Going through life as a normal civilian, not many people think of death coming at them in such a violent way. They get up each day, whether happy or upset and starts to get ready for whatever their life has in store. It is simple, sometimes boring or even unfair. A harsh thought but many times over her life Donna would remind herself 'It could be worse' over and over. Depression can make one's view of the world dark and gloomy. But this, the sounds of screaming, muted as they are is so much worse. Her skin feels as if it is peeling and for all she knows it is.
'It was a normal day. What the fuck happened?!' Even as she is all but screaming in her head the young female is trying desperately to move. The dust and debris make it hard to see or even breathe; like small pieces of glass and dirt choking her. The screaming and wails get louder as the building she is in shudders as another loud explosion makes itself known. There is someone praying, the words faint and she hasn't enough function to know if it is in her language or not. Stumbling over something the woman curses as she falls forward painfully. Rubble, glass and other things dig into her palm and forearm. Despite the way she aches, the scrapes and head trauma she feels numb.
Everything that is happening can't seem to connect in her head, or maybe it is her. She has always been lethargic, almost uncaring of things that have happened around her. Emotions muted but still there. As she glances around her dull green eyes catch onto something only to widen. It is a leg, the rest, whoever they were crushed by the wall. There is wet thick blood and she cusses while pushing herself up slowly hands try to find perches on the worn and ragged wall. The pants she wears do little to protect her from the glass on the floor. Blinking slowly, she coughs, it is getting harder to breathe, whether that is from some internal damage or the ash and dust flying in the air she hasn't a clue.
Her chest feels warm yet cold, her hands becoming numb and tingly. There is a heavy feeling of dread sitting in her stomach and she is no fool. Whatever this is, what is happening around her she won't be able to escape. At least not alive. Another shudder and crack like explosion, the building seems to tip and she falls once more with a scream. It catches in her throat and strangles the sound from escaping. The sound is gone, only a loud ringing and she has no idea what happens next as she finds herself pressed against what seems to be a wall. Unable to move her arms or legs it takes a moment for her vision to clear, to see that a huge piece of brick, from the floor or wall, something has landed on top of her. It seems to be a blessing as she no longer can feel anything.
The air is being pushed from her body, everything adding together it is becoming near impossible to get oxygen in. Her head begins to get fuzzy and one final shake happens. Head leaning back; she watches as if in slow motion the floor above her cracks, spider like lines shifting around before it crumbles. Closing her eyes between the next second everything becomes nothing. She is dead, cold and then gone.
It is disorienting, neither does she open her eyes or 'wake up' she just is there. The cold grip of dread is gone, the dull fear and even the relief as it ended is all gone. The woman, wisp, or even ghost is free from those emotions. All she can feel is a sense of calm, but even that is so far off, but on the very edge of her conscious there is something not right. Looking around does very little as she finds herself in a monotone world, no real colors, just different shades of black and white.
Moving is something that makes her uncomfortable, she doesn't see the difference. There are no landmarks to tell her if she is even moving or not. Trying not to think of that makes too many things clash in her brain. There is this constant thought that pops up forcing her to stop 'I am dead.' Or 'I died.' When attempting to speak or whisper nothing comes from her lips. Hands come up but it is all so very wrong, she can't see them but at the same time she can. It is like her flesh is near translucent, the bare construct of her insides are shown. Muscle and bone can be seen but if she looks too long her mind wanders, as if something is forcing her to not think. To not understand, as if she pulls too hard at the piece it will unravel and everything around her will do the same.
It happens over and over, she almost begins to cease to be and then she 'wakes up' and once more is reminded. She died. Time has no meaning, but no doubt a lot has passed because the erratic feeling of nothing. Of the emptiness has stopped and she can remember, small pieces of a life. Her life. Growing up with her family, the happiness faded and then she became an adult. Life was neither hard or easy. Donna Evans, she was normal, or at least pretended to be. Nothing special, she wasn't anything worth remembering. Certain things were wrong with her, the emotional capacity she held for others was very low.
The memories help and harm, it gives her mind something to focus on as she moves through this… land? The world. Whatever it is she is in. The beyond for all she knows. Sometimes the memories don't do much to help and she tries to scream, holding herself but it doesn't matter. Because either she cannot speak or cannot hear. Or maybe both, it is so terrifying, almost like she isn't existing. Or very little of her is left. There are always scary moments when she just can't remember her memories or how much she thought of them. Has it been years? Longer? She cannot tell, there is no night or day here. Everything around her has remained the same and slowly it feels like she is cracking. Her very being is fading.
A light, a soft whispery voice, she can't hear it but she knows something or someone is speaking. Lulling her closer and towards something. Her chest trembles with something sweet, it has been so long. Lost and alone for who knows how long, she pushes forward. This is when things start to shift, the world around her becomes more. A fog envelopes her, shielding everything around her. The voice gets more insistent, not panicked but it has a yearning to it.
Pushing through the thick fog it almost seems like she is walking through mud. Attempting to move takes a great deal of effort but she perseveres. The woman stumbles and finds herself in a completely different place. Looking around she watches as things float around her, the grass is a startling green color, so very green in fact it doesn't look real. No less beautiful, what with the large flowers blooming around them. The feeling of her being fading starts to ease as she stands in this place.
"I knew I felt something close." A soft whispery voice muses. It catches her off guard, despite how gentle they speak it sounds almost too loud from the constant silence from before. Gasping loudly the wisp of a woman startles, twisting around to find what has shattered the silence. This is when she see's two… beings standing not far from her. There is a clawing emotion in her chest, long forgotten what it is called. "Oh… We did not mean to frighten you." Frighten? Is that the emotion that is gripping her insides?
A woman perhaps? No, there is no real face or features. The body seems feminine but other than the outline they are glowing a soft yellow color. That doesn't seem normal; she doesn't remember what normal is anymore. So perhaps it is not to be looked at as something unnatural. The next creature is just that, not a form as she remembers. It seems more like a shadow or dark fog, there is a general outline but no determining features of what it should be. Human or otherwise.
The yellow light shifts closer and she remains still "You feel abnormal, not like the mortals we stumble on… neither a spirit." It seems that they tilts their head while staring. "M-Mortal?" The word stumbles out of her mouth. It is jarring, ragged yet soft and broken, the words almost lost in the world around them. There is a pause as both beings seem to look at each other. "Oh dear… You were mortal weren't you? Your… essence is running out. What happened?" The question is spoken in a gentle manner. "They seem to have existed for far too long. Perhaps even before we came to be. Time means little for us but you mortals it can cause damage as it passes over when their time should stop." The voice is deeper, rippling but not damaging.
Shuddering she looks around once more, her gaze landing on a tree. Gliding forward she moves closer and reaches out. Her hand touches it and this is when she notices it, her hand looks like a hand. Or she thinks it does. Memories rush through her and she gasps stumbling back while gripping her head. A pressure on her shoulder and she looks over catching sight of the yellow being. What would be their hand rests on her shoulder "Take it slow, if you allow too much in you will break." The voice somehow soothes her. The pain in her head is gone but there is a dull throbbing. Looking back down she notices she has a body, or always had one and forgot.
"I… died." She speaks slow and carefully, almost afraid of something. As if something bad happened before when she said those words. "I was alone, there was nothing around me. For a very long time." There is more strength in her voice but it still remains soft. "No matter where I moved or looked there was only black and white. So I continued to move, not stopping." Silence greets her, turning she see's both looking at her. After a moment the blackness nods "You moved as is your purpose, to find what you are or what you seek. Commendable. In the face of nothing and everything you pushed forward even as lost as you were." The words rumbling around but if seems to give her warmth even as it rattles her insides. "I- Thank you?" There is a sweet giggle after her words. "Purpose, she moved because that is all she could do." A sigh follows and the fog shifts "Not true. She could have done nothing." Another short pause as that lingers in the air "Too true. I for one am glad she did not." A murmur of agreement.
Touching the tree again she finds she can actually feel it. The rough texture, the bumps and ridges, there is even a warmth to it. She doesn't think that is something that is normal though. Turning back around she looks the two "Where are we?" Everything around her does not look like any place she has been 'I think.' Though everything around her does have a familiarity to it. Perhaps she never was in such a place but saw or heard of it long ago "I think they call it the fade. Or the Veil. Though from your essence I don't think it is something accessible from your side." Once more there is something familiar but not hearing that. Nodding in understanding she glancing around before sitting down, her fingers dig into the grass, what is perhaps dirt clinging under her nails. It feels like she can breathe again (she doesn't need air though.)
"I don't think you are what I saw when I was alive. What are you?" Looking over she gets herself comfortable. They both float over "I am called Hope they are called Purpose." The statement brings confusion but the certainty that it is spoken in just has her accepting it. "Do you… know what I am?" Breathing in her eyes look at both who seem to look at each other. "We cannot say. Your soul is very old, wherever you wandered from, it was from a very long time ago, I doubt it still exists. But we can say for certain you were a mortal at one time. But different from the ones who come when they sleep." It answers everything and nothing.
There is a long drawn out silence, nothing uncomfortable. It lets her see things around her more, things she recognizes and some she does not. After a moment the female glances over and see's that the two have come closer. "I would ask of your world but from the way your soul is worn I doubt you would remember. Would you like to hear stories about memories we have watched?" The wording is different but she doesn't care. One time she would go through her own memories but they are forgotten, perhaps hearing other would make her feel less empty and more full. "Okay, what kind of stories?" They… sit on the grass and make gestures. "Which do you want to hear?" Purpose asks in his rumbling tone. Thinking is hard but something easy pops into her brain "Dragons?" Hope giggles "Did you not have dragons in your world, traveler?"
A small search and a feeling later and she shakes her head. "No, I don't believe so." The area around her ripples. It begins to change, the grass and tree's change. Around her walls are erected, a pale crème color and carpet covers the floor, more tan but still pale. A desk in one corner a large bed. The spirits both jump up and gasp. More things take shape and for a moment she remembers so much, but then it is gone like a dream, yet the area remains. Standing up she walks over and stares "What is that?" Hope's voice is gleeful, curious as they point at the large sleek black object sitting atop the desk. "That is… a TV, you can watch things on it." Both turn to her "Such as?" Humming she stumbles over her words "Books that become real?" She can't explain, the words failing and not coming to her mind. But both seem to understand, then the TV turns on and something flickers on. A small memory it seems, her smaller. She remembers, light brown hair, pale freckled face that tans in the summer. Bony young but filling out as she gets older. She is holding a snake in this, running around and chasing another child as she cackles. The image fades and she blinks while shaking her head "like that." Hope has an odd feeling coming from it.
"So it… shows you things. Books becoming real. It is a form of entertainment?" Purpose voice is slow as it questions. The woman nods "Yes, it could also tell you things that happen around the world. If there was a war, a flood, things like that." Surprise is clear from both. "How?" Shaking her head she looks down before sitting on the edge of her bed. "I do not know, I am sorry." Purpose waves its hand "It is no matter. Though it is interesting nonetheless." Hope floats by, there body still a gentle glow "Would you like to come with us? We often travel the fade, we are not like Wisdom or Knowledge but even we enjoy learning new things. Plus it might help you remember more?" There is no pressure in its tone, no careful wording or expression of excitement. It doesn't take long, she has nothing waiting for her, no future and barely a past she remembers "Sure."
The journey begins, once more time is lost. It takes many things, memories echoing in the fade but it tickles her own and things begin to spring up when it happens. Moments in her past or even objects coming to life. Each time both spirits will stop and ask her what it is or what happened. Both are patient, because time is only a mortal thing, and let her take everything in and let it out before speaking or explaining. She remembers a family, animals, friends and school. Things get a bit more complicated later, books, games, living, death. Again, there is no such thing as time and she works through them. The one thing that she has yet to remember is her name. Lost.
"Traveler, what do you plan to do?" Hope's gentle chime like voice rings out. They are sitting at a table playing Uno. Purpose always becomes so serious when they play, it always ends in some way with him pouting though he never admits it. "What do you mean?" She questions as she sets a yellow seven down. "You have changed, become more whole, though I can still see some holes. I think those where there in the beginning." Her words are careful as she lays down a yellow five. "She means that your soul is missing a few things other mortals generally have." He lays down a draw four and shows a smug expression. Time with the two gave them a more mortal look, it gave shape to eyes and a mouth. Even a nose. There isn't much else, no eye color but it makes them more and she can read them better. "Purpose!" Hope chastises.
She chuckles in turn "No, he is right, I was wrong in a sense." There is silence as they continue to play. Hope ends up setting all of the cards down and turns with a serious expression "We as because your being has shifted, if you wish you could… move on. Go into their world." The area around them seems to shatter, it changes so swiftly that the two spirits feel as if the backlash pressed down on them. Just as quickly as it started it ends and they are left in a place that even gives them pause. It is dark, the area around them all tinged in green, rocks floating. Traveler tilts her head staring at them "Go…? Where?" Over the time they have traveled they noticed the things she lacks, notably both what they embody. Purpose and Hope, she seems to merely exist, very little anger or even happiness. More like it has been pushed inside something and only a tiny bit can ever be seen.
"To the other side, you are not meant to stay here. Not like this. We cherish you as you are, seeing you become more whole has been a wonderful experience to be involved in but…" Hope trails off. Purpose cuts in, its voice sure and firm "You are not meant to stay here. I know that you have a higher reason for coming so close to the other mortals world. You Traveler have a calling, a purpose for you to be strong enough to cross over. Eons old and still surviving, still staying you. That is an admirable trait to have and keep through everything that you have been through, I have never lived nor have I died, you have and you still kept your essence." There is something inside her that loosens at his words.
The spirits comes closer, the dark form reaches out, its hand resting on her shoulder. "You must find a purpose for remaining, for becoming what you have. You have reached something no mortal ever has. Even the elves of Arlathan could not even dream of what you have become." Her head tilts, a memory. A game filled with lore and emotions. Something she once cherished that gave her meaning to move on. "They throw the word around 'God' or 'Goddess' and I have never understood it. But you Traveler have come as close as anyone could. Hold onto that stubbornness, I don't know if it is the will to survive and not fade or if it is something else but continue to strive to be more, to be hole. This is why I have accepted you. My purpose now is yours, my being is yours and I will forever be with you. In your soul and in your heart." The words force her heart to thud. It causes the very world to shake and shudder to life.
It is so frighteningly similar to the day, the day she died and everything fell apart. Purpose sets another hand on her other shoulder and suddenly she can see more. The darkness is still there but it is like she can see him, what he is and his everything. The idea, the reason he came to be. Images small and big push into her brain. Simple, some so mundane but no less important. A person hammering at a hunk of metal that becomes a sword. An elf servant baking food for a warrior. So on and so forth, the good and bad. Each one a purpose, each one important. Hope comes closer and touches her cheek "Our time together has not ended. But we feel… We know that your time would be better spend over there. The world is not a story or movie. It is life and you must live." She is growing weaker, something she has never truly felt over in this fade.
Slowly she is lowered to the ground, each one cradling her so very gently. However Purpose feels different, he touches her chest with a severe expression. The memories from him are still there but she begins to feel her in her very core. "No- No!" She screams. The fade trembles violently. She is merging with her, she doesn't want that, to lose him in such a way. She doesn't deserve it, what he is and he does not deserve to be lost in such a way. Hope reaches out more, holding her cheeks "Dareth Shiral." The words twist and she knows them. She knows what they mean and what they are from. Suddenly her memories hit her and it hurts. The pain is beyond anything she has imagined. It is as if something has begun to eat away and rip her soul in two. No doubt the spirits from miles around can feel the veil tremble and shake. She can feel it, her being shattering but yet being held together. Being squeezed and torn it feels like the end yet she doesn't feel betrayed even as the reason she is in pain is her friends. Friends. She has friends. Then there is darkness. One final voice echoes in her head "I will be here forever with you." Rumbling it shakes her core.
Gasping she can't breathe, something is choking. Filling up her lungs and she feels like she is dying. Then suddenly she is yanked around. Her skin feels like it has been peeled, all of the nerves are crackling with pain and agony. She screams but it is warbled and wrong. A voice fills her ears, shouting and screams. She feels hot and cold, everything is so very wrong and she cannot see, the area around her blurry. The clashing is loud and then just as quickly it stops.
She is picked up and held to something large and warm. It takes an embarrassing amount of time to come to and hear that she is crying. It is high pitched but weak, only getting worse. Still the female can barely breath. More voice and she is twisted, two firm hits on the back and she coughs out water. Throat feeling raw she is still thankful but cannot speak nor move. "-Can't believe they would kill there own kid." It is only now that the adrenaline is gone and the fear, confusion and pain has rescinded that she can understand the spoken words. "Tis not surprising." She is jostled as the group moves. "What is that suppose to mean?" The dwarf snaps out glaring at the elf next to him.
They look at the four bodies, Dalish by the looks of their armor. Also being out of the woods and all. The female struggles but is shushed gently by the dwarf "Durgen'len, her eyes. They are abnormal, many think too old. I believe either her parents or the clan thought she to be cursed." The elf speaks softly as he stares at the infant with pity but also mixed emotions. "That is horse shit and you know it… and stop calling me that! I have a perfectly good name Shadow, and you should use it." There is a chuckle "As do I. Perhaps if you use mine I will use yours." The voices go in and out as she tries to understand what the hell is happening around her. The conclusion is simple; she would think it impossible but she has already died and traveled to a world that should not exist. She is a child.
