Context for this chapter – I googled the names of popular sex stores in the US and picked one, but I based it on a store we have here in Australia. Which is basically to say, if you've ever actually been to Cupid's Closest and it's nothing like I've described here, please suspend your disbelief and cut your Aussie author playing with American characters some slack. TIA

Chapter Five

''This is where we're walking too?''

Ana turned to face her husband from the passenger seat, giving him a look that said in equal parts you're unbelievable and abso-fucking-lutley. Christian switched off the ignition and the headlights, leaving the car in nothing but the dim neon lighting of the Cupid's Closet entrance sign.

''I thought the playroom was in need of an update,'' Christian said casually. ''Meaning, I thought it was in need of a few more things that you picked out, rather than me.''

Ana's face lit up, like a toddler who'd just been given free rein in a toy store, and Christian laughed. She scrambled to get out of the car, enthusiastically slamming her door shut behind her, while Christian straggled behind, struggling to match her pace.

''Holy shit,'' Ana whispered as she pushed one of the thick glass doors open. ''Oh my god, this is huge.''

''Now, don't get overwhelmed,'' Christian said, having finally caught up to his wife. ''Your first time in a sex store can be a little bit intimidating.''

Ana tilted her head and gave her husband a slow, carnal smirk. She opened her mouth to say something, then, with a small giggle, shook her head and shut it again.

''What?'' Christian asked, narrowing his eyes at her.

''Nothing.''

''What?'' Christian said more forcefully.

''Nothing, you're just… you're cute,'' Ana said, giving Christian a slightly patronising pat on the shoulder. She began to walk towards the nearest collection of aisles, which sported a headboard sign that said PLEASURE FOR HIM, and Christian frowned.

''I'm cute?'' He echoed, and he heard Ana laugh again. ''I don't like being called cute. Tell me what that look was.''

''Oh sweetie,'' Ana sighed dramatically while picking up a box with a printed image of some bizarre black contraception. ''I was a virgin before we met – not a nun.''

''Wait, you've been in a sex store before?'' Christian's eyes widened. Ana's head was down, deeply engrossed in whatever it was she'd found, but he could still see the amused look.

''Of course I have, I'm twenty-three years old. I owned vibrators before you, Christian.''

''Wait, you did? You never told me that.''

''What is this?'' Ana ignored Christian and held up the box she'd been studying. Now that Christian could see the cover properly, he could identify it immediately.

''Oh, it's a blow job thing,'' Christian said distractedly, now slightly flustered with images of Ana alone in her old apartment bedroom with a vibrator. What would she think about? He couldn't imagine that she'd ever watched porn, but she'd definitely be the type to read it.

''Explain.''

''What?'' Christian gave his head a bit of a shake, trying to recentre himself.

''What kind of a blow job thing?'' Ana's forehead was furrowed in confusion, and she was holding the box like a teacher would, so that both she and her students could examine it together.

''It feels like a blow job. You put your dick in it, and it feels like you're getting a blow job. Now can you put that down? That's not what we came in for.''

''Why not?'' Ana grinned cheekily. ''This could be fun.''

''Anastasia, I swear-'' Christian was trying to be serious, but he couldn't keep a straight face. ''Put it down.''

''Fine.'' Ana raised her hands defensively. She carefully replaced the box, just as a bottle-blonde salesgirl with hot pink lips and a plastered-on smile came over to greet them.

''Good evening, can I help you folks with anything?'' She singsonged.

''We're fine, thank you.'' Christian said, and at the same time, Ana said picked the same box back up and said ''do you have this in any other colours?''

Christian ran his palm across his face, and the sales attendant looked conflicted, as though she wasn't sure whether she was actually supposed to respond.

''No,'' Christian clarified, answering the unspoken question. ''Don't answer that. We're fine, really.''

The salesgirl gave a slightly awkward laugh and nod of her head, before scurrying back across the store to the safety of her front counter.

''All right, we're getting out of this section, let's go.'' Christian attempted to pull his reluctant wife by the hand, but she dug her heels into the carpet and refused to move.

''Wait, wait, wait,'' She whined, pulling back. ''Five minutes. I'm curious!''

''And I love that you're curious, but this is not the section. There's an entire BDSM corner on the other side of the store.''

''And we'll get there. I just want to know what some of these things are.''

''Why? None of this stuff is useful for us.''

''Why not?''

God, she could be stubborn when she wanted to be. He wouldn't trade Ana for the world, but if there was one thing he missed about having real submissives, it was that he spoke, and they listened. He'd never find himself in the men's pleasure section of an adult store arguing about the use of blow job stimulators with any of them.

''Because that's not how our dynamic works,'' Christian said. ''I'm the dom. You don't use toys on me.''

''What does a cock ring actually do?'' Ana asked, crouching so that she was at eye level with a whole row of them. ''I've heard about them, but I don't actually know what they are.''

''You're not listening to me.'' Christian folded his arms over his chest.

''Not really, no. Cock rings – what are they?''

''They vibrate, Ana.'' Christian sighed. ''Fill in the rest yourself.''

''Interesting.'' Ana nodded thoughtfully. ''Have you used one?''

The question caught Christian off guard, though it shouldn't have. It was a pretty logical progression of the conversation, and still, he felt his chest tighten, and he shifted his weight uneasily.

Ana looked up at her husband, and he could tell from the look on her face that his discomfort was obvious.

''What's an egg masturbator?'' Ana quickly changed the subject, and Christian let out a sigh of relief.

''Uh, it's like disposable stretchy gel. You jerk yourself off with it and then throw it out. Are we done now?''

''Yeah,'' Ana said, getting to her feet. ''All right, Grey, take me to your section.''

Christian slipped his hand back into Ana's and walked her across the floor, past the cashier, who was now playing a game on her iPhone and paying them no attention. He lead her to the front cavern of the store, where just about anything a BDSM veteran could want was on display, neatly laid out on floor-to-ceiling shelves.

''Oh my god, those paddles have words on them!'' Ana shrieked, and just like that she was off again.

Christian watched with thorough amusement as Ana began to sift through a hanging rack of black leather paddles, with deep red words hollowed out across their surface.

''So, like, you get smacked with these, and the word gets imprinted on your skin?'' She said, testing one out on her hand, though nowhere near hard enough to get the effect.

''That's the idea.''

Ana flipped the paddle over and scowled when she realised which one she'd selected.

''Ugh, this one says slave,'' She scrunched up her nose and shoved it back on the rail. ''Gross.''

''This one just says ouch'' Christian said, pulling another one down for her to look at.

''That seems kind of boring.'' Ana raised on her tiptoes, trying to get a better look at some of the options buried deeper in the wall. ''You're definitely not branding the word bitch into my ass. Oh, this one's cute!''

Ana tugged free another paddle and it held it up for her husband's inspection. Christian smiled as he read the letters XOXO on the surface.

''It is cute.'' He agreed. ''Very you.''

''Oh my god, Christian!'' Ana squealed, and Christian saw the salesgirl lift her head, though he couldn't tell if the look she was giving them was surprise or annoyance.

''Inside voice, Ana.''

Ana discarded the XOXO paddle and set about digging a different one out of the wall. When she'd managed to retrieve it and show it to Christian, he laughed.

Ana had found the paddle that said brat.

''I think we a found a winner,'' Christian said, taking it from Ana. ''What else do you want to look at?''

''Do they have collars here?'' Ana said, turning her head from side to side.

''They do,'' Christian nodded over Ana's shoulder, and she spun around to find the centre table, topped with collars fastened around display cylinders. ''But-''

Ana didn't stick around to hear the end of the sentence. She was over at the table in an instant, running her fingers along the different materials.

''Ana, wait,'' Christian said, still holding the paddle and accepting that he was going to be the one carrying everything from their shopping expedition. ''Ana, I don't want to buy you a collar from here.''

''Why not? Look at this one!'' Ana held up a pink leather collar, with a heart-shaped metal centre.

''Because none of the collars here cost more than $50.'' Christian snatched the collar from his wife and returned it to the display. ''They look cheap. It's not even real leather.''

''I hate real leather. It's a very cruel industry.''

''Whatever, it doesn't have to be real leather,'' Christian said, exasperated. ''But let me order you something from Cartier. Something with gold or silver in the centre, not cheap metal that's going to rust in six months.''

''Cartier make BDSM collars?'' Ana raised an eyebrow.

''Cartier make anything if you pay them enough.''

''Okay, I don't need some diamond-encrusted thing, it's just something to wear in the playroom. Did your other subs get custom-made Cartier collars?''

''You are not my other subs, and I wish you'd stop making that comparison.''

''I wish you'd stop insisting that anything that costs less than a luxury car isn't worth buying!''

''Ana, in long-term BDSM relationships, a collar is basically the equivalent of a wedding ring. Can you imagine if I'd proposed with a $30 ring from some cheap jewellery store?''

''If I remember correctly, you didn't propose with any ring.''

''Okay, that isn't the point, and you know it.''

''What is the point, then, Christian?'' Ana asked, still looking through the collars Christian wished she'd just leave alone.

''The point is, I've never had a submissive I loved. You know that. Yes, I bought my previous submissives collars, but that meant I owned them, for as long as they consented, which was never longer than a year, at the most. I've never had a submissive that I intended to be with for the rest of my life, or one that I cared about enough to make the collar a submissive thing. You are a very different story. When I buy you a collar, it's going to be special, and it's going to be something that will last forever. I know you it doesn't matter that much to you, but it does to me, okay? So please, just let me order you a flashy expensive collar even though I know you'd be just as happy with whatever this shit is. Because it will make me happy. Please?''

Ana held his gaze for a moment as if weighing up his words. After a few beats, she put down the collar she'd been looking at and walked away from the table.

''Fine.'' She relented. ''But only because you said please.

''That's my good girl.''

''When I want to be,'' Ana smirked.

A torso mannequin sitting against the corner's far wall caught Christian's eye. Fastened around the plastic waist was a playroom red corset, with two attached handcuffs dangling on either side. It must have been a new addition to the store, because Christian had never seen it before, and the thought of Ana with her wrists chained to her corset-clenched waist excited him beyond words.

''Hey, baby…'' He reached for his wife but found only empty space. Something else had already grabbed Ana's attention, and she was hunched over in a corner, tossing an object around in her hands.

''Whatcha got there?'' Christian asked, and Ana flinched, before shoving whatever it was she was looking at back on the shelf.

''Nothing.'' She said quickly, turning around. ''Sorry, what were you saying?''

''I was saying… whatcha got there?'' Christian took a step forward, closing in on Ana.

Ana look conflicted, and then almost a little guilty. She shuffled anxiously backwards and held up the subject of her interest without looking her husband in the eye.

She's found a cock cage.

Christian swallowed, hard. The exact model was all too familiar – it was the kind made of metal bars, that allowed full visibility of all the action inside.

''I was just curious, that's all,'' Ana said quickly like she was defending herself. ''I know…''

''You know what?''

''I know you clammed up when I asked you about the cock ring because of Elena. Right?'' Ana dared to look up at him. Christian fought to maintain eye contact when every fibre in him wanted to walk away completely. ''You don't like talking about her.''

''I mean, you don't like talking about her, either,'' Christian said. It came out like an accusation, but he didn't mean it too.

''I don't.'' Ana agreed. ''But that's because I don't like her. It doesn't mean I don't think you should talk about what you went through if you want to. But I don't want to make you talk about it if you don't want to, you know.''

Christian shut his eyes briefly, taking a moment to work up the courage.

''I've used the ring, and the cage, before.'' He said, his words rushing out together. ''If that was your question.''

''Can I… can I ask…?'' Ana awkwardly raised the box a little. ''I don't really get it.''

''The cage?'' Christian queried, and Ana nodded, her face turning a faint crimson colour.

''What's the point of it? What does it do?''

''As long as you've got it on, you can't get an erection. So, typically, the dom will force the sub into the cage, and then, you know, turn them on. So your dick ends up straining against the cage, trying to get hard.''

''And does that hurt?''

''Like fucking hell.'' Christian cringed at the memory.

''Okay, show and tells over now, I promise,'' Ana said, putting the cage back.

Show and tell was, in fact, not over, but Christian expected as much. It was less than five minutes later before Ana had one knee up on what she described as ''the weirdest looking massage bed ever'', and Christian was once again playing kink prop professor.

''It's a sex bench.'' He said, slowly steering her around so that she was facing the bench front on. He gave her a little push on the shoulder, forcing her knees to buck, and guided her down to the pads on the lower level. ''Your knees go here, and then you bend over and put your face- ''

''Okay, yeah, I get it,'' Ana said, pushing him off and standing up. She grinned deviously. ''Can we get one?''

''Of these? For the love of fuck, yes. Oh my god, yes.''

''Good, good,'' Ana said, self-satisfyingly. Her eyes bulged, and she side-stepped around Christian to pick up a star-shaped assortment of linked straps and hooks. ''I'm frankly terrified to ask what this is, but I'll also never sleep again if I don't know the answer.''

''It's a position master,'' Christian smirked. ''You can get very creative with that one.''

''That's horrifying,'' Ana stated, pushing the product in Christian's direction. ''We're buying it.''

Half an hour later, they were finally ready to check out. Along with the brat paddle, the bench and the position master, Ana had found violet-coloured handcuffs, blindfolds with street art designs on them, and a blow-job strap that matched the corset-and-cuffs he'd managed to coax her into. By the time they were loading the bags into the backseat of the car, Christian was seriously considering blowing off work in the morning in favour of staying up all night with their new toys.

Despite her enthusiastic demeanour in the store, Ana fell into silence on the drive home. Christian glanced at her a few times from the corner of his eye, trying to read her facial expression. She didn't seem upset, or distressed – she simply had her head resting on the passenger side window, looking deep in thought.

''What are you thinking about, baby?''

Ana chewed on her bottom lip, hesitating for a moment before answering.

''Elena.''

''Why?'' Christian frowned.

''I don't know, I was just… I was thinking about something you said tonight.''

''What? What did I say?'' Christian was confused, and truthfully, a little on edge. He had no idea where this was going, and that made him nervous.

''You said that I don't like talking about Elena.''

''Because you don't.''

''Right, I don't.'' Ana shifted in her seat, twisting so that she could see Christian better. ''But that doesn't mean we shouldn't talk about her.''

''Why would we talk about her?''

''Because she abused you, Christian. And I'm not saying that means we have to talk about her. But I'm your wife, and if you ever want to… I'm just saying, I don't want you to think you can't ever bring her up because I don't like her.''

''She didn't…'' Christian gripped the steering wheel tighter. ''She didn't abuse me, sweetheart. I know that what she did was wrong, but it wasn't abuse. I consented to it.''

Ana was quiet for a moment, which worried Christian. She was thinking carefully about her response, which, from experience, usually meant she was about to fuck him up.

''Remember the day that we met?''

All right, that was a curveball.

''Of course, I do,'' Christian said, in a tone snappier than he'd meant for it to be.

''Were you attracted to me? Back then, during that first interview?''

''No, Ana, I tracked down your place of work and drove three hours to another city because I found you mildly interesting. What do you think? I wanted to fuck you into next week.''

''Did you think about it? During that interview?''

''Yes?''

''Really?''

''Yes, Ana. I thought about fucking you while you were interviewing me. And afterwards, repeatedly, for the next week. Where is this going?''

''Would you have had those same thoughts if I was in high school instead of college?''

''Jesus Christ, Ana.''

''Well? If I was fifteen when I interviewed you, would you have thought about fucking me? Would you have tracked me down and tried to make me your submissive?''

''Of course not.'' Christian winced. ''But that's… it's not the same thing.''

''How is it not the same thing?'' Ana asked. ''And what if I was eighteen?''

''What's that got to do with anything?''

''Just answer the question. What if I was eighteen instead of twenty-one? Would you have pursued me then?''

''No,'' Christian said honestly. ''Eighteen still would've been too young.''

''So if you would have regarded a legal adult as too young because you have the decency and the moral grounding to recognise the power imbalance between a teenager and a twenty-seven year old man, even if it wasn't technically breaking any laws. But you don't see the problem with a forty-something year old woman taking introducing a fifteen-year-old to BDSM?''

''It was different, Anastasia. I was a special case. It wasn't like she just took any fifteen-year-old off the street.''

''Christian, that's literally grooming 101. Every single predator makes their victim feel like they're the special case. Like even though this exact same thing would be morally wrong with anybody else, for some reason, it's different with them. It's not different, Christian, it's statuary rape. You were a vulnerable child and she took advantage of you. Any other way she tried to spin that was just her manipulating you so you didn't realise you were being abused.''

Christian didn't respond. The road blurred slightly in front of him, the yellow glow of his headlights morphing into the red of the taillights from the car in front of them. After a few seconds, he heard Ana sigh.

''Look, I know it's a lot for you to process, and I'm not trying to push, I'm really not. I just want you to know that you went through some shit. And it's okay if that affected you, and it's okay if you ever want to talk about that, you know, with your wife. I just want you to know that I'm here for you. And that you don't ever have to feel embarrassed or ashamed about what happened with Elena. I don't care what she told you, Christian. It wasn't your fault. And you didn't consent, because you couldn't. It'll never be on you.''

Christian sat quietly, slowly absorbing Ana's words. The couple sat in silence for the remainder of the drive home, but once they'd pulled into the apartment complex's garage, Christian leant across the centre console and kissed Ana deeply.

''I love you.'' He said because there wasn't really anything else to say.

''I love you, too.''

That night, Christian woke just after midnight, the remnants of a nightmare still clawing at his chest. He rubbed his eyes in the darkness, already unable to recall the details of the dream that had pulled him from sleep. It was a fairly common occurrence – Christian often forgot his nightmares the moment he was awake, but the terror stayed long after, like solid cement in his stomach.

Careful not to wake Ana in the process, he slid out of bed and into the ensuite, where he stripped out of his pyjamas and climbed into the shower. The warm water worked to relieve the tension in his muscles, slowly soothing the dread inside him.

''Christian?'' He jumped at her voice and turned to find her hovering next to the shower, watching him through the glass. ''What's going on?''

''I'm just having trouble sleeping, baby.'' He said, in his most reassuring tone. Ana's brow creased in worry.

''Is this about the conversation in the car?'' She whispered, sounding guilty. ''I'm sorry, I didn't mean to''

''No, baby, it's not.'' Christian switched the water off and reached for a towel, which he tied loosely around his waist. ''It's just one of those nights.''

''Do you want to talk about it?''

Christian's natural instinct was to say no. That had always been the answer, whenever anyone had asked him that question. His mother, his siblings, his co-workers, Taylor. He didn't talk about things, and he shut people down when they tried. Talking about things made them real and opened boxes Christian had spent most of his life trying to keep shut.

But now here Ana was, looking up at him with blue eyes that were still hazy from sleep, with concern and love and everything in between etched all over her face. This woman, who was the first person that had ever felt like home, and the only thing Christian had ever had that he could truly describe as a safe place. And he realised, for the first time, in his life, he did want to talk about it.

''Yeah.'' He said, pulling Ana closer. She melted into him, and it was like he could physically feel her leeching the anxiety from his body. ''Yeah, I do.''

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