33
The air was thick, tense, and full of a mixture of hope and resentment. This hadn't been the first time Renee had alluded to his mother, but Edward still found it difficult to understand. His mother was dead. How could she have told her anything about them?
"Elizabeth?" Alice whimpered, and Edward could hear the longing in his sister's voice. "What do you mean 'Elizabeth'?"
Renee's smile faltered as she looked from Alice to Edward, over to Jasper, Rose, Emmett, and finally falling on Bella. "Oh, Butterbean, what I have done to you?"
"It's okay, Mom," Bella said, slowly walking over and placing her hand on top of Renee's, which was still cradling Alice's face. Carefully, she slipped her hand into hers. "Everything is okay, but tell us about Elizabeth."
Renee's eyes widened as she looked around at everyone, taking a step backward as Carlisle and Esme descended the stairs. Edward could see the war raging in her eyes. Renee, like Bella, didn't like the attention on her. It overwhelmed her, but Edward had to know why she claimed a connection to his dead mother. Selfish, but he needed to know what she had been hinting at.
"It's okay, Re," Charlie murmured, sliding his arms around her, holding her tight. "Everything is going to be okay, but the kids need to know. Don't let them suffer any more than they have already."
"She . . ." Renee covered her mouth with her free hand. "She comes to me in my dreams. She's so beautiful." Renee reached out to Alice, who took a step backward. "You look just like her, Pix."
"I do?" Alice cried, and immediately Jasper was by her side, holding her together.
Edward was grateful that he loved her so much. He had been the only constant in her life in a long time. Their journey hadn't been easy, but they always had each other.
Renee hummed, and said, "You have the same smiles. Warm and inviting. She told me about you, her little pixie girl." Renee paused and looked toward the stairs. "And about you, Carlisle. She said you were the strongest man she had ever met. Brave and so smart."
"She did?" he murmured, thickly.
Renee nodded, reaching for his hand, but pulling back before she touched him. "She told me to tell you something."
"What?" he whispered.
"She . . . she said she's sorry for making you choose. It wasn't fair, but you made the right decision. She also said that it's time you stop blaming yourself and be happy."
Carlisle brought his hand up to his mouth, trying to stifle the uncontrollable sobbing that erupted from deep within his chest. It was the first time Edward had seen him so vulnerable. He hadn't seen his brother clearly, that much he knew. Edward had been weak and angry, bitter for so long yet Carlisle never let his emotions show. For a long time, he thought Carlisle resented him, hated him for being born with a broken heart, for always needed his mother's attention, but maybe Carlisle had just refused to allow himself to grieve the loss of their parents?
Renee frowned and looked back at Alice, who was weeping silently. "She told me to tell you something too, Pix."
"What?" Alice wept. "What did she tell you?"
"She said . . . she said you're stronger than you think, that it's okay to be sad. She said you have to stop blaming yourself, that seeing the beautiful art you created meant the world to her. And she said that you while she knows you're sad, the world would needs you in it because you are wanted, needed, and loved."
"Oh, my God," Alice cried, turning and burying her face in Jasper's chest.
Renee frowned and reached out to Alice, but like with Carlisle, seemed to know better and pulled her hand back. Her eyes flittered from Alice and Jasper to Bella and Edward.
"She has a message for you, too, Edward," Renee murmured.
"Yeah?" he asked, feeling everyone look at him.
Renee nodded and stepped away from Charlie until she was standing in front of him. He could see her hand shaking as she lifted it and placed it in the middle of his chest, right over his heart. Her eyes closed for a moment before she said, "Giving you a second chance a life, a real life, was worth her sacrifice. Watching you fall in love was worth her sacrifice." Renee shifted her eyes up to Edward's. "You were worth her sacrifice."
Renee blew out a heavy breath before she turned and fell into Charlie's arms, allowing him and Phil to escort her out of the room, and back into the kitchen. If the room had been thick moments ago, it was practically stifling now. His mother thought he was worth it. Edward had been worth dying for, sacrificing her life for. It was too much for him to understand, yet unlike his brother and sister, he found himself unable to cry. Perhaps, he had spent enough time wallowing away in self-pity for one lifetime.
"Mom and Dad wouldn't want us to be at each other like this," Edward whispered, drawing everyone's attention to him. "It's . . . fucking exhausting being mad all the time. Exhausting!" He took a deep breath, trying to keep from losing what little control he had as he looked over at Carlisle. "You can't make up for the fact that you abandoned Pix when she needed you the most."
And before Carlisle could defend himself, Edward turned to Alice. "And it's not fair for you to expect us not to be happy just because you're scared that we aren't going to need you anymore. We will always need you, Pix. Always."
"I know," Alice whispered, dragging her hand through her hair. "Just felt like everyone was moving on, yet I was stuck. I realize now that I was the only person holding myself back, that I let fear keep me from, I don't know, growing up, I guess. I've just always felt invisible, unwanted."
"Of course you're wanted, Pix," Carlisle exclaimed, reaching for her. But Alice shook her head, so he pulled his hand back. "I used to beg Mom and Dad for a brother or sister. I got both, Pix!"
"Yeah, but —"
"No, there are no buts," Carlisle interrupted her. "I miss you, Pix."
"The miss the Pix I was," she argued. "Before the accident."
Carlisle shook his head. "No, I miss the Pix who survived."
"Did I?" she whimpered, frowning. "I don't feel like I did."
"You're here, aren't you?" Bella asked, drawing everyone's attention to her. Biting the inside of her lip, she looked from Carlisle and Esme to Emmett and Rose, Alice and Jasper, to Edward. "We're all here, aren't we? A little bruised, a little battered, but we're here. Surviving. Trying to, at least."
"I guess we are," Alice admitted. "Is that enough?"
"It is for me," Bella said, shrugging her shoulders.
"Me too," Edward added, sliding his arm around Bella's waist. "I don't want to be angry anymore."
"I don't either." Carlisle sighed. "I've made a lot of mistakes. More than I want to admit, even to myself, but you have to know, Pix, that I would never hurt you on purpose, right? You know that, don't you?"
"No, I don't," she confessed. "I don't say that to hurt you, Car, but after Edward and Bella left, you texted and called him daily. When Jasper and I left, you texted me one time and then nothing. I needed you to tell me that it was okay to be scared, but you didn't. None of you did, except for Edward and Bella. They were the only ones who made an effort to stay in contact with us."
"It's not like we didn't think about you all the time," Rose said, drawing everyone's attention to her and Emmett, who had his arm wrapped around her and his other hand resting on her abdomen. "You were so sure of your decision to go to Port Angeles, Alice. We saw how excited you were, the plans you and Jasper were making, and it just seemed like you were in control. I guess we just took for granted that you would ask for help if you needed it."
"But Edward and Bella were different?" Alice asked. "They weren't excited, too?"
"Of course they were," Emmett scoffed. "But they don't always tell us when they need help. In case you haven't noticed, they are stubborn."
"We are not!" Edward and Bella muttered together, causing everyone to laugh.
"Okay, whatever you say, Butterbean," Emmett quipped.
"Look, we can't change what happened," Esme jumped into the conversation. "But we can start over from here. We're a family, and family sticks together."
"No matter what?" Alice asked. "Jasper and I aren't staying here. We're going back to Port Angeles."
"You are?" Carlisle wondered.
She nodded. "Phil reached out to the Art School and managed to talk them into giving me a second chance."
Edward cleared his throat. "That's good."
"I'm scared," she confessed. "But I have to take charge of my life, and that means finding my art again."
Carlisle seemed to hesitate before he pulled away from Esme and walked over to Alice, stretching his arms out to her. Though Edward could tell she was still angry with their brother, she fell into his arms. Maybe, just maybe, they would be able to rebuild their relationship. Just maybe.
Thank you for all the reviews. Couple chapters to go.
