The moment the Stans decided to switch clothes to outsmart Bill in the Series Finale. Some text from the episode, followed by original text.


"I've got some children I need to make into corpses," Bill said. Stan looked up at the glowing pyramid, all teeth and claws in an instant, gone from yellow to red. His growling voice boomed with a bass that he could feel in his chest. His jovial facade was gone entirely. "See ya real soon"

"No!" Stan shouted frantically "Wait! No! No!" He pushed against the bars of his cage, as if he could will his way through.

"Kids!" Ford pounded impotently against their prison.

"Oh, I can't believe this. The kids are gonna die and it's all my fault." Stanley collapsed to his knees. "Because I couldn't shake your stupid hand! Dad was right about me. I am a screw-up."

Ford sighed "Don't blame yourself. I'm the one who made a deal with Bill in the first place. I fell for all his easy flattery. You would have seen him for the scam artist he is." He pulled a canteen from his coat, took a pull. He looked at Stan, sitting dejectedly on the floor.

"How did things get so messed up between us?" He said. Ford sat beside him and offered him the canteen. Stan took it. and drank as Ford spoke. He felt so small and useless next to his brother. He didn't have any answers or big plans or smart ideas. He had nothing. Stanford spoke.

"We used to be like Dipper and Mabel. The world's about to end and they still work together. How do they do it?"

"Easy. They're kids. They don't know any better." Stan said matter-of-factly. Ford stood suddenly. "Whoa, where you goin'?"

"I'm going to play the only card we have left. Let Bill into my mind. He'll be able to take over the galaxy and maybe even worse, but at least he might let the kids free." Stanford said resolutely. Stan could see the gears in his brother's mind turning, playing out every scenario, calculating every option. It didn't matter. Stanley jumped to his feet, the canteen clattering to the floor.

"What?! Are you kiddin' me?! Are you honestly telling me there's nothing else we can do?!"

"Bill's only weak in the mind space. If I didn't have this darn plate in my head we could just erase him with the memory gun when he steps inside my mind." Ford held the gun out. Stan looked at it, frantic for any other solution.

"What if he goes into my mind? My brain isn't good for anything." He offered. Maybe he was a screw-up but he had to help. Stanford laughed bitterly.

"There's nothing in your mind he wants. It has to be me. We need to take his deal. It's the only way he'll agree to save you and the kids."

"Do you really think he's gonna make good on that deal?"

"What other choice do we have?" Stanford said sadly, looking at his brother. Stan felt the years apart crash over him like a wave, sudden and cold. They weren't little boys anymore. The world had torn from them all their youth and camaraderie, like a receding tide, leaving their lives smooth and empty at the end. And now Stan was going to lose him all over again, because he was the only one Bill wanted. Ford or no one. He'd been Stanford for thirty years and now, when it counted, he could only be Stanley. Or maybe...maybe he could be Stanford for one more day. In an instant, the plan crystalized in his mind.

"Sixxer, we can switch places." Stan said in a frantic excited whisper.

"What?"

"Like in the old days. Even Mom couldn't tell us apart when we really laid it on. We switch, you let that thing into my head, blast it with that whosamajig and...and we save the kids. Right?" Stan said.

"But Stanley, that would mean... all your memories... they'd be gone." Ford wasn't saying no. Stan knew he had him, knew it was a good idea. If it was a bad idea, Ford would have said so instantly but he was hesitating. Hesitation was all he needed. Now he just had to sell it. Stan always was a salesman.

"Listen, Fordsie, there ain't any good memories up here anyways." He said grinning wide "You'd be doing me a favor!"

"Don't say that, Stanley. There were some good ones. It wasn't all bad." Ford said quietly. Stan could feel himself losing the sale. The kids' screams pierced through the hall somewhere in the distance. He felt his breath turn short and quick. Mabel...Dipper...

"Hey now," Stan said, spreading his arms in a wide welcoming gesture. He tipped his fez, he balanced back on his leg. Tears stung in the back of his throat but he swallowed them quickly. This was about to be, had to be, his biggest scam ever.

"Look at me. You think I got this far being a thinking man? I'm a betting man and I'm a fighting man and I'm betting you that if you put that creep in my head one-one-one, I can take him down in the first round no problem." He raised his fists. Settled into a boxer's pose he'd learned and practiced a hundred times over. He bounced on the balls of his feet jauntily as fear squeezed his chest. "I'll give him the ol' one-two. One for me and two for you!" He swung hard against the empty air and laughed. His stomach churned and his heart raced. Come on, Fordsie. Please.

Stanford went to his brother and took him by the shoulders, staring hard into his eyes. Stan didn't let his smile falter. Not when the screams came again. Not when he saw the tears in his brother's eyes. Not when Standford pulled him into a hard enveloping hug. He patted Stanford's back, his face softening. He could always get Stanford to go along with his plans.

"Stanley," He brother said into his shoulder, words breaking between tears "Thank you, Stanley. Thank you for everything. Whenever I needed someone you were always there. When I called, you always came. When I was lost, you searched for me. For thirty years, you never stopped. I just...I wish I had appreciated it. Thank you." Stanley gently pushed him off and met his gaze. If that thing really was going to erase all his memories anyway, it was now or never. He sighed.

"And I'm... sorry Stanford. I'm sorry for being the knucklehead that ruined your life. I was so scared of losing you that I pushed you away. Literally!... And all it got me was all those years alone. You got a lot of time left for all your science and I wish you all the success in the world but... Take care of those kids, okay? They're good kids. You...you tell them for me, okay?" He laid his hand against his brother's cheek and patted him lightly.

"Of course." Stanford said and shrugged off his coat. Stanley pulled off his cap and smiled.

"It's showtime, Sixxer, let's go. Pines! Pines! Pines!"

His brother's voice didn't break as he joined in "Pines. Pines. Pines."

They traded clothes quickly, hearing the sounds of screams coming closer. Stanely thought about the shore line, those times when it was just him and his brother. He felt like a team again, the dynamic duo they always had been. As he slid Ford's cracked glasses onto his face, he smiled. He felt his mind turn cool and smooth like the sand under the receding waves. Clean and peaceful in a way that it hadn't been in years. He had his brother. The kids were going to be safe. He didn't need anything else.

The ground shook as Bill approached, voice echoing.

"Alright, Ford, time's up! I've got the kids. Bill announced. Stanely grabbed the bars of the prison again, looking up at his terrified niece and nephew. They'd been so brave, so ready to defeat this thing with only each other. They were better than he would ever be. Erasing himself from their life would only be a favor.

"I think I'm gonna kill one of you now, just for the heck of it! Eeny-meeny-miney-...YOU!"

"WAIT!" He shouted, sliding easily into his brother's voice. He was a screw-up and an idiot and good for nothing but Lying and Fighting. And he was damn good at both. Bill was about to find out exactly what kind of man he was.