CHAPTER ONE

(BPOV)

The full length mirror reflected an image I no longer recognized.

Dressed in white and still as a statue, my hands trembled at my sides while Alice placed the finishing touches on my dress.

"You look simply radiant. Now you just need some beauty sleep before tomorrow."

I managed a nod to her, trying to hold back the emotion as she carefully unbuttoned my wedding gown and helped me step out of it.

"Thank you."

"Are you alright? You seem distracted?"

"I'm just tired. Been a very long day. As you know."

"Alright, here I'll get this all packed away in the garment bag and get going so you can rest. Sure you don't need anything before I take off?" She offered.

"No, I'm fine, Alice." I told her, the quavering in my voice surely giving me away.

She placed a comforting hand on my shoulder and the cold touch made me flinch away in response.

"He might still show, you know? Your favorite mechanic might just make a special guest appearance for your big day after all."

"It's been weeks." I reminded her.

"Still-..."

"Can we not talk about this? As you said, I need my rest for tomorrow. I'll see you in the morning."

Alice took my not so subtle hint and gathered her things with a weary parting smile, as she left the house and made her way back to the mansion the Cullens called home.

When her luxury car was out of sight, I exhaled the breath I had been holding and sunk down to the floor there by the window.

He wasn't coming back for my wedding.

For all we know, he wasn't coming back at all.

No one had seen him in weeks and trying to get any information from the pack was like pulling teeth.

I wiped the angry tears that fell down my face and grabbed my cell phone one more time, going through my messages in the rare hopes that he would send one my way. Even if it was an angry one, I would take it. Anything to know he was alive and safe. To know he was okay.

I shook my head in frustration at myself with this thought.

"Of course he's not okay. You broke his heart into a million pieces." I whispered there in the silence of my room.

After pacing the floors till I couldn't stand it, I reached for my keys and headed out into the stormy night.

The rain poured down in a heavy sheet of steady water, making it hard for me to reach optimal speed on the highway.

I pressed down harder on the accelerator, willing it to pick up better speed as I neared the exit that led me to my home away from home.

My mind filled with the memory of the last time I'd seen him, the last time I'd touched his warm skin and it filled me with the kind of regret that choked me.

"Maybe even then...-"

I blinked back the tears as my truck came to an idle there outside the small red house.

The lights were all out, there was no movement inside and given the late hour of midnight that it was, I knew Billy would be fast asleep.

I switched off the engine and sat there, letting the tears fall until my vision was blurry and my chest felt like it was on fire.

With heavy legs, I climbed out of my truck and headed for the small garage that held all of our cold pizza and warm soda memories.

Reaching blindly for the overhead light, I turned it on and gasped aloud at the emptiness this place held now without him.

His tools laid untouched and his dirty t-shirts were strewn about the damp garage floor.

I reached for one, lifting it from the top of the rabbits hood and inhaling his woodsy pine scent there as I gripped it tightly in my hands.

"I'm so sorry, Jake-...oh...-I'm so sorry." I breathed. "We weren't supposed to end like that you and I."

The rain pounded hard on the roof overhead as I looked around, recalling all the times he'd make me laugh until I cried. All the times he brought me back to life.

Only for me to leave him...-

The ray of light overhead caught hold of my engagement ring, casting a shine from it's brilliancy and my stomach churned painfully at the sight of it.

What had I done?

I'd driven away the one person who understood me best, who took the time to love me when I felt unlovable.

A rattling roar of thunder from the nights sky shook the ground below me and I startled back, tripping over the tools that lay at my feet.

I steadied myself as the lightening lit up the drive and illuminated the shadowy still figure just outside the garage door now.

Anxiety and fear thrummed heavily through my veins at the realization I wasn't alone here anymore.

Maybe I never had been.

A huffing sound made me freeze where I stood as my gaze fell on the figure again, it massive stance causing me to stumble forward in my desperation to see him.

"Jake...-"

Another crack of lightning lit up the sky and I saw him there, his wolf gaze fixed on me with angry and tormented eyes that made my heart pound fiercely within my chest.

Relief coursed through me, but it was short lived when I caught sight of his mangled fur.

A low growl left his muzzle and I forced myself to stay put as he headed for the garage, his slow pace full of heavy defeat now.

My heart broke wide open, splintering into a hundred thousand little pieces that shattered to the ground below like glass when he let out a whine and suddenly turned back to go.

"No! Jake! Please don't...-"

He paused at my words and I felt myself grow all the more desperate to keep him here with me as the seconds passed.

I couldn't take losing him again.

I just couldn't.

"I know you're angry with me. I deserve that. I do."

He huffed loudly at this and turned himself back around abruptly.

I backed away from him, his wolf eyes piercing mine as he lingered there, seemingly torn on whether to stay or flee again.

"You came back-"

Anger filled his gaze as he growled then and backed away, his wolf form fading rapidly before my very eyes to be replaced with tan skin.

My face filled with rosy color as I tried to will myself to look away from his naked form. The simple truth was, I couldn't force my gaze to leave his.

Standing there in the pouring rain, his muscles tense with stress and pain, and his hair drenched and grown out longer than it had been since his first initial phase, Jacob didn't move and I could hardly breathe.

A rush of heat and longing made my legs threaten to go weak as the two of us remained locked there in each others eyes.

I was set to be married tomorrow. To seal my fate so permanently to the Cullens that my heart already ached from the finality of it and what it meant for Jacob and I.

I loved him for more than I should. Far more than I was willing to admit before.

His absence lately had left me utterly numb. So numb that part of me was convinced none of this moment with him was even real.

I blinked, and still he remained there, his stance faltering some as he peered toward the house where Billy was.

I read his concern without the need for words.

"He's okay, Jake. Charlie and Sue, they've been tending to him and the house while you were gone." I nervously assured him, my voice unsteady.

He held my gaze again before letting his head fall and fixing his eyes on the ground. His whole body shook from head to toe, but not from tremors or from the rain.

This was a trembling that came from something else and I knew it, because I felt it, too.

I placed his shirt down on the car again and slowly found my nerve to leave the garage. I was no longer welcome here. Once I was close enough to him to feel the rain touch my skin, I took a few more steps, so we were no longer face to face and whispered the one thing I wanted him to know.

"I had to try. One more time. Cause not knowing if you were okay was killing me. I know that after tomorrow, you'll hate me, and that leaves me more numb than I can tell you."

His head whipped in my direction at this, and the anguish I saw there in his eyes ripped my soul from my body.

"I can't bury it." He gruffly stated then, his tone strained and ragged when he spoke. "I've tried. I can't bury my love for you, Bella. So I know just how damn numb you feel."

My tears welled up and spilled down my cheeks at this, mixing with the heavy rain as I became drenched with him there.

"Like a coffin...- I'll be dead to you...-" I choked out. "As if I never even existed to you at all?"

Jacob shook from my words, his body vibrating with anger and tension.

"You'll still exist. You're everywhere I look!" He half shouted.

I choked out another cry.

"That's not what I wanted!"

"It's what you chose! It's what you're choosing! What the hell are you doing here? You're getting married in a few short hours! So why are you here!? Go! Leave! You made your choice. You chose him! So get the hell out!" He yelled, his eyes as black as the nite now.

His harsh words struck me with physical weight but I stubbornly stood my ground.

"No." I told him, seeing the anger fill his features again as his face morphed into the cold mask of indifference.

"Go...-"

"No...- I can't-"

"Leave! I don't want you here! I mean it! Get out!"

"I don't want this to be the last memory we have of each other!" I forced out. "Do you!? Is this how you really want things to end with us!?"

Jacobs expression sharply shifted then, his chest heaving with his breath as I closed the distance between us.

I watched as his anger vanished at my closeness, his intense gaze meeting mine with a blazing fire of longing behind it.

"I never want an ending with us. Not ever."

"Jake...-"

"-and something tells me that you don't either, or you wouldn't be here refusing to leave." He continued, his face close enough that our breath mixed in the wet air around us.

"I'm scared...-" I admitted then in a sob to him.

"Tell me what you're scared of...-" He demanded, as more thunder roared overhead. "Tell me, Bella...-"

"I'm scared of walking away from you and never feeling the way I feel when we're together. I'm scared that this numbness without you won't ever go away. I'm scared this might be the last time I ever feel anything this real-"

His lips ghosted mine then, the simple contact enough to steal the breath from my lungs as he stilled there.

"Bells...-"

He was the most beautiful person I'd ever known and losing him terrified me.

I kissed him back with a fearless abandon then that I didn't know I had within me.

As the sky split above us with more lightning from the storm, Jacobs lips molded feverishly to mine and I lost all sense of time or space.

I wrapped my arms around his neck as he hauled me up into his own with ease and a needy groan against my open mouth.

I hurriedly pulled off my soaked jacket and shirt with a moan as he kissed me thoroughly, his strong arms cradling me against him securely, making me feel every inch of his naked body pressed to mine.

Heat filled me, warming my chilled skin and my heart felt as if it would burst when his tongue met mine with passion and desperation all wrapped into one.