happy april fool's day
this was meant to be a oneshot, but now it might not be? i'm not sure, we'll see as it goes on
uuuh if you've ever read 'Life as a Nukenin,' it's... kind of similar to that? in vague terms, I guess
also, this is obviously an oc-insert because, as much as i'd rather write timetravel, I doubt Obito would act this way at all and while I'm going for at least mildly funny, I'm not going for murdering canon rules (murdering canon in general, however, is most certainly something i'll be doing)
anyways, hopefully this isn't terrible; have fun
" What ," he begins in a tone dead enough to support a colony of fungi, "The actual fuck ."
He drags a hand down a horribly scarred cheek, watching with wide eyes - sorry, a wide eye - as the mirror reflects his action. When he lifts his leg, that movement too, is displayed upon the glass, and so is his abnormally blank - brought about by a bluescreening brain, rather than a lack of emotions - expression.
He squeezes his eye shut, inhales deeply, raises the other hand - his other hand - and places the heels of each of his palms below his lips before promptly releasing a half-muffled scream that holds an edge of hysteria.
Somehow, he'd gotten himself isekai'd. A thought he'd regard as absurd if he didn't spill his guts out after having memories of a new life slammed into his brain just minutes prior, as if he's a character in some sort of bad transmigration fanfiction.
Ah, there's also the fact that he's wearing the body of Obito Uchiha. Or rather, the fact that he is Obito Uchiha.
But not.
An especially odd circumstance, because he'd never killed anyone - at least not Before. He'd never stolen candy from children. He'd never even gotten so much as a parking ticket.
In the end, the worst thing he'd ever done was to be generally unpersonable in regards to his personality - and even that's a stretch, since he's more socially incompetent than anything. If that's enough to get him reincarnated as an anime villain , he doesn't want to know what kind of situations even the most minor of dickwads end up in.
(Or maybe it's because he died on April Fools day. That would be the biggest cosmic joke, and very rude of the universe.)
Quite honestly, though, he doesn't actually mind transmigrating to another body, or hell, finding himself in another universe, but he'd prefer to be just about anyone else. Sure, Obito was overpowered as all hell, but he'd rather be Sakura - or even a civilian, really - than have to deal with all of the shit he was caught up in.
Too many pies, Obito. Too many goddamn pies.
The idea of being the main antagonist just for shits and giggles might sound fun, but unfortunately he's cursed with having a conscience, and he's pretty sure he'd vomit the moment he so much as cut someone with a kunai. Not to mention the fact that being Thanos dusted sounds, in no uncertain terms, rather unappealing.
So, he decides that he won't play this game. The universe has had its laugh, but he is not continuing this comedy show, and will be leaving ASAP, thankyouverymuch.
After dropping his hands to his sides, Obito - and that might take some getting used to - steps outside his door and walks down the hall. He can literally feel when he's getting close to the main room, because there are several, absurdly large , chakra signatures that are coalescing within said area, for whatever reason.
An odd mixture of wholehearted terror and indifference brews within his chest - the latter of which he pushes away because fuck that , he doesn't wanna die again today - as he finally pushes his way into the Room of Doom.
Itachi - who he figures can't have gotten past his teens, yet looks like he hasn't slept in goddamn years - is the first one who notices him. He gives Obito an assessing look before his eyes widen, an action that's immediately followed by a strangled sound to his left.
"Who the hell are you ?" fucking Deidara demands, drawing literally everyone's attention to him in an instant. He feels, vaguely, as if he'd spilled a drop of blood in shark-infested water as the gazes of half-a-dozen S-Rank criminals bore into him.
He pauses, chances a glance at Kisame, and wipes the thought from his mind.
"Your mom," he replies, suppressing his wince - and a snort, when Deidara's expression transforms into one of absolute bewilderment - as he walks across the room, determinedly ignoring the eyes that trail his movement.
"What the fuck?" Hidan asks from somewhere behind him, and immediately afterwards, he feels a hand placed on his shoulder. It takes everything he has to turn around calmly instead of yelping like a little girl, and the instinct has to be suppressed once again once he meets the amused gaze of Kisame Hoshigaki.
" Yes ?"
"Who are you, really?" he asks. Obito feels absolutely betrayed, because he knows who the fuck he is - or well, he thinks he's Madara, but whatever - but he's asking anyway, the bastard.
(It's probably because no one's supposed to know of Obito's identity, but whatever. He'll pout all he wants, thankyouverymuch.)
Just for that, he almost tells him he's his mom, too. Unfortunately, he doesn't think that Kisame will believe such a thing. Neither he nor Deidara are half-shark, after all.
"Tobi," he eventually replies, since it's what they know him by. 'Tobi' hadn't been instated as a genuine member of the Akatsuki yet, but they'd all seen him hanging around before, acting as some sort of 'reserve' member.
He hears a choking noise that he's pretty sure comes from Hidan, and from across the room, Deidara sputters.
"No goddamn way !" the latter yells out, and if Kisame wasn't blocking his vision, Obito wouldn't be surprised if he'd suddenly be facing Phoenix Wright mid-accusation instead of the explosion-obsessed blonde.
Apparently having lost his sense of self-preservation in the last few seconds, he nods, widening his eye and adopting a childish tone. "Are you saying you don't recognize Tobi, senpais?~"
He watches with great amusement as Deidara's eyes widen in horror, and he sees similar reflections on the others' expressions. Even Kakuzu has a double take moment, and Sasori's thoughts seem to have started buffering.
"Anyways," he says, dropping his shoulders and allowing his voice to deepen once again - though to a normal level, rather than the deep-ass voice Obito adopted when acting as Madara - "I decided to blow this joint. Maybe I'll become a baker or something. I think I make a pretty mean snickerdoodle."
He smiles, but internally wants to shoot himself. He doesn't know what it is about being Obito that has him teasing people who could kill him with a flick of their fingers, but he does not appreciate it.
…
Wait .
He's an S-Rank missing-nin too, isn't he?
There's a brief pause before Hidan narrows his eyes. "I can't tell if he's joking or not." He turns towards Kisame, who's closest to him. "He's joking, right?"
"...Nope," Obito replies after a moment, "See you never, senpais!"
With that, his Sharingan flickers to life, and he swirls into nonexistence.
stupid, innit?
i've had this idea for like, a full year, and now that it's april fool's day i was like 'yeah sure this makes sense'
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i should mention the sharingan thing btw:
he did get obito's memories, which is why he knows how to use it
...sort of
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and uh, 'too many pies' = thumbs in pies - involving yourself in a bunch of situations, if ya didn't get that
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also, if you read any of my other fics, they're probably not abandoned, i just haven't had time to write anything lately (and so wasted my time on this, obviously)
(sorry)
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anyways
thanks for reading :)
