Chapter 1: Pride and Malevolence

Scout impatiently tapped his foot, wanting this to be over with. Sitting down at the "Round Table", as it was called, Scout could look upon most of his team without even turning his head. Directly in front of him sat Heavy, who looked rather bored; to the left of him sat Medic, who was cleaning his infamous Bonesaw with a blood-stained handkerchief. To the right of Heavy sat Pyro, who, for some reason, was staring at Scout. Scout did not return the stare; God only knew what the firebug was thinking, and for all Scout knew, a return stare could make the thing stand up, produce a flamethrower, and turn the whole table and its occupants to a charred crisp.

He shuddered at the thought, and continued his survey of the room. To the right of Pyro sat the Sniper, looking very comfortable despite sitting next to the one Merc that nearly the entire room feared. Scout had to turn his head to see him, because he sat around the closest curve in the table. Next to him sat Demoman, who sat next to Scout, and happily snored away, a bottle of scotch tucked under his arm.

To the left of Medic sat Spy, who looked like his usual cool, calm self, without a trace of emotion on his face, save boredom. Scout wanted to flip him the bird, but didn't want to start something he couldn't finish. Next to him sat Soldier, who was ridged, eager and had an insane gleam in his eye beneath the samurai helmet he had recently acquired and now had fully bought into, even going so far as to buy himself a katana from a gunshow, one that he called the "Half-Zatoichi". Scout had no idea what that meant, and he had a good idea that Soldier didn't either.

The Engineer was missing from the table, and as far as Scout knew, that was why they were all gathered here. He had been kept primarily out of the loop, but then again, when Dell got like this, he kept mostly to himself. Scout was now just waiting for him to say that he had cured cancer and become the richest man in the world, rich enough to retire, so that maybe the rest of them would join him and he would get a new team. Women were starting to become popular in the field of espionage; maybe a hot little bunny would be the team's next Spy.

He was about to get lost in such thoughts when the double doors to the room burst open and Dell Conagher walked through, his hands covered in grease, his face covered in welding goggles and a huge smile.

"Boys", the happy Texan decreed, "the future is here!"

With that, he turned back around and bolted straight back out of the room.

Everyone turned glances towards each other, except for Pyro, who was still staring at Scout, and had been for the duration, and Jane Doe, the Soldier, who grew a wicked grin, and stood up. He walked through the double doors, disappearing around the corner. Mikhail, the Heavy, raised an eyebrow, and then shrugged his shoulders, standing up to follow the psychopath. One by one, the table stood up and followed Dell, with the exception of Scout, who was too confused to do much, Demoman, who was still asleep, and Pyro, who was still staring at Scout.

Scout threw an elbow at Tavish DeGroot, the Demoman, because it seemed like what he should do, and Demoman stumbled himself awake, commenting in drunken tones, and then got up and walked through the doors like it was the most natural thing in the world to do. Now all that was left were Scout and Pyro.

Now Scout directed a stare at Pyro, who continued to stare back. This was probably a bad idea, especially without backup, but he was morbidly curious to see what the little firebug would do.

The masked creature cocked its head in response.

"So, uh", Scout began, but couldn't think of anything else to say.

Scout stood up, and walked through the double doors. The little firebug stood up and followed him, keeping a close pace. Scout shuddered, and wondered briefly what was going through the thing's mind... until he saw the machine in front of him.

It looked like a doorway without a door hooked up to a generator that had been welded to the bottom half of it. That was as best as Scout could describe it. Looking at it straight on, it didn't look like anything special. Apparently, everyone else had the exact same opinion, and had their heads turned towards Dell, with confusion, questioning, or boredom plastered on them. By comparison, Dell had a wide grin.

"So", Wilhelm, the Medic said, "what do we have here?"

"Oh, right", the Engineer said, shaking himself all over, apparently having forgotten himself. He put a hand on the machine, and calmly said, "This... is a one-way teleporter!"

Everyone shared glances. Some of them were confused. In fact, most were. The majority that weren't bored expressions were utter confusion. Spy shrugged. Soldier began clapping.

Dell bowed, thanking Mr. Doe for his support.

After a moment, Jane Doe slowed his clap, confusion crawling over his face. His clap ceased, and his hands fell to his side, confusion controlling him.

"I don't get it", he stated.

The rest of the team now looked completely disinterested, save Soldier, who was still confused, and Pyro, who was still staring at Scout for whatever reason.

Dell realized he was losing his audience, and restated, "A one-way teleporter!"

"And", Mr. Mundy, the Sniper and self-proclaimed professional assassin, questioned with a raised eyebrow.

Soft snoring sounds began coming from the back of the room; Demoman had found himself a chair, and had decided to finish his nap that he took twenty times a day. Scout was honestly bored enough to consider joining him. It looked like most of the room felt similarly.

"Well", Dell said, removing his hardhat and rubbing his bald head, "think about all the practical applications!"

"Such as", Spy asked from the back of the group.

Sometimes, all Dell needed was a push. In an instant, his face lit up. He had been pushed.

"Imagine a teleporter", Dell said, "that doesn't need a receiving platform."

Scout raised his hand.

"That's the second part of the two-buildin' teleportation system", Dell clarified.

Scout put his hand back down, trying to process what was so important about that. Mr. Mundy got a puzzled look on his face. He held that look for several moments, and then his eyes widened in understanding, and a sly smile covered his lips. Spy and Medic had practically the same things happen to them. The Demoman was still asleep, and Heavy still looked unimpressed. Pyro continued to stare at Scout as though there were no conversation going on at all. Soldier continued to look confused.

"Ah", Mr. Mundy said first, "now I get it. We won't have to sneak or even fight our way into the intelligence room; we can just beam ourselves right in!"

The majority of the room seemed to share in this jubilation, and a small round of applause went up for Dell. Dell, not particularly a showman under normal circumstances, bowed for the crowd. Scout joined in on the clapping. Finally, no more spearheading horrific assaults on hard targets!

It was Heavy who broke the mood.

"I still see problem", Heavy said, crossing his arms over his chest. "How we get back out?"

The applause died. Dell looked like he had been caught awfully off guard. He threw a hand behind his head, scratching at his neck.

"Well, um, er", Dell began, "I'm still workin' on that, but, uh... well, actually, I brought y'all in here to help me solve that problem."

Heavy raised an eyebrow at that.

"Well, um, ya see", Dell began, "part of the problem is that it needs to be calculated to work properly", Dell told them with another scratch behind the neck. "What I need is someone to go through it to make sure it's runnin' properly. I've already done tests with household items, and even a few plants, but it just ain't the same without a Merc runnin' through it. Now, once that's done, I can start workin' on deployin' one of these things faster, because it takes a long damn time to do so as it is."

After his long monologue, Dell paused, and scanned the crowd.

"Any volunteers?"

Everyone in the room who wasn't already looking at Scout turned towards Scout. Scout began looking back at everyone else in turn. A standoffish expression adorned his face.

"No way! Forget it", he said, throwing his head and crossing his arms over his chest.

Heavy shook his head.

"Scout is right. I do not like this. I predict bad things happen from machine."

Dell turned to Heavy, placing his grease-stained hands on his hips.

"Now, why would ya say that, pardner?"

Heavy shrugged, and said no more.

"Heavy's right", Scout said, "you guys are bullying me!"

"I did not say this", Heavy said in a confused tone.

"Scout", Demoman said from the chair that he had been sleeping in, "if ya do it, lad, I'll get ye a beer!"

Scout perked up at this. The Mercs didn't traditionally let Scout have beer, even though they would sometimes lead him to believe that he might get one if he was good. But by the look on Tavish DeGroot's face, he was most certainly not kidding.

"Alright, sounds good", Scout said, a reluctant vigor coming over him.

"Perfect", Dell shouted, a big smile stretching across his face. "I'll get 'er warmed up!"

As Dell walked over to the side of the teleporter that had the engine, tapping some buttons on a panel, Scout felt a hand briefly tap his shoulder. He turned his head to see one of the biggest pains in his ass on the whole team; Spy. Reviled and sometimes outright hated by his own team... and certainly BLU team... the Spy was a nameless, faceless (literally, he wore a dusty red ski mask at all times... prick), ruthless individual who was a master at infiltration and subversion. Or so he claimed; Scout had no idea what those words even meant.

Generally, the man was armed with nothing but a revolver, a knife, a fancy watch that turned him invisible, an electro-sapper that would destroy electronic equipment, and a vendetta against all things both living and machine that didn't wear his team's colors. More often than not, Scout would compete against him to see who could secure the intelligence first. More often than not, Spy won.

Spy pissed Scout off.

"What do you-"

"Heavy's right", the Spy interrupted.

"Uh... what", Scout asked, perplexed.

"The Heavy said that this was a bad idea. And Mikhail is usually privy to a higher sixth sense."

"What's wrong with his snack sense?"

"What I'm saying, Scout", Spy said, annoyance overcoming him, "is that I believe what is about to happen is going to turn out badly. I truly think we should all reconsider this. The consequences could be astronomical."

"Well, I don't plan on being an astronaut any time soon", Scout told him matter-of-factly.

"If you go through with this", Spy warned ominously, "your plans for the future may not ever come to fruition."

"Well, I don't want to be a fruit farmer either."

"God damnit, Scout."

"What?"

"I'm saying don't do it", Spy told him, somewhat forcibly. "Tell Dell that you've changed your mind."

"Well, sure", Scout said.

He quickly left the Spy's side, and walked over to Dell. The man was still busily tapping away at the little buttons on the panel, and Scout had to clear his throat twice to get his attention. Dell glanced up at him, pausing his tirade of tapping.

"So", Scout said nonchalantly, "do you really think Demo's gonna give me a beer if I go through with this?"

"Hell, Scout", the Engineer said, "I'll give you a beer if you go through with this."

"Sweet", Scout said.

He walked off to the Engineer's side, and looked back at the Spy, flashing him a thumbs up. For the briefest second, it almost seemed like relief came over Spy's face, but it was soon lost in the normal impassible dead expression of the Frenchman.

Scout knew better. Spy only cared about himself, which meant that if he was relieved, it was because he thought Scout had fallen for one of his little tricks. Scout knew the man well enough to know that Spy wanted to see him fail in all aspects, so whenever Scout didn't listen to him, he won whatever game Spy was playing.

That being said, when the machine started sparking, he began having second thoughts. More so when, in response, Dell grabbed a nearby wrench and started beating on the poor machine. Actually, now that Scout was thinking about this critically, he wasn't so sure that this was a good idea at all. He was going to jump through this machine in the hopes that it would transport him somewhere?

Well, he did technically do it all the time. Engie already had a two-tower teleporter system in place, and even though it was slow, complicated, and often involved Scout having to get shot a lot to make it work, it still worked rather well. This would just cut out the "getting shot" part... hopefully.

Hyping himself back up to the idea of going through this thing was easy. If this worked, he would get shot less. And all he had to do to make it work was go through it.

A hand on his shoulder broke his reverie. Scout nearly jumped, and turned to see who it was. He almost jumped again at the sight of Dell.

Even with the goggles on his eyes, and the grin on his mouth, Scout always felt slightly uncomfortable around Dell. While the team tended to have some rather eccentric characters, most of them were creatures of habit in more ways than one. For instance, Mr. Mundy was a cold-blooded, viscous killer, but he only killed for the highest bidder. Jane Doe was a psychopath who had homicidal, and sometimes even suicidal tendencies, but it was easy to tell when it was time to stay out of his way and let him work. The Medic loved to hurt people, but if you paid him to heal you, he wouldn't hurt you.

Dell, however, was something of an enigma, always changing, always striving to be bigger, and better. The man had eleven PHD's, and he had designed, built, and scrapped machines that could have advanced humanity into a new era twenty times over. What made him so enigmatic was that he never quite had a central reason for building anything. Whenever a perceived necessity arose, he built something for the occasion; sometimes guns, sometimes bombs, sometimes teleporters, and sometimes portable beach beds with beer coolers. Sometimes he would build things for no reason at all. The man had replaced his own arm with a robot one, which looked really cool, but if you really thought about it, he had sawed his own, perfectly good arm off to do it. Sometimes he built things because he wanted someone dead. Sometimes he didn't want the person in question dead for any particular reason other than to see if he could kill them. And sometimes he built things because he was angry. Those were his most disturbing creations of all.

The man was unpredictable, had no moral compass, and had a hell of a temper. What's worse, sometimes you couldn't tell if and when he really was angry until it was too late... at least, that's what most people thought. Scout knew the truth; the Engineer constantly wore welding goggles because he didn't want anyone to look into his eyes... and learn the truth.

Dell Conagher was always angry... and very insane.

"Scout? Howdy-do? Earth to Scout!"

Scout shook himself, getting his mind straight again.

"What's up?"

"Machine's ready", Dell told him. "Get on in front of it, and I'll start 'er up!"

"Uh..."

Suddenly, the second thoughts arose yet again. If this machine transported him to the wrong area, he could be dropped straight into a place where the R35P4WN system was out of range... and if it dropped him straight onto a highway, then that was the end of Scout. He opened his mouth to voice his concerns, when the Engineer cocked his head, his smile fading a bit. There was no way in hell that Scout wanted to make Dell angry. What he could do to him may be fixed in a doctor's office, but not in his mind.

"Sure, set me up."

The smile returned, and the head straightened.

"Excellent choice, partner!"

Excellent choice.

"Just stand in front of the machine, I'll boot 'er up!"

Scout gulped, and stood in front of the bizarre contraption. It reminded him heavily of an open door, a road to new possibilities, or perhaps an ass whooping from mom. Maybe it was the doorway to heaven, and this was the end of his life.

"Heavy", Dell called, waving him over.

Heavy looked confused, but marched over anyway. He cleared the room in just a few, powerful strides. Heavy may have had a gut, but he was a lot stronger than he looked... and bigger than he first appeared.

"I need to hold this valve open", Dell told him. "While I do that, can you type in a code on that there keyboard?"

Heavy's eyes bugged, and he looked from Dell to the machine, and back again.

"You're the only one I trust to do this right", Dell told him.

"But, uh", Heavy began, scratching the back of his head with one massive hand, "my fingers, they are so big! What if I type wrong thing accidentally?"

"Leave 'im alone", Mr. Mundy called to Dell. "The man probably can't read anyway, especially not English."

Heavy raised an eyebrow, but said nothing, leaving Dell to butt in.

"Actually", Dell responded, "the man had a PhD in Literature."

"Russian Literature", Heavy clarified, "but he has point. English is not my first language."

"I watched you read War and Peace in a week", Dell said dismissively.

"Is good book", Heavy explained.

"Just type out the code exactly as I tell it to you", Dell told him.

"What about me", the Sniper asked.

"What about you", the Engineer responded.

"I can type it in."

"No way", Dell said with a dismissive wave of his robotic hand. "I heard you flunked out of middle school. This kind of typing skill is above your head."

"I dropped out, actually", Mundy said, raising his voice slightly, "and I'd watch that tone if I were you."

Dell stopped what he was doing, wiped his glove with a rag, and leaned up against the machine, trying to disguise how tense his body was.

"Yeah", Dell said in a questioning manner, "What'll happen if I don't?"

"Something bad", the Sniper responded, pushing himself up from the corner he was leaned into.

"Shut up", Spy shouted suddenly, "both of you shut the hell up right now! You are both drunken, illiterate savages! I would think the two of you would get along excellently! Which reminds me, Scout, step away from that machine before it blows up and leaves you permanently crippled!"

"Oh, he ain't goin' nowhere, partner", Dell said evenly. "After all, he volunteered."

"What the hell do you mean, he volunteered?! You and that other drunken slob bribed him with your piss-swill so-called alcohol! He is just a boy, for God's sake! Ask anyone else in the room to do it other than him!"

That was the hardest Scout had seen Spy stand up for anyone, which left him kind of taken aback. In fact, everyone in the room except for the Engineer and the Pyro were now all staring at Spy, their mouths agape. Pyro, of course, still stared at Scout, but even Soldier was now looking at Spy questioningly. Dell continued to stare down Spy with the same expression, almost as if his outburst hadn't phased him at all. Then, slowly, Dell stretched out his arms, and the room turned to face him.

"Any volunteers?"

No one moved. No one said a word. Nobody even seemed to breath.

"I guess not."

Dell, looking a bit heated, walked back over to the valve, and cranked it all of the way open, jamming a wrench into it to keep it there. He walked over to the computer, and shoved the many-feet-taller Heavy out of the way. Heavy moved, probably more out of shock than anything else. Dell began mashing keys like a maniac, until one moment where he paused, then shook his head and continued mashing.

When he finished his code, he slammed Enter, and energy began to crackle around the edges of the "doorframe". They became brighter and more intense, and then the energy softened, and smoothed out into calmly pulsating waves. An image began to form in front of Scout.

The image that faded into being before Scout was, at first, an odd one. A room appeared before him, with paper-thin but beautifully painted walls, a wooden floor, and several mats. On those mats sat two people, who stared, in stunned, shocked fashion, back at Scout. The one sitting on the mat was a man in a white robe that looked like it was made of silk, who appeared to be Asian. The second was a large, imposing figure covered in odd, samurai-style metallic armor. He couldn't see his face behind his mask, but he could see the man's eyes, and they looked as shocked as the other man's.

His first thought was that something had gone wrong, given how this didn't look like anywhere he had ever seen before, and that all of the other mercs were as stunned and silent as he was. However, he just as quickly had a rational solution; this was Soldier's apartment, and he was looking at a couple of propped-up corpses modeling his newly purchased items.

Scout had never been in Soldier's apartment, so it was probably a safe bet. All he had to do now was jump through this metaphorical doorway, and he would be the proud consumer of not one but two beers. He could almost taste the bubbly goodness.

"What the", Dell began, but then cut himself off.

That probably should have been a sign to Scout, but he was blinded by the thought of beer.

"Alright, Engie! I'm headed through!"

"Uh-"

"SCOUT", Spy shouted, charging towards him, "for the love of God, don't go through that portal!"

Heavy sprang up as well, echoing, "Scout, Spy is right, do not go through!"

Scout coiled himself up like a spring.

"Scout", Engineer began, "don't-"

He jumped through.

He came to a near-immediate stop soon after the churning in his stomach did also. He had jumped through teleporters all of the time, but he guessed that since they had two points for a dedicated entrance and exit, they had offered next to no disturbance in the quantum thingy. Maybe this was like opening a portal in space and time or something, or maybe it was more like the Twilight Zone, either way, the stomach-churning was different. He felt nearly exhausted from the trip, and almost sick, and now the two corpses were looking at him strangely.

The corpse immediately in front of him moved, throwing his hands up to shield his face and shrieking, which caused Scout to do something similar, and fall flat on his butt.

Corpses coming back to life was low on the scale of weird and scary shit that he had seen in his lifetime, but it was still fairly high on the spectrum of "unusual". He quickly made his way to his feet, and searched his pockets for anything to send the corpse back to hell. Unfortunately, he found nothing.

The corpse immediately in front of him poked his head over his arms, and said something in a language that Scout didn't understand. In a flash, the man in the large metal suit grabbed him, forcing him to his knees. Before Scout could complain, a large sword was held up to his neck.

"Woah, woah, woah", Scout shouted, "hey, now! There is no need to be this violent and rude simply because I went for a cross! If you want to travel the world after dying, then just don't take my body to do it, that's all I ask!"

At this, the corpse spoke again, and the sword stayed still at Scout's neck. The corpse straightened up, putting his hands down at the sides of his crossed legs. He fixed Scout with a serious look.

"What do you mean, 'travelling the world after dying'?"

Scout was a bit surprised that the corpse was speaking his language, since just a moment ago, it looked like he didn't know it, considering he looked foreign and had spoken another language all together.

His surprise must have registered on his face, because the corpse continued with a wave of his hand, "And yes, I know your Gaijin tongue. I learn the language of all of my enemies."

"Wow, man, you must be wicked old", Scout surmised, "because World War Two happened like... twenty, thirty years ago? Okay, maybe not that old, but I mean like, you know, your body must- how long has Soldier kept you in his apartment? You seem like you're in pretty good shape for thirty years... uh... dead."

The corpse narrowed his eyes, sleuthing with his words, "What are you implying?"

"Oh, uh, nothing, nothing at all. Anyway, I really don't want you to possess me and all that good stuff, because last time that happened, Pyro nearly beat me to death with a cross, and then I got hit by a car and died for real, but then I Respawned, so I guess it turned out okay, but it sucked at the time, you know?"

The corpse stared at him for a moment, and then slowly said, "What?"

The corpse turned to the other, armored corpse, and spoke in his unknowable language. The armored corpse made a grunt, and then hesitantly responded in their unknown language. The corpse before Scout turned his head back to him.

"Re...spawn...ed... what does that word mean?"

"Uh, you know, came back to life? Have you ever read a dictionary before, dumbass? Because, uh... because I have, and that's definitely, um... one of the words in there!"

At this, the corpse perked up.

"How does one... Re...spawn...ed?"

"Well, you'll have to ask-"

Suddenly, Scout had a lightbulb go off in his head. These two corpses were more than likely going to kill him if he couldn't give them what they wanted. So, to avoid death, he would give them what they wanted.

"-me, because I definitely know how to make a machine that makes you Respawn!"

The corpse scoffed.

"You are lying, Gaijin, to save your own skin."

Well, that didn't work.

"You do not know how to make this machine... but I will bet that you know someone who does."

The corpse looked over his shoulder.

"Mirror that does not show my reflection! Who among you knows how to make this machine?"

...

"Welp", Dell Conagher said under his breath, "he's screwed."

"No", Spy said calmly, walking towards the portal.

"Git back here ya god-damned fool", Dell shouted at the masked man.

"No", he said calmly, continuing his march.

"I'll close it and seal him in there", Dell shouted, "you know I-"

"Will you seal it behind me and miss out on a million-dollar contract?"

"I damn well might-"

"Then how about I tell everyone the truth before I leave?"

Dell Conagher seized mid-breath. He must have looked white as a sheet to everyone else, because they kept looking back and forth between the two.

"Or, better yet", Spy continued, "how about you go ahead and seal it behind me, so that my Will can kick in, and-"

"JUST GO, GODDAMNIT", Dell practically screamed. "I'll keep the damn thing open, ya have mah word!"

"Very well", Spy said, turning and walking through the door.

...

Spy greeted the younger, paler man with a revolver pointed at his face.

"Interesting device", the man said coyly, producing a heaping contraption that barely resembled an old flint pistol. He continued in Japanese, "Do you think he knows I have one of my own?"

Spy shot the device out of the man's hand.

Immediately to his left, another man clad in a metal suit, seemingly driven forward by some mechanism, charged at Spy. Spy turned his revolver towards him and fired. The man seized, and fell to the ground.

The younger man before him paled further.

"He can punch through folded steel", the man commented out loud, seemingly to himself.

From his right, another metal man charged. The pale man held his hands up, a frantic look adorning his face.

"Stand down", he shouted in Japanese, and the metal samurai stood still.

Out of the corner of his eye, Spy watched the metal samurai undo his glove, and run the blade across his hand before sheathing it again.

"What do you want", the pale man asked Spy in English.

"I want the boy back."

"No deal", the pale man told him smugly.

Spy turned his revolver on the metal samurai holding Scout hostage, and blasted him in the face. He fell limp, and Scout struggled to his feet.

The pale man kept his smug expression.

"Have you checked to make sure that the mirror does not go two ways?"

Spy looked at him, unsure.

The pale man swept some kind of paper up off of the ground, and rolled it into a ball, proclaiming, "I have."

He chucked it at the doorway, but instead of fazing through, it simply faded through, bouncing to the other side of the room, where a large door stood.

"Merde", Spy breathed.

"You may have an Iron Thrower", the pale man explained, gesturing to the revolver in Spy's hand, "but it is not unending. I can call an army of thousands in here with the push of a button."

The man withdrew the rug he sat on partially, revealing a speaker, and, indeed, a button.

"And if you kill me", he declared, spreading his arms, "I will be avenged."

Spy nodded.

"Then the boy will build your machine", Spy said, "and I will be here to watch him."

"I am afraid you do not quite blend into this picture", the pale man said with that same smug expression.

Spy grinned, responding, "Very poor choice of words."

He disappeared from view.

"WHA-", the pale man squeaked. "What evil magic is this?!"

"I will be watching", Spy told him, his voice sounding more and more distant. "Always... watching..."