The few months I had spent in the night court had been torture. Being away from my mate had been poisonous, at least to me. I could feel my body and my mind reverting back to its original broken state. It had only taken a few days for the nightmares to return sapping my soul of strength sending my body into nauseous fits on a nightly basis.
Instead of being ignored however someone would always come in usually Tamlin, he would come in hoping that he could fix everything, fix me, without realizing that I wasn't the thing that was broken and that his presence only made my body want to revolt against itself even more.
Sometimes it was a night maid or Alis, but I never got the solitude I so desperately craved. Because of this, Tamlin continued to keep me insufferably close. My suite was right across the hallway from his, no longer in the guest quarters. It was just one more reason to raze his court to the ground when the time came.
When I was being watched there wasn't much I could do to gather information about Tamlin's plans with Hybern, but I would head down to the library with Alis to find a book. Usually it was something about the history, politics or trade of Pryithian and its courts. I figured as a High Lady I should at least know some of these things and while I knew Rhysand would teach me, I felt obligated to do as much as I could on my own.
I had never received a formal education the closest thing to it had been Rhys teaching me to read. Now that I could read it had become an invaluable skill and I couldn't help but feeling a little bit of resentment at my sisters or father for never taking the time to teach me.
I had considered painting and while I would still dabble here and there it was mostly for Tamlin's benefit. It was just another piece in my disguise, a sign that I was happy and healing.
For now I just had to get through dinner, that should be easy considering I had been able to effectively avoid everyone for the day and all I had to do was sit, listen and a wait for someone to slip up. Sometimes if the timing and mood was right I could ask seemingly innocent questions about the plans the Hybern had for me. Despite the simplicity it felt like a whole different set of warfare. Playing a part in order to get the information knowing that if anyone sensed anything was off I could raise some serious alarms that would leave me with more guards and less freedom making my job as a spy a lot harder.
I smooth out the invisible wrinkles in my ridiculously frilly dress. It was all tule, with a high neckline and a suffocating waist, but it did hold the benefit of making me look young and innocent. I check my smile in the mirror its a perfect mask to cover up the rage that boils beneath my skin.
I go into the bathroom and close the door and turn on the faucet to drown out any noise. I concentrate for a moment harnessing the emotions that coursed through me and focused on the fire that coursed through my blood. In a moment my hands were ablaze. The flame was a living manifestation of the emotions that roiled within me.
I have to be careful not to let the flame get out of hand, but I stand there for a moment and just admire the flames as I let them dance across my fingertips. The color of the fire changes from bright yellows to purple and even green depending on my whim.
When I finish I make sure to sweep out the smoke with a gust of wind so that I don't rouse any suspicion. Despite it being fairly simple magic I feel drained of energy. Which is odd considering I felt ready to burst only a few moments ago.
I pause a moment when I feel Rhys run his claw gently against my mental shields, letting me know that no matter what he was there with me and that he's there if I should need him, that he loves me. I can't help but smile to myself as I send my love down the bond to assure him that I feel his presence. I was grateful for the small gift he had given me, a moments respite and a reminder of what and who I was doing all of this for. There were still days that it all felt impossibly difficult, but I wouldn't let those days win.
Dinner was always an emotional climax for my day. I always felt weary after studying or painting it all felt like work and the last thing that I wanted to do was play dress up for Tamlin while at the same time acting as a double agent for Rhysand. With that happy thought I turn myself to the door and focus on the task at hand. All I have to do right now is get through dinner, I reassure myself.
As if on cue there is a knock on the door and Tamlin pokes his head through the door. He smiles when he sees the ensemble that Alis picked out. The frilly pink tulle gown that wasn't revealing in any way. Which was just fine with me I had no desire to flaunt my assets in this court and especially not for Tamlin. It had a high neckline and long sleeves. I was the vision of innocence and the facade worked perfectly so far. It accentuated my waist making it look tiny. The gown was a perfect weapon. I had to refrain from tugging on the pearl choker that I was wearing. It felt too much like a collar and I made a mental note to never wear it again.
Tamlin's eyes roam over my body and I hide my clenched fist in my skirt in order to keep myself from giving him a black eye prematurely. It was a daily struggle, but so far I had maintained self control. Though I had hinted that Ianthe's face would probably meet my fist next time I saw her. Tamlin had simply laughed nervously when I had said something to that effect out loud, but the next day I found myself with an extra guard and a gift of a new set of emerald jewelry. Talk about mixed signals.
He beams at me, his perfect bride. He leans forward and I freeze hoping that I don't have to fight off any advances. When he had first tried to make any physical advances I had pushed him away claiming that it was just too painful, but after a few weeks I had to relent to letting him hold my hand otherwise he would have gotten suspicious.
"You look lovely Feyre" he murmurs in my ear. After two months of being in the spring court I was in no way comfortable or well adjusted to being around Tamlin and I couldn't help but compare him to Rhys in the fact that I had felt more at home with him and in Velaris than I had at any other point in my life. The more I compared the two men the more I found Tamlin lacking and found myself wondering how in the hell did I fall for him in the first place
His comment send shivers down my spine, but not the good kind. It is unnerving to have him so close to me. It's feels like a violation and anger and fear courses through me leaving my cheeks flushed, but to Tamlin all he sees is a pretty blush that he sees as an invitation to continue further and he goes to kiss my cheek and for the sake of keeping his confidences I let him. He offers his arm and I take it and he leads the way down to dinner.
In the dining room Lucian is already sitting waiting for us. He glares at me as Tamlin pulls out a seat for me and I sit down and give Lucian a lazy smile. When he is sure that Tamlin isn't looking he shoots a glare at me from across the table that only makes me smile more brightly. At least Lucien has the sense to not trust me even if Tamlin is being dense. I often wonder how much Lucian thinks that he knows. I could only hope that his desperation for Elain was strong enough to keep him from telling his master.
Tamlin catches me smiling at Lucien and gives me a perplexed look that I simply shrug it off which will drive Tamlin crazy. Hopefully he will approach Lucian about it later, let Lucien try to explain himself to Tam. There is an awkward lull in the conversation as the food is served and Tamlin tries starting a conversation.
"So, Ianthe will be visiting the court in the following weeks. She made the suggestion that perhaps a banquet was in order to celebrate your return." Tamlin remarks.
I pause, the thought of planning parties with Ianthe made bile rise in my throat and at this point it was frankly insulting. The thought that Tamlin expected me to play nice with Ianthe after what she did to my sisters was revolting.
Rhysand must have thought that something was off because I could fell him checking to make sure I was okay. I couldn't blame him for wanting to make sure that I stayed safe. The longer I was away from him the more nervous we both got. I had checked on the bond multiple times through the day as well just to ease my nerves. The aching in my chest seemed to increase the longer we have been apart.
I shove my hands under the table so that Tamlin cannot see me digging my nails into the palms of my hands as I clench my fists in an effort to control the fiery anger that courses through my veins. It still doesn't help and I know that I have left burn marks on the underside of the table. Not to mention, with Hybern occupying the spring court there was really no reason to celebrate. There isn't much I can say that could change Tamlin's mind. So, I decide that the wisest course of action at this point would be to just play along maybe one of them will slip up and say something.
"I think that a banquet would be lovely, however the idea of having Ianthe return is is absolutely abhorrent." I retort frustratedly. Not to mention her presence would make my job harder. Ianthe was a snake, but I felt that if anyone would foil my cover it was her. What would be worse if she found out anything and was somehow able to use the information to try to blackmail me.
Tamlin carefully sets down his silverware in a calculated move to give himself time to control his barely concealed rage. While Lucian is not even trying to hide his savage delight as I have thrown my self in front of Tamlin temper. Tamlin's temper was both a pro and a con in my plan to overthrow the spring court. While his anger was very predictable it didn't help in matters of gaining his trust.
"Feyre, Ianthe has apologized, she is our ally and friend and you cannot avoid her forever." Tamlin tries to reason. Not that his opinion mattered in the first place.
"She is the reason my sisters are hostage in the night court!" I huff. I have to be careful. I know that challenging Tamlin to his face could be a risky move, but if I chose my words wisely I could tie a rope around Tamlin's neck and lead him and his court to the slaughter whiteout him being and the wiser.
Tamlin's expression softens a fraction. I know, and we will get them back I swear it. I hated it when he looked at me like that. When you could see how he pitied me. Like I was still so naive or that somehow he was the hero for stealing me from my family and my mate.
But I only look down as if trying to avoid his gaze that I would bow before him like all of his subjects. "its just, you don't know what its like. They twist your mind in ways that you can barely remember who you are let alone the people you love."
Tamlins expression darkens. It was an expression I was used to and if I played my cards right I could get him to spill some information. I know that Rhys can take care of himself but I always hate to use his name in such a fowl way. I wouldn't if there was any other way to keep Tamlin at bay in the night.
"Rhysand will not get away with this I swear it." Tamlin resolves to me and probably to himself.
I nod, to me it's just more empty promises. "But how are we going to get my sisters back? Cauldron only knows what his Illyrians have done to them already."
Tamlin sighs, "I didn't want to tell you because I didn't want to get your hopes up, but I think that you should know that Lucien and I along with some of Hybern's men plan on infiltrating the night court in order to get your sisters back and perhaps even retrieve the Book of Breathings that he stole from Tarquin."
This was too perfect. Everything I needed to bring down Tamlin had fallen into my lap. Why put in the effort of destroying him when his own plans can backfire so magnificently.
It was too easy, and I had to keep myself from laughing out loud. Instead I would let him see only fear for his safety and gratitude for his benevolence.
"Tamlin please be careful, the last thing I would want if for him to to kill or imprison you." I lie through my teeth.
Tamlin simply smiles and looks down the table at me as if my concern for his wellbeing is cute to him."You need not worry for me Feyre, Hybern has supplied us with bloodbane that will make it an easy victory for the spring court."
The name of the poison makes me temporarily panic. How could the Night court win if I wasn't there to provide a cure? But I simply nod and accept Tamlins consoling, pretending to be satisfied and I go back to eating my meal in relative peace.
The rest of the conversation and the food were both bland and I didn't have the stomach to put up with either of them so I simply dismissed myself not even having to lie about the bone deep fatigue that had claimed me.
I excuse myself for bed and I make my way upstairs. The hallways are dark and empty the majority of the staff have gone home for the night. Leaving only the few that lived in the manor to tend the night shift.
I creep through the hall, listening for the sounds of anyone who might be coming. I pass my bedroom and make my way to Tamlin's study. Hopefully I could find the plans that Hybern may have to infiltrate the night court I needed the specifics especially for the Bloodbane, though I doubt that Hybern would trust Tamlin with them. At this point tamlin was a liability for both sides. Even I knew that. I shake the doorknob of Tamlin's study only to find it locked. I can sense the wards that are in place around the study. Apparently he's upgraded his security measures. That definitely meant he was hiding something.
I had tried to sneak into Tamlin's study before and while getting past wards and locks were easy I always had a hard time with the sentries who would patrol the hallway and pass by every few minutes.
I waited for the sentry to turn a corner before I made a mad dash to the door of the study as quietly as I could. I sliced through the wards with half a thought thou I had trouble containing the light cast by the magic. Then I pulled a sharp hairpin out from my updo and began to fiddle with the lock I was able to get inside after 30 seconds of trying. I was quite pleased with myself. I had been practicing on my own with the bedroom door.
I slip inside the study and make a beeline for tamlins desk I take out the small pad of paper I keep in my corset and start to skim some of the papers searching for any clues to the attack and the amount of troops hybern has strategies he might employ or the location of any reserves of weapons and rations and where the might be kept.
I am able to find a few numbers on the amount of Bloodbane that Hybern is planing on using and it was enough to cause considerable damage to a legion of Illyrian soldiers. I had to get this information to Rhys so they could properly prepare for the attack. I write down as much as possible but my hands are shaking badly and it's makes my letters sloppier than usual and even I could hardly read my own handwriting.
Then I hear the sound of someone coming up the stairs alerts me that it's time to flee. I scramble as I collect my notepad and pen. I try not to knock anything over as I hastily try to cover up any sign that I had been in the study. I set the wards back up and lock the door again, but before I do I make sure that the sentry isn't coming down the hallway. I am able to easily I winnow into my bedroom and shed my dress for a long modest nightgown and quickly climb into bed and pretend to be asleep.
A few moments later Tamlin silently opens the door. He stands in the doorway just watching me. I fight to keep my nerves in check and my breathing even, pretending to still be asleep. After a few moments he finally leaves and it is only a moment before Lucian pops his head through the door. Only Lucian is smarter than Tamlin and he senses that I'm not asleep. He only snorts "faker" before closing the door and leaving me alone.
I don't really know how deep the comment was meant to cut but I don't care. There is no way that he could possibly understand, that whatever deceit I resort to is only to protect my family, my court and my mate. I lie in bed hoping sleep will claim me because I'm exhausted but sleep doesn't come and when it does it isn't very restful.
