Hey everyone And welcome to the first chapter of this fan fiction. This is my first attempt and I hope people enjoy. Please know that I'm doing this completely on the spot and am using just pure luck and intuition with how I want this to go. Anyway there I'd like to state I do not own any copyrights to the characters and they are all owned and licensed by Jk Rowling. Thank you for giving us a world we all have come to love and want to see grow and have others take the reins on in our own views. I hope everyone has a good evening and let's begin. This is Rated M for dark thoughts, mature language, lemons and so on and so forth.


The sun peered it's way through the window of Number 12 Grimmauld Place and straight onto one Nymphadora Tonks. She groaned as she flipped over in the bed and covered the blanket over onto his head and mumbled to herself.

"Mmm Who turned on the sun..." Her head pounded as she spoke. But what else could she had done? Her cousin and one of the best people in her life had now been taken from her viciously by her Aunt. The loud bang of the spell hitting Sirius still rang in her ear and the sight of him slowly falling back into the Veil burned her eyes to the point of tears.

"Stop it Tonks...It isn't your fault" She had to tell herself as she slowly sat up and looked around the room. The comfort of her own words seemed to fall flat in the darkness of the Black Estate. Shaking Tonks prepared to stand when she heard a knock on the door. She quickly looked at a mirror seeing her face and closed her eyes forming herself back into her Pink hair and cleared the sight of her tears. "Come on!" She spoke to the knock.

Slowly the knob turned and there stood someone she knew was feeling this possibly far worst than she was. Remus. The man who had come to outlive both his best friends in the world. She felt her stomach knot at this thought and looked at the man. He did not seem to have slept in days.

"Hello Tonks..." Remus' own voice seemed to have a hard place to find as he slowly walked over and placed a hand on her bed post and looked around the room a bit. "How are you doing today?"

"How am I doing?" Tonks looked up at the man in shock that Remus was asking this while he was in his own state. "Bloody Merlin Remus, What about you? You've just lost another best friend...I can't imagine how your holding together."

"As the muggles say, in lament's terms, I'm not..." Remus admitted to her fully. "But I can't not allow myself to let my darkness surround my life. So I'll bottle this down...and use it so that one day I will get a world that they all would have wanted."

His words seemed to make her jaw drop in surprise at his comments. He seems so strong right now, Tonks thought as she watched him.

"Remus I don't know what to say..."

"And I understand that Tonks." Remus smiled. "I loved Sirius like a brother. He had always been there for me along with James. However, if I allow myself to be drowned in the pain of their lost I'll never give them the world they wished to have seen."

Again his words shook Nymphadora to her core as she shook a bit and couldn't keep up the strong face. She felt the tears begin to tear free from her eyes and she leaned forward onto Remus as he took a seat beside her.

"It's okay Tonks...let it out." Remus wrapped his arms around her. The young woman hadn't had time to grieve properly due to the lost and her job as an Auror and as a member of the Order of the Phoenix. His hands began to run up and down Tonks' back as she couldn't control herself. Her hair following her mood into a dark blue color.

"It's not fair...not fair...He should still be here...I want my cousin back!" She let her emotions out into his shoulder muffling her voice. Rage, sadness, regret. It all seemed to just flow. "Oh god...Remus I'm so sorry.." She pulled off him and wiped her face as she noticed she had cried all on his patchy robes.

"It's fine Nymphadora." He whispered to her and she looked up at him trying to scowl but the weight of her feelings crashing her caused it to not work. Then a realization came over her.

"Dear god Remus," She spoke and looked at him with wide eyes. "What about Harry?!" She shuddered. Harry had been right there when it happened too. Watched it happen in more explicit detail than anyone of them. She still recalled when Remus tried to hold Harry back before he broke out after Bellatrix. Dumbledore had not told them what had happened after the events in the Hall of the Veil.

Remus nodded in thought. "I don't know Tonks." He grimaced in thought as he wiped her tears. "He didn't speak a word to anyone after the Ministry events. Hermione and Ron have said he seemed cut off from them almost completely."

This made Tonk's stomach lurch. How dare she had thought about her own self when Sirius' own godson had just lost him. She had remembered the long distant face she had seen when Harry passed her when Dumbledore walked him out and back to Hogwarts. She didn't even get a chance to console him.

That's not to say she had not been keeping a eye on him. Per Dumbledore's request the Order had taken up scheduled shift changes between them to keep a eye on Harry under the ruling they did not interfere or become involved with his life what so ever. Every member seemed to have a time except for Severus. Dumbledore had insisted Severus' own personal mission was more important than Harry.

That thought drew a sneer in her mind as she suddenly noticed Remus was looking at her.

"Sorry did you come in here for a reason Remus?"

"Yes actually, a favor more so." Remus admitted to Tonks as he turned to her. "I want you to break the rules and check in on Harry." This surprised her as Remus chuckled at the sudden change on her face. "Listen all due respect to Dumbledore but right now Harry needs someone to speak to and besides me you are the only one who knows what he is going through. Plus with you being an Auror Dumbledore has less chance to sue Leglimens on your mind to suspect you. Me. He'd know I would want to reach out."

This made sense to her. Especially seeing how she just broke down she could only imagine how Harry is holding out. Not to mention with that Muggle family. She debated it in her head for a while before nodding.

"Okay...I'll do it." Tonks nodded and wiped the remnants of her tears off her face and gazed up at him. "It's gonna be tricky but I think I can do it."

Remus smiled and hugged her close as he felt his mask drop for a second.

"Thank you Tonks..." His eyes watered for a minute. "I doubt he's even opened the letter from Gringotts." That damned letter, she thought. She had received one a few days after Sirius' death for his will reading. It had been the final confirmation to her and her family that indeed, Sirius Orion Black was gone. That damned letter had started this downward spiral of alcohol consumption that led to now. She was just lucky she learned a charm to help with the headaches.

"I'm scheduled to keep a eye on him today..I'll go then and maybe if I have free time I'll go on your day. " Tonks informed Remus before they stood. "Now bugger off so I can get ready." She scowled. "Unless your hoping to catch a peek" She teased sending Remus barking with laughter. It felt good. The laughter. She had wallowed in her pity for too long and had not heard any laughter in these past days. Sirius wouldn't want that, she thought to herself as Remus left the room.

She gathered her clothes for that day and headed to the bathroom to clean up. Tonks let the water from the shower hit her face and awaken her fully. And in that moment she thought of her promise to Remus and felt a fire go inside her. A fire to help the only person who could be feeling a inkling of what they were. To help Harry Potter.

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"I killed Sirius Black!" The laughter played in his ears as his mind was stuck back on that very moment. "He's gonna get me!" Again that dark, hysterical, and bloody laughter. Closing his eyes, He took a deep breath before exhaling and reopened them.

His back lay plastered to the wall behind him as he laid his head back against the old wallpaper. His eyes stuck on the ceiling of his small bedroom but it mattered not to him at that moment. It seemed that the entire world was growing more drained of color. The banging on his door woke him from his stupor.

"Get up boy! It's time to use the loo, Now!" His uncle unlocked it and looked in at Harry who sat there with his head against the wall. A bit of shock raced through the man as it was the same position he had seen Harry the previous time he came by. But that was hours ago, Vernon thought to himself as he gazed. The room itself was still a mess from his first few outbursts when he had returned from the Freak school. He dare not enter or threaten him incase his outburst was aimed at him

"Fine, if you rather skip this moment than stay there but be warned boy, You have one more chance for the day. If not you can sit in here and use a corner of your room for it!" He slammed the door closed and locked it back up tightly.

Still Harry did not budge as he sat there. He wasn't crying as his eyes felt as if they could no longer cry. His eyes slowly peeled themselves from the ceiling to his desk where lies a letter.

To Harry James Potter

#4 Private Drive

From Gringotts Wizarding Bank

He hadn't dare touched it as it would confirm that the world he was in was real. He still prayed that he was sitting in the Gryffindor tower having a nightmare like the many others that had haunted him this year just waiting to be woken by Ron or Hermione to wake for classes that day.

Harry could feel the lump in his throat as he knew he was wrong but didn't want to admit it. The papers had arrived from the daily prophet confirming his fears almost as soon as he had arrived back to the Dursley's for the summer. He looked back down at the mirror in his hand.

"Sirius?...Come on stop pulling a prank on me this isn't funny anymore." He said to it in denial but alas no voice came from it. Gripping the mirror tightly he held it against his chest as the sting in his eyes rose again. "How could you leave me Sirius...we were suppose to live together..." Finally the tears fell even though he tried to stop them. Then he heard a crack. Looking down the stomach within him flipped. The mirror had broken. He ran his finger along the cracks and picked up a shard and looked at it. The edge was quite sharp and jagged.

Harry shuddered as a thought that entered his mind for the first time since his early years with the Dursleys. He took the shard and gently trailed it back and forth across his skin on his arm. And slowly he began to put pressure. With each stroke more pressure until thin lines began to take true form along his arm. And for the first time since Sirius' death Harry Potter felt something. Pain.

He watched his wrist as he saw the blood begin to drip from the wounds and he closed his eyes as he finally felt his back move from the wall. His legs rugged themselves up to his chest as he laid to the ground his arms wrapping around himself as the tears began to drip once again in rhythm with the blood coming from his arm.

As his eyes began to close he was suddenly shaken awake by loud shouting a bang and the distinct sound of magic. Suddenly a vision of pink hair opening his door and staring at him in surprise and terror as the words slowly left his lips of the name.

"Tonks...?"


Short chapter but as I always consider the first ones to be this is only the beginning. Didn't wanna flood it with too much plot in order to make it grow. I hope you all enjoy and let me know any suggestions in my Dms. Next chapter I plan to have out soon but with me working nights I can not confirm or deny how long it'll take me. Anyway see you next chapter :)