Mirabel wouldn't say that she was scared of her tia. She knew that she would never hurt her on purpose, but… she had a hard time controlling her gift, and sometimes, sometimes the lightning got away from her, and well, she just didn't want her to be mad at her, so the best thing for her to do was avoid her the best she could.
She couldn't do that now, not when Pepa was steering her towards the Guzman's house, one hand over her shoulders while the other one hold a small basket filled with toiletries and clean clothes for the two of them. But she really didn't have anything to worry about because above them the sky was clear of any clouds even if it was obvious that Pepa was upset.
The gifts truly were gone, and that was all her fault. If she just ignored Abuela like she was supposed to. If she had just kept her mouth shut then the others would still have their gifts, Casita would still be standing, and she wouldn't be headed to the Guzman's with Tia Pepa and Dolores to use their shower before heading to the church for the night.
She didn't even understand why her Mama had insisted that she go to the Guzman's with Dolores and Pepa instead of going with Papa and her hermanas to her Abuelo's farm to use his shower. She had claimed she was worried about her making the trek across town, and the Guzman's was closer, but the Reverend's house was even closer, and Mama, Abuela, and Tio Bruno were showering there. So why was she with Tia Pepa? Unless… Maybe Mama blamed her for what happened with Casita. It was her right to do so, after all, it was the truth. Despite what Abuela had told her at that river, it was her fault.
"Mirabel," Mirabel tensed at the sound of her name, waiting for whoever was speaking to her to tell her what she was doing wrong and needed to stop.
Dolores and Pepa exchanged looks remembering what Julieta had asked them to do. Try to get Mirabel to talk to them about what was going on. Julieta knew for a fact that if she or her husband tried to question her, she would just clam up. She hoped that she might open up to her prima or tia.
"Mirabel, we aren't getting after you," Dolores said softly, placing a gentle hand on her shoulder as she smiled at her.
"Mirabel quirked one side of her lips up in a half attempt of a smile but didn't say anything.
Dolores took the attempt of a smile as a good sign that she was listening, "Would you like to go first?" she offered, "Mama and I don't mind waiting."
Mirabel didn't want to go first, she didn't want to take a shower, despite the fact that she was grubby from all the physical activities that she had done the day before, Casita falling on her, and spending the night in the forest before helping in the ruins all day long. She'd rather stay grubby, a reminder of how badly she had messed up. It had been her job, her destiny to save the family and she had failed.
"Come on, Mira," Pepa coaxed as they finally made it to the Guzmans' house, "You'll feel better once you're all clean."
Mira simply nodded, accepting the basket and the clean nightgown from her tia. She knew better than to argue with her. She still sported a scar from the last time that she argued, not that Pepa knew about it, of course, no one did, not even Antonio, she had made sure of that.
…
The water had been warm and relaxing, and it certainly had felt better to get the gunk off of her. Part of her wished that she could stay there forever. Unfortunately, she was hurried along by Dolores knocking on the door. She didn't quite make out what she was saying, but she was probably hurrying her along. After all, Dolores didn't make noise just to make noise.
Mirabel hurriedly got out of the shower and toweled herself off, before pulling on the nightgown and grimaced. The nightgown had been donated for her to use since everything they had owned had been destroyed or was so filthy from being in a demolished house that it was unwearable, and it wasn't a good fit. Whoever had owned this nightgown before her obviously had much wider shoulders than her, for try as she might she couldn't get the shoulders to stay up. This was bad, because in the bag of toiletries there wasn't any make-up, and there was no hiding the fern-like scars across her left shoulder from that argument she had with her tia when she was twelve. A scar that no one knew she had.
"Mirabel, are you done?" Dolores called out.
Mirabel shook her head, pushed her left sleeve up to cover her shoulder, gathered up everything she had used knowing that Dolores and Pepa had their own, and stepped out of the bathroom.
Dolores smiled at her quickly before disappearing into the bathroom the door closing behind her.
Mirabel wandered into the living room to find Tia Pepa talking to Senora Guzman on the couch. She didn't want to disturb them so she sat her stuff down next to the front door and grabbed the hairbrush.
Trying to brush her hair while trying to keep an oversize nightgown up on her shoulders proved to be a difficult task, and while she was trying to adjust the sleeves of her nightgown once more a hand gently grabbed the brush from her.
"Come on," Pepa offered, "I'll help y…" she trailed off, her free hand moving toward Mirabel's left shoulder, tracing a scar on it, "What happened here?"
"Nothing," Mirabel insisted, pushing her tia away from her, "It's old, don't worry about it. It doesn't hurt anymore."
"Mira, that's a lightning bolt scar," Pepa insisted, "I'll know, I have so many I've lost count of them. What happened, I don't remember ever striking you."
Mirabel shivered, rubbing her arms slightly, as she shook her head, "You didn't know about it," she insisted, "I was twelve…" she muttered.
Pepa paled, she remembered, once when Mirabel was twelve that she had been bedridden for about two weeks, and when she had gotten better, she had avoided her for months afterward. That must have been when she had… done this to her, but why, what had happened to cause this.
"It wasn't that bad, I just was underfoot, like always," Mirabel chuckled softly, "I don't even really know what was going on, you were upset about something when I got home from school, I didn't want to… make things worse by talking to you, so I tried to sneak past you to the nursery," she looked down to the floor, "Abuela showed up and started to yell at you because you were storming pretty badly, I don't remember much after that, Casita helped me to bed, and it hurt to move and Mama's food didn't help much."
"Why didn't you tell us, tell me?" Pepa demanded, tracing the scar along her back.
Mirabel shrugged, her eyes going distant as she replied, "It was my fault, I was underfoot. I didn't want you to get in trouble because of me."
Pepa tried to pull her into a hug, but Mirabel pushed her away. Was she still scared of her? Or was something else wrong? Mirabel had been able to hide the fact that she had been struck by lightning from everyone for the past three years. What else had they missed with the youngest girl in the family?
"I was underfoot," Mirabel insisted once more.
Pepa frowned, Mirabel sure seemed to claim that a lot, "You weren't underfoot, I didn't even know that you were there."
"I didn't want you to get in trouble."
"Mira, I'm an adult, I should be protecting not hurting you. Yes, Abuela would have yelled at me, but…"
"It was her fault," Mirabel muttered, "You didn't have any lightning until she came in to yell at you about your cloud. She upset you."
Pepa frowned, it was true, after all, her Mama often time made her storms and clouds worse by yelling at her for them.
"You should have told us! Told me, told your Mama," Pepa insisted, "If she had known what was wrong, she could have helped you."
Mirabel blinked as she noticed tears sliding down her tia's cheeks, "No, Tia, it was an accident, it wasn't your fault, it was mine, I was underfoot."
"No," Pepa insisted, brushing a strand of hair out of Mirabel's face, "I mean, yes it was an accident, but no, it wasn't your fault it was an accident, no one is to blame, especially you."
"Mirabel scoffed, "Yeah right, everything's my fault, Casita fell, you lost your gift, and everything."
Pepa frowned, "I don't want to ever hear you blaming yourself for what happened to Casita ever again. You hear me."
"But…"
"No, no buts… You are not to blame, for what happened to Casita, or what happened when you were twelve. Casita was because the family was so dysfunctional that we were falling apart and Casita was reflecting that, and what happened when you were twelve was my fault, I shouldn't have struck you."
"But you didn't know I was there! That's different! If I had just kept my mouth shut, then we will be in Casita right now."
Pepa pursed her lips, she was going to have to tell Julieta about this, maybe not the fact that Mirabel had been hiding the fact that she had struck her with lightning, but definitely, the fact that she was blaming herself for Casita falling, "How about we make a deal?" she offered, "I won't blame myself for what happened when you were twelve if you don't blame yourself for what happened to Casita."
Mirabel nodded her head, just wanting to end this conversation, she knew the truth, that Casita fell because of her, but her tia shouldn't worry about an accident that happened three years ago.
Pepa sighed in relief, she knew that she would always blame herself for striking Mirabel, it was her gift, after all, she should have had better control over it, but at least Mirabel wasn't blaming herself for Casita.
"Mama," Dolores called out, walking into view while still toweling her hair dry, "It's your turn in the shower."
