Standard message of nothing recognizable belongs to me. Enjoy.
This is not happening.
Nope. Not possible.
I am not laying on a sidewalk, looking at an invading alien army led by a mind-controlled Loki.
I have to be dreaming. That's the only explanation for any of this. In a minute, I will wake up in my boring house, in my boring neighborhood to go to my boring job and I will not be in a fucking marvel movie.
A few minutes pass and the insanity continues around me. Debris scatters as I stand frozen, unwilling to believe my eyes as Tony fucking Stark zings past me with a goddamn missile. I never understood that decision and loved Jackson's line about ignoring it.
I also look down to see that at some point I hurt myself and my arm is bleeding.
I don't normally bleed in my dreams. This is bad.
What the hell am I going to do?
One panic attack later, it seems that the worst and only option would be to find one of the avengers (preferably Thor seeing how he would probably accept the not of this Earth thing easier than the others) and try to get their help in figuring out what the fuck happened.
One problem. I don't have any fucking clue where to start on that. While I watched the first Avengers movie, I only have a vague idea of what happened after. Sure, I've seen the memes and have a general outline of the plot since you couldn't escape it online, but I never actually set out to watch many of the movies.
Guess I am trying Shawarma. Hopefully, it's not spicy.
The next question is how much to actually tell any of them. I wasn't a big fan of Tony dying or Steve returning to the 40s. I realize that Chris's contract was up, and he wanted to do other things but still felt like a copout. Realistically he couldn't have gone back and lived a perfect life with Peggy because she did too much to set up SHIELD and there is no way that Cap could have kept silent about HYDRA.
Dimension and time travel will really screw with your head.
One problem at a time, I tell myself, just find the team and see if they can figure out how to send you home and then have a moral and existential crisis about saving lives in a dimension that isn't supposed to exist.
Where the fuck is that Shawarma place.
Two hours later of wandering around a devastated New York, I finally find the place mentioned in the movie. And I am utterly frozen outside, paralyzed in fear. Cause this is happening. I should have written down what I want to say because the minute I step in there I am going to break down and forget everything.
It's Captain fucking America that notices first. Cause of course it would be.
"Are you ok miss?"
"That is a fantastic question, Captain. I will let you know when I have an answer but right now I kinda need your help. Really, I need Bruce, Tony and Thor but I am certain that this will involve all of you at someā¦" I am rambling and I know it, but I can't seem to stop.
"Alright, why don't you sit down and start from the beginning." Steve says interrupting my panicked rambling.
"That would be great." I sigh and slide into the indicated chair. The shoes on my feet were not made for functionality apparently. Whoever stuck me here clearly did not know me. "Ok hi everyone. I am going to make this quick and I am going to sound insane, but I promise that I will be as honest as possible."
"Not the best way to start when talking to a couple of spies" Hawkeye says dryly.
"I know but I really am going to sound crazy, and you are the only people that can help me so here it goes" I say with a nervous chuckle. "I went to bed last night in a small town in Pennsylvania in the year 2022. I woke up lying on my back in the middle of an alien invasion. To me, you all are characters in Comic books and movies. Best I can guess is that the portal opened by the Tesseract somehow pulled me here and I need your help, hopefully to find a way to get me home." I say in a constant stream, looking at nothing in particular to help me ignore the growing looks of concern and disbelief.
No one said anything for a couple minutes, trying to digest everything I said.
"Well," Tony started, "That is the craziest thing to happen today but then again today seems like one of those days."
"Wait, you don't want to ship me off to the nearest loony bin?" I ask
"I mean, I don't really believe a word you just said but considering I flew a nuke into space I am willing to give a little leeway." He said dryly.
"I don't believe a word you just said but you are scared of something" Widow said carefully.
"Guys, I swear I am telling you the truth. I will take whatever test you need me to, to believe me" I begged.
"Fine, polygraph it is. But not tonight, we are exhausted so tomorrow we will take you in." Clint said with a yawn.
"Fine, I will find a place to stay for the night and meet you tomorrow in front of the tower at like 10am. Gives you time to sleep in. If I am not there assume I am back home or dead. Considering I spent 3 hours here with no weird lights or dizzy spells or anything that I would assume signals time or dimension travel I guessed I am stuck here but who knows, maybe I will wake up in my bed tomorrow and you can all forget you ever met me." I rambled on again. A yawn stopped me and I walked out hoping again that this was all some weird dream.
********** 9:30am the next day**********
I wondered all night hoping that it keep me relatively safe. I ducked in and out of gas stations for bathroom and small sips of water and tried to keep to relatively well lit areas. I remembered Home Alone 2.
I didn't have a watch on me so as the sun was coming up I headed for the tower. I loitered around the front for a little while hoping that 10am came before I was confronted by a security guard or police officer and forced to move.
Did I mention that I am also kinda freezing and starving. Gah I should have asked to stay. I am an idiot.
Some time later, Black widow herself walks out the door scanning the sidewalk quickly before her steely gaze lands on me.
She smirks and waves me in.
This is going to suck.
"Have you ever taken a polygraph before?" She asks in the elevator.
"No, never needed to." I answer hoping that my nerves don't show up too much in my voice. "But I have watched enough cop shows to have a general idea of what to expect."
"Good. This way please." She guides me down a hallway into the unwracked part of the living space.
Oh shit. Sam.. I mean Fury is here. Guess I should have expected that.
"So I here you're a little ways from home" Fury says sarcastically.
"That would be an understatement. Can you do me a favor" I ask smirking.
"Oh and what would that be?" He asks dryly.
"Can you say 'Motherfucker' for me?" I grin.
"Motherfucker" He responds and I start giggling "what is so funny about that?"
"In my world, your actor is kinda famous for saying shit like that and delivering those lines flawlessly, though I have to say my favorite line of yours would have to be you telling the council that their idea was stupid and you have elected to ignore it." I explain.
He stares at me, not quite open mouthed but clearly surprised.
"Right then, lets hook you up and get this charade over with." He says turning.
Great now I've pissed him off. This isn't going well but I decide that following orders would be a better plan than trying to apologize.
"Don't think that trying to control your heart rate and breathing will trick this machine, We are a little more advanced than your average testing facility." He says condescendingly.
"Listen, I am here voluntarily because I just want to go home. I am tired and hungry and have been wandering around New York City all night so if we could just get started that'd be great." I say getting pissed off finally. He starts to hook you in to the various sensors to start the test before settling down in the chair across from you.
"Alright lets start easy. What is your Name?" I answer and the machine reads no lie.
"Where were you born?"
"Small town in the middle of nowhere Pennsylvania. Name was Alexandria."
"How old are you"
"I am 24 years old almost 25."
"From here on out, just yes or no answers. Got it?"
"Yes" He nods in approval.
"Have you had any previous interaction with Loki?"
"No."
"Have you had any previous interaction with any Avenger team members?"
"No."
"Do you believe that you are in an alternate dimension?"
"To keep with the yes or no, I am going to say yes but there are some heavy reservations on that answer." He sorta glares at you but accepts the answer.
"Do you wish to harm an of the team members or the public at large?
"No."
"Do you know who your soulmates are?"
"What are you talking about" I ask weirded out. "Soulmates aren't a real thing so No."
"Clearly there is more differences than you thought between dimensions if you don't have soulmates although I am pretty sure I saw your mark putting the blood pressure cuff on you." Fury says skeptically.
"I have small tattoos but those were more weird impulses or done on a drunk dare." I said surprised I have a small beaker, spider, arrow, star, hammer, constellation and a hand with a blaster (stupid tequila) all fairly well hidden on my body.
"Well, I can't say for certain what the hell is going on with you but you are telling some version of the truth. I will let the team know." Fury says almost like he is disappointed that I aren't lying and trying to destroy anything.
"I guess that's the best I can hope for with you. So where is the brain trust of this place? I know that Tony is an insomniac so I can't imagine he went to sleep last night."
"Yeah, yeah, follow me. Someone a whole lot smarter is going to have to sort you out. Good luck kid."
With that he leads me to a room with a tv, small kitchen and a couch. I look around waiting for one of the assassins to jump out and scare me. When nothing happens for a few minutes, I sit down on the couch and promptly pass out. Maybe, I would wake up home. I didn't actually go to sleep last night so that possibility is still there, I think as I sink into unconsciousness.
