Disclaimer: I do not own Star Trek, only the plot and characters of my own creation.
Nia McMillan had always felt like the odd man out. Which was a misnomer; she was neither a man nor fully human, though her mother tried her hardest to raise her completely human. Being the only non-human in a small rural town on Earth would seem terrible, but the denizens embraced them with open arms. It was her home, and they always treated her and her mother warmly. Some days, she forgot she wasn't entirely human.
Growing up, classmates made fun of her for being "different" at first, until she just ignored them and stopped responding like her mother suggested. She glanced in the mirror briefly and saw her thick hair fluttering in the wind, loose curls smothering the curve of her eyebrows and covering her pointed ears. From her mother, she assumed she inherited her brown eyes and darker complexion. Her father, she assumed, had a lighter complexion since she wasn't as dark as her mother. Her obvious Vulcan traits were all she had of her father, mostly because of her mother's insistent secrecy regarding him. She shook her head lightly to clear the thought. It was no use considering. Her mother insisted he wanted nothing to do with either of them and she had more important things to consider, like her future as a doctor.
Without a cloud in the sky, the sun beat down on her through the open window as the wind tore through her hair on the lonely country road. Green acres of farmland were her only neighbors for miles.
Nia was thankful for the season. Summer was the most comfortable for her, mostly because of her lower body temperature, and the heat never seemed as bad as others made it out to be. The smell of fertilized fields made her wince, and she quickly rolled up the windows. She could hear her mother's voice laughing in her head, exclaiming "Smell that fresh country air!"
The solitude was welcoming and lonely at the same time. Often, she was on her own and alone while her mother worked. She'd found it hard to make friends in school that would last, superficial playmates and acquaintances were all she really had. Instead, she'd filled her time with reading and exploring. She knew the small woods behind her house inside out from exploring the wildlife and vegetation... what little there was, anyway. She'd convinced herself when she was young she would be a botanist and raise medicinal herbs like the healers in some of the fantasy books she read. She'd done actual research, though, and quickly shelved that dream.
The gravel crunched under her tires as she pulled her car into the long driveway up to the old farmhouse with a wraparound porch she called home since she was five years old. Most big cities had transitioned to hover cars, smaller areas didn't have the money and infrastructure to transition just yet. Riding in one while visiting the city had made her stomach drop with every twist and turn in the air.
As she shifted into park, she felt a headache creeping in from the back of her skull, throbbing slowly forward. She sighed in frustration and tossed her sunglasses onto the dashboard. She'd struggled with these headaches on and off most of her life, but they'd only gotten worse in the last few months. Before, the debilitating ones only came a few times a year at most. This would be her sixth one in just a few weeks. She knew she'd have just enough time to get inside and settled before it became too much.
Grabbing her duffel bag, she opened her door and headed up the porch steps and up to the front door. The brilliant noon sun stabbed her eyes, and she had to squint painfully. The college visit would have been more informative and fun if she hadn't been nearly bedridden the first day. She'd gotten a lot of odd looks from non-humans for acting entirely human when she was clearly half Vulcan. She had missed half of the first day, but another group member on the tour had been kind enough to forward her the information she missed regarding the medical program.
She gripped the handle and pulled, ready to call out to her mom that she had another headache, but it wouldn't budge. Locked.
She sighed in frustration now and dropped her bag on the ground as her headache throbbed louder, pulsing closer to her temples now. Taking a deep breath, she tried to center herself with great difficulty. She knew Vulcans meditated and had tried to teach herself with limited success. She didn't fully understand why they did it and assumed she'd just been doing it wrong. It helped enough to continue trying, though.
After a few breaths, it retreated somewhat and nestled back into the base of her skull. Reaching for her house key, she jumped in surprise as a sudden pressure wrapped itself around her ankles. Looking down quickly, she saw Smoky the barn cat. In reality, it was the neighbor's cat, but it came by now and then for attention and treats.
"Hey Smoky." She winced as the headache pounded with greater urgency now. This would be a rough one. She fumbled with the keys as Smoky purred against her and mewed pitifully for attention. She gently nudged him aside, promising him treats when she felt better, and tried unlocking the door. After a few failed attempts she realized angrily, she'd been trying the wrong key.
"Deep breaths." She restrained herself from throwing the keys across the porch. Her entire skull throbbed at this point as the migraine took hold. She tried again.
Having successfully opened the door, she went inside, tossed her bag down, and gratefully nestled herself onto the plush, green couch. She curled into the back of the couch and closed her eyes to sleep it off.
A gentle nudging woke her up. She squinted groggily and realized her mom was home.
"Oh. Hey." she mumbled. Her headache was, thankfully, gone for now. Nia slowly sat up with a yawn and faced her mom, rubbing her eyes groggily.
"Another headache?" Her mouth was drawn into a frown while she picked at her nails, a nervous habit of hers.
"Yeah. I'm okay now, I promise." Nia stood and pulled her mom into a hug. Her mother smelled of sandalwood and bleach, a combination that was reassuring and reminded her of home. Her mother's routine on her days off was always to burn some incense and clean the house.
"I tried waking you up when I got home." Her mother began as she pulled away. "You wouldn't wake up. You had me worried!" She chided and tucked a thick curl behind her ear.
"I'm sorry, mom. I was exhausted. It's been a long few days and you know how exhausted I get with crowds."Nia reminded her. Her mother gave her "the look." Her brows furrowed in concern, her mouth a slight frown, and hands on her hips as she stared down Nia.
"Really, I'm fine." She insisted. Her mother looked her over one more time before relenting.
"It's getting worse. I think you need to see a doctor." She said finally. If her mom was considering a doctor, she must be worried sick. She could count on one hand how many times she'd been to the doctor since she was a kid. Her mom turned and walked towards the kitchen.
Then again, Nia thought, her mom had always been secretive. She suspected her father did not know she even existed. Carefully peppered questions over the years hadn't given her much to go on, but she had a vague idea of what her father was like and how her parents had met. She pushed back her curiosity. She didn't want to push the issue again and cause unnecessary tension with her mother.
In the kitchen, her mother rattled pots and pans.
"Mom, are you making Alfredo for dinner?" Nia called hopefully, eager to break the tension that fell. She heard her mom laugh from the kitchen in response.
The rain fell in hard pellets against the house. Normally, the sound of rain soothed Nia, but tonight, the rain sounded harsh and aggressive. The intermittent peal of thunder and constant barrage of rain drove nails into her skull with each strike. Nia groaned, pushed the heels of her hands into her eyes and rubbed. She was exhausted. Her irritation spiked suddenly, and she threw her pillow to the ground with a huff. Couldn't she go 24 hours without a migraine? Tears pricked her eyes as she desperately wished for her head not to feel like it was about to split in two. This had to stop. She didn't know how much more of this she could take before she had a full breakdown. She took a few deep breaths to calm herself.
When had she taken medicine for her migraine last? Had she even taken any today?She sat up and looked out the window in contemplation. Brows furrowed, she was concerned when the answer did not immediately come to mind. This was new. She never forgot things. A credit to her Vulcan heritage, she supposed. Was this a symptom of something? Was it because she was half Vulcan? Would she have memory problems now? Feeling suddenly afraid, she got up and went to her mother's room.
The wooden floor was cool to the touch, and she shivered, wishing her mother hadn't turned the air conditioning on. She didn't risk exacerbating her migraine by using lights. The lightning was enough for her to see. That, and she'd lived in this house most of her life and could navigate it blind.
"Mom." she whispered as she approached her bed. Her stomach churned as her vision blurred and the pain increased. Worried, she sat on the edge of the bed and shook her mom lightly.
Her mother's thick hair spilled over the pillow in tight spirals, her silk nightcap halfway off her head. She snored contentedly.
"Mom." She shook her more insistently this time, and she finally woke this time.
"What's wrong?" Her mother sat up, immediately alert.
"I have another migraine. I don't feel good." She mumbled pathetically. She wanted nothing more than to curl up in her mother's bed and be taken care of like when she was a little girl with a cold. Her mother touched the back of her hand to Nia's forehead. Nia winced for a moment, her migraine flared at the connection as her mother's anxiety and worry seeped through her hand into Nia's mind. Gritting her teeth, she had to stop herself from pulling away.
"You feel fine." Her mother got up and ushered Nia into her bed before tucking her in. Nia nestled her face gratefully into the pillow and closed her eyes. A warm compress rested over her eyes a moment later and she felt her mother standing over her, watching.
"Get some rest honey, I'll call the doctor in the morning." Nia was in too much pain to hear the uneasiness in her mother's voice as she drifted to sleep again.
The sky was a watercolor painting as a drip of purple bled into the hazy blue-green sky. Twin moons peeked over the horizon as the sun descended. Behind Nia, her mother collected the dry laundry hanging from the drying line attached to two poles cemented into the ground. They were on something called an "energy ration" and couldn't use the dryers. She didn't mind, she thought the clothes smelled fresher and cleaner when they dried outside.
"Nia." a small voice called out to her. Turning, she saw her new friend Satok standing nearby. He wasn't wearing his school robes, but had on a navy long-sleeved shirt and long pants of the same color. He was only a year or two older than her and was the only other Vulcan she'd ever met. At 4, that wasn't surprising given her lack of life experience, travel, or the small population of the colony.
"Hi Satok." She walked over with a smile and waved at him.
He glanced around before giving a small, discreet smile in return. He always seemed more relaxed when it was the two of them. He had told her earlier at school that he had to practice emotional control, according to his parents.
"I started learning how to meditate today." He said.
"What's that?" Nia asked. She looked back at her mother, who had just finished folding the last of the laundry.
"It's when you sit quietly and think and clear your mind." He answered. She looked back at him confused.
"How do you think and clear your mind at the same time?" She asked. He looked taken aback for a moment and furrowed his brows in thought.
"I'm not sure. I don't think I'm very good at it yet." He finally said. He seemed concerned he didn't have the answer.
"Oh. That sounds kind of boring, just sitting quietly." She frowned, picking at a hole in her shirt as she spoke.
"It is necessary. It's hard, though." He said. He placed his hands behind his back and there was a quiet pause. Nia turned again and saw her mother glance at her with a smile before taking the laundry inside. The old door squeaked loudly on rusty hinges before slamming loudly shut behind her.
"I could show you how," He said suddenly. "Maybe we can practice and get better together."
"Okay! What do I do?" Nia bounced slightly, eager to learn something new. She'd always found school too easy and a little boring, so the idea of a challenge was exciting. She knew little about Vulcans, her mother electing to raise her human. She was intensely curious, however, and knew she differed from her mostly human classmates. She had been excited the first day she saw Satok.
"Sit down first." They sat down cross-legged in the grass under the bruised sky as the moons rose steadily into the sky.
"What now?" She asked.
"You close your eyes and empty your mind." He instructed. He laid his hands palm up and closed his eyes. Nia followed suit and closed her eyes a moment later.
"And then what?" She whispered.
"You close your eyes and empty your mind." He whispered back. She heard him take a deep breath in, hold it for a moment, then release it. She copied him. There was a short moment of silence in her mind before she became distracted. She thought about the game she'd played at recess today. Then, she should about what they would eat for dinner.
"How do you not think?" She opened her eyes suddenly and frowned. Satok opened his eyes and stared at her for a moment in thought.
"Well, my parents help me by guiding my thoughts when I have trouble."
"How'd they do that? Maybe my mom can help." She suggested.
"You mother is human, isn't she? Humans can't guide another person's thoughts like a Vulcan can." He responded.
"Well, can you help me, then?" She asked. Satok was quiet for a moment as he considered her question.
"Okay."
Before Nia could ask how he was going to help her, he leaned in and reached forward until his hand gently rested on her face.
Nia woke up and stared at the ceiling. She hadn't thought about Satok in a long time. A pang of sadness washed over her as she thought about him. That was the last interaction they'd ever had before he disappeared. They'd connected on being the only Vulcan children on the colony. It wasn't long after Satok disappeared that her mother announced they were moving to Earth. She'd been confused, but happy. The urge to grab her PADD and look him up was strong, but she wouldn't know where to even begin. It had been 13 years since she'd seen him and she didn't even know what his last name was. Maybe she'd ask her mother.
She stretched contentedly and languished in bed for a while longer in silence. The peace didn't last long, however, when the door creaked slowly open. Her mother peered in and Nia sat up with a yawn.
"Oh good, you're awake." She smiled. "How do you feel?" Her mother was already dressed for the day and held a small plate in one hand as she entered the room and approached Nia nonchalantly. Nia sensed something amiss. She looked over her mother again and could see tension in her clenched hands as she gripped the plate and tensed her jaw. Her gaze fell to the plate in hand. Normally, she'd be ecstatic for homemade cinnamon rolls. However, experience told her that her mother reserved them for special occasions and bad news.
Nia pursed her lips and glanced from the plate to her mother's eyes expectantly.
"I can't hide anything from you, can I?" She sighed.
"You never just make cinnamon rolls mom." She pointed out. Her mother walked the rest of the way to the bed and handed Nia the plate. There was an unhealthy coating of icing on the roll, just the way she liked it. She took a bite as carefully and delicately as she could, but trying to shove a jumbo cinnamon roll globbed in icing into her mouth wasn't conducive to that.
"No coffee?" She mumbled with a full mouth. Her mom pulled a face and clicked her tongue at her in disapproval.
"Nia-"
"I know, sorry." Nia apologized after swallowing her bite. It was just as blissfully good as she remembered.
"After you finish get dressed, we're going to the doctor." Her mother cut straight to the point, which Nia appreciated. Still, she couldn't help but feel her heart drop for a moment in anxiety. Having had limited experience with the doctor she wasn't keen on spending more time than necessary in their offices.
Her mother must have read the anxiety on her face, because she came over and placed a hand on Nia's shoulder as she sat on the edge of the bed.
"I know. But it's getting worse and we can't just let this go. I want to make sure you're healthy."
Nia swallowed her next bite before licking the icing from her fingers, suddenly not hungry anymore.
"Do you think it's something serious?" Nia felt like she was a little kid again, afraid of some boogeyman and looking to her mom for reassurance.
"That's why we're going to see the doctor." Her said as she stood up. Nia rolled her eyes in irritation at her mother's lack of comforting words. She roughly placed the plate on the nightstand and stood up to get ready in silent anger.
"Nia-" Her mother began.
"I'm fine. I'm getting ready." She left before her mother could speak to her again.
"Nia..." Her mother chided and looked pointedly at her bouncing leg as it shook the shared armrest.
"Sorry." Nia apologized. She took a deep breath and tried to focus herself, but she couldn't quite keep her nerves in check. She knew if they checked right now they'd find an elevated heart rate and blood pressure.
"It's going to be fine." Her mother patted her arm reassuringly. Nia couldn't stop the wave of irritation as she pulled away and crossed arms in front of her. She could clearly sense her mother's disappointment and her anger shifted towards herself. What was her problem? A few deep breaths pushed back the tears of frustration that threatened to gather. She bounced her leg again, but this time her mother said nothing.
"Nia McMillan?" A nurse called from the doorway. The nurse's smile faltered for a moment when she saw her.
"Oh, I didn't realize..." She began as they approached. "What I mean is..."
"It's fine. Our regular doctor knows her history." Her mother smoothed over the momentary awkwardness. It was rare anyone other than human came to the clinic. As Nia stood to follow her mother she felt a slight wave of dizziness and the beginnings of another headache. She took a moment to orient herself before walking forward, thankful her mother didn't seem to catch it.
"Okay, so the nurse will be in to get some vitals and then Doctor Hathaway will be in to see you." The nurse said as she led them to room number 3.
"Wait a minute, that's not her doctor." Her mother protested.
"Oh, Doctor Aldwin is no longer at this practice." The nurse answered after looking over her chart one more time.
"It also looks like she's behind on-"
"Where did he move to?" Her mother angrily asked. The nurse looked flustered for a moment and glanced between Nia, her mother and the chart with a forced smile as she saw the disapproval on her face.
"Mom-" Nia began.
"Sh, Nia." Her mother waved a hand towards her.
"Well, he moved across the country to San Francisco. He mentioned wanting to work with 'a more diverse clientele.'" She answered.
"San Francisco?" Her mother sighed in exasperation as the nurse watched her for a moment.
"Ma'am, I just need to check her vitals for the doctor and then he'll be right in." The nurse tried placating her mother, who was not having any of it.
"He won't know her history."
"Mom they have my records-" Nia felt confused about her mother's anger, she wasn't normally one to show her temper so quickly over something so seemingly insignificant. Was it an annoyance? Yes. Was it worth berating a nurse just doing her job? Not at all. Her mother waved her away once again and Nia rubbed her eyes in growing frustration as her headache spread in a halo around her head and pounded at her temples.
"Mom just drop it!" Nia yelled as she sat in a hunched heap in a chair, head cradled in her lap as she rubbed her temples and willed it away. Her mother stood in shocked silence. Nia had never raised her voice at her mother like that. With deadly silence and a clenched jaw, she took a seat next to Nia and motioned for the nurse to check Nia.
As if approaching a wild wounded animal, the nurse slowly walked to Nia and took her blood pressure. Unsurprisingly, it was high for listed her heart rate as fast according to human standards, but made a note to double check the standards for a human hybrid.
"The doctor will be in shortly." The nurse gave another tense smile before quickly leaving the room.
"Nia," Her mother began as soon as the door shut
"I don't want to talk right now." Nia interrupted. Her shirt felt too itchy and confining and the waistband of her jeans was cutting into her as she sat leaned over. Not to mention the god awful buzz of the fluorescent lights. Unable to take the sensations longer, she sat up with a jerk, startling her mother, and kicked off her shoes with a huff before laying her head down in her hands once again and massaging her temples.
She felt her mother's hand squeeze her shoulder and Nia jerked away, scooting her chair over.
"Nia, are you okay?" Her previous anger deflated as she saw her daughter in pain and acting strange.
"No. My head kills and this shirt is itchy and I'm just... angry." Nia answered through gritted teeth. She was afraid to sit up and risk nausea.
A few taps on the door, which may have well been jackhammers, alerted them to the doctor as he walked into the room holding her chart.
"Good morning, I'm doctor Hathaway, nice to meet you." A young man in the typical white coat walked in, badge clipped to his pocket. Nia sense her mother's anxiety and lifted her head, without feeling sick to look at the doctor. To her surprise, he looked to be around 30. Pulling a rolling chair up to her.
"So you've been having headaches?" He asked meeting her eyes. They were a pretty shade of green, she noted. Her mother had always been wary of doctors, but she didn't sense any negativity or malice from him. She nodded and rubbed her hands on her pants. She sensed his concern, and she saw spots. Unable to take his gaze anymore, she looked away and felt her headache lessen slightly.
"Have you noticed any pattern to when they occur?"
"They're random." Her mother answered for her.
"Gotcha. Nia, is this accurate?" He asked, looking at her. She heard her mother huff angrily and could only imagine the eye roll she gave him. The doctor remained unperturbed in the slightest and waited patiently for her answer.
"Yeah. They happen more often in crowds though." She mumbled.
"Okay. It looks like you're having one now-"
"Obviously." Her mother interrupted. "Look at her! If you could just-"
"Ma'am," The doctor turned to her mother and held a hand up to interrupt her "Nia is 18 and you do not have to legally be here. I would like to speak to her about what's going. If you cannot do that I will have to ask you to leave." He spoke politely yet sternly, reminding her of her 10th grade English teacher. She missed him.
Her mother wore an expression of shock as she sputtered for an answer.
"Do you need to step out ma'am?" He asked.
"No." Her mother crossed her arms and wore an unreadable expression, but Nia could clearly sense the waves of anxiety and anger. Her mother had never been like this before, what was her problem?"
The doctor turned to Nia again and asked again about how she was feeling.
"Yeah, I have a pretty bad one right now." She winced as her temples pounded in time with her heart.
"On a scale of one to ten, what would you rate it?" He asked.
Nia considered it and was unsure how to respond. She liked to believe she had a high pain tolerance, but there were time she couldn't even get out of bed.
"Right now, an 8. On average it goes between 6 and 10." She answered. Overhead, the light continued to buzz on and she clenched her eyes shut tightly as a wave of pain made her cringe.
"It looks a little higher than that, lets say 9." Doctor Hathaway typed in some information on her chart for a moment, tilted his head, furrowed his brows, tapped some more, then seemed to sit in thought for a moment. She leaned her head into her hands again as she waited for him to speak.
"I'd like to check your eyes and ears, if that's okay." he pulled out the otoscope to check her eyes and ears.
"I don't know if I can handle the light." She mumbled.
"It'll be quick. I need to run a few tests to rule out a few things." He smiled reassuringly. Again, she only sensed good intentions and concern from him as she warily agreed.
She took deep breaths as he checked her eyes and ears, careful to wear gloves and not touch her with bare skin, of which she was thankful for.
"Well, your eyes and ears seem fine." he announced.
"So what do you think is wrong with her?" Her mother jumped in.
"Well, given her spotty history of checkups, the out-of-date vaccine records, and her being a hybrid, it's difficult to say." He sighed. She sensed her mother's irritation and... fear? She looked over at her mother and looked questioningly at her.
"I think it's best if she goes to the Memorial Hospital in Little Rock. They have specialists there that understand nonhuman and hybrid biology." Doctor Hathaway removed his gloves and stood.
"No. That's too far. Why can't someone treat her here?" Her mother insisted.
"Ma'am," the Doctor sounded impatient now "she's not fully human, and she's not caught up on several important vaccinations. Mixed with her hybrid biology she's prone to a variety of serious heath concerns, all of which I would be required to report. Now, she's 18 and legally an adult. But it would be a poor decision to refuse treatment. Vulcans are touch telepaths and we consider any type of illness or injury involving the head or brain serious." He looked at Nia now, brows drawn and voice tight.
"Now, do you consent for me to send the referral? I can call them right now and set something up."
"Nia we need to-" Her mother reached out to grab her arm as she spoke.
"Yes, I consent." Nia interrupted before her mother could finish. She heard her mother make a noise of surprise and indignation.
"Great, I'll call them now. I'll be right back." Doctor Hathway said.
"Nia, we need to discuss this." Her mother said, gripping her arm, as soon as the doctor left.
"No. I need this end. I need to know what's wrong with me." Nia balled her hands into fists and tried to block the feelings flowing from her mother into herself. Her mother's anxieties and fears clouded out her own thoughts until she felt overwhelmed.
'He can't know..' Nia heard the murmur of her mother's thought. Her mother jerked her hand back as if burned, but said nothing more.
"What are you afraid of?" Nia whispered to her mother, her headache momentarily forgotten. "What are you hiding from me?" She sensed ripples of guilt coming from her mother, who still sat quietly staring away from her.
The pain in her head kept her from pushing the issue and, frankly, she was too tired to push anymore. Nia leaned back in her chair and rested her head on the wall and closed her eyes, sitting in silence, until the doctor returned.
"Does Thursday at 1 work?" The doctor asked.
"Yes." Nia immediately answered. With a smile, he handed her the details.
Maybe I'll finally get some answers, Nia thought. She glanced at her silent mother. Maybe I'll finally get answers.
