Thanks for the feedback on my question! I was originally planning to follow canon on the matter, but then I saw Sabo getting called "Flame Emperor" in the Manga and had to ask what you thought too.
When Sabo woke up again, the world still felt off-kilter. There was a warm pressure on their chest. They were disappointed to see that it was Luffy and that Ace was still nowhere in sight. Their emotional heart ached at the proof of his absence.
"Nee, Sabo. Did Lambington catch Jack? You said there was more, what happened next?" The child made of too much sunshine asked.
They were so tired, but they raised an eyebrow at Luffy anyway and managed to speak. "I don't think it's fair to tell you the story early, Lu. Ace isn't here to hear it at the moment."
Luffy looked downcast at the mention of Ace. Worry pulled in their aching gut. "What's wrong with Ace?"
Luffy bit his lip and deliberately looked away. He wasn't meant to talk about it, but the lonely boy was as terrible at keeping secrets from them as he was at lying. Sabo gingerly sat up, back complaining and too tired limbs shaking. Their right hand was in a cast and ached something terrible, shit. Using their legs and their broken arm, the good one was used to push them up, they pulled him into a hug. Luffy clutched back at them.
"Ace... Ace said he wasn't going to visit anymore and you're going to stay here now." While there was a bit of excitement from the idea of the second half of that sentence, the sadness from the first half overweighed it.
Sabo's throat felt tight. It was happening. They were losing Ace. If they didn't do something right now it might become permanent. With renewed energy and strength, they hadn't realised they'd gradually lost until it had come back right then, Sabo let go of Luffy and sprang out of bed.
They were about to leave but quickly hugged the six-year-old still on the bed. "I'm going to get Ace back. We're not going to just let him leave us, okay?"
The fact that Luffy was the third wheel in this relationship felt weird to her memories. They countered it with the fact that they met Luffy too early. Before Luffy got the necessary character development from Shanks and his pirate crew. Before Sabo could even properly realise how messed up they were and try to fix it.
The stress and guilt had kept mounting, leaving them on a trigger that had finally been relaxed. It could and almost certainly would tense up again, staying on the brink of firing for longer than strictly safe, but they had a period of relief.
The world still felt and looked wrong, something in them said this was just a dream and they should go back to bed and rest. Ace will be there when they wake up. They ignored it. They knew this was reality. Ace wasn't here, and Sabo knew they were a wreck and should let Ace go because he'd be better off without him, but they were selfish.
They wanted Ace, and nothing was going to stop them from being by his side.
"Hold the fort Luffy. Try and convince Makino to make some spicy food so we can make him happy to stay." They couldn't take Luffy with them to find Ace. He'd want to come but they had to convince him to stay here first.
If this all goes well, maybe they could finally subject Luffy to the bandits and get ASL finally formed properly.
Something in their demeanour or voice must have caught Luffy's attention because determination filled him, and he nodded. The face of a man on a mission looked back on Sabo and they knew they had a similar look in their eyes too. They brought him into a short hug because they both needed the comfort that came from one and kissed Luffy on the forehead before pulling back. They shared a nod, and both ran out of the room, Sabo making sure to grab their pipe on the way out, to fulfil their respective missions.
Now to just find Ace. Dadan and the bandits were their first stop on their list. The location of their pirate fund was second. Whether he was at one of these locations or not, Sabo would find him. They finally had a proper incentive to learn to track. Too late to matter now though.
They'd kick themself for the deficiency in their skills later. They could not afford to be distracted or dissociate, because while they don't know exactly what the disorder entails, the definition of the word fits too much with how they experienced the world most of the time.
It was the afternoon, earlier than it was when they left Foosha after hearing tales of the Pirate King from someone who knew him. The Red Force wasn't in the Harbour, but Shanks had been preparing to leave in the morning.
Whether it had been one day or more, it had been too long, and they needed to do this now. They wouldn't let Ace stew in his own mind for too long. The mind could be a terrifying place. Sabo, unfortunately, knew that from experience.
Sabo slammed the door open, glanced over the occupants, saw Ace wasn't there and cursed.
The Bandits, already loud because they burst in without warning, grew louder as the foul words fell from their lips.
"Where's Ace?" They demanded.
Dadan, the first to reclaim any sense of calm, blew smoke into the ceiling. She glanced at them, giving them a once over. Her gaze stopped at their broken hand, but it had hovered over the left side of their body longer than anywhere else. She sighed, closing her eyes, and praying for strength, before looking them in the eyes.
"Your eyes haven't been so clear in months. Welcome back blonde brat." They gripped their pipe harder at the greeting.
It's a reminder of the time they spent semi-trapped in their head. They know it wasn't over, they only had a brief respite now. It could come back any second. The world still felt off. They couldn't put a finger on how, but it was. But that wasn't what mattered right now. Luckily, Dadan continued without having to be prompted again.
"He's out hunting now." She said. "Be careful with him."
She didn't add any more. That second half already was pushing her personal boundaries. Sabo nodded before waving goodbye and yelling thanks over their shoulder.
They didn't have a usual hunting area, not unless one could count the whole mountain as one. That was a lot of space to cover, but they had two places they could check. There was no sign of him at the Pirate Fund or along the way. Sabo started to head towards the cliff.
It was on the way they heard her voice in their head.
"If you truly love someone, you need to be able to let them go. Whether it's better for them or if it's what they truly want. You need to be able to let go even if you would rather not." She said. "Even if it might be detrimental to you."
Sabo stopped. She was right. Fucking hell, she was right. They delved into her memories, specifically the ones about relationships. Their child's brain had blocked them all out since the majority of the advice was related to romantic relationships, but it could also apply to other relationships. Which was exactly the information they needed.
The memories crashed on them like a tidal wave. Suddenly, they remembered so much it felt like a metaphorical punch to the gut to look back at their memories.
"I don't suppose either of you… know the secret to a healthy relationship?" He asked.
"Communication." The couple chorused.
Sabo had lied, avoided, and hid a lot. They had revealed things early, like their parentage, which made them feel like they'd told enough. It wasn't. It really wasn't.
"If you love me let me go-oo-oo~." Someone sang.
What were they doing? Trying to pull Ace back when all it meant was him having to deal with their broken wreck of a mental state all the time. They overheard him with Garp. It was stressing him out. Ace was nine for heaven's sake. He should not be the one they keep relying on.
They had other people they trusted, like Makino, Garp and Dadan. Other people that they could be relying on, but they weren't. Because they were too selfish and wanted to, could only because they're a mess, open up to Ace only. They should rely on others if they truly wanted what was best for Ace.
Sabo started running again. Even with this revelation, they still had to find Ace. Not to drag him back anymore. No, they needed to ask him a question. A very long overdue question.
They broke out of the tree line to see Ace sitting alone near the cliff looking over the sea. Even though they shouldn't, they're nine too. They crashed into Ace with a hug. It jolted their arm a little, but they could endure the pain it caused. As long as they felt it, it was fine.
"Sabo?!" Ace shouted in their ear. They pulled back so they could see him better, but they weren't able to let go.
If Ace wanted them gone, then this might be the last time they hugged him. Fuck, they could have ruined everything.
Ace looked at them shocked. For a brief moment when their eyes connected, amazement coloured his features. It disappeared, replaced by rage. Ace's default emotion when he didn't know what he should be feeling.
He opened his mouth to speak, to shout, but Sabo was already shouting instead.
"Do you want me gone?" They asked. They could have said it better, but a person rarely communicates properly in emotional situations. Ace was silent, so they asked again. Differently, in multitudes of ways but all trying to convey one message.
Did he not want them to be his First Mate and Navigator when they were going to set sail as Pirates? Did he not want to see them or Luffy or Makino ever again? Did Ace hate them? Did Ace not want to be friends anymore? Did he not want to keep pretending that Sabo was their twin? Not that it ever really came up except in Foosha.
Sabo was fully aware they were crying as they just kept asking and asking and asking. Trying to find the right set of words to finally make Ace respond. Instead, he just kept sitting there, shell-shocked, looking at them. Confused and angry.
Sabo finally stopped when they noticed something. A bright red flower still sat in his hair; its stem threaded through a small, fraying braid so it wouldn't fall out.
Gingerly, they touched it. It felt real. It looked real. It smelled real. Somehow it was that last fact that finally made the world feel real again. Suddenly, they could smell the ocean, and feel the spray and the wind. The grass they were kneeling on. The hidden earth and half-buried rocks underneath that were a little uncomfortable. The sun on their skin. They could smell their hair, how it had been washed recently.
Dear Goda, the sounds. Crashing waves, wind whistling through trees and undergrowth, rushing past their ears because it was surprisingly windy today. Bird calls, some seagulls, most from the forest or jungle, whatever it technically was because Sabo didn't remember the difference and no longer knew it.
There was a bug in Ace's hair. They fished it out. Its legs felt ticklish as it kicked at the skin of their fingertips. They threw it on the grass. It scurried away but they could keep track of it.
Sabo started sobbing for a different reason. The shoulder their hand was still on moved and suddenly they were brought into a hug. Ace nuzzled into their neck and held so tightly it actually hurt. The pain kind of felt good but they shifted a little in his hold so it wouldn't actually hurt as much. They hid it by using that movement to hug Ace back.
"I forgot how the world felt." They whispered. "It felt unreal for so long. I forgot."
Ace stiffened at that, but they tried running a hand through his hair. It calmed him down and made him relax a little.
Ace leaned back so they could look at each other again. Neither of them lets go.
"Why are you here?" He asked, his voice tight. He was trying to convey anger, but Sabo could see the hint of relief in his eyes. They could feel it in his grip.
"Do you want me here?" They asked.
Ace stiffened and drew in a ragged breath. After a brief period of silence, he pinched them.
"Ow!" They exclaimed, jolting. They brought their broken hand to rub the area on their back he pinched. Their good hand kept a grip on Ace's shirt. Pouting, they continued, "If you're trying to see if this is a dream, you're supposed to pinch yourself. That hurt."
Ace blinked at them. "You felt that?" He asked.
They paused in their rubbing. Partially because it wasn't actually helping and actually hurting their hand more and partially because of the open lost expression on Ace's face. No anger anymore.
"Course I felt that." Sabo snorted, faux loftily. "I can even feel that rock that's digging into my posterior, could we perchance move a little? It is getting quite uncomfortable." It really was, but they could handle it if he didn't want to move.
Ace tried to hide his snort of laughter but with his hands occupied he couldn't. "Posterior?"
"You know, buttocks, behind, bum, gluteus maximus." Ace released one hand to stifle his laughter, but it escaped anyways. The shaking of his shoulders wasn't much help hiding it. "I'm glad my discomfort brings you such pleasure. Can I please move?"
He nodded but he was still laughing at them. They sat on his lap. It wasn't completely comfortable, but it served a point. It also meant they could continue to hide their broken hand and its cast behind him. They poked a tongue out at Ace when he shot them a look at their placement.
They momentarily freed their healthy arm to grab the rock and chuck it into the sea. It may have helped them make Ace laugh, but it really was uncomfortable.
Their resolution came back to the front of their mind. They sighed heavily. Ace's laughter stopped, recognising that it was serious talk time.
"Luffy told me I was going to be staying in Foosha and you wouldn't be visiting anymore." They stated.
Ace nodded, bowing his head to try to stop looking at them. It only made him look at their legs instead of their face. The hibiscus in his hair was right in their face. Its scent wafted into their nose easily. They had to lean back to stop it from physically going up a nostril.
"Do you not want to see me anymore?" They asked. "If you really do then I'll do it. I'll go and stop bothering you." They stopped themself there, lest they word vomit on Ace again.
A hand clutched at their hair, getting tangled in its loose curls. He didn't try to get free of the confines and Sabo felt a spark of affection towards both Ace and their hair's penchant to tangle. He was tense. It was easy to feel while sitting on him and with an arm still pressing him into a half hug around his back. He didn't answer for a while. Sabo let him take his time.
At least a minute later, Ace finally spoke.
"Why are you here?" He asked.
It made Sabo sigh, a little put-off before they could restrain themself. Ace tensed marginally more from the sound. It was surprising that he could tense up more than he already had, but they could feel the evidence. They looked out at the blue expanse of the ocean.
"At first I was going to drag you back to Foosha with me and never leave your side. I was admittedly hurt and angry you decided that we wouldn't be seeing each other anymore." They confessed. "After I couldn't find you at the hut or the fund and on my way here, I had an epiphany, a realisation."
They paused briefly there and brought their attention back to Ace. He was looking at them again. He froze when he saw them seeing he was looking at them. Sabo lightly headbutted him and rested their forehead against his when he was about to turn away again. It kept his eyes on them, but it also meant they had to keep their eyes on him too. They couldn't chicken out of this.
"I'm an arsehole." They confessed. Ace blinked, eyes opening wider in shock. "It's true. I'm an awful friend and I keep relying on you when I shouldn't have. You shouldn't have to be the one to deal with or fix my issues, Ace. I've been hurting you by forcing you alone to deal with me and my issues." His jaw tensed, holding back a response.
"If you hated me, if you never wanted to see me again, I wouldn't be surprised. I don't deserve you and you deserve a whole lot better than me." They pulled back a little here, making it so they could see each other's full face instead of just their eyes. "Tell me honestly, do you want me to go?"
After some moments of absolute silence between them and no movement. Ace slowly, oh so slowly, shook his head. "No. No, I don't want you to go." He closed his eyes and rested his forehead against theirs again. They closed their eyes too.
"You're weird and stressful and annoying and you scare me a lot, Sabo." Ace confessed. "But you wouldn't be you if you weren't those things. I like you, you're my best friend. No one else. I don't want to lose you but I couldn't help you and you should hate me for that, but you don't. I hurt you, I could throw you against a tree and you wouldn't fight back."
When he breathed in there, his nose sounded a bit snotty. "I don't deserve you. I'm the spawn of the devil. I killed my mother. I can't ever deserve you, Sabo."
Not wanting to lose the current position they were in; they stuck their tongue out and poked Ace in the cheek for that comment. He jolted back and opened his eyes from shock. Seems, their efforts were in vain. They poked him in the forehead with a finger.
"If they're nice like you are, then I'd be their friend." Sabo quoted themself. "I meant it, Ace. I don't give a damn about your father. He could be a Celestial Dragon for all I care, and it wouldn't even matter. Also, you didn't kill your mum. She chose to give up her life so you would live. Do you think she'd hold you in her womb for twenty months if she didn't want you to live?
"You deserve better than me, Ace. You're the best thing in my life and meeting you and deciding to be your friend was the best decision I will ever make. You can do a lot better than me, Ace."
They stared at each other, wills battling over which one didn't deserve the other. A boar came crashing out of the forest. They were both up and armed before they could even think about it. Sabo went low, stretching out their pipe and jamming it into the ground to trip the beast. Ace used their subconsciously offered back as a stepping stone to get above it.
It tripped and crashed. Sabo retrieved their pipe from under it and Ace fell on it from above with a skull-splitting swing of his pipe.
They both stared at the creature. Taking it as a sign from the universe, Sabo turned to Ace.
"How about we agree to disagree on whether or not we deserve the other and just move on?" They asked.
Ace looked at them, glanced at the boar, and then nodded. "Yeah, okay then." His stomach growled and he winced sheepishly at the sound. Sabo tried to stop their laugh, but the attempt was folly.
"Shut up!" He yelled, embarrassed and therefore angry. "I missed breakfast dragging your absentminded arse to Foosha this morning and I haven't had lunch yet either."
Sabo's stomach growled too, and they could feel the emptiness in it now that attention had been drawn to it. They flushed and Ace laughed in revenge back.
Straightening up, they grabbed a part of the boar and looked defiantly into the forest, jungle, whatever it was actually classified as. "Good thing I asked Luffy to ask Makino to prepare a celebratory meal for dragging your arse back. If we drop this at the bandits, we might have a light enough load to get back in time before Luffy eats it all."
The rest of the boar was hefted up and Sabo momentarily looked back at Ace. "We wouldn't want that now, would we?" He said, rolling his eyes but faintly smiling.
"Yeah, I even specified it should be spicy. You wouldn't want to miss out on that." They said, starting to lead the way back to the bandits.
"You spoil me." Ace said, teasingly. Knowing all too well that Sabo's never really liked spice even though they have a pretty good tolerance for it.
"You're just lucky I love you." They huffed, face getting warmer after admitting it to his face.
It was the first time in this life they'd said those three words.
They glanced back to see Ace's reaction. Grey eyes were wide in shock and a bit of wonder. His cheeks slightly flushed, bringing attention to his freckles. A small smile grew into a D grin.
"Yeah. You're right, I really am."
Sabo's face felt as though it was made of fire, so they turned away to try and hide the worst of it. They knew it wouldn't work but they had to try at least. Ace's laugh informed them that they failed miserably.
Very fluffy end, hope you liked it too!
Oh, and credit to Thomas Sanders for the lines about Communication, and to the person/people who owns the song I took a lyric from in the same area. Don't own it.
