Chapter Twenty-Seven
Another three days pass before I see Padmé again, and it's hard not to go stir crazy in my cell. During that time, I spend my solitude deep in self-reflection, and I do my utmost to do what she's asked of me…to trust her to take care of me rather than me charging forth to find a solution myself. I'm surprised by how hard it is to hold myself back.
For the better part of an entire year, I've become very accustomed to taking matters into my own hands. While my decisions had once been dictated and tempered by the Jedi code and then later by Sidious and even, to an extent, by my own mother, for these last six months, I have answered to no one except myself. And I've liked that. It has been a glorious freedom that I have never truly known. I've reveled in that lack of accountability to anyone else.
But being in a relationship with Padmé has changed that dynamic drastically. I can no longer make decisions based solely on what I want and need, but now I must consider what she wants and needs as well. And, right now, what she needs is to be the one to fix this mess that I've gotten myself into. I must refrain from taking matters into my own hands, even when Tarkin makes it his personal mission every day to make my life a living hell. My fate now rests with Padmé and the democratic justice she seems to place so much faith in.
I remain skeptical about that. Bureaucracy has never impressed me, especially because those in power seem so easily corrupted. Padmé is clearly the exception to that, and I know that there are others in the Senate who fight for justice as earnestly as she does. For that reason, I maintain my resolve against reacting, not just for her sake alone, but to prove to myself that I'm capable of forfeiting control over to someone else…not under duress and with resentment but willingly for once in my life.
When Padmé is finally smuggled into my cell after what seems like endless days of waiting by the same guard who allowed her entrance the first time, I can't get to her fast enough. I gather her close in a grateful embrace and press my lips to hers in a fervent kiss even before the guard has cleared the room. By the time I allow her to come up for air, Padmé is blushing and laughing over my passionate enthusiasm.
"Well, that was quite a kiss," she teases me, "If I didn't know better, I would suspect that you missed me, Anakin Skywalker."
"Maybe a little bit…"
"Just a little bit?" she balks in mock affront, "That's the best you can do? And after I've come all this way to give you good news."
My first reaction is a burst of excited hope that she's here to tell me I've been exonerated and will be released soon, but I squash it quickly. It's a happy prospect, but not a realistic one. If that were the case, I would have already been escorted from my cell. Clearly, the news isn't that. But it must be something nearly as positive because her brown eyes are fairly sparkling with excitement.
I lead her over to my bed so that we can sit together. "Tell me what's happened."
"Bail Organa has been appointed as the interim Chancellor to replace Palpatine," she says, "He recalled Order 66 this morning. The Jedi have been publicly exonerated, and the clones have been ordered to stand down. The war is now officially over."
"That's incredible news!"
The entire time I've been held here, Order 66 has remained in place, which has essentially forced the Jedi into hiding as they were being systematically hunted by the Grand Republic Army. I've eavesdropped on the clandestine conversations between my guards, however, and I've heard the rumored reports about the in-fighting happening with some battalions, clones fighting with their fellow clone brothers because some were bent on exterminating the Jedi while others had sworn unflagging allegiance to them.
I can't help but think of Obi-Wan and Ahsoka and worry over their possible fates. If the gossip I've heard can be trusted, however, Obi-Wan's squadron had been able to dispatch General Grievous before Order 66 was issued. The slim possibility that they weren't dealing with the self-professed Jedi Killer on top of the extermination order provided at least a small measure of comfort for me.
"Do we have any reports on how many Jedi have been killed so far?" I ask her anxiously, "Or…or who has been killed?"
"If you're asking about Obi-Wan, allow me to put your mind at ease. He survived the Purge, Anakin. He's alive."
I expel a shuddering, relieved breath as she continues, "We don't have a final count on the death toll yet, but Obi-Wan seems optimistic that casualties will be minimal. He says that most of the generals were able to remove the chips from their highest-ranking officers months ago and that those were the clones they kept closest to them."
"What about his padawan?" I press her, "Her name is Ahsoka Tano. Did she survive as well?"
"You mean the young Togruta girl? Yes, she was with him when we spoke."
"You've spoken to him?" She nods and before she can elaborate further, I quickly follow up by asking, "Does…does he know what's going on with me?"
"Yes. Yoda briefed him on everything," Padmé confirms, "and I filled in the details for them both."
"I suppose he and Master Yoda are quite unhappy with me."
"They think it was foolish of you to face the Chancellor on your own," she says, "but, they're both glad you succeeded and that you're alive."
"Will they come to see me soon?"
"Unfortunately, Captain Tarkin is blocking their efforts to do that," Padmé explains. "He says that it will compromise his investigation if he allows them to speak to you. He says that he can't completely dismiss the possibility of collusion between you and the Jedi. But, if it's any consolation, Bail has ordered him to allow the Jedi to run a parallel investigation into Palpatine's death. So, everyone should have the answers they need very soon."
"I don't understand why it's taking so long!" I burst out in a flare of exasperation, "This whole thing is ridiculous! Tarkin is trying to frame it as if Palpatine was some frail, defenseless old man and I went after him unprovoked that night! Anyone who's seen that office knows that is not how it happened!"
"I've seen that office…" Padmé whispers meaningfully. I meet her eyes in a trenchant stare. "Bail showed me the crime scene images from that night. The room was wrecked. There were scorch marks all over the floor."
"From lightning. He electrocuted me. More than once."
Padmé shudders. "He really did try to kill you that night, didn't he?"
"I told you that he did. I wasn't lying to you. Did you think I went there that night to cut him down in cold blood?"
"I didn't know what to think," she says, "You were always so adamant about the fact that he had to die, that you had to be the one to kill him. I knew that you hated him, and I guess I thought…"
"…you thought that I would jump at any justification I could to murder him," I finish for her quietly.
"Yes," she confirms miserably, shifting her eyes in apparent shame.
"You weren't wrong about that, Padmé," I tell her gently, "I would have killed him with provocation. I have killed without it." I gently caress her chin, belying the chilling honesty of my words, as I silently coax her gaze back to mine. "I've taken many lives over the course of my own, too many to count. Innocent lives. Men, women, and children. It didn't matter to me. Some of those deaths, I deeply regret now. Those are the ones that will haunt me all my days, even if they no longer exist in this timeline. Others, I don't regret at all.
"I don't regret killing Sidious, but I would also like to start living my life in a way where I don't feel the need to kill anyone anymore. So, perhaps you could help me with that."
She nods and leans forward to kiss me softly. "Yes. I would like that very much."
We talk for only a short while after that, as my guard starts to become antsy when she lingers beyond his stipulated time frame. She remains long enough to share her intentions to resign from the Senate and to reassure me that my mother and Cliegg arrived safely on Coruscant, with Threepio in tow. All three are currently staying with her as houseguests. She shuts down my guilty protests about her resignation, and I try not to let the idea of my mother and Padmé along with Threepio having lengthy, unsupervised conversations about me make me too anxious. Besides that, I have bigger concerns looming ahead of me than any discussions my mother and wife might potentially have about my wayward tendencies, namely avoiding being sentenced for treason.
Thankfully, the uncertainty over my fate doesn't last long. Once the evidence is finally gathered in total and the unmodified footage from that night inside the Chancellor's office is thoroughly reviewed by both Tarkin and the Jedi Council, my release from prison comes rather quickly after that. At the same time, the Galaxy at large is made aware of the former chancellor's duplicitous actions and his part in the war. Attention is then turned to Palpatine's remaining co-conspirators and bringing them to justice.
Tarkin personally releases me, albeit begrudgingly. It's clear that he would happily see me dead, but he is, at least, honorable enough not to hold me without just cause. All told, I spent a grand total of ten days in detention. But, considering the host of atrocities that I've committed over the course of my lifetime, the cost of ten days of freedom seems like a small price to pay for my numerous sins.
There is, understandably, a large crowd of onlookers and well-wishers gathered outside of the detention center when I'm released. Without me having to say a word, Padmé anticipates my desire to avoid that melee after my ordeal. She smuggles me from the courthouse through an alternate exit where I'm able to have a private reunion with my mother and Cliegg away from the prying eyes of the public.
The first thing Mom wants to do upon my release is to feed me because she swears that I've lost significant amounts of weight during my harrowing imprisonment. While I appreciate her propensity for fussing over me and both her and Padmé's avid desire to get me home, I know that I need to deal with the Jedi Council first. After reassuring them both that I will meet them at the apartment later and that I will not get into trouble along the way, I start off for the Jedi Temple.
In the harsh light of day, it's easy to survey the damage the Temple sustained during the siege. The bodies have long since been cleared away, but blood still stains the pavement, and the once pristine veneer of the Temple is now smeared with the remnants of blaster fire. Inside the Temple is similar, the damage found there reminiscent of that first night during the Purge I led. I shiver at the memory, saddened by the realization that I will never be free of it, even in this new timeline with that dreadful future washed away. That night will remain branded into my conscience for a lifetime.
When I finally stand before the Jedi Council again, I am genuinely gladdened to see that all the members have survived the Purge this time, particularly Obi-Wan. I'm even grateful that Windu made it through. I take a certain amount of satisfaction in knowing that he will always have to attribute that miraculous outcome to me. I hope it galls him for the rest of his life.
"So, young Skywalker," Yoda begins, "Fulfilled the prophecy, you have. Balance to the Force, you have restored."
"Because I destroyed Sidious?" I ask with some measure of disbelief. Killing a Sith lord seems like too simple a solution for something as weighty as restoring balance to the Force.
"Not only for Sidious, say this I do. Because opened our eyes to the need for reform, you have," Yoda clarifies, "Much work ahead, have we, to repair what is broken."
"It was never my intention to force an overhaul of the Jedi Order, Master Yoda," I tell him, "This simply wasn't the place for me. That doesn't mean your teachings are entirely wrong. I know that now."
I can sense Obi-Wan's stunned surprise at my words without even glancing at him. It's evident he didn't expect me to be so gracious in my assessment. I wonder if he feels that it is not entirely deserving. I suspect that might be part of it based on his response.
"That is rather magnanimous of you, Anakin," he says with some mild amusement, "However, you were right as well. The Order needs to be willing to grow and evolve, to expand upon our code and deepen our understanding of what it truly means if we're to endure."
"Which means what exactly?"
"Distance ourselves from politics, we will," Yoda declares, "Become more unified with the Force, we must."
Windu nods his agreement. "We are peacekeepers. That means that not only should we help to maintain peace, but we must also actively look for ways to establish it. It's time that we reconnect with our true purpose as Jedi."
"I'm happy to hear that, Master Windu."
"Welcome to be part of this change, we would like you to be," Yoda invites me kindly, "A place in the order, you have, Skywalker, should you choose."
I'm already shaking my head in refusal before he has even completed the offer. "I haven't changed my mind about that, Master Yoda. While I'm grateful that you recognize what the Order needs to do in order to find balance, I've also recognized what I need to find balance within myself. And I cannot find that here."
Yoda nods his understanding. "Expected your answer, I did. Do what is right for yourself, you must."
When I leave the council chambers this time, it is without anger or resentment. For the first time in my life, I am at peace with the Order and my decision to remain detached from them, not out of hatred or derision but because it is the right thing for me. And when Obi-Wan comes out to join me afterward, this time he isn't met with my bitter recrimination, but a genuine smile instead.
"I'm glad that you and Ahsoka made it back safely," I tell him, "I was worried about you both."
"Anakin, did you really think that we wouldn't take the necessary precautions to protect ourselves?"
"I wasn't sure. The Jedi aren't known for acting swiftly on matters that require urgency."
"Then again, there are some advantages to having a patient spirit," Obi-Wan replies meaningfully, "You'd do well to learn that lesson."
"Point taken, Master."
My use of that old honorific clearly makes him emotional which he deftly covers behind an affected cough. "Where will you go now?" he asks.
"Back to Tatooine for the time being. And, after that, wherever Padmé does," I reply, "She's decided to resign from the Senate. I think my cynicism has rubbed off on her."
"That's not necessarily a negative change. It's always a good thing to reevaluate one's priorities," Obi-Wan reassures me, but then he adds wryly, "Then again, having an identity crisis so soon after beginning a new relationship probably isn't a positive thing either."
"Thanks for that."
"I'm joking." When he receives little more than an eyeroll for his efforts, he asks, "What will she do?"
"She wants to help my mother campaign for a seat on the Galactic Senate," I tell him.
He raises a single, dubious eyebrow. "Your mother? A politician? Really?"
"We'll need more like her if this democracy is to survive, don't you think?"
"Yes, I suppose you're right," he murmurs in agreement, "And what about you? Are politics in your future as well?"
"Never," I reply adamantly, "I want to help integrate the clones into society. They should have rights just as the rest of us do. After everything they've sacrificed for the Galaxy, they've earned their citizenship, Obi-Wan. They weren't given the choice to fight in this war, but they should be given a say in what comes next for them."
"A noble cause. So, your plan is to fight for social reform now? Is that it?"
"Better than fighting for nothing," I tell him.
"I imagine that endeavor will keep you quite busy," he considers, "I suppose this means I won't see you again for some time then."
"We're friends," I tell him, "Of course, you'll see me often enough. We won't be strangers to each other." And then, I do the last thing that he expects me to do. A thing that Jedi almost never do. I hug him.
I can tell that he's staggered by the uncharacteristic show of affection. So much so, that he doesn't know how to immediately respond and, for the most part, simply holds himself rigidly in my embrace. But I don't let go, and finally, gradually he relaxes and hugs me back.
"I love you, Obi-Wan," I whisper to him gruffly, "You brought me back. I want you to know that. Thank you for everything."
"I love you, Anakin. May the Force be with you, my friend."
"And you as well."
By the time I make it back to Padmé's apartment, I'm drained both emotionally and physically. I go through the motions of dinner and conversation, but it is readily apparent to my family that I am dead on my feet. As a result, the decision is made that I should retire for the evening, and Padmé graciously volunteers to draw me a bath before I do. It is an indulgence that I came to know only after being married to her because water had always been a precious commodity on Tatooine. But as I soak my aching muscles in the warm, scented water, I don't feel an ounce of guilt over it. I luxuriate in the feeling of having absolutely nothing else to do.
When I finally find the motivation to leave my bath, the water is tepid, and my skin is pruny and water-logged. I gratefully don the pajama bottoms that Padmé has left out for me before joining her in the bedroom. She is already in bed when I enter, a datapad perched in her lap as she reads by the low lamplight. When I clear the threshold, she glances up, immediately sets aside her pad, and smiles.
"I was starting to worry that you might have drowned in there," she teases, "I think you might have broken my record for longest bubble bath in history."
"Hah, hah," I grump, crawling underneath the covers with her.
I lean in to peck her lips with a brief kiss which quickly becomes a lingering one when she pulls me closer. "Hmm…you smell really good," she whispers into my skin.
"I smell like Nubian wildflowers," I grunt in mild irritation.
"You told me that you liked that scent!"
"Yes. On you."
Once I've settled down in bed, Padmé instructs R2 to dim the lights and then does the same. Afterwards, I gather her into my arms. It's been days since I've held her like this, her body pressed so tantalizingly close to mine with nothing between us except fine, expensive silk. With the warmth of her skin radiating against mine and her soft curves pressed against me, my body naturally responds to her. It feels like eons since the last time I was inside her…
But, while my spirit is very willing and there's no denying that I want her, I don't really have the stamina for lovemaking tonight…at least not the way I want it. Padmé and I have been apart for so long that I quick satisfaction doesn't seem like an option at all, and in my current physical state, that is all I can really give her. I want to take my time with her, and sadly I'm too exhausted for that sort of leisurely exploration right now.
Padmé clearly suspects that to be the case because she emits a small mewl of disappointment under her breath when I don't make a move. "You're not really going to fall asleep now, are you?"
"Yes."
She stiffens slightly and twists a glance over her shoulder at me. "Should I be offended?"
I rumble a sleepy laugh against her shoulder. "No. You know I want to but…I'm tired. That's all. Besides, there is a 99% probability that I'll wake you in the middle of the night anyway…so don't get too comfortable."
"I suppose this is true," she giggles, snuggling back against me. "Did your meeting with the Jedi Council go the way you had hoped? You didn't mention anything during dinner."
"It went well. I think I've finally, truly made my peace with them."
"I'm glad. You needed to do that…for your sake, not theirs." I'm thinking that she'll quiet now, fall into a contented sleep with me but then a moment later I hear, "Ani?"
"Hmm?" I answer drowsily.
"I want to take you home with me to Naboo." She shifts around in my arms so that we are lying face to face. "I want my family to meet the man I love."
Her quiet candor chases away all traces of sleep. I scoot closer to brush a reverential kiss against her lips, humbled by her declaration, too speechless with emotion to even give her a proper reply. Perhaps I can't find the words because I never imagined that we would be in this place again. Or perhaps it's because this is truly the first time in our relationship that we have been.
Of course, she mistakes the reason for my answering silence and appraises me with narrowed eyes full of suspicion. "You've met them before, haven't you?" she discerns grumpily, "That's the reason you're not saying anything. This is another one of those situations where it's a first time for me, but not for you, isn't it?"
"Yes, I have met your family before," I confirm with a laugh, "But it will still be a first for me."
"Really? And how is that?"
"Because this time I won't be meeting them as your Jedi protector," I reply, pulling her closer for another kiss, "This time, I get to meet them as the man who loves you back."
A/N: So, this is it. The last chapter before a short epilogue. Thank everyone for reading and for taking the time to comment.
