Author's Note: This is a story I sat on for quite a while on whether to post or not because I wasn't sure how well it would appeal. But because I got a message from a reader (please let me know if you want me to credit you if you see this, since you sent me a PM) who asked whether or not I penned a story in the Aladdin universe that had the usual non-human main characters in a scenario where they turned human, I figured I'd do this as my next main Aladdin fic. I'm probably going to end up heavily revising some of the chapters that I've already written, so it's not going to go up at once, but I think I can update this quickly enough alongside continuing and finishing "Black Sand Shadows and Blooms" and "Turn It Off". The main villain in this is Nefir, which to be honest, I'm not sure why I haven't uploaded a story with him as the main villain at all until now. I've done a few but not publicly posted. Now you have one, at least the first one. XD

As usual in this disclaimer, all characters, locations and properties related to the Aladdin franchise belong to their creators. The story and my original characters are mine - I'm just wanting to tell a fun story. Hope you enjoy.

Synopsis: Nefir's meddling with a cursed spellbook was meant to turn him and his crew into humans to pass off a mass scamming operation across a number of kingdoms - including Getzistan and Agrabah. Aladdin and his friends end up foiling their attempts, but per accident, the spell ends up turning Abu, Iago, Carpet, and Rajah all human! The group navigates their way through adjusting to the change while Genie tries to find a way to reverse it. However, the spell is not as harmless as it seems. When it starts having adverse effects on his friends, Aladdin must find a way to break the curse before their time runs out. And that may mean going back to Nefir, who won't let Aladdin and his friends have a cure without paying a price.

If I Were Only More Human

Chapter 1: The Foiled Heist

It had been a while since Sultan Pasta Al Dente had written a message sent urgently for Agrabah's attention, but the moment that Aladdin and Jasmine had been summoned to the Sultan's throne room in Agrabah, they knew it had to be an important one. Genie happened to be going through the mail that morning and had seen a scroll marked for the Sultan's attention. Iago and Abu happened to be in the room as the news was shared.

"I'm very happy to hear from Sultan Al Dente, but I'm afraid this news is rather concerning. It's from a little over a week ago," the Sultan said. He reviewed the message once more while sitting on his throne, his brow furrowed with concern.

Aladdin folded his arms across his chest, dressed in his royal attire after attending a meeting with Jasmine and a few dignitaries. "And it's just arriving now? What caused the delay?"

Genie was happy to give both the prince and princess a brief simulation using his magic. A brief gust of wind made Jasmine's bound hair blow backward and Aladdin's hair blow back enough to knock the fez from his head. "That, kiddos, is the reason. All the mail got delayed by a pretty brutal and windy sandstorm. Probably knocked the couriers around like bowling pins and then some."

"I don't think we needed that simulation to get the point, Genie," Jasmine said, rolling her eyes. She managed to smooth a few of her frayed hair strands back with her fingers.

Aladdin had to pick up his fez from the floor, giving Genie a side-eye glance and a smile before turning his attention to the Sultan again. "That said, what does it say?"

The Sultan cleared his throat and read. "My dear friends in Agrabah, I hope this message finds you well. I must alert you to the possibility of a group of thieves that may make their way to you. They are looking for a cursed tome that has been missing for many years. I do not know much about the tome, only that the one who last had it in his possession happened to be a former sorcerer associated with Agrabah whom no longer threatens our realms. I believe you know this sorcerer well, Sultan, as he was your former vizier."

That made Iago stiffen as he perched on a nearby chair in the room. His face paled considerably as his eyes widened. "Vizier? Jafar? You've gotta be kiddin' me!"

"Hush, Iago. Jafar isn't a threat anymore," Jasmine scolded.

"Sure, you say that, but that doesn't mean whatever he had in his possession wasn't! I still have anxiety whenever his name is mentioned, so of course I'm gonna panic."

"I have to agree with Iago," the Sultan said, which surprised everyone. "Whatever tome Jafar may have possessed may still pose a threat, even with him being long gone."

Aladdin's eyes narrowed. "And if a group of thieves are looking for it so obviously through rumors, then that means it either has value, is a threat, or both."

The Sultan took a breath and continued as they waited for him to read more. "It may be that this is simply a rumor spread by those who intend to scare or cause consternation, but I believed it necessary to alert you of the possibility. If such a tome exists, I trust that you will keep it out of nefarious hands. I hope that this arrives to you before anything terrible may happen. Please take care and stay well. Sultan Al Dente."

"Welp, must be a rumor, so nothin' to worry about, right? Right?" Iago said. "I'm not exactly keen on goin' back down into Jafar's old lair lookin' for a thing that's nondescript."

Abu made a point to remind Iago that the bird never usually wanted to go into Jafar's old lair for any reason. A point on which Iago gave the monkey heavy side eye.

"Wish that he could have given us a description of what the tome looked like, but it doesn't look like he knew much about it other than the rumor," Aladdin said. "Still, we should probably check to be safe."

"Do you think the thieves know what it looks like?" Jasmine asked. "At the very least, we can step up security here in the Palace."

At the very moment the princess made mention of security, one of the guards burst into the room. "Intruders! Thieves!"

Aladdin's eyes rolled as he looked up to the ceiling with a shrug. "Perfect timing." He whistled quickly, which summoned Carpet to them from a nearby window. As Aladdin, Jasmine, and Abu boarded Carpet, the prince asked the guard the obvious question. "Where are the thieves?"

"Quite a few of them we've managed to hold out from entering the Palace, but two took off with Rajah chasing them further in. We can't find either of them. The thieves weren't human."

"Wha'dya mean 'not human'?" Iago said, looking slightly panicked.

The guard winced. "They were all...imps."

Genie groaned. "Really? See, this takes the frosting off my cake, because I hate imps." Genie made it a point to transform into a cake with partially removed frosting.

Jasmine gasped, turning to Aladdin quickly. "Rajah might be in trouble."

"Against common thieves, not so much. But with imps, little more concerning. Guessing we've found the thieves that Sultan Al Dente was trying to warn us about. And if they're headed where we think, they must know us and this place to know where they're going. I've a feeling I know who it is." Aladdin turned to the guard. "I doubt they're going for the treasure room, but you should go in that direction anyway. We're going to Jafar's old lair."

"By we, I hope you don't mean me," Iago said wearily, but it was clear from the way Jasmine looked over her shoulder at him that Iago was definitely a part of the group going in.


Nefir rubbed his hands together as he came upon the very thing we was searching for in Jafar's old lair. "At last! Finally found what we were searching for based on the magic tracker we acquired from Getzistan. Should have known the tip we received was accurate. Now to see if the spell we're seeking actually works." He grabbed the tome from one of the hidden shelves in the room, flipping through its pages until he found what he was looking for. He made sure to mark the place so he wouldn't have to flip so

A growl echoed at the top of the stairs as one of Nefir's underlings struggled to hold the door shut against an unwelcome intruder. Nefir was beyond annoyed at the distraction.

"I can't read this spell to transform us if you keep letting that tiger try to break the door down!" Nefir snapped. "I need quiet!"

His underling complained that it was hard to hold the door shut with how strong and large the tiger - Rajah - was.

"Well, then, you'll just have to find something to bar the door, now won't you? Use your tools, already!"

The imp underling appeared to have forgotten that he - indeed - had tools to block the door. He quickly set to work barricading the door. Several planes of wood and nails later, the door was barricaded.

"That's better," Nefir said. "All I have to do now is read the incantation to turn us human. They won't be able to tell who we are if this spell works." He began to read the script aloud, pronouncing it slowly and loudly for the tome's magic to take effect. But not only did it have no effect, Rajah's efforts of throwing his body against the barricaded door to the lair finally paid off. The imp standing in front of it wasn't expecting the hinges of the door to break, causing the door to fall flat on top of him.

Rajah growled, realizing that he'd found not just one intruder, but two. He barreled down the spiral staircase.

"Good job, Rajah. Figured you guys might be here." An all too familiar voice near the door made Nefir curse his luck. Sure enough, Aladdin, Princess Jasmine, and the others appeared on Carpet, floating just inside the doorway where Rajah entered. Nefir's underling struggled to crawl out from under the fallen door.

"Curse you for ruining my plan, Aladdin. I'll just have to take my business elsewhere!" Nefir snapped as he barely managed to fly out of range of Rajah's claws.

"Not before you return what you're in the process of stealing," Jasmine snapped.

"Finder's Keepers!" Nefir said with a grin. "Not like any one of you were likely to use it. The amount of dust it had collected could have been thick enough to make a cloak. Unlike you all, I do have a VERY specific purpose of using it."

"Oh really?" Aladdin said, leaping from Carpet to the floor not far from where Nefir was trying to avoid Rajah's claws. "I don't suppose that would include selling it off to the highest bidder?"

"A human, let alone former thief wouldn't know anything about the value of something like this," Nefir said with a huff. "If you think I would sell this for any price, you're grossly mistaken."

"So then tell me: what are you using it for?"

Nefir had been so close to telling Aladdin his plan that he had to stop himself. Apparently Aladdin had been banking on the directness of his question. So confident was the prince's inquiry that it made Nefir's face turn red. "No, I'm not telling you my plans! Why would I be so foolish?"

Aladdin casually shrugged. "Oh, thought I'd ask just to see if you'd tell us. But since you won't, then we're not letting you have it. Oh, Genie?"

Genie appeared without a second thought beside Aladdin. "Guessing I'm in charge of retrieving the stolen goods, eh, Al?"

"Yep. Give it all you've got."

Genie disappeared and reappeared next to Nefir, who yanked the tome out of Genie's reach. Even while Genie tried to reach for the tome in several directions, Nefir managed to dodge his reach, up to a point where the imp clutched the tome to his chest. "Why are you so serious all the time, Nefir? You really need to lighten up. And I mean in the way pillows are light and fluffy and full of feathers."

Nefir had been expecting that Genie would make several pillows appear. He wasn't expecting the pillows to explode and produce feathers that started to float around them.

"I don't think that's what Aladdin had in mind, Genie," Jasmine said. Abu and Iago started sneezing when a few feathers landed - respectively - on their nose and beak.

"Maybe not that, but I did plan to do this." Genie grabbed several feathers from mid-air and used them to tickle Nefir in several places on his arms and under his feet. Nefir was taken so off-guard that he began to laugh. His grip loosened on the tome and it fell - right into Aladdin's waiting arms. Aladdin struggled a little to keep hold of the tome, though. It was heavier than it appeared.

"Oh, and just to make it clear that we don't like intruders - and carry on the theme of having feathers," Genie said with a sly grin. "Allow me to give our friend on the ground wings for the time being." Genie used his magic to give Rajah wings on his back. At first the tiger was confused on how to use them, but he quickly adjusted when he realized they would get him closer to his target.

Genie wiggled his brows. "Rajah, I give you full permission to go after both of these imps. I may not like imps myself, but they might be pretty appetizing to you."

Nefir realized very quickly that he was at the end of a losing battle. "Retreat! I said retreat!"

Both Nefir and his underling fled the room as Rajah flew after them.

"That went a lot easier than I thought it would," Jasmine admitted as Carpet brought her, Iago, and Abu to the ground where Aladdin struggled to hold the tome.

Aladdin winced. "Yeah, but I wasn't expecting this thing to be so heavy. Nefir held it like it didn't weigh anything at all. I can't even open it to the page he was on."

"Hang on, kiddo, I got it." Genie plucked the tome from Aladdin's hands with ease. "I'm thinking the weight of this one is more magic induced than anything else. Nefir probably had some trinket that helped him hold it. I did notice a weird bracelet on his wrist. That might've been it."

Aladdin exhaled slowly. "I mean, I can carry my share of things, but still. Makes sense it would be heavier than expected because of magic. It's big and has a lot of pages, but not that big."

"Nah, kid," Iago said, waving a dismissive wing, "You're still a scrawny bag of bones compared to most of these other heroes for liftin' things. You've got more muscle on you than when Jafar was around, and before you and Jas got married. But face it: power lifting just isn't your thing. No offense."

Aladdin gave him a side eye glance, frowning as he folded his arms across his chest. "Next time there's something heavy to carry that the Sultan needs, I'll recruit you as the first volunteer. Since you're such an expert on measuring strength."

"Guys, don't fight," Jasmine scolded. "At least let us see what Nefir was looking for in that tome."

Genie flipped to the page that Nefir had been looking at, evidenced by the folded corner of the page. "Looks like he marked his place pretty clearly from this. But these spells are written in a language that's long been out of use. It's older than me."

"Can you read it?" Aladdin asked.

"I can read it, but I don't understand how to translate it in a way that you guys can understand. It's been a while, for one, and for another, I'm not phenomenally cosmic powered enough to recall exactly what it is. Like this one here is listed as a 'humanity' spell. Sounds really weird to me that Nefir was looking for something like this at all."

Aladdin and Jasmine shared a confused look between themselves. But Aladdin was the first to speak between them both, likely thinking the same question at once. "Humanity spell? What was that going to do?"

Genie shrugged as Abu took the time to perch on his shoulder. "Beats me. But I wouldn't imagine it would be a bad spell from the name alone. It's a short one, easy to read."

Iago frowned. "I thought I heard him say some weird incantation just before we came in."

Abu quickly agreed, screeching that just before Rajah had broken in, Nefir had been loudly chanting something he couldn't understand.

"Well, maybe he just read it wrong," Genie said. He wiggled his eyebrows. "That's where he and I differ. My pronunciation of archaic spells is expert level - without match, even with semiphenomenal power." He made it a point to read the short spell - word for word - in a tongue that none of them understood. But it was Aladdin who pointed out the problem with that almost immediately.

"Genie! That wasn't an invitation for you to read it. We don't know what it does!"

But it was too late as - after a short delay - the spell's effect was immediate. Carpet started writhing around in midair, holding his knobs in a way that made it seem like he was covering his ears. Then Abu started screeching like he was in pain, covering his own ears.

"What did you do?!" Iago shouted, managing to fly to a nearby table as he covered his own ears with his wings.

"I don't hear anything?" Jasmine said, her eyes wide as she looked to Aladdin for confirmation.

"Neither do I, but doesn't mean they can't," Aladdin said. But his attention turned to the whimper from the top of the stairs. Rajah had returned - without his wings - and was covering his own ears with his paws.

Genie winced, because it seemed he heard it too, but it didn't have the same painful effect on him. "Sorry guys! I'll find a way to turn it off. Usually the way these spells work is that it stops when you read it backwards. Hang on." Genie proceeded to read the spell in reverse. Sure enough, whatever effect it had, stopped. Carpet slumped to the ground in a heap. Rajah slumped forward on the staircase, making Jasmine run to him. Abu slumped forward in exhaustion, but Genie was quick to catch the monkey in one hand, while the other held the tome.

Iago slumped forward on the table he'd landed on. "Man, that was the worst alarm system I've ever heard. Could you have given us a little warning first before you did something like that?"

"Really am sorry. I wasn't thinking about it," Genie said, looking genuinely guilty. Aladdin felt bad at seeing the pained expression on Genie's face, but there was little to say about it after the fact.

The prince shook his head. "At least it's over. For now, let's secure this place and update the Sultan on the state of things. He'll want to know we kept Nefir and the others away from the tome. Also that the tome is not a rumor. We need to figure out why Nefir wanted it in the first place, and why that spell was so important to him."