Chapter 1 – Injured world, injured heart

Lost in his thoughts, Will Byers sat on a little hill not far from his house and stared at the landscape in front of him. He held his arms wrapped around his legs which he had pulled close to his body. Even if it was a warm day in summer, he shuddered. The tiny little hairs on the back of his neck stood up for quite some time now. And he knew all too well that the reason for it was not the weather…

To realize that, he just had to look into the distance. Usually from this place – which once had been one of his favorite spots – he had an excellent view over the landscape surrounding Hawkins, he could see the fields, meadows, little woods. The view had always given him strength and confidence when his father had sworn at him or he had been bullied in school again. And during the last ten years of his life, there had been more than enough reasons to come here trying to find at least a little bit of peace. The vastness in front of him always reminded him how big the world really was. How many opportunities it offered. That maybe somewhere out there, there was a place where he could feel safe. A place for people like him, people that were… different.

But now Will Byers stared at an injured world. At a gigantic crack that cut across the landscape like an ugly wound. A rift from which dark columns of smoke rose into a glowing red sky. The view hurt him because it showed all too clearly that they had lost. The dam that separated his world from the Upside Down had broken. Vecna had achieved his goal.

Almost a week had passed now since that fateful day when hell broke loose. Surprisingly the creatures of the Upside Down hadn't overrun his world yet. Actually, not a single Demogorgon or any other beast had been seen. It was quiet. At first, they didn't understand why. But then El had explained that Vecna wasn't ready yet. That first, he had to recover from his injuries before he could lead the final attack. But the painful truth was that it would only be a matter of time. The clock was ticking.

Will swallowed hard when he thought about Eddie who had died a senseless death trying to save the others. About Max who was in a coma and – if, contrary to his expectations, she should survive – would remain scarred for the rest of her life. They had failed. He had failed. Through his connection to the Upside Down Will could feel the triumph, that Vecna felt – a feeling that overpowered even the great amount of pain the creature had suffered by the courageous attack of his friends.

For Will it was sometimes difficult to distinguish whose pain he really felt in his heart. Or at least which one he felt more. That of the injured monster in the Upside Down or his own. Because he knew all too well that there were more than enough reasons for himself to be in pain. Surely, Vecna was one of them. But he wasn't the only one. Absolutely not. Far from that.

Will felt his eyes starting to burn. He didn't want to cry again like he had so many times in the past few days. Months. Years. He didn't want to be the weak and fragile one like everyone always saw him. Especially since his disappearing in the Upside Down. Sometimes he wished he couldn't feel anything anymore. But there were feelings. And especially one feeling that haunted him. A feeling so overwhelming that sometimes he thought he might explode. And that particular feeling wasn't about Vecna or the Upside Down at all. For Will, that didn't make it any less frightening.

„Will?", a soft voice asked behind him.

Startled, he turned around. It was Mike standing behind him, hands buried in the pockets of his jeans, frowning, his eyes full of concern.

Mike. Of all people…

Will turned away from him and stared into the distance again. „Hi", he murmured softly.

Mike took a step closer. „Is everything okay? I've been looking for you."

„I wanted to be alone", Will replied curtly, hoping that Mike would get this hint. But no chance. Mike sat down next to him on the dry grass.

„What's going on, Will?"

At that moment, the sheer presence of his friend was too much for Will to handle. And the sincere concern in Mike's voice made the fragile wall crumble that Will had tried to shield himself with from his own feelings. Thick Tears filled his eyes, tears he didn't want Mike to see. He didn't want to be the weak boy again. Especially not in front of him. Not now. „Look around, Mike", he managed to say with a trembling voice. „It was all for nothing…"

With a gloomy expression on his face, Mike looked up into the red sky, then he said confidently: „No, Will, it wasn't for nothing. We will finish him off and save Hawkins. You know that."

Will snorted derisively while he wiped his eyes with his sleeve.

For a moment they sat silent. Then Mike gave his best friend a warm smile.

„Actually, I had been looking for you because I wanted to tell you something important." He looked up to the sky again. "I mean, before the world ends and all that."

Will felt his heartbeat quicken. Confused, he looked at Mike, trying to read at least something in his facial expression. Could it actually be that…? No, it was impossible. But before he could spend more time thinking, Mike continued.

„I never really thanked you for the picture you gave me on our way to the bunker", he said, „and for what you said to me back then."

Will made a dismissive gesture. „I just tried to cheer you up."

Mike shook his head vigorously. „Don't be so humble, man. You…" He corrected himself grinning, „Will the Wise shook me awake."

When he heard his nickname, Will couldn't suppress a smile.

„Without you, I never would have found the courage to tell El that I love her", Mike continued elatedly. And the smile froze on Will's face. „Without you, perhaps I never would have realized how I really felt. That she needs me. That I need her. And that there's nothing and noone in this world that can seperate us again." Mike beamed and gave Will a friendly slap on the back. „All because of you, man! I just wanted you to know how much that means to me."

Will felt as if someone had thrown a bucket of ice water over him. He clenched his fists so tightly his knuckles turned white.

„You're welcome…" He was almost frightened himself about the coldness in his voice.

Even Mike, who wasn't known to well for hearing nuances or reading between the lines didn't miss the reaction of his friend. Confused, he looked at him from the side.

„What's going on? Did I say something wrong?"

Will laughed out loud and mirthlessly. He knew that he was unfair to Mike. He knew that Mike felt honest gratitude about what he had said to him that day in the bus. How he had helped him find happiness…
And that's what made it all worse. For he, „Will the Wise", with his oh so heroic deed had managed to make sure that he himself was never going to find happiness. And even if he knew that he did the right thing back then, he hated himself for it. The feeling was so powerful that at that moment he didn't care if he hurt Mike's feelings. His pain was so much greater after all.

Actually, I should't be afraid of the Upside Down anymore, Will thought sarcastically. Because I myself am perfectly sufficient to destroy my life. I don't need any monsters to do so. In fact, perhaps I am the real monster here. Not Vecna.

When Will didn't answer, Mike carefully touched his shoulder. „Will, what's going on? I cannot help you if you don't tell me what's wrong."

Will jumped to his feet and spun around to face his friend. „WHAT'S WRONG, MIKE? WHAT'S WRONG?", he roared with an anger and a desperation Mike had never heard from him before. „EVERYTHING'S WRONG! AND ALL I TRY, ALL I DO JUST MAKES IT WORSE!" He felt the tears coming back, but this time he didn't care if Mike saw them or not. And he felt how all the feelings he had surpressed for so long now managed to find their way out of him.

„With us, I mean!", he shouted before pointing with his finger on Mike and himself. "With our relationship!" His voice cracked. It took him a great effort to pull himself together to be able to continue.

„You haven't been interested in me for months, Mike. It's all about El, El, El now! When you call and I answer the phone, you immediately ask about her, as if there was no difference if Mum picked up or Jonathan. You never really asked how I was since we moved away from Hawkins. How I felt, if I found new friends, if everything was alright for me."

"I was…"

But Will cut him off.

"And now?" Will snorted. "When we spend time together I always feel like a third wheel. Like I'm only there to fill in the gaps for you. It's like I'm invisible for you. Just not there! Like El is all that matters anymore!"

„She's my girlfriend, Will…", Mike replied quietly, his eyes lowered on the ground.

„AND I'M YOUR BEST FRIEND!", Will yelled. „AT LEAST I WAS IT ONCE!" Then Will turned away from Mike and begann to sob. At that moment all he wanted was to throw himself into the abyss that opened up just a few miles away. Return to the Upside Down. To disappear. Like back then.
Back then Mike had tried everything to save him. To get him back.
Now, Will wasn't so sure if Mike would do the same again. And he for himself didn't even know if he wanted it at all.

With hesitant steps Mike came to Wills side who was crying so hard now that his whole body trembled.

„I never said that it wasn't like that, Will. You still are my best friend, of course you are."

„Why did you forget me then?", Will managed to choke out.

„I already apologized for that…" As much as he felt pity for his friend at that moment, it also angered him a bit that he just seemed to ignore the words he had said to him a few weeks ago. He had made mistakes in the last months, yes. He had been selfish. He had focused too much on his relationship with El. He actually had forgotten Will in a certain way. But he had realized it and asked Will for forgiveness. He thought they were over it. That there would be a fresh start for their friendship. He just couldn't understand why the subject was still bothering Will so much.

„I felt so lonely, Mike…" Will's Voice had become not much more than a whisper.

„But you had the others around", Mike mumbled, knowing how little comforting his words sounded.

Will had to laugh again without joy. At least it helped him to regain his composure a bit. He looked Mike straight in the face. „You can imagine that El wasn't really there, can you? Half of her time she was busy thinking of you or talking to you. And the other half she tried to manage to get along without her powers. Being an outcast in school. I like her and we got along pretty well, but she wasn't much of a help during that period. And I don't blame her.
And Jonathan was busy dealing with his own problems. If he wasn't high, I mean."

„But your mum…"

„I know she is always there for me. But I'm 14, Mike. Would you talk to your mother right now if you had problems. Besides, she was way too busy coping with the loss of Hopper…"

When Will continued, his voice was again little more than a scared whisper. „The only one who was always there…, who is always there… is… Him." Mike shuddered when he heard the deep fear in Will's voice. He took a step closer to his best friend.

„Vecna?"

Will nodded silently, his whole body trembling again. A single tear ran down his cheek. „He is always there, Mike. I feel him, since he was in my mind. I hear him whisper. Sometimes I think he is getting closer. That he's only waiting for the right moment…"

Mike felt a wave of guilt welling up in him. He never knew how terrible everything really was for Will. He knew that his friend had a certain connection to the Upside Down since the day he was possessed by the Mindflayer. That from time to time he felt haunted by his memories. But he never guessed that it was that bad. They all had forgotten far too quickly what Will had been through. About the horrors he had seen. Mike felt miserable. How could he have left his friend alone during that time? How could he have been so selfish?

For a brief moment he buried his face in his hands, then he stepped into Will's view forcing him to look at him. „Will, if I only knew…"

Will snorted. „Then what, Mike? Then what? Would you have called me more often – out of pity? Or because you thought that I could be a danger to others because Vecna might take control over me again?"

Mike shook his head even if he knew deep inside of him that indeed Will had a certain point. Before he could answer, Will spoke on.

„I want you to call me because you like me, Mike. Because you care for me, because you're interested in my life. Because you…"

Mike grabbed his shoulders and looked at him intently. „I do like you, Will. You are my best friend. And I swear to you that things will be running different from now on. You have to believe me."

Will smiled sadly.

„But do you really think that it would be any different?" He nodded his head towards the horizon. „I mean, if we actually survive all this?"

Mike put on a grim expression. „We will get through this. And not only that! We will make him pay for what he did to us…, what he especially did to you. He will rot somewhere in the Upside Down."

On other days Will would have been impressed by the determination Mike showed. But not today.

„Mike, even if we did. For me, it wouldn't make any difference."

Confused, Mike frowned. „But I promise not to forget you anymore. I will manage to handle it all, to spend time with you and to spend time with El. I can handle that, you have to believe me."

„Mike, you don't understand…" Will made a gesture of desperation with his arms.

„Then explain it to me", Mike demanded in a tone that Will knew all too well. A tone that showed him that his best friend wouldn't give up until he knew what was bothering him.

He stared at the injured landscape once more, then he took a deep breath. He wasn't sure if it was the right time. Or the right place. And his heart started to race. How often had he imagined telling Mike the truth. How often had he racked his brains about the words he should choose. And how often had he failed miserably finding the right ones.

„Mike, I…", he stammered, then he shook his head, straightened up visibly and forced himself to look his friend right into the eyes.

„I'm different, Mike. Different than you, different than Dustin, different than Lucas."

Mike stared at him blankly. And with every second passing, Will felt more and more of his saliva disappear. Didn't he just understand? Or couldn't he understand?

„Since when I saw you for the first time back then on that swing when we were little kids, you have been the most important person for me in the world." Will tried to smile but succeeded only partially. Mike just looked at him. „When you're near me, I feel safe. When you are with me, sometimes I am even able to forget the Upside Down. As if my connection to the darkness is cut off temporarily. It feels so relieving. No other person has that effect on me, not even Jonathan or Mum. I needed you so much, Mike…" He swallowed hard before he continued.

"The picture I gave you in the bus, El didn't tell me to paint it. I did it because I wanted to show you how I really see you, Mike. As my inspiration. As someone I would follow everywhere." When Will saw Mike's face lighten up, some of his confidence returned. "As my paladin." The mentioning of his favourite D&D character made Mike smile. And Will knew that he had to go all-in right now.

"Mike, I…"

A blinding flash of lightning streaked across the sky.

And for Will the world ended.

The pain was so terrible, so all-encompassing, that he knew it was over. His head was on fire and his body felt like being stabbed with a thousand knifes. His own screams came to him as if from far away. All he could still manage to see were veils of red in front of his eyes.

Whirling red.

Just red.

Then he heard it. A deep voice that rang deeply in his ears, a voice that seemed to come right out of the depths of his own body. And even if he had heard that voice just as a whisper until now, he knew instantly to whom it belonged.

"William Byers."

"William."

"Will the Wise."

Vecnas voice dripped with contempt. Will wanted it to fall silent, to disappear out of his head. But he was helpless. All he could do was listen while his body perished in an inferno of pain.

"You really wanted to tell him now, William?", Vecna asked, filled with disgust. "Tell him what kind of abnormality you are?"

He laughed.

"Your whole life, William Byers, you ran away from reality. You fled into your childish games in stinking basements, into those ridiculous fantasy worlds, into your silly dreams. And now that the end is near – NOW, THAT I AM VICTORIOUS! -, now you want to face the truth?"

Even if he could not see him, Will knew that Vecna was coming closer. The booming voice in his head grew even louder.

"You are a coward, William. Now that you know that there is no future and no consequences you have to suffer, now you want to tell him. Such a coward. So weak…"

While he continued speaking, his voice changed its tone. Until Will could hear his father Lonnie.

"What a coward you are."

"Now pull yourself together, you wimp!"

"God, Joyce, just look at him. What did we do wrong? Everyone in town thinks he's a fag."

"WILL!"

The last word wasn't his father's. There was another voice seeming to reach out to him from afar. Muffled, as if someone was shouting through a closed door.

And for a brief moment the pain subsided a little. But the second passend as quick as it came.

"I did not intend to kill again in that way", Vecna boomed. "I don't need to anymore. My power is complete and soon my pets will destroy everything in your pitiful world. But for you, William, I'm going to make an exception. You are special, I can feel that. I always did. That's why I chose you that day. Because special people deserve my full attention."

Will knew that it would be over soon. And strangely, he felt no fear. On the contrary. With every passing moment the pain seemed to be a little less intense. Seemed the red to lose a tiny bit of his glare.

"I will erase you, William Byers. Your whole existence. I will feed on you until there is nothing left of you. Until you suffering is over. And in the end you will be grateful for it."

Will knew that Vecna wanted to mock him. To increase his fear so that he could savor the boy's death even more. But he didn't care anymore.

"WILL! WILL!"

Again he heard the muffled voice. This time louder than before. Its sound made the pain again a little bit more bearable. So bearable that Will was finally able to get a clear thought again and not letting it slip away.

Not yet.

Then he saw Vecna for the first time. His disfigured face that showed no sign of humanity anymore was only a few feet away. The ruler over the Upside down looked at him. His eyes were filled with deepest disgust. But there was something else. Surprise?

"You cannot run from me, William Byers."

Not yet.

And then Will knew that he didn't want to go yet. Not now. Not like that. Surely, it would be an easy way to escape from all the things that troubled him. From the pain inside his heart. From the fear of being rejected. From the loneliness. From all his weaknesses. All he had to do ist wait until Vecna was done.

But he couldn't.

He still had something to do. Suddenly, Will felt a strong determination in him. And it was just that moment when he heard the other voice a third time calling out his name. Full of fear. Full of panic. And this time a part of him seemed to recognize to who it belonged.

He returned Vecnas gaze.

"NOT YET!"

A pained howl was the last thing Will heard as the red veils faded in front of his eyes. For a brief moment he believed to see a blurred face, to taste something wet and salty on his lips. Then there was darkness. Redeeming darkness.