"I know what you are."

Steve frowned as the words came back to him and opened his eyes, staring at the ceiling of his room. He didn't understand what the words meant yet he couldn't stop thinking about them. Seconds before Robin had thrown that Molotov, Vecna had looked at him, in him and seen something. He'd whispered those words in Steve's head, branded them in his brain before becoming flames.

"I know what you are."

What was he?

He thought about Vecna's last words to him constantly, obsessively. It helped distract him from everything that had followed; Max briefly dying and now in a coma, the four gates being opened and the Upside Down now seeping into Hawkins and...

Steve's stomach twisted so hard he felt nauseous. Stumbling to his feet he barely made it to the toilet before throwing up. He couldn't stop, even when there was nothing left. Every time he thought about... Steve dry heaved again, tears mixing with the bile left on his face. He wiped it away roughly and pressed a flushed cheek to the cool porcelain.

Eddie.

Eddie cradled in Dustin's arms, covered in blood and deaf to the boy screaming his name. Oblivious too when Steve fell to his knees next to them and started shaking him, desperate for a reaction. There was none. All the life had been drained out of Eddie, leaving nothing but blood and ruined flesh behind.

Steve brought himself back to reality with another dry heave, spitting the bile into the toilet before standing on shaky legs. His alarm was beeping in the bedroom but he ignored it in favour of turning on the shower. He needed to look semi-presentable so Robin would stop looking worried all the time and everyone else would stop asking if he was okay.

Yes, I'm fine.

Just need some more sleep.

It's just a cold.

Bad day.

Steve was tired of lying.

He slammed a fist into the glass in a flash of anger, jumping back as it cracked and almost slipped over. Starting at the jagged lines in disbelief, it took him a moment to register the water turning red at his feet. He checked his hands and body but saw no injuries. It was only when he searched his face he found his nose was bleeding. Cleaning up the mess, Steve finished his shower and got changed.

He'd just made it downstairs when the doorbell rang and found Robin on his doorstep. "Hey, you're early?"

"I... I dunno, I was worried about you." She looked him over and bit her lip. "You look like shit."

"Gee thanks, I just showered." Steve stepped aside and shut the door behind her. "You want coffee?" He asked as he headed towards the kitchen. Five minutes later they were both cradling steaming mugs and sat at the table. "What exactly made you so anxious then?"

"How long do you think we have before shit hits the fan?" Robin fidgeted nervously and Steve reached across the table to take her hand. Her grip was like a vice as she looked up at him. "Vecna's not done, is he?"

"I know what you are."

"No." Steve sighed deeply. "No, he's not. We'll make a plan, a better one this time." One where nobody dies.

"Steve..." They'd had this conversation so many times now he knew exactly what she was going to say. "It wasn't your fault."

"I should've done something, anything other than tell him not to be a hero." Steve had thought back on that moment so often he could remember every detail.

Eddie's hesitation, "Make him pay." Steve knew that wasn't what he'd wanted to say. As they'd looked at each other in those final moments only three words occurred to Steve. But it was stupid, they barely knew each other. How could he have such strong feelings for someone so quickly? Whatever had been lit in his chest by the other man had been snuffed out as quickly as it had appeared. Steve would never know if it was real or all in his head and the truth of that was intolerable.

"Steve," Robin's hand hurt she was holding his so tightly. "He wouldn't want you to beat yourself up over this. Trust me, he'd tease you something relentless if he knew you missed him-" She broke off and smiled as Steve laughed wetly. "But he wouldn't want you to hurt like this. He'd say; Gotta move on, Stevie."

"Gotta move on," He whispered back. "What if I can't, Robs?"

The front door opened and the sound of bickering teenagers broke them apart. Dustin was the first to join them in the kitchen, closely followed by Mike who was mid-rant. "-no chance. Eleven barely made it back the first time!"

"She's the only one who can fight Vecna! The rest of us don't stand a chance!" Dustin rounded on them as Nancy and Jonathan entered the room, both carrying large boxes. "I mean, you two saw him. Do you really think we can fight Vecna fairly?"

"Nope," Robin said succinctly.

"See! Besides, Vecna can't mess with her mind like the rest of us. We're all sitting ducks."

Steve tuned out as Mike started his retort. Instead, he got up to look in Jonathan's box. It was full of nails. Nancy dumped her box on the table and pulled out a nail gun. She hefted it in one hand and raised an eyebrow at Steve. "What do you think?"

"I think you're suicidal. That won't scratch a Demogorgon."

"Oh but a nail bat will?"

He raised his hands in defeat and sat down. They had spent the past two weeks trying to gather as many weapons as possible. Most of their homemade weaponry was currently stored in Steve's house since it was the biggest and perpetually empty. Hopper had managed to smuggle some guns out to them but most were already assigned to the police force and national guard currently stationed in Hawkins. They were making do with anything they could create. Dustin in particular had proved useful for this.

"Eddie would know what to do." Dustin's voice cut through the other conversations like a knife and they all fell silent. He met their stunned gazes with a teary sort of determination. "Eddie would know," He repeated softly and then hurried outside.

"I've got him." Steve followed after him. He was sat on one of the pool chairs outside, staring at the empty pool morosely. Steve sat down on the end of the chair. "Wanna talk about it?"

"No." After a moment, Dustin sniffed and rubbed his face. "It's like they don't care. Nobody will say his name. It's like he doesn't exist anymore."

"I know."

"No, you don't know!" Dustin fixed him with a baleful glare. "You barely knew Eddie, how can you sit there and say you miss him."

Steve had to bite back his caustic remark. Taking a deep breath, he said in as calm a voice as he could manage, "Dustin, I threw up this morning because I thought about Eddie. All I do is think about him. I can't fucking sleep or eat because it's killing me inside that he died. I know I didn't know him long but I miss him too."

Tears were silently working down Dustin's face and Steve pulled a crumpled but clean tissue from his pocket to hand over. He blew his nose. "Every time I say his name it's like I'm talking about a ghost. It's been almost three weeks but it's not getting easier. I loved him, man."

Eddie's voice ghosting through Dustin's syntax almost broke Steve. "He loved you too." He managed to get out. The chair rocked alarmingly as Dustin slammed into Steve's side and hugged him. Steve steadied himself and held the younger boy as he worked through some of the grief. He himself was fighting back tears. "It's gonna be okay, Dustin. I know it doesn't seem like it now but we'll get through this. When we find Vecna, we'll make him pay."

"For Eddie." Dustin's voice was muffled against his shirt.

"For Eddie." He looked up as the sliding doors opened and Robin tapped her watch. "Hey, fancy coming into town with me? We gotta get more supplies."

"Sure."

It was just the two of them and the ride into town was quiet. Dustin was searching through the tapes and came up with a cassette after a few minutes. When Steve glanced down at the casing his heart gave a jolt as he read the cover, Metallica. But it wasn't just Metallica as Dustin found out when he pulled out the small booklet and saw the tiny scrawls across the lyrics. "Is this Eddie's?"

"Uh, yeah."

"Why do you have his music?"

"I..." Fuck it, Steve sighed. "I took some of his stuff before the government quarantined the gates. Didn't want it all to end up in some warehouse somewhere so yeah... I stole a couple of boxes of his things." More like all of his things but Steve wasn't going to admit to that. Not that he'd spent an entire night doing so because he knew what the government would do once they got a hold of his trailer. Everything was safely packed away in his garage, out of sight of any nosy kids.

Dustin said nothing, just popped the cassette in and the music filled the silence. It was only when they got to the store and Steve parked he finally spoke. "Eddie would've liked that you did that."

"You think?"

"He'd say, very metal of you, Harrington."

"Yeah, he probably would have." Steve sighed and got out. "Come on, we better see if there's any Eggos left."

In the wake of the gates opening the government had set up a blockade once the cars and vans leaving the town had gone. Now, nobody could come or go. Since most of the population had left anyway it wasn't like they'd run out of food anytime soon but Hopper had advised them to start setting up caches around the town, just in case.

Grabbing a trolley each, the two split up inside the store to grab as many goods as they could. One thing Steve could thank his parents for was their money. He could afford to stockpile for their admittedly large group. Everyone was taking advantage of the seemingly endless funds to gear up for the inevitable fallout. What his parents must think when they saw how much he was spending, Steve didn't know, nor did he care. They hadn't called to ask or cut off his card so as far as he was concerned they didn't care either.

An hour later his car was full to the brim and significantly more heavy to drive as they started back to his house. Dustin began fiddling with the cassette cartridge again. Something was clearly on his mind but it took nearly ten minutes before he spoke. "You said you threw up this morning?"

"Yeah." He saw Dustin glance at him out of the corner of his eye but kept focused on the road. "Grief can do funny things to you."

"Why do you care so much? I mean, don't get me wrong I'm glad someone else does. But you weren't very close, were you?"

"Not really." Steve stopped as a convoy of armoured vehicles crossed the road in front of them. He wondered how to put it into words. "When you met Suzie... You liked her, right?"

"Uh, yeah." Dustin looked at him like he was stupid. "Hotter than Phoebe Cates, remember?"

"Right, right. But you felt something. I dunno, like a... connection?"

He considered that as the last of the convoy drove by and Steve started up the car again. "So you had a crush on Eddie?"

"It's not a crush. More of a... feeling." Steve huffed in frustration when Dustin shook his head, nonplussed. "We were stuck in the Upside Down and I was bleeding from those bats but I was happy because he was there and talking to me. Or I can't stop wondering how different things would be if he was here now. You're right, he'd know what to do."

"Dude... it sounds like you have a crush on him."

"Okay fine, I have a crush on Eddie." The silence that followed made Steve want to drive off a cliff.

"I mean, I get it. Eddie was cool. I'd probably have a crush on him too if I liked guys." Dustin looked at him curiously. "You like guys?"

"In general I've known for a while," Ever since middle school when people started throwing around the word faggot and he realised it wasn't normal to like boys. "But only ever one in particular."

"That sucks."

Somehow that simple statement comforted Steve. "Yeah, it does."

"I think Eddie liked you too. Seriously, whenever we mentioned you at the Hellfire meetings he'd pull this face," and he scrunched up his face in what looked like disgust. "but he'd listen, even if he pretended he wasn't. He asked me once if you really had changed and I was like yeah dude but he didn't believe me."

Knowing that Eddie had asked about him made Steve simultaneously happy and sad. He wished he had more time with the other man. There were so many unsaid things between them. "I hope I changed his opinion of me."

"You did. I mean... He made me swear not to tell you this, promised to haunt my ass if I did..." Dustin looked hopeful which only broke Steve's heart. "He said Harrington's a pretty great guy, isn't he."

Steve stopped the car. It didn't matter that he was in the middle of the road still, nobody was driving about in Hawkins anymore. He needed to fucking breathe. Wrenching the door open he stumbled outside and took in heaving breaths of the chilled air, trying not to think about the particles he was inhaling. "Fuck, fuck!"

"Steve!"

Why? Why Eddie? All these stupid feelings, all those heart racing, tongue-twisting comments and rambling conversations. And for what? It all amounted to nothing. Eddie was gone and Steve would never get him back, never understand this thing between them. He wished he'd said something in that last moment together, anything other than the nod he'd given. He wished he'd told Eddie how he felt, maybe even kissed him, consequences be damned.

He was shocked back to reality when Dustin punched him on the arm, hard. "Don't scare me like that!" He half yelled, half cried. "You're not allowed to cry, Steve. You're the strong one."

Because he was. He was the one that held it together in front of the others and picked up the pieces, helping them see there was still good left in the world and it was okay to carry on. He saved his tears for when he was alone, never in front of the others. But here he was, crying in the middle of the street over Eddie Munson. "I'm sorry, Dustin. I just... miss him."

"No, it's fine." He managed a small smile. "I miss Eddie too."

Steve felt semi back in control, at least enough to drive again. "We should get back, it's starting to get dark." There were only so many hours of daylight now, less with each passing day it seemed. "Gotta unpack then get you back to your mom."

"She worries so much," Dustin scoffed as he slid back into the passenger seat.

"We're all worried." None of them knew what was coming. It was scary, thinking about Hawkins being reduced to this darkening, abandoned ghost town. A place where monsters could appear at any moment. "We've still got time."

"That reminds me, have you got any lighters?" Dustin's eyes were alight with an insanity that could only mean trouble. "I think fire will work well against demogorgons. Murray definitely agrees."

Scratch that, Murray was insane and should be kept away from Dustin at all costs.

With the food separated into groups to be taken to their different caches, Steve spent the afternoon helping Hopper and Jonathan hang netting across his backyard. The surrounding fencing still needed some support work since it wouldn't hold up against even a single Demogorgon in its current state but the netting should at least deter the bats. In the few hours it took to get it up, darkness had fallen and the house began to empty. There hadn't been any attacks yet but nobody was keen on staying out after dark.

He drove Dustin home, taking a good supply of food with them for Mrs Henderson. She greeted both boys with a warm hug and smile, giving Steve serve as homemade meals. "Don't think anything of it." She cut over his protests. "You look after my boy so much, it's the least I can do to repay you."

"Thank you." He smiled weakly and gave her an extra long hug. "I'll see you tomorrow, Henderson."

"Tomorrow." Dustin beamed back.

When Steve got back to his empty house he had just enough energy to put everything in the freezer before trudging upstairs. The silence was absolute as he lay down in the darkness. Most, if not all, of his neighbours were among the first to leave Hawkins despite the street being largely unchanged. He didn't mind the quiet, it helped him relax. Starting at the ceiling, Steve blindly reached under his bed to find Eddie's vest and hugged it to his chest. He closed his eyes and breathed in the still faint smell of the other man, fighting back the urge to throw the thing away.

He'd hidden the vest away when they had returned from the Upside Down, ignoring it for almost three weeks now. But his conversation with Dustin made him feel weak and right now he needed something to hold on to. He fell asleep still holding the vest, only to be woken by the sound of someone moving around downstairs.

Groping in the darkness for his bat, Steve cursed quietly to himself when he couldn't find it. He always left it in reach of the bed just in case. Slowly, as quietly as possible, he got to his feet and went out into the hall. There was a wavering light in the kitchen and someone was definitely down there. Feeling more vulnerable than he would've without his missing bat, Steve crept down the staircase and made sure to skip the creaking step.

The living room was still dark and he could just make out somebody bent over behind the kitchen island when he tripped over something, landing with a crash on the floor. What followed next was blinding light and a lot of confusing yelling. Steve flinched and covered his eyes at the sudden brightness.

"Steve?" His hand dropped, eyes widening as the light moved from his face he recognised that impossible voice. Eddie Munson stood in the doorway, bat and flashlight in hand, expression mirroring Steve's surprise. "H-how did you get here?"