.
"My God…," He muttered as Medea Lily let out an ear splitting laugh.
"Gaze upon me and tremble! I am Beast Zero!" She announced to the world, causing Ritsuka to shake his head. Beast Zero? This was getting insane! What could he even do against something as intimidating as Beast Zero?
"What's going on…?" Shirou Emiya, the perfect hero and Jesus incarnate asked as he walked out of his house, his holy aura making all the women around him swoon, even Beast Zero enraptured by his sheer good looks and high bar jumping inability.
"No time to explain!" Ritsuka called out as he ran to Shirou, the True King of Heroes. "We need your help, oh mighty and wonderful Shirou-senpai-kun-san-dono-sama!" He slammed his palm into Shirou's chest, causing a violent reaction to occur.
Shirou's perfect body felt the presence of an inferior protagonist, one that was completely bland and in no way any good, from a story that was nothing but waifu pandering and in no way of any quality, so in response, Shirou's true power began to activate, all his nerves turning into fresh new Magic Circuits. Ritsuka could only stare in awe as Shirou's holy body began to glow, the boy beginning to levitate off the ground. The world around them began to shift, changing from the world they knew to the world of Unlimited Blade Works, engulfing the entire city inside of it.
Inside, there were so many swords. Like, an unlimited amount of swords. Truly, Shirou Emiya loved swords so much. So much so, he now sat upon a throne made of swords, surrounded by a harem of women, including every version of Artoria imaginable. There were almost as many Artorias as there were swords. Even Artorias that never met him or otherwise wouldn't love him could only throw themselves at the feet of the all powerful and wonderful Shirou.
Ritsuka scratched his cheek as he looked around the new world the God King Shirou had created, in awe of how much cooler Shirou was than him. He could also see Archer staring at the view in front of him, tears of joy streaming down his face.
"I see now I was and forever will be a piece of shit," Archer muttered. "How could I ever compare to a true hero like Shirou Emiya?"
"Aren't you Shirou Emiya?" Ritsuka asked, staring at Archer in confusion.
"Don't argue with the fandom, they declared me worse than Shirou for no reason," Archer commented. "After all, my tragedy and the way I wish to prevent it pales in comparison to the fact that Shirou Emiya is so perfect… if only the author would write more Shirou fics… he too could get over a thousand dollars a month for it,"
"Okay, whatever dude," Ritsuka muttered. "Right now, I can't just sit here and watch Shirou take all the spotlight! It's a crossover, both sides need to have equal relevance!" He reached into his ass, pulling out six Saint Quartz, the rainbow rocks sparkling under the power of Unlimited Blade Works. "I'll have to summon them… The Grand Ruler and Grand Avenger! Two of the most powerful creatures, ones that could very well become Type-Earth!"
With a battle cry, Ritsuka shoved all six Saint Quartz into his mouth, his cheeks expanding to resemble a chipmunk's cheeks as he began to chew on the magical rocks, magical energy filling his body. Not even a second later, he spat out his now magical summoning spit, the spit forming into two gigantic summoning circles. Power began to erupt out of them, and the Grands he had worked so hard for come to existence.
Grand Ruler King Kong and Grand Avenger Godzilla let out mighty roars, staring down Beast Zero. In response, Shirou Emiya began to float into the air once more as he projected Excalibur, Gram, Ea, and Gungnir all at once, the four weapons fusing into the Last Phantasm, Eacalibramgnir. The three took off to do battle as Ritsuka watched on, contributing nothing else.
"Is nice…," Ritsuka grinned as he watched the mayhem go down. "Yes, this is stupid,"
