Author Note: I guess it only took Top Gun: Maverick to get me out of my eight-year fanfiction hiatus. With that said... hello, everyone! This story is a work in progress that will be crossposted on A03 (once my account is approved.) I'm looking forward to sharing this story which has been brewing in my mind since the first time I saw the movie. I hope you enjoy it as much as I have enjoyed writing it!

xxx

When he stepped out onto the deck of the carrier, the last thing that Jake Seresin expected to see was that another pilot had already beaten him there.

He paused and observed Natasha Trace as she sat and stared out at the water, her arms crossed in front of her. Her eyes were laser-focused on the scene in front of her, a beautiful sunset with swirls of pink and purple in the sky. The view took his breath away, both the sunset and the woman sitting several yards ahead of him. He blinked and shook his head; there was no time to think about her right now, not with what lay ahead the following day.

He hadn't come up the deck to look for her, but he would be lying if he had said she hadn't noticed that she wasn't with the others as they attempted to decompress before the mission. They had been told who the Daggers would be on the mission only a few hours before, and the word "spare" sounded identical to the word "failure." It took a few hours, but he was surprised to find a wave of relief wash over him as he looked at his commerades. His eyes had flitted around the room and caught glimpse of nearly everyone else – noting Rooster brooding in the corner, Payback and Fanboy watching a rerun of some awful CSI-like show, Halo sitting at a table drawing in a notebook – but he hadn't seen her. His first assumption was that she was in her quarters, taking in the moments before their lives were going to change. He mentally shrugged his shoulders and turned to make his way to the deck, wanting some fresh air so he could think straight. No one would notice if he wasn't there.

But there he was, and there she was. He started making his way towards her, not speaking until he was just a few feet away.

"Trace, as I live and breathe," he took the final steps towards her, but she never moved her head to look acknowledge his presence. Her eyes remained steady on the water in front of them.

"I thought that introduction was exclusively saved for Rooster," was her only response.

"Ah, you'd be correct if he was out here right now," he gave a signature, toothy grin, making an exaggerated head movement to look around them before they fell back on her. "But I'm stuck out here with you instead, so I have to work with what I'm given."

"You can easily unstick yourself and go back inside," she rolled her eyes. "I came out here so I wouldn't have to be around people."

"Now where's the fun in that?" He cocked his head to the side, waiting for another retort. Her silence permeated the air, and a blip of concern ran through his core. She was always the first one to come up with a witty comment, and her lack of speech was something he wasn't used to.

He didn't realize that he was moving to sit next to her until he was at her level. He could've sworn that he saw her flinch, just for a moment, before she settled back into her prior demeanor of pretending that he wasn't there. It was quiet for a few moments before he chose to speak again.

"Penny for your thoughts?" He asked, cocking his head slightly. She continued to stare out at the water, either not noticing his glance or choosing to ignore it.

"What's your game?" She asked a moment later. "Why are you acting as if you care?"

"Just curiosity," he shrugged. "It's not every day you see Natasha Trace acting like a lost puppy. It's…" What word could he use without sounding judgmental? "…intriguing."

She scowled, continuing to look ahead of her. "You can see yourself out if that's the case."

"I didn't mean it in a bad way." He ran a hand through his hair, careful eyes still watching her. "And just so you know, I do care. I want everyone to get back on this ship in one piece tomorrow and if you talking to me can let off a bit of your steam beforehand, then I want you to talk."

The silence radiated between them. Jake turned to gaze back out at the ocean, trying to decide how long he would wait for her to speak until he left her to her thoughts. It didn't take long until he heard one word: "Bob."

"Bob?" He chuckled. "You're out here, the night before the mission of your life, and you're thinking about Bob?"

"I nearly killed him a few days ago," she murmured, her hands knotting together on her lap. Jake took a sharp intake of breath – if he had taken a moment to realize where this was going, he would've stopped himself with the teasing comment. "I keep looking back at the bird strike and I don't remember my fear. I just remember that I thought I could handle it." She paused, waiting for a quip remark that never came from the man next to her. "I remember hearing the panic in Bob's voice. And I can hear Maverick asking me what I would tell his family when he didn't come home to them. And then I think 'You wouldn't be saying anything to them, because you would have killed yourself in the crash, too.'"

Jake remained silent, green eyes watching her.

"I'm taking him on a suicide mission tomorrow, and the thought of losing him–" She closed her eyes, taking a moment to breathe in. "The thought of losing any of them is making me lose my mind."

One of the things that Jake had admired from the first day he met her was her fearlessness. Her spitfire attitude and her jest were some of his favorite things about her – this Natasha in front of him made him feel anxious and sweaty. He was never one for pep talks; hell, he never felt like he needed one in his life and was not one who would go out of his way to give one. But here she was in front of him, opening herself up to someone she had been fighting like cats and dogs with for the last two weeks. In some ways he felt honored, and he otherwise felt terrified.

"Can I ask you to do something for me?"

Jake glanced over and noticed that this was the first time that she had turned to look at him since their conversation started. There was a certain gleam in her eyes, and he couldn't tell if it was a hint of tears or a stare of determination. Either way, it brought goosebumps to his arms. He forced a grin on his face as he responded with a chuckle, "A favor of moi? You sure you don't want to ask one of your buddies?"

"I'm serious, Jake," she mumbled.

His chuckles quickly subsided as he realized that she had used his name and not his callsign, and he nodded his head. "Depends on what that something is."

"I wrote my parents a letter." She glanced back out at the water. "I want to make sure someone knows where it's at just in case things go bad-"

"Phoenix, stop-"

"You know it's a possibility. A high possibility," Her head turned sharply to look at him, the same glint in her eyes from moments before. "I'm trying to prepare myself for any outcome we face, including one where I don't make it back."

"You're going to make it back," Jake retorted, surprised at how sharp his voice sounded. "You are the best of them. Maverick would not pick someone that he didn't think would not make it back."

The silence radiated between the two for a moment and he let out a heavy sigh, glancing out at the water. The sun was barely peaking out, and it would be dark soon. "Where did you put it?" He asked quietly.

"It's in a locked drawer in my dresser," She responded, her voice barely audible. "The key is the small one on my keychain, which I'll leave on my desk for you."

He nodded his head slightly as he murmured, "It's going to stay there because you're coming back."

"Thank you," was her only response. He glanced back over at her and noticed that she had turned to look at him as well. The corners of her lips had slightly risen, and the only way he could describe her look was one of pride.

"Stop looking at me like that," he grinned. "It's making me uncomfortable."

"Your people skills could use an overhaul," her smile rose a little more as she continued, "but you're pretty ok when you want to be, Hangman."

If his grin could grow any bigger, it did at that moment. "I'll take whatever compliment you throw my way, Trace. It's not every day you give those out."

"Especially to the likes of you," she chuckled.

The silence fell between them again, and for the first time since he had started the conversation, it didn't feel uncomfortable.

"Hey," he pressed a serious look to his face and leaned in, looking straight into her eyes.

"Yeah?"

"What do you get when you touch a phoenix?"

She snorted softly. "Excuse me?"

"Just answer the question."

She narrowed her eyes slightly before saying, "I don't know, Hangman. What do you get?"

He tried to sound as serious as possible, but the crack of a smile broke his way through as he whispered, "Bird degree burns."

The laugh that sounded warmed his heart. For the first time since he saw her, she was grinning and laughing like she didn't have a care in the world. "How long have you been holding onto that one?"

"A long time, Trace," he smiled. "You just never gave me the prime opportunity to use it."

They fell back into their silence and watched the setting sun, the swirls growing deeper in color before going dark. He wasn't sure how long they sat out there together before he heard a shuffle next to him, and she was back on her feet.

"C'mon," she held out a hand and helped him to his own. "It's going to be a long day tomorrow."

It was an even longer night as Jake lay in bed and stared at the ceiling, remembering the softness of her hands and the fierceness in her eyes. She is the best of them, he thought as he closed his eyes. The absolute best of them.


Jake took his spot on the deck next to his plane, doing a walkaround that he felt he had already done ten times before since he arrived. The Daggers were going to make their way up shortly, and he wanted to make to see them off. He tried to fight the voice in the back of his mind whispering, "It may be the last time you see them."

They arrived at different times. Surprisingly, Payback and Fanboy were the first out and made it a mission to head straight to their plane and make no stops. A few moments later, he caught a glimpse of Phoenix and Bob. He watched as the pair made their way onto the deck, side by side. Bob slowed down as they got closer to the plane, Phoenix immediately following suit. She took a deep breath and turned, speaking a few words to him and Bob stood, stone-faced and nodding his head. She reached out and gripped his hand, squeezing tightly. And then their foreheads were gently pressed together, eyes closed as she continued to speak to him.

It felt almost voyeuristic to be watching such an intimate moment between the two, but he couldn't seem to look away. He could hear the worry in her voice from the night before as she spoke about their incident a few days prior and her fear of him not coming home to his family.

Maverick was the next to come up, and the two nodded at each other as they made eye contact but did not move to speak. As much as he wanted to be on this mission, he strangely found himself not to be bitter to stay on as Dagger Spare instead of being by their side. Blame the callsign, but it brought him a hint of comfort to stay stationary and wait to be called on.

He found himself at a loss for words when he came face to face with Rooster, who took to the deck last. After a moment, he said the only thing appropriate that came to mind – You give them hell. With Rooster's nod and movement towards Maverick so they could speak, he surveyed the rest of the Daggers and their movements. Payback and Fanboy were already in their plane, while Bob was climbing into the backseat of his. Phoenix was on the ground, looking up as her WSO entered and dropping her gaze as her own ladder arrived. He could have sworn that they made eye contact at that moment when she gave a hint of a smile and a nod. He winked at her and gave a toothy smile and waited as she climbed up to take her seat.

Sitting by Dagger Spare's side, he watched as they took off from the carrier, one by one, and let out a slow breath. Everything was going to be ok. They had to be ok.


Everything was not ok.

As soon as they became visible on the skyline, Jake's eyes never left the two approaching planes as they made their way back to the carrier. He felt sweat dripping down his face, an anxious pounding in his chest. To lose Maverick was bad enough, and then Bradshaw had to go play the hero and insist on going back for him. He took a deep breath, fighting the reminder of Phoenix screaming at Rooster through the coms to turn around and come back. He had never heard her sound as terrified and devastated as she was in that moment, including her near-death situation only days before. When word arrived that Dagger Two had been hit moments later, she remained silent. Her lack of any reaction scared him to his core, even if he would never admit it.

He heard the thump and skid of tires on the deck, and he stared at the plane as Phoenix and Bob got closer. He saw Bob's mouth moving rapidly, racing to get his seatbelts loosened and jumping out as soon as the canopy opened. Bob seemed jostled on his feet as he landed and moved forward instantaneously, seemingly attempting to get up to Phoenix. Jake's throat constricted as she made no effort to move and simply stared in front of her.

"—me a ladder!" He faintly heard Bob shouting from across the deck. Before he knew it, Bob was scrambling up the steps of a ladder and was next to her, one hand pressed on her cheek as he attempted to turn her head. A moment later, she nodded her head and move to unfasten herself. Bob, looking somewhat relieved, backed down the stairs and waited for her. It was several more moments that felt like minutes before she rose to climb out of the plane and down the stairs. Bob moved to place an arm around her waist, and she lifted a hand, shaking her head. C'mon, Trace, Hangman found himself cheering her on in his head. You can do this.

She took one step, and then another, away from where he sat in Dagger Spare. He slowly let out a breath as she moved. He didn't know what he was waiting for, but her moving and breathing and being in front of him was a good start.

But it didn't take long until he noticed a wobble in her legs that wasn't there before. He nearly jumped out of his own plane as he saw her fall forward; Bob, who had been walking alongside her, jumped in front of her to catch the fall. He lowered her onto her knees and held her by the shoulders, trying to speak to her as her head fell forward and her shoulders began to shake.

"Bob!" Hangman didn't realize that he was yelling until it was happening. When the WSO didn't move, he yelled louder, "BOB!"

Bob looked up in surprise and made eye contact with Hangman. Nothing more needed to be said, because he gave a sharp turn of his head that looked somewhat like a nod before throwing his arms under Natasha's armpits, pulling her up, and moving her as quickly as he could to the inside of the ship.

Jake stared at the scene in front of him, a choke caught in his throat. The Phoenix that had taken off less than an hour before, the one that he admired with every fiber of his being, was not the same person that landed on the carrier, and the thought absolutely devastated him.