Why Are We Here? And Is That A Toilet?


On top of red base of blood gulch, there stands three soldiers clad in armor, one Maroon (Simmons), one Orange (Grif), and one Crimson (Patterson).

Simmons: Hey, guys?

Patterson: Hmm?

Grif: Yeah?

Simmons: You ever wonder why we're here?

Grif: It's one of life's great mysteries isn't it? Why are we here? I mean, are we the product of some cosmic coincidence, or is there really a God watching everything? You know, with a plan for us and stuff. I don't know, man, but it keeps me up at night.

The two stares at Grif in silence

Patterson: What... The... Fuck.

Simmons: … I mean why are we out here, in this canyon?

Grif: Oh. Uh... yeah.

Patterson: What was all that about God? Dude?

Grif: Uh...hm? Nothing.

Simmons: You wanna talk about it?

Grif: No.

Patterson: You sure?

Grif: Yeah.

Simmons: Seriously though, why are we out here? As far as I can tell, it's just a box canyon in the middle of nowhere. No way in or out.

Patterson: What about climbing up the canyon.

Simmons: Not the point Patterson.

Grif: Mm hmm.

Patterson: The only reason that we set up a Red Base here, is because they have a Blue Base over there. And the only reason they have a Blue Base over there, is because we have a Red Base here.

Grif: Yeah. That's because we're fighting each other.

Simmons: No, no. But I mean, even if we were to pull out today, and if they would come take our base, they would have two bases in the middle of a box canyon. Whoopdee-fucking-doo.

Patterson: Whoopdee-My ass.

Grif: What's up with that anyway? I mean, I signed on to fight some aliens. Next thing I know, Master Chief blows up the whole Covenant armada and I'm stuck in the middle of nowhere, fighting a bunch of blue guys, inside a canyon with a toilet on the center... Why is there a toilet in the center of the canyon?

Simmons: Why IS there a Toilet at the center?

Patterson: There's a toilet on the center of the canyon? Now this I gotta see.

From atop of the cliff three cladded armored soldiers, one in Cobalt (Church), one in Aqua (Tucker), and one in Olympic (Cunningham). Church with his sniper rifle, looking at red team.

Tucker: What're they doing?

Cunningham: Tucker, Shut up.

Tucker: What? Just asking.

Church then lowered his rifle

Church: (aggravated) What?

Tucker: I said, "What are they doing now?"

Cunningham: Oh goddammit. (Moves a little) I think i heard Delirious. (leaves)

Church: (frustrated) God damn, I'm getting so sick of answering that question!

Tucker: (defensively) You have the fucking rifle, I can't see shit. Don't bitch at me because I'm not going to just sit up here and play with my di-.

Church: (interrupting) Okay, okay, look... they're just standing there and talking, okay? (getting angry) That's all they're doing. That's all they ever do, is just stand there and talk. That's what they were doing last week, that's what they were doing when you asked me five minutes ago. So, five minutes from now, when you ask me, "What are they doing?" my answer's gonna be, "They're still just talking, and they're still just standing there!"

Both fall silent.

Tucker: …What're they talking about?

Church: …You know what? I fucking hate you.

back to Grif, Cartoonz and Simmons.

Grif: Talk about a waste of resources. I mean, we should be out there finding new and intelligent forms of life... you know, fight them.

Simmons: Yeah, no shit. That's why they should put us in charge.

Patterson: (whistles) That's gonna be a lot of casualties.

A Red cladded soldier (Sarge) and a wine cladded soldier (Hanby) below, the red base appear.

Sarge: Ladies, front and center on the double!

Terrorizer: Come on ya little bitches!

Patterson: (Sighs).

Simmons: Fuck.

Grif: Yes, sir!


Sup

Holy shit, I had a hard time to write in this place.