Trigger Warnings: Sexual Assault, Non-Con, Suicidal Thoughts
Welcome! I don't write many notes, but I am writing this one to let everyone know I am on a posting schedule of two chapters every Friday night. Thanks for stopping by!
Much love, Madame Destler
Chapter One-Prayers
The stagnant water rippled and splashed against the walls of the canal as Raoul pushed the gondola, holding a shivering Christine, to the staircase leading up to the Opera Populaire. The wooden wall of the gondola scraped against the stone dock and Raoul quickly jumped out, extending his trembling hand towards Christine. Her tear fogged eyes landed on his hand and she slowly reached up and took it, allowing him to help her step out and onto the stone floor. She staggered as her bare foot made contact with the cold, rough surface, but Raoul caught her and steadied her before she could hit the ground.
"Christine," he whispered, his arm wrapped around her frail waist and pulled her against his body. She was trembling violently and couldn't comprehend the events that had previously transpired, her eyes wandered to stare blankly at the bottom of the stairs. Raoul shook her lightly, bringing her back to reality, "We have to leave, he may find us." His eyes searched her empty gaze, his tears looked to be held back by sheer force of will, but Christine's flowed freely.
"I can't bear to see him again, not after what I have done—please take me away from here," Christine begged, frantically grasping at his half torn shirt. Her heart felt as if it were going to burst out of her chest and she couldn't seem to draw in a breath. A hard lump was forming in her throat and she fought hard to swallow it, "I can't Raoul—please, take me away."
Raoul ran his still shaking fingers through her hair and pressed his lips to her forehead, "I will get us out of here, I came down using these stairs," he said, pointing to the spiral staircase that seemed to go on for ages. "We need to stick to the wall, there are traps laid about."
Christine nodded her understanding and took a deep trembling breath before wiping her tears from her face with the back of her arm. Raoul held his hand out to her once again and led the way up the stone stairs, being as careful as he could. Luckily, no traps were triggered on their way up and after traversing the smoldering ruins of the opera house, Christine was finally free.
xXx
The carriage slowly made its way to the Chateau de Chagny and seemed to hit every hole along the lengthy road. Christine grew impatient, frequently glancing out the window of the carriage in search of the manor where Raoul awaited her. She had been away from him for two weeks and he had taken advantage of her being stuck in Paris to prepare his staff for her arrival. After the events at the opera house, she had to stay in the city while the Surete investigated all witnesses. She was the main fixation of the investigation and while she was reluctant to reveal any information, she decided telling them a trivialized version of the story was best.
A few days after the incident and hours of questioning, she received the news. The Phantom was found dead in his lair. Raoul confirmed he had seen the body and comforted her as she grieved before he left for his home. Christine didn't know how to feel now that he was dead. She shed many tears for him, but part of her wished he would have moved on to live happily. He could have started a nice life for himself and found someone to return his love. Christine hoped he would find happiness wherever his soul fled to, knowing there was little possibility of his entrance to Heaven.
Only angels go to Heaven, Christine thought.
Her hands twisted in her lap and she felt her stomach lurch at the thought of her old friend. She needed to let him go, but she wasn't sure if she could so soon, after all, he was a substantial part of her life for many years. Through sheer force of will, Christine pushed any thought of him to the back of her mind to be saved for later thought.
Christine sighed and rubbed her empty ring finger, imagining what it was going to be like to be married to Raoul. She didn't know anything about being a Vicomtesse and wasn't sure if she would fit into his lifestyle. Mostly, she was worried if he would get bored of her and throw her out like she had seen happen to many women with their husbands.
No, Raoul's not like that, she told herself, though, the thought didn't soothe her nerves. Christine squeezed her eyes shut and clenched her jaw, letting out a shaky breath. She focused on her breathing, attempting to calm the aching pain in her chest.
A dip in the road caused the carriage to lurch forward and Christine snapped her eyes open, having to catch herself with her hands before she fell into the seat across from her. She pushed herself back up and glanced out the window, seeing the driver had turned down another road, this time leading to a large chateau.
The chateau was too large, big enough to house a hundred people. The front was littered with dozens of windows of various shapes and sizes, along with two protruding balconies mirrored on each side of the building. The cream colored brick exterior hardly complemented the tiled gray roof which was gabled above the balconies. In the very center of the roof stood a large dome and atop the dome was a bell tower with a large gold bell glinting in the sun. The pristinely kept front garden was too perfect, encircled by square trimmed hedges and adorned with yellow rose bushes. The stone path leading up to the entrance of the grand building was placed with excellent precision. Christine was sure it took months to set the stones so accurately and shivered at the thought of even one of the stones being out of place.
The carriage stopped at the bottom of the steps leading up the large entry door and Christine braced herself for her new life. She stood from the seat just as the carriage door opened for her and stepped outside. Her eyes searched for Raoul among the many people waiting for her, most of which looked to be the servants all in matching uniforms, though some were dressed as elegantly as a Raoul.
Christine began internally panicking when she didn't see him among the people greeting her. Had he not wanted to welcome her home?
He must be busy, Christine thought to herself, letting out a light sigh before forcing a smile towards the awaiting occupants. The short pudgy man holding the door open for her offered his arm.
"This way, mademoiselle," the man said in a gruff voice. Christine hooked her hand in the crook of his arm and allowed him to lead her up the short staircase and to the entry door. She greeted everyone and offered polite smiles as she tried not to stumble or let the flood of tears she was holding back betray her. Her mind was filled with reasons Raoul wasn't there to welcome her home.
Home.
Was this really home? It didn't feel as such as she glanced at the onlookers only to see fake smiles and hear overly enthusiastic welcomings to the estate. No one seemed genuine, not even the man whose arm she was holding.
Hushed whispers of "chorus girl…worthless…opera ghost…whore," were sounding around Christine as she slowly made her ascent.
Her breath became ragged and she fought harder against the tears, focusing her eyes on the door which beckoned her to run to it and hide behind it forever. She longed to forsake everyone who stood around her and lock herself in the first room she came across once she had stepped inside. Her entire being wanted to run, flee from this nightmare of mocking glances and already made enemies.
Before she could act on any impulse, the grand door opened and Raoul stepped through, washing away all of Christine's fears of those around her. It was only him she saw. She almost released the man's arm and ran to her fiance, but stopped herself when she thought of what her audience would think of her. She couldn't make a further fool of herself so soon, not when she was to be Raoul's wife.
Finally, Christine reached Raoul at the top of the steps and he welcomed her into his arms, whispering, "Welcome home, my dear."
Christine felt herself finally relaxing once his arms were around her and she relished his touch as if she was never going to get another. She wanted to pull him closer, bury her entire body inside of him and never come out, but she couldn't. She needed to keep her composure so as to not lend to the rumors circulating about her. She pulled back and forced another smile, looking into Raoul's eyes, "Thank you, my love."
Raoul grinned, taking her hand and leading her through the door into an massive entrance hall, elegantly adorned with silver and gold decorations and gaudy red floral walls. The large staircase in the center of the room leading up to the second story was white marble with gold lions on the banisters.
Christine felt overwhelmed when she saw the elegance of what Raoul's estate offered her. She was used to the overwhelming beauty of the Opera Populaire but to think that someone's home would be of the same quality was heart wrenching. She thought back to the simpleness of her childhood home, hardly a comparison, but still she longed for that cottage that she loved so dearly. She felt the swell in her chest again and slowly took her hand up to discreetly clutch at the pain.
"Beautiful, isn't it?" Raoul asked. Christine looked at him with wide nervous eyes, shakily nodding, and clutching her stomach harder as knots began to form. "I knew you would like it. Only the best for my future bride!" His voice echoed through the room, sending a shiver down Christine's spine causing her head to start spinning.
"Raoul, if you don't mind, can I please have a while to lay down and rest? The journey was long and I'm not feeling well," Christine whispered, hoping no one could hear her plea. She needed to process the change and prepare herself for criticism at every turn.
Raoul sighed heavily, putting his hands on his hips, "I suppose, but I will join you. I have been away from you for too long and have been looking forward to your arrival. Do you mind?"
Christine quickly shook her head, she was glad he asked to accompany her as she too had missed him.
Raoul turned to the servants and various others observing them, "We will be upstairs if anything is needed, my bride wishes to rest from her long journey. Please prepare dinner to be ready at five and remember, in a week's time we will be holding our engagement party so be sure to make your preparations as I have asked."
Engagement party? Christine had heard nothing of an engagement party until then and looked to Raoul confused and suddenly the realization of having to interact with even more judgemental people became clear to her. She would hear more whispers about her status and past at the Opera Populaire. Perhaps, if she spoke with Raoul about her concerns, he would put a stop to the rumors and speculation.
The people surrounding them dispersed with acknowledgements of what Raoul had said and she turned to him, "Engagement party?"
Raoul chuckled and began leading her up the grand staircase to the second floor, "Yes, it will be fantastic. I have already sent out the invitations. Many important people will be there, including my brother and his wife."
"Philippe was married? I'm happy for him," Christine said, biting her lip and trying to force back the memories of when she had first met Raoul. Philippe had tried to do everything in his power to convince their parents that Christine was no good for Raoul. She didn't understand why when she was only a child, but being engaged to him and listening to the whispers around her gave her enough knowledge as to what Philippe meant when he said such hurtful words. She wasn't born to fit into Raoul's world.
Christine let out a quiet sigh and focused on the floor as Raoul led her down a hallway with the same decorations and wallpaper as the entrance hall. He finally stopped at one of the many doors and opened it, revealing an enormous room with green floral wallpaper and silver decor. It was beautiful but still too grand for Christine's liking.
There was a large poster bed with emerald bedding and a matching canopy draping from the ceiling. The rug at the base of the bed was too ornate for the room and clashed with the mostly green and silver based objects. The two bedside tables were stark white and wooden, and looked to hardly be able to hold a book. There was a large wardrobe, matching the small tables, which sat directly across from the bed. A door was a few feet from the wardrobe, which Christine guessed was to the washroom and on the other side was a dressing screen and vanity.
"Do you like it?" Raoul spoke, "If you don't, I can always prepare another room for you."
"It's beautiful, thank you," she lied, knowing she would have to become used to doing so during her life with him. She wandered over to the bed and ran her hand over the rough surface of the emerald coverlet. "I'm going to lay down for a while. I feel rather dizzy," Christine glanced back at Raoul, who closed the door and engaged the lock. Then he was slowly approaching her with a sultry expression. "Raoul is everything alright? Do you have a fever?" she rushed over to him and placed the back of her hand on his forehead.
He reached up and grabbed her wrist, "Christine, I need to know you love me. Seeing you kiss that–-that monster–it frustrated me. You betrayed me. I spoke with Philippe on the matter, and he told me what we must do." He moved his hand down her cheek and across her neck, snaking down to her chest.
Christine let out a shuddering breath and choked back a sob, "Raoul, please, I don't know what you mean. The kiss meant nothing, I only did it to save you. You know this! It was a harmless kiss. Besides, he is dead and I am yours." She tried to pull from his grasp but he only tightened his hold on her wrist, still trailing his hand along her body.
"I don't know that it was harmless, I saw how you looked at him! Just prove your love to me and we will get married. I don't want to marry a woman whose heart belongs to another," Raoul argued, his expression twisted with anger. "We will do this, Christine, it has to be done."
Tears spilled down Christine's cheeks and she fought against Raoul with more vigor, "Please, we can't. We aren't married, it's a sin!"
"Like sinning stopped you from allowing that monster to bed you whatever chance he had!" Raoul spat, yanking Christine roughly to the bed.
"Why are you being so cruel? What did I do? I love you, Raoul. Please, this isn't you," Christine begged, but he didn't listen. He picked her up around the waist and forced her down atop the bed, then he pushed up her skirt and roughly pulled down her pantalettes. Christine knew he wouldn't do this unless convinced otherwise. "Please, stop! Don't allow your brother to influence you like this! You know how he used to be towards me!"
Raoul's eyes met hers in a fiery glare, and he halted his movements, slowly his expression relaxed into remorse, "I–I'm so sorry, God forgive me." He released her and collapsed at her feet, soon tears were streaming down his face. "I'm so sorry, Christine, I don't know what came over me. I've been so angry since that night. Please forgive me."
Christine steadied her ragged breaths, realizing he had finally heard her pleas. She slowly moved to console his trembling form, "Raoul, it's alright, I'm sorry for making you doubt my love. I didn't know you felt this way," she stroked his back trying to soothe him, "Everything that happened with him was just so that you could survive."
Raoul turned his head up to look at her, his face wet with tears, "Do you still love him?"
Christine bit back a scoff and took a deep breath, "I've never loved him. It's always been you."
Raoul didn't acknowledge her confession and kept sobbing as he slumped against the bed. How could he not believe her? After everything that she sacrificed to be with him?
Christine's throat went dry and she feared that Raoul was going to abandon her. She stood and sat on the bed, watching him tremble at her feet. Perhaps he was right, the only way to prove she loved him was to do as Philippe suggested.
"Raoul," she whispered, running her hand through his hair, "Come, sit with me." Raoul looked up at her with his swollen eyes before joining her on the bed. She took a deep breath then shakily moved her face towards his, hoping her body wouldn't betray her and give away her true feelings of the events that were about to transpire. She placed her lips gently on his and began to undo the buttons of his coat with her trembling fingers.
His hands shot up to catch her wrists, stopping her from undressing him, "Christine, are you sure?"
"I have to prove my love, Raoul, this is the only way you will believe me. You said so yourself," Christine whispered through choking sobs. "I love you, please."
Raoul crushed his body against hers and held her tightly, stroking her hair, "Christine, please forgive me. I've been awful to you. What have I done? I won't allow us to do this, I made a mistake. I never should have taken advice from my brother. Forgive me?"
Christine pulled away from him, "Don't ever doubt my love again, please. You are all I have left in the whole world." She placed her lips on his lightly, bringing her hand up to caress his cheek. "I need to rest, Raoul, I don't feel well."
Raoul nodded his head before standing in front of her, his eyes seemed to avoid hers, "Of course, I will leave you to rest. I have some–business to attend to." He took her hands in his and leaned down to kiss her fingers and then turned to swiftly exit the room. The door closed behind him, and Christine flinched at the quiet noise of the latch clicking in place.
Once she was alone, Christine burst into tears and let out gasping cries. She rushed over to the door and clicked the lock into place before slowly removing her clothing and climbing under the coverlet. Her only hope was to forget Raoul's forceful attempt to coerce her into giving him her body.
How dare he? And while she was still grieving the loss of her angel? she thought, burying her face into the pillow to muffle her sobs. All she had done for him, was it for nothing? Was this her life now? Was she to submit to anything he asks of her?
Christine pulled her knees up to her chest and pleaded to herself to stop crying. The last thing she needed was someone to discover her like this as it would only fuel the many rumors about her and make her look weak. She needed to be strong and forgive Raoul if she was going to be a part of his life.
She took in a shuddering breath and reasoned with herself. There was no need to cry, it had been Philippe who poisoned Raoul's mind.
It wasn't Raoul. No, it wasn't him. It was Philippe. Raoul loves me, she thought, letting out a breathy laugh. Indeed, she had been a fool to think Raoul would ever hurt her. He offers her a happy life, with friends, and a house to grow a family. Yes, she was mistaken, he was only being influenced by his monster of a brother. After all, why would he try to hurt the woman he loves?
Christine sighed contentedly and calmed her trembling body, telling herself everything was a misunderstanding and after getting the rest she needed, she would welcome her new life with open arms. She burrowed deeper into the scratchy sheets and let her mind wander.
A masked face entered her thoughts just then, causing her to gasp and her mind flooded with unresolved emotions. He loved her and hurt her without a second thought. That manipulator convinced her he was her father and the Angel of Music, toying with her mind for years without remorse, stole her away in the middle of the night to his dark dreary dwelling. She gave him all of her trust and he betrayed her numerous times, not once thinking about her feelings. Perhaps, if he had been more gentle and forgiving, maybe even learned from his mistakes…
No, Christine thought, he would have never changed. Besides, he's–dead.
Her tears began overflowing, thinking of the frail mental state he was in when she had left him and wondered if her abandonment was the cause of his death. He had been so broken after a lifetime of abuse, but she couldn't save him from himself. His actions were his own and he suffered terribly from them and would need to find redemption. Her only feeling towards him now was pity and a wish that he will find happiness in his afterlife. After all, he was a human being and he deserved happiness. She doubted his entrance to Heaven, but part of her desired he would be forgiven for his misdeeds.
Christine decided to pray then, lifting herself off the bed and sitting on her knees. She intertwined her fingers and closed her eyes, "O merciful God, take pity on his soul. Spare him, and remember your own mercy. May his soul, through the mercy of God, rest in peace. Amen." She stood and took a deep breath, she had done her part, it was God's decision if he was to find peace.
Christine climbed back into the bed and layed down, this time feeling more relaxed and finally felt that she would be able to get the much needed rest she desired. Though, something wasn't sitting right with her, she felt as if her prayer was incomplete.
So, she looked to the Heavens once more, "God, if he is accepted into Heaven, please give an angel the strength and courage to love him, show him what it means to be forgiven and treated as the man he is, so that he may learn what it means to truly love. Amen."
Christine hoped her prayers would not go unheard, she hoped God was listening and working on fulfilling her simple requests. Feeling content, she emptied her mind and focused her breathing, slowly feeling herself slip into a peaceful sleep.
