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She arrived early and waited anxiously for Harry to appear, hoping that he wasn't so upset with her that he ignored her request.
Harry was late, in fact he wasn't going to meet her at all until he felt her anxiety spike just before their assigned meeting time and realised that she might have actually something important she needed to tell him, then once he'd decided to come he had to get away from Ron and Hermione without arousing their suspicion enough to try to follow him. Luckily, he already had the map in his pocket so they couldn't check up on where he was going.
She watched the door open and then shut by itself. "Come on out Harry, even in a magical castle that's creepy opening and closing the door when I can't see anyone."
"You're lucky it is me," Harry said pulling off his cloak.
"Who else walks around this place invisibly?" Susan asked facetiously.
"The headmaster for one," Harry replied. "He admitted it when he found me out at night during Christmas in first year, and invisibility cloaks can't be that rare."
"What?" Susan said shocked, "Why?"
"I don't know why, but as Percy said to me on our first night here, he is a bit mad, brilliant but a little mad. That's as good an explanation as any, and I think I've seen McGonagall out in her animagus form once or twice too," Harry replied laughing. "Though that's not why you asked to meet me."
"I went to Gringotts and got access to my parents' vault," Susan said.
Harry refrained from telling her that he knew, that he'd felt her anxiety spike and checked to see she was okay. He wondered why she felt the need to tell him.
"I'm not betrothed. There are offers but my parents hadn't accepted any. There was an offer there from your parents."
"Okay, am I here so you can tell me you've declined the offer?" Harry asked stiffly, surprised by how much the idea hurt even if he knew there wasn't much hope that she'd want to marry him since she didn't even want to be his girlfriend. Though their bond wasn't getting any weaker in spite of him trying hard not to use it in the last month. He really didn't want to have to deal with being bonded to her while she fell in love and married someone else.
Susan felt the hurt, and regretted that things between them had soured so much he even thought she'd want to do that to him. "No Harry, I just thought you might like to know that it was there. The goblins said that if the family on the contract no longer had an eligible wizard available then then the offer in my vault would have turned to dust. So, since you're the only unmarried wizard in the Potter family, the fact I found your offer intact means that you're not betrothed either, there was one for Neville too so you might want to tell him, though his grandmother might have been able to tell him that already," Susan explained.
"That is good to know. Thank you," Harry said nodding and smiling politely. He was glad not to be betrothed to anyone else, he could barely imagine trying to manage the connection he and Susan had if one of them was in a relationship. It would be impossible with both of them trying to schedule alone time around the other persons romantic times.
Susan was a bit surprised that she didn't feel any joy or relief from him. Surely, he would have been dreading the possibility of being betrothed to someone he couldn't get along with or who wouldn't respect his wishes and ambitions the way she'd been dreading it.
"I'm not pregnant either, Auntie asked me today and I realised that I hadn't told you I wasn't, I don't know if you had been worried about that," Susan said.
"Oh okay, that's good for you too isn't it," Harry replied, not wanting to embarrass Susan by telling her that he'd checked in when he felt her period cramps a few weeks after they unblocked her magic and knew that. He was still pretty grossed out by the experience to tell the truth, he couldn't believe girls went through that every month without missing classes or quidditch practice or anything.
"You don't think it's good for you as well?" Susan asked surprised.
"Yeah it is, I'm not ready to be a father, and it would be hard to keep you both safe if you were having my baby and I would pretty much have to let people know it was mine if you wanted me too, I wouldn't want you to have to deal with people thinking that I'd abandoned you or that you'd slept with so many wizards that you didn't know who the father was," Harry admitted.
"You were thinking that if I was pregnant it would continue the family line with the war coming?" Susan asked a little annoyed at him for thinking that way.
"No, I wasn't. Being pregnant with my child would put an even bigger target on your head and I really don't want my kids to grow up without a father like I did. I know family lines are important in the magical world and all, but I was raised in the muggle world where they're pretty irrelevant these days and a lot of kids don't have their father's last name even if he is involved with their lives. I don't know enough about my family to feel a need to continue it.
I was thinking about the neighbours at home, I was in the garden over the summer and overheard her tell him she wasn't pregnant, she sounded really upset and he demanded to know why she wasn't pleased. She told him she knew it would have been a hassle to have a baby so soon and she had thought she'd be relieved until she found out she wasn't pregnant after all but then she was upset and really wanted a baby. He was rude and told her not to be such a girl about it and they fought. But I wondered even though you said you hoped it wouldn't happen whether you were still okay, and not feeling a sense of loss because you have been kind of sad lately," Harry tried to explain.
Susan laughed, "No that's thoughtful of you but I didn't feel anything except relieved when I confirmed I wasn't pregnant. I'm not ready to be a mum, and it would ruin all my plans and dreams, I'd have to leave Hogwarts without getting my NEWTs. We'd have to get married and I wouldn't have been able to do any of the other things I wanted to do with my life."
"I hadn't thought about it like that," Harry admitted. "My neighbour is a fair bit older than us, though still young to be planning to have a baby in the muggle world. I think she was twenty, and had just started a new job," Since she hadn't bought it up, he didn't think she'd answer if he asked why she'd been feeling sad.
"I brought you something from my vault, it's a protection amulet. It will keep you safe from unexpected curses and help protect you in a fight. You shouldn't rely on it instead of casting your own shields but it should help if you get caught unaware or are outnumbered," Susan said holding out the black metal and jewelled amulet. The stone looked like onyx but the goblins had told her it was a very rare black diamond.
"I can't accept that. It must be a family heirloom," Harry protested, even if he didn't know what the stone was the protective charms themselves must be incredibly expensive, otherwise all the students from wizarding families would have them and he'd never even heard something like that was possible.
"Harry, with the bond we have if you were seriously injured or incapacitated, I would be too so please wear it, even if you treat it like a loan until You-Know-Who is defeated and the Death Eaters are all rounded up and imprisoned," Susan requested. It was true but her main motivation in choosing the amulet for him was to keep him safe, since he seemed constitutionally unable to keep from throwing himself into dangerous situations to save others.
"What happens if I'm kidnapped or killed and it's stolen?" Harry asked.
"It's entailed to my estate, so if you die or let me know it's been taken from you, I can call it back to me," Susan replied. "But nobody should be able to take it off you."
Harry took the amulet and dropped it over his head, tucking it into his shirt. "Thank you, I will wear it all the time until it's safe to give it back to you," he said gratefully, feeling a little overwhelmed. Nobody had ever done so much to try to keep him safe, even if Susan did have a selfish motive for not wanting him hurt.
"Harry, I'm not ready to accept any of the offers. I probably won't be until after I finish at Hogwarts. The goblins told me not to destroy any of the contract offers that I know I don't want until I was ready to accept one. That just destroying them would cause offence and insult the other House. But I'll destroy the one from your parents if you want me to. If it would make you feel better," Susan offered reluctantly.
"Do you want to decline my offer, or I guess I should say may parent's offer?" Harry asked stiffly.
"No, there are several I already know I will decline. The MacMillan family being one of them because I can't stand the way Ernie thinks he will have the right to control his wife and he'd resent it if I accepted one of his cousins instead of him, and the Travers and Bulstrode offers, though I shouldn't be telling you that, but I'm not opposed to being married to you if neither of us has fallen in love with someone else and you want to marry me when the time comes and we can come to terms," Susan said bravely. "But you didn't answer my question. Would you feel better if I destroyed your contract?"
"No, I don't think it would make me feel better, in fact I doubt it will make much difference whether we have a betrothal contract between us or not to be honest," Harry said. "This thing between us hasn't faded much at all that I can tell, and it isn't affected by distance or wards so it's probably good that neither of us is betrothed to someone else. I knew you'd gone to Gringotts today. Gringotts and Hogwarts are rumoured to be the two safest places in Britain which I assume also means they're the most thoroughly warded public places in the UK, but I still felt your anxiety and fear as you put your Head of House ring on. When I concentrated, I could hear the goblin, see your Auntie there with you, feel how cold the room was and how uncomfortable the chair was and how your magic reacted when you put on the ring. I didn't mean to spy on you I was just checking you were okay because you seemed scared to me. I guess you were too busy worrying to notice me there.
Can you honestly say you would feel comfortable marrying someone, knowing that I was feeling it every time you had sex and that you'd feel me every time I was with my wife. We'd have to tell them about it, do you think they'd understand? Not to mention that I'm 100% not gay, not that there's anything wrong with other people being gay. I don't want to see another man naked and aroused during foreplay, I honestly find the thought of it revolting and if those feelings bled across the connection my revulsion is likely to have some effect of your feelings towards him too, the way tea with milk doesn't taste as good to me now as it used to because you don't like it, even if I still don't really like tea without milk and sugar."
"I can't imagine anyone would understand," Susan said in a small voice.
"Yeah, I just can't see my wife or girlfriend accepting the fact that I had to floo or message you every time to warn you to make sure you weren't in public or with friends before we did anything, it would do wonders for creating the mood," Harry said sarcastically. "Or having to stun myself for an hour to give you some privacy or risk having an orgasm and messing my pants while in a job interview or out with my girlfriend or wife's parents or while grocery shopping or something if you didn't manage to find me to tell before you and your partner did it."
"Susan shuddered. She almost orgasmed every time Harry did when he pleasured himself. How much more intense would it be if he was having actual sex with another person. She was surprised by how much that thought hurt her too.
"So, I should accept your betrothal offer?" Susan said. "You really want me to?"
She could feel that he was pleased with the idea but to her surprise he didn't accept. "Are betrothals made public automatically as soon as they're accepted?" Harry asked instead of answering.
"No, they're not normally but any other contract offers your parents had made would be marked invalid so the head of the other families your parents made offers to would know you were betrothed if they checked the contracts but not who to, and likewise anyone my parents had made an offer to would know that I'd got betrothed or married, but not who to. I don't think that there would be many of the same families but there might be a few if one of your parents or grandparents made offers before we were actually born. Do you want me to accept your offer or not?" Susan asked.
"I want to marry you, or at least I want to be your boyfriend and I can't imagine being with anyone else while we still have this, connection whatever it is, between us. But you would be in extreme danger if Voldemort found out we were betrothed. Unless we could guarantee that it would be kept secret then maybe we should wait," Harry said blushing.
"You're right. It is considered extremely bad manners to talk about any marriage contract offers before they're accepted so even the families who had an offer for you shouldn't say anything to anyone when the offer is destroyed and it is supposed to be up to the families of the two people whether the betrothal is announced or made public. But when a betrothal is accepted the notification gets sent to the hall of records at the ministry, they're just supposed to be filed for their records in case someone tries to argue it in future or something, but I don't think the file clerks actually take an oath not to talk about the contracts they see and with you being the-boy-who-lived the clerk who was meant to file it might leak the information, filing clerks aren't well paid and the 'Prophet' or 'Witch Weekly' would probably pay quite a lot for proof of who you were betrothed to," Susan said sighing.
"Then you should probably wait until after the war. Being publicly betrothed to me would put an even bigger target on your head than being my girlfriend would have," Harry suggested. "Of course, the problems we'd have dating anyone else will only be relevant if I actually survive this bloody war. Otherwise our connection will be gone, and you'll be free to date and marry whoever you'd like," Harry said flatly.
"Don't say that, Harry. You need to believe you will survive," Susan said fiercely.
"Voldemort will keep coming after me until one of us is dead!" Harry said bluntly. "And if by some miracle I do kill him every Death Eater on earth will want to kill me to avenge their master. If you're considering marrying me then you need to know that I may never be a safe prospect to marry and have a family here in Britain."
"I don't think so Harry. Once it becomes known he was dead, they will all try to distance himself from their actions and try to pretend that their honest upstanding citizens, like they did last time," Susan said naively.
"Last time Dumbledore hid me under blood wards in the muggle world for ten years because he was afraid of their retaliation," Harry said dryly. "You need to remember that just because someone is claiming to be an upright and honourable citizen in public doesn't change the fact that they have the heart of a murderer and that they are capable of the most heinous things when they believe they'll get away with it."
"Last time you were also a baby and vulnerable to custody claims from relatives like the Malfoys, they would have brought you up to espouse their beliefs and further their standing in society," Susan replied unimpressed with his argument.
"Lucius Malfoy tried to kill me in second year after I freed Dobby, I never would have survived a childhood in their custody," Harry said. "He was angry enough at me foiling his plot to resurrect his master that he tried to kill me here in the school!"
"He tried to kill you!" Susan exclaimed. "How did he find you?"
"He didn't, I stupidly chased him down as he was leaving the headmaster's office after the headmaster returned to the school and Ginny had been saved and I used my sock to trick him into feeing Dobby. I thought that I'd be safe enough within shouting distance of Dumbledore's office, since I knew he was in there. He started to curse me and Dobby blew Malfoy off his feet and told him that he wouldn't let bad old master harm Harry Potter," Harry explained.
"He tried to curse you here in the castle! How do you know he was trying to kill you?" Susan asked.
"I didn't know for sure at the time, though I knew he was murderously angry. I didn't find out for sure until Moody's imposter showed us the unforgivable in class. Then I looked it up. There's no other spell on earth in any language I could find that starts with the word Avada," Harry said.
"And nobody did anything?" Susan asked.
"The word of a twelve year old attention seeking orphan and a crazy free house elf he'd abused against the word of Lord Lucius Malfoy. Who'd believe me? Even if they did believe me, they'd change their mind if Malfoy donated enough money to the ministry or something like he did last time," Harry asked cynically.
"I believe you and I'm sure Auntie will believe you too," Susan said.
"Even when it was years ago and Dumbledore didn't report it or do anything about it?" Harry asked.
"Why didn't he?" Susan asked shocked again.
"I don't know, it happened right outside his office so he should have known about it," Harry said sliding down the wall. "Just like he should have known that Voldemort was possessing Quirrell in first year, that an adult animagus spent seven years living in the Gryffindor boys' dorm room and that the so called Professor Moody was an imposter in fourth year, Mad-Eye is supposed to be an old friend of his, I can't believe he didn't notice that he was being impersonated by a Death Eater. Not to mention how Hermione was able to discover the monster petrifying students was a basilisk when none of the teachers could!"
"If we can't trust Dumbledore, who can we trust?" Susan whispered.
"I don't know," Harry said sombrely. "We can trust each other. You can't lie to me without me knowing and I can't lie to you."
"Harry, that's not trust. You say you know I'm not lying because you could tell through our connection if I was, and that's true I doubt I could knowingly lie to you without you knowing, but trust is believing that someone won't try to lie to you even if they have the ability to, and that they will never try to hurt you or treat you in a way you don't like," Susan said sadly. "Is there truly nobody you trust?"
A/N: Thank you to all those who reviewed and those who followed or favourited this story for your support.
