London

It was a nice late summer evening. Brenda held on to her brother's arm, nor did she scrutinize the profile, the perfect nose, the serious expression. It was nice to have him there with her. She had never really realized how much she had missed him.

They turned to Craig's Street and she squeezed even more to him almost wanting to make up for the lost time. To want to close the fissure of nostalgia that had been created over time.

"There's a very nice pub here," Brenda said pointing to the direction with her index finger.

"You lead I follow you," Brandon smiled.

When they entered there were few customers, they seated at a seated table and ordered a couple of beers.

"Then. How are you?" Brandon smiled.

"Well. We just finished a comedy tour. I started writing something too"

"Really?"

"Yes. I would like to start doing something to direct. Or as an artistic director. And then I have a couple of other projects in mind"

"In short, you are doing well" Brandon's smile became wider.

"Yes," she replied, "at work I can't call myself dissatisfied. I did what I wanted. I have a nice flat in Soho. I have a lot of friends. JT, you met him . He is nice. Isn't he? We always walk around restaurants."

"Ah I saw it, great nice apartment," Brandon smiled.

"What about you?" She asked.

Brandon made an ironic grimace of sufficiency "I finished my period as a correspondent in Rome, and I'm going back to Washington in a month at most "

Brenda took his hand with both of his own.

"I would say we got away with it"

"Yes, I would say yes"

"What about the heart?"

"Ahhh" Brandon sighed laughing "the heart is overrated. Nothing special, nothing so important as to talk to you about it"

"A different woman every night... uh? What about that girl? What was her name.. Lauren?"

"As I said nothing important to talk to you about it"

The beers came.

"What about you?" Brandon's gaze became semi-serious. He looked at her. His brother knew where to hit and when to hit.

Brenda gave a half smile "no one to talk about"

"Dylan?" That name would come out sooner or later, they both knew it and they both had turned around us, like cautious beasts but his brother sometimes came in with a tight leg.

"You know he's gone."

"Didn't you hear him anymore?"

"Not since he left.. "

"It wasn't okay huh?" Brandon had become more serious...

"I don't know," she sighed, "sometimes I felt like I was his psychologist not his partner, I tried to support him, I followed him wherever he needed to go, but he is an indomitable spirit, which alienates you. Only Dylan can choose to stay. You can't force him," he sighed, "But how long can a person resist?.. After a while you really choose yourself, so you don't get hurt anymore"

"I choose me" sospiró Brandon playing soprappensiero with a peanut "is a fix of yours."

Brenda burst out laughing as her brother had planted her eyes on him.

"Don't tell me, do you think about her?"

A half smile came out from Brandon.

"Of course not," he shrugged," closed story. You know"

Now it was Brenda who planted her eyes on him.

"Stop," he told her.

His sister stared at him, stretched out her hand and took the truths from inside her bowels.

"You can't live in the past. It's not fair," Brandon gave up almost immediately.

"Right ," she said.

". I didn't want to feel the pain do you understand? Of course you do."

"Ok... stop about them,"said Brenda.

They toasted lighter. They talked about something else. Life had gone on and so had them. They laughed until they hurt their abs. It seemed that they were about to piss underneath.

They dragged themselves to Brenda's apartment.

Brandon jumped on the couch and fell asleep almost immediately.

He slept a lot. Brandon looked like someone who hadn't slept for years.

Los Angeles.

Dylan closed the bag of the suitcase and the zip slipped without making any noise.

"When are you coming back?" Kelly asked him behind his back.

"I don't know, maybe in a couple of months, maybe next week"

She didn't reply. SHe had stopped replying years earlier. She had taken it for what it was and accepted it. At least formally.

She hated herself for not being able to let him go. For yielding to his undecided heart. For a short time it had seemed to her that the restlessness he irradiated kept her alive but then they realized that it was not the right way. They both understood it. It made her insecure, fragile, she could no longer afford to be that kind of person. He didn't want it anymore.

"Why don't you come with me?"

Kelly shook her head "no, my life is here, my job, Sammy"

That name made Dylan stop. He felt the look of reproach of her.

"It always seems to scold me something Kelly"

She smiled without joy.

"I do what I can," he added, "there are projects I have to deal with"

"You should take care of your son," she sighed.

They stared at themselves. She felt something was slipping away again. And the returns and her attempts to pour the glue of patience into the cracks were no longer enough. It was never of any use.

Her life was slipping away.

He kissed her on the forehead. She saw him get on the taxi from the window. The house was unbearably quiet.

Sometimes she hoped he would never come back.

Sometimes she thought he wouldn't come back.

SHe prepared breakfast and woke up the baby. Sammy's smile cheered her up for a few moments.

She looked at herself reflected in the crystal window and she felt crystal too.

Where did her life go? Where was she going?

When did she start to have that unarmed expression?