Chapter 18:

London was towards the end of yet another season, the ton buzzing with excitement as the last few balls of the season were to be held. Débutantes and mothers alike were eager with enthusiasm to put on their last efforts before all of the ancestral families would go back to their country estates. The hostesses were putting on their best—decor, food, clothing, and even invitations. It had become the new fad to send beautiful and interesting invitations, hinting to the theme of the Ball. For each Ball had to be unique, setting it apart from the others, hostesses wanting the coveted spot of the Ball of the Season. Unfortunately for all of them, there was one gentleman who would not attend any gatherings—not even familial ones. He was not counted as an eligible bachelor yet, however, there were a few conniving mothers who were already hoping to make an introduction, to present their young daughters as potential doting mothers to a poor orphan and a lonely widower.

Mr. Darcy was for once glad that he was in mourning for he could not attend any social gathering—a relief he wished he could hold on to forever. He glanced at the cards that had arrived at Darcy House, each one more silly than the rest—since when were invitations written in rhyme? He did not think people would send anything to Darcy House—since he had barely spent more than fortnight in London combined in the last three years. He threw the cards in the fire, put on his hat and called for the his carriage to be called. He had business to attend to. Personal business.

He had arrived in London late last night and awoke early to attend to some business he could not delay—the main reason for his coming. Afterwards, he changed and readied to make an afternoon call to a respectable lady in Cheapside.

He came to the modest house situated in a busy street in Cheapside, took off his hat and promptly knocked on the door. If he looked or felt out of place, he did not show it.

A very shocked Jane Bailey answered the door, taking a step back in surprise.

"Mr. Darcy!" she exclaimed, wrapping her shawl closer to her, "I am afraid she is not here" added Jane, making an assumption as to why he had called.

"I know, Mrs. Bailey" said Mr. Darcy, looking around for he did not like people overhearing his conversations, "I came to speak with you."

"Oh" said Jane, giving him a weak smile, "Please do come in" she said, opening the door and allowing him to come into the Entrance Hall. She offered to take his hat and jacket and handed it to the maid who hung it up. Jane also called for some light refreshments and tea to be served in the drawing room.

"Please do sit down" sat Jane, always ever the lady. She sat down on her favorite spot and watched with amusement as Mr. Darcy sat exactly where Lizzy always did. Mr. Darcy raised an eyebrow in question—wondering what was so amusing—but Jane simply waved him off.

"How can I help you, Mr. Darcy?" asked Jane, after pouring both of them some tea. They had sat in silence for a few minutes, Mr. Darcy admiring her humble and yet tasteful drawing room, surely a credit to her.

"Is Mr. Bailey home?" asked Mr. Darcy, taking a sip from his tea and placing it on the table beside him.

"Yes, however, he is indisposed" said Jane, "He is not feeling well" she added hastily. Mr. Darcy looked concerned, "It's only a trifle cold—just today" she quickly added her face unreadable.

"I see" said Mr. Darcy, and he did see. He knew the look of the spouse of someone who was chronically ill but he did not press, nor did he give any hint that he understood that something was the matter. "Please do send him my regards" he added politely. It was a shame Jane did not confide in him, for out of everyone in her aquaintance, he could truly understand what she was going through. However, Jane did not give any hint of his understanding and continued with the conversation.

"Is that why you have called, to inquire about my husband? I am sorry to dissapoint you, your meeting will have to be delayed for another time" asked Jane, taking a sip of her tea.

"No" said Mr. Darcy chuckling, "I have come to apologize to you, Jane." He looked at her, for the first time looked at her and saw there was a sadness in her eyes, or perhaps a seriousness, and he hoped it had not been his doing.

"You have nothing to apologize for, Mr. Darcy" said Jane, standing up straighter. She had not known what to expect but she had not expected this.

"I do. I know it is of no consequence now as you are married, however, I did convince my friend, Mr. Bingley, that you were not interested in him and perhaps ruined your chances to marry him" said Mr. Darcy, clearly wanting to say this for some time.

"I do not think we would have suit" said Jane, after a few moments of mulling over her words, "I thank you for your apology and it is accepted, however, I do not blame you for what did or did not occur. I could not respect a husband who would have been so easily convinced. Even though it was wrong of you to interfere, it only showed me his character sooner than perhaps I would have otherwise seen it."

"You do not hold any grudge?" asked Mr. Darcy, surprised at her calm response. He did not know what to expect, he just felt it was time for him to acknowledge things he had had done wrongly in the past, specially if he was to mend the situation with Miss Elizabeth. For everything he did, he thought of her.

"Come now, Mr. Darcy, it has been quite some time—almost four years to be exact. I am happily married to a man I greatly respect and who stood by me during the worst time for my family. Can you be so sure your friend would have done the same?" she asked, raising an eyebrow. Mr. Darcy's subtle response was proof enough, "I do not believe so. In fact, I am quite grateful, if anything, for your interference" said Jane, her tone and manner still stronger than he had remembered. She used to be so sweet and soft, and now, she seemed to have grown a thick skin and he could only wonder what had happened in that time, but he had come with one goal and that was to apologize and so he accepted her response.

"I thank you" said Mr. Darcy, nodding his head, "If I may, I have another question for you, it is about your sister, Miss Elizabeth."

"Ah, now we get to the real reason of your calling" teased Jane.

"Is she engaged?" blurted Mr. Darcy. He had heard Mr. Rochester had plans to propose and Elizabeth herself had told him that he was courting her, but he had not heard beyond that. He could not ask around without seeming too interested but he was dying inside—he needed to know if she was...gone.

"I am afraid I cannot answer that question" said Jane, after a moment of silence. She bit her lip, while thinking, he deserves to be in misery for a little longer, after all he put Lizzy through. "I suggest you ask her" said Jane sweetly.

"I will" said Mr. Darcy, hiding his disappointment. "Very well, I shall be off" he said, standing up, followed by Jane who likewise stood up to see him out. "I am on my way to Longbourn, may I take a letter or a message for you?"

"Yes" said Jane, "Please tell Elizabeth that I approve of her choice and I wish her much happiness."

Mr. Darcy did not know what to make of the statement and nodded, took his hat and jacket from the nervous maid and left Mrs. Bailey's humble home, not knowing if he felt better or worse after coming.

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Elizabeth read the letter for the fourteenth time before forcing herself to put it down on her small writing desk. She was now pacing back and forth, muttering to herself, the emotions of the last few weeks, nay years, pouring from out of her. If anyone would see her now, they would think her a madwoman, talking to herself, a mixture of emotions all at once.

She had been in Longbourn for almost a month and her only solace was long walks that helped her let go of the past and focus on the present and future. All she wanted was peace. She found that peace in the woods, peace for her actions and her words, peace for her decision to not marry Mr. Rochester, and peace from Lydia's undoing and all the anger she felt towards her and her parents. It had been a very reflective month, where her own family noted she was much quieter than usual, but they left her be, knowing something must have happened in London but not knowing the full extent. Little did they know that she had turned down an offer which would have secured her future and possibly theirs, with a very handsome and kind gentleman.

It would be lying to say she did not know if she had made a mistake, but she knew that at that moment she made her decision and it had left right and she held on to that clarity.

Getting a letter from Mr. Darcy had undone her—every effort she had made to make peace with her life and her decision unraveled as she read and studied his every word and his every letter, tears and laughter filling her face as she read it again and again.

She let out a heavy sigh, locked the letter in her drawer, and left her room, wanting to make haste and go to Meryton before the sun set. She needed to know if he was already in town or if anyone knew of when he would be coming. She did not know how long until he arrived, only that the letter was dated a week prior and he would be here any day now. She still did not know what to to think—perhaps a walk would her help organize her thoughts.

It was already mid afternoon and after examining her choices she realized she would not be able to go to Meryton and return before sunset, she therefore allowed her body to fall into the sofa, letting out a heavy sigh as she fell in.

"Is anything the matter, my dear?" asked Mrs. Bennet, who was in the drawing room knitting, a habit she had taken after they had been shunned from society. It calmed her nerves and kept her busy.

"No, mama" said Elizabeth, not bothering to straighten her back, now that she knew she was not alone in the drawing room. She had not seen her mother when she walked in and looked through the window to examine the outdoors.

"Were you planning on going for a walk?" asked Mrs. Bennet kindly.

"I wanted to" said Lizzy, "However, the sun will set before I get back. I shall go in the morning."

"I see" said Mrs. Bennet, now putting down her knitting. "Did anything happen in London?"

"Yes" said Lizzy, "Many things have happened mama, but I have not shared them nor will I. I am sorry, if you will excuse me, I think I shall lie down early tonight. May I take a bun from the cook?"

"Of course" said Mrs. Bennet, pursing her lips. She had wanted to speak with Lizzy as a mother would to do a daughter but she did not know how. Deep down she knew Lizzy blamed her for what had happened with Lydia, she did not know she also blamed her father, but she knew that Lizzy's judgment towards her had been there from even before the incident, it seemed only obvious that Lizzy was in fact angry towards her, blaming her for her favorite's daughter mistake which ruined all of her daughter's lives...how exactly it affected Lizzy or what she lost in the process...that she did not know.

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hi everyone! you know when you read author's notes and all these crazy reasons why they couldn't update...well we actually didnt have internet for a bit which was kinda nice but also very...isolating, its pretty crazy how much we have become dependent on the internet! anyways so that is why i have not been able to update.

there have been a lot of awesome reviews and questions and i've meaning to find the time to just write and answer all of them. it is quite late now so im not sure ill be able to write in full (and sorry if u dont like long author's notes...) so here goes:

there is a lot of feedback about mr darcy not showing he loved elizabeth because he married anne. if we go back to canon, lizzy and darcy have a talk, once engaged, where they reflect on her coming to derbyshire/pemberley and he says he was shocked, he did not expected to see her. and if he had not seen her there...it does not seem that he would have sought her out. he was definitely changed because of her and wanted to be worthy of her, but it is not clear that he would have chased her, specially since she had rejected him and had made it clear he would be the last man she would be prevailed upon to marry.

so in this story, the whole meeting in pemberley does not happen. he still thinks she hates him and they dont see each other. then he hears lydia is ruined, pregnant, left by george, by the time he hears of her, the damage is done, everyone knows what has happened and he still thinks she doesnt like him so why would he go and find her and propose? then richard convinces him to marry anne and because he cannot marry for love (bc his only love is elizabeth whom he thinks hates him) he settles for marrying anne who he loves as his cousin. he doesn't act like a husabdn to him, in that they are roomates and anne obviously loves him, but also loves the freedom that he gives her.

when lizzy goes to pemberley to ask him to renew his offer he is in agony! this is the love of his life who he thought was lost forever and she is here...but now he is married, even if only by name. divorce/annulment was not common/easy so there was no way out. he wasn't going to offer being his mistress bc he respects her. lizzy sees how much anne wants to love her husband and does give her blessing for him to be happy bc there is nothing they can do. she doesn't have an expectation that she will wait for him, it is only when someone proposes that she realizes her heart just cannot accept. so i dont think darcy is being horrible for decided to have a baby with anne, the way i picture it is, they were first friends for 2 years and then she begged for a baby and he basically drank a lot and got her pregnant, but it wasn't like that was a part of their relationship, just that they did that in order to have a baby/continuinty (annes dream) together.

im not sure if this explanation answers your questions/concerns/complaints, but i have been meaning to clarify this.

as always, looking forward to ur thoughts!