AN: Steph Meyer, you get it, no infringement intended.
Chapter Six
It was dawn when Emmett and I got back to our apartment. He mumbled a goodnight and crashed face-first into his mattress. I stood dazed in the living room, glancing back and forth between the uncomfortable couch and the warm bed behind a closed door.
The boundaries I'd set the night before remained, but it didn't make shit any easier. Limitations and rules weren't a part of my moral makeup, and I fought against my instincts to break them. What killed me most was knowing that Jasper was right. Bella deserved more than anything I'd be able to offer her.
Sighing, I resigned myself to the couch and closed my eyes but didn't sleep.
Everything pissed me off. I got into a fight at the gas station because some asshole pulled in cock-eyed at the stall and dared to get mouthy with me. The attendants called the police, but Emmett pulled me off the guy in time, and we fled the scene.
I was snapping at my family. It was either about the drugs they weren't fucking selling for the prices I'd set or their opinions about the kid—like who the fuck asked them? Alice annoyed me the most with her damn insight.
"Just talk to her, Edward. You're too stubborn."
Talk to her? That was her advice for me — what a novel fucking idea. I tried to talk with Bella, but it only opened a door I wanted to keep closed. There was zero room for error and even a simple 'hello' and 'how the fuck are ya' would derail me.
It was best to ignore the kid at all cost.
And did she make it easy on me? Fuck no.
The girl sensed my inner turmoil and taunted me with her closeness. I couldn't even sit on the couch without her invading my space. She always smelled so damn good. My jaw ached from the constant clenching and grinding of teeth. I hated Bella at times for this, and that pissed me off more. It wasn't her fault, and something had to give, and I had two options: give it up and do what I want with her or stick to the plan and do right by her.
I was too weak to stay in the house with kid prancing around in my t-shirts and boxer shorts—why did I say, "Yeah, sure, you can wear my shit."
Probably because I'd been drunk and felt terrible, Bella had nothing to sleep in, and I didn't want her naked in my bed. I was picking the lesser of the two evils. I didn't expect her to flaunt my decision in front of me.
My solution was to leave the house and keep myself busy. That only caused more problems. I was out in the world and highly volatile. There was aggressive energy inside me building, and since, for some reason, I wasn't fucking it out, I had to fight it out. Everyone I came across became a punching bag. It got so bad that I nearly killed a customer. All the guy asked was: "Do you have a dime on you?"
I didn't, and he got pistol-whipped for inquiring.
Jasper and Emmett had to reel me back in and put me under house arrest—which made me more furious and manic.
I would sneak out and drink. Most nights, if I were able, I would find a hotel, but most often, I would sleep in the backseat of my car.
But I never slept.
When I would go back home to the kid, and we were alone, I stopped being the good boy. We would talk. And it didn't matter how badly I treated her; she always took me back. It was more than I fucking deserved, but I was selfish and craved the girl.
Things continued like this for a month, and I realized for me to remain sane, I needed to do something positive. That's when I created Bella's college savings. I happened to see a random chick's mason jar for 'boobs' fund and decided that's the best thing I could do with my money.
My first donation was a thousand dollars. It was the only cash I had on me. It grew from there, and I hid that jar around the house so that no one would find it. Oddly enough, it gave me peace, but still, I couldn't sleep.
I was tired and worn and got sick all the time.
It was hard keeping up this wall, and one day, I didn't have the strength to fight and asked Bella to watch some TV with me.
She said yes, like always, and we sat down on the couch together. This time, when her leg rested against mine, I didn't move or storm out of the house. No, I leaned into her more. The simplicity of one touch was my undoing. I'm not sure what the fuck we were watching; my focus was on her. That day, she wasn't wearing my over-sized clothes, but a skin-tight tank top and yoga pants. Bella had put on some weight in the weeks she's lived with me. The girl was fuller—fucking everywhere. It made keeping my thoughts pure a joke. I tried to distract myself, but we were alone, I didn't have Jasper or Emmett policing my actions. The kid wouldn't call me out on it.
Then the remote fight happened. Bella may not remember how it started, but I did—it's fucking seared into my brain.
All it took was for her to lean over and try to grab the remote from my lap. It was innocent, all she was doing was trying to find something else for us to watch together, but I saw the curve of her tits and panicked.
"What the fuck are you doing?" I smirked, so Bella would know I was teasing, but the remote was in my grasp and held high above her head.
"The show was over," she said.
"And?"
That confused her for a second, but with a nudge of my knee, she caught on to my game.
"I want to watch something with less violence and drugs!" she flung herself at me and wrapped her fingers around the remote.
"So, some girly shit." My fight was minimal, and in fact, I let her get a good grip, but it was only a taste.
We tussled. The more Bella climbed all over me, the more my will weakened, and I was on dangerous ground. It was when my fantasies of Bella fogged my thoughts that she snagged the remote out of my hand. She laughed and goaded. I didn't even think, just reacted, and it was me who threw myself on top of her. She tried to keep the remote from me and stretched out, but that only brought my body closer and snug.
We fit together. Bella hiked her legs up as I settled in between them. Then, like a fucking moron, I lost sight of everything and leaned in to kiss her.
The pounding on the door brought me back, and I jumped off her. She was staring at me, wide-eyed and fuckable. That skimpy tank top was falling off her body and exposing more skin than I could handle.
"You need to go your room," I snapped.
Bella sat up, and when she did, a fucking nipple popped out.
My anger erupted. "Fix your fucking shirt! Jesus, kid!"
I turned my back to her and didn't breathe again until I heard the closing of the bedroom door.
"Fuck!" I hissed and ran my fingers through my hair.
The knocking continued, and as much as I needed the distraction, I was furious with the interruption.
"What?" I swung open the door and saw fucking Jacey—of all people. "Not now."
"Wait!" She stuck her hand out and stopped me from slamming the door in her face. "I'm hurting, Edward."
I glanced back at the bedroom where Bella was and decided that Jacey couldn't come inside the apartment.
"What do you need?"
"A gram."
I nodded. "Thirty bucks."
She bit her lip and did a shameful shrug of her shoulders. "I only have ten."
"Come back when you've got thirty."
I tried to close the door again, but she wedged her emaciated frame in the way. "No, wait! Please, I need it. Let me…just…" Her hand found its way to my dick. "I can make you feel good too."
"Not today." I shoved her hard enough to get the point across, but she was an addict, fucking desperate and dropped to her knees in front of me. She fumbled with the zipper of my jeans. "Jacey, get the fuck off me."
I was going to get rough, but Bella's door opened a crack and panic overwhelmed me. She couldn't see this shit. Grabbing Jacey up by her arm, I pushed her and myself outside on the balcony. More and more distance was best. We rounded the corner, out of the view of the apartment, and I relented.
"Make it quick."
I unzipped my pants and let her have me.
Closing my eyes shut, I thought of Bella and her fucking tit. The areola was a light brown and nickel in size, and her nipple was hard as a rock. My mouth watered at the possibility of tasting her with my tongue. That was all I needed to find my release. It was subpar, but enough to decrease the tension. Jacey wiped her lips and smiled at me like she was the reason I came so quickly.
I couldn't stand to look at her and stuffed myself back into my jeans. "Where's the rest?"
She gave me a ten, and I gave her a sugar pack size baggy of heroin. When I walked away, she was glancing around for a secluded place to get high. I suspected the stairwell would be good enough for her. The chick was a lost soul, and a month ago, I would've done anything to fucking use that to my advantage, but now all I saw was the beautiful girl who slept in my bed.
It takes one wrong decision to ruin an entire life.
I refused to be that shot of heroin inside Bella's arm.
No more fucking around.
The kid needed to leave.
A week later, Jasper announced a party at his place. We got a shipment from Tijuana, and he felt it was important to get the stuff sold. I wasn't too worried about it, and I've sat on merch before, but Marcus and Ramon were getting anxious about their return profit. They weren't business partners you wanted to piss off, so I went along with the plan and called up all our clients to let them know when and where to show up.
The only problem I had was Bella.
Alice was pushing me to invite her, but I was against it.
The whole point of ignoring the girl was to show her this life of mine sucked, and she deserved a better one. If I allowed her in now, all the work I'd put in would be for fucking nothing—and it'd been hell. Believe or not, hurting the kid's feelings wasn't fun for me, but it was for a purpose.
And Alice wanted me to scrap it?
"No," I said for, what felt like, the millionth time.
We sat on the couch in the living room as I busied myself with bagging heroin, PCP, ecstasy, and our biggest seller, weed. The conversation wasn't quiet, and Bella could easily hear every word. It made Alice uneasy because her goal in life was not to hurt kid, but in my mind, it was the only way to push her on the right path.
"What are you going to do then, leave her here for the night? I can't stay, I'm bartending, and you know how Rose feels."
"I don't give a shit." That was a lie. "I'm generous as it is by letting her live here. Why should I be expected to take her everywhere I go too?"
Alice stared at me for a long, hard minute. She couldn't believe the callousness. I wasn't a saint, but something about my words was inauthentic to her.
She knew, and it irritated me.
"Fucking what?" I barked and tossed a baggy down on the coffee table.
"You know what, Edward!" She glanced back at my bedroom door and then back at me. "What happens if you leave her here and she gets caught up in your shit?"
I thought of all the monsters in this world coming in and trying to steal what was mine. The kid couldn't shoot a gun. Would she hide? What if she opened the door and some crackhead got twitchy and shot her? The guilt would eat me alive.
But fuck Alice and her all-knowing eyes, I wasn't about to admit she had a point.
So, I accused Bella of doing something she would never do.
"You're right. She might jack me. It's best to take her with us—but she's your fucking responsibility tonight, not mine!"
Alice rolled her eyes. "Okay."
The air in the room got heavy, and if I stayed any longer, I knew she was going to pry and dig and get me to confess. I needed a cigarette and a game plan if I was going to survive the night.
"I'm taking off for a bit." I grabbed a handful of my supply of weed and stuffed them into my pocket. "Are you going to hang out?"
"Yes," she said and stood up with me. "Can I tell you something?" No, I thought, but waved her on. "Jasper doesn't know everything."
I laughed. "Don't open my door for anyone."
Before she could say anything else, I left.
I'd stayed gone for too long, and that was one of the first of many mistakes that I made that day. What was meant to be a way for me to clear my head ended up being a nightmare. The first thing I noticed was the bedroom door was open. I stopped in the hallway and peeked inside. Bella was a tornado. My once clean, well-kept room was now a fucking disaster. I held back a sigh and continued toward the kitchen. The second thing I noticed was the silence. There were two girls in this apartment, and the only thing I heard was the shuffling of my feet.
My anxiety was building.
When I got to the kitchen, I came across Bella. She was flattening herself against the south wall with her eyes closed tight. I allowed myself ten to twenty seconds to give her a once over. Every day, the girl got cuter, and it sucked that I cared about her.
"Bella?"
She cringed and slowly looked up at me. "Hey."
Something was up. "What are you doing?"
"Um, I was…" She fumbled over her words as she thought of a lie. "I was getting something to eat."
Then she went through the motions. I followed closely behind her as she opened the fridge and grabbed a drink. She chugged the can empty and kept her back to me the entire time.
Again, my gut told me something wasn't right.
"And where's Alice?"
Bella turned back to me and gulped. "Who?"
Oh, fuck, I thought, and my eyes shot to the third clue that I'd missed when walking in and that was Emmett's closed bedroom door. There would only be one reason why Alice would go in there, and that was Bella's jar.
"Damn it," I said under my breath and rushed to the room.
When I threw open the door, Alice was sitting on the bed with the evidence in her lap.
"You fucking showed her that?" I whispered and shut us both inside the room.
Alice shrugged arrogantly. "You left me no choice."
"I had everything under control." The panic of what this would mean to Bella was making me sweat.
"Oh, hurting her is having it under control?" Alice was judging me. "You're only delaying the inevitable."
"No!" I growled and snatched the jar out of her hands. "This means nothing."
"Six thousand dollars is nothing?" She scoffed. "I know what Jasper told you, but he's wrong."
My eyes searched Emmett's room for another hiding spot. "No, he's right. The kid deserves a better life, and that life doesn't have me in it."
Alice nodded. "Oh, I agree, but that's not what I'm talking about."
That brought me up short. "What?"
She got up from the bed and tapped her nail on the jar. It clinked.
I narrowed my eyes and repeated my last question. "What?"
"Why did you label it: Kid?"
"Because that's my nickname for her," I answered—fucking stupidly, and once said, I caught my slip.
Alice smirked and walked to the door. "See you at the party."
It annoyed me when Rosalie came over to help the kid get ready for the party. Why were the girls making a big deal out of it? It wasn't a fancy dinner party or the club, but at fucking Jasper's apartment with a bunch of druggies. Rose and Alice knew this, but they insisted on bringing over dresses and makeup for Bella to wear. I wasn't optimistic about the outcome because it didn't matter how she looked. My goal for the night was to prove to Alice that the girl meant fucking nothing to me. I couldn't do anything about the jar. It was out there. But if I could put a seed in her head that she was nothing but an annoyance to me and allow that to grow, then I could continue with my plan. I gave myself six months. After that, the kid was on her own.
"Six months," I repeated out loud and took a long drag off my cigarette.
"We're ready!" Rose announced as she opened the bedroom door.
It only took them two hours.
"Finally." I grabbed the keys off the table and stood up.
When I glanced over at the girls, I didn't expect much and figured that Rose would put too much makeup on Bella. That clown shit was a turn-off. However, Rose was the fucking devil, because she fucking fucked me.
"My works finished here," she said, leaving the apartment, and leaving me alone with someone I didn't recognize.
"What did you do?" I asked.
Bella got bashful on me. "Nothing."
Looking her down, from head to toe, I enjoyed the short skirt and see-through blouse. The girl was always cute. I'd noticed her kicking body in other clothes, but this look intended to entice me. Rosalie curled Bella's hair, kept the makeup demure, but most of all, she gave her heels. That amplified the kid's toned legs.
All my night's plans went out the window, and I couldn't help myself.
"Doesn't look like nothing."
Bella blushed and pulled down on her skirt. "Rose said there was going to be guys at this party."
I kept on her until I'd backed her against the wall. Now that I'd trapped her, I lost my fucking head and touched the inviting swell of her breasts. The black bra under her blouse caught my eyes. I followed the fabric, feeling her in a way that was against my rules, but I refused to believe her lies.
"And this is for them?"
I wanted her to beg me to kiss her again.
"Yes," she said, and we locked eyes. "Rose told me there would be plenty of rooms at Jasper's to hook up."
They wanted to make me jealous, and I would have been too, but I was more than willing in that second to take her back to my room.
"So…" I bent forward, pressing my body to hers, and whispered into her ear. "You're all grown now?"
That fucking skirt she was wearing would be nothing to pull up. My thoughts got away from me as I let my hands roam over her breasts and slim waist. I was nervous, so fucking jumpy, but inwardly, I was fucking begging her to give me the word.
"I will be!" Bella's voice came out strong and defiant. She pulled my hand away and scowled. "But not for you."
It was a slap to the face and stung a bit, but it made me come back to my senses. This beautiful, insane, and sharp girl knew her worth.
And it wasn't me.
"You're right." My tone cold and guard up. The original plan for tonight was back in motion, but now, she was leading the charge. "After you, kid."
I hated Rose for what she did to Bella but was grateful for her in the car. She kept the kid talking and the awkward silence to a minimal. When we arrived at Jasper's, she split off to find Emmett, and I was on a mission to find Alice. The kid was close behind me as I shoved through the crowd. Although I acted like she didn't exist, I was aware of her position, aware of the guys around her, and prepared to run the girl out of there if shit went south. The situation me on edge and I didn't like Bella seeing this part of my world. A kid her age might see all the people getting high and drunk as glamourous, but these fucking assholes lost their souls long ago to smack. That's not what I wanted for her.
My goal was to shield Bella from the chaos, and Alice agreed to keep her safe and blissfully ignorant to everything going on around us. As discussed, she was in the kitchen playing bartender, and as soon as we connected eyes, reassurance washed over me. The kid would be taken care of there—the music was low, the air cleaner, and a bathroom nearby.
I didn't even bother saying goodbye. What would be the point? False hope, maybe? But I wasn't about to go backward—only forward.
Jasper waved me over, and I was grateful for the distraction until I saw Jacey standing next to him. She was high and looked put together. It was a strange phenomenon. After years of addiction, the heroin wasn't a party drug, but a way to feel normal and not sick all the time. The addict would never be able to function in the world to hold down a job, and their only hope was sobriety or death.
I knew the path Jacey was on.
My first reaction was to grab the kid and go home, but that wasn't my life and never would be, so I pretended to be the Edward I was three months ago. The best part about the old me was I didn't have to smile or act happy to see either of them. Play the game, Edward. Sell some dope, make connections, and keep chicks looking for a freebie off my dick.
"Hey, man," I greeted Jasper with a handshake and half-hug. Jacey barely got a glance. The disappointment she showed was infuriating. I tried my best to ignore her. "Nice turn-out."
Jasper nodded. "Better than expected. I see you brought a little more than expected too."
Jacey hadn't seen the kid. Jasper did, and he was judging me for it. In this instance, I didn't have a choice, but even if I did, the fucker wasn't my father. I didn't have to answer to him.
"That's under wraps," I said, and that was all I was giving Jasper. My attention turned down to the annoyance hanging off my arm. "I need a beer."
Jacey nodded and headed off to grab me one.
It was risky to have her cross paths with the kid, but Alice was the best centrifuge for the situation. Then there was a sickness in me. I was hoping that the bubble would burst, and Bella would see the real Edward and lose that hope we would be something.
Falling back into the recliner behind me, I settled in for the night.
Jasper shook his head and walked away. "Every time."
It took a few beers for me to feel relaxed, but after a while, I was able to forget about the kid in the next room. The constant worry that I wasn't doing right by her faded away. I was able to enjoy myself. Things felt normal for once. Jacey was less annoying, and I welcomed her company on my lap. I touched the girl without feeling guilty or comparing her to the one girl I couldn't have. I laughed, sold some product, and even took a hit off a joint.
Things were going great.
Then Emmett elbowed me in the shoulder and said, "You're fucking it up."
I narrowed my eyes. "What?"
"Take a look at your girl."
Turning my head, I met eyes with Bella. She was dancing with some asshole, and he had his hands all over her. The burning started in my chest, splintering, and moving upward to my face, deepening my scowl, and then down into my stomach, hardening into a cramp. Flashes of white blinded me, but my laser focus stayed on the guy. He was whispering into her ear, making my fucking girl laugh and blush. I wanted to destroy everything in front of me.
"Edward, who is she? Why—"
I silenced Jacey with a grunt.
What the fuck was Bella doing?
Someone cut the music, but they kept on dancing. The dude fucking touched Bella's breasts, her ass, and—fuck, I couldn't take it anymore. Pushing Jacey off my lap, I prepared to get up and rip that fucker off what was mine. Emmett, sensing my anger, tried to talk me down.
"Don't do anything stupid," he said.
"Like murdering him?" I laughed but was stone serious.
"Shit!" Emmett jumped up and went somewhere.
I didn't fucking care.
My fingers were clasped together tightly to prevent me from reaching for my gun. I tried to keep my anger under control, but it was getting painful, especially when the kid would look at me and smile, like a devious, beautiful, goddamn angel. The drama unfolding was a game to her, but not me.
No, I wasn't playing around.
"Edward, man. You gotta listen to me." Jasper was in my ear now. "Isn't this what we wanted?"
Emmett groaned and smacked his head. "Wrong fucking avenue."
"Regardless, you need to keep your cool. If you act rashly now, you'll do something you'll regret," Jasper added.
After all these years of doing business together, this motherfucker had no idea who I was, but Emmett did, and he knew my only regret in life was not killing my father.
I kept my eyes on Bella as she rose on her toes and brought her lips to the guy's hanging mouth. She whispered something, but as he gripped her tighter, brought his head down, I reacted before he had a chance to soil the lips I'd claimed months ago.
"Goddamnit!" I bolted and grabbed Bella away. My family was on my heels, and the guy looked pissed, but I had no time to deal with that right now. "Handle him!"
Removing my girl out of the house and away from him was a top priority. After that, my only aim was to get her home. I wasn't thinking about her comfort or whether my hold on her was painful. My thoughts were ahead in time, and I was willing to steamroll my way there.
"Will you stop," I heard Bella murmur but ignored her. I was half-minded to throw her over my shoulder. It would be easier. When we reached the bottom floor, she whimpered. "You're hurting me."
That did it, and my mind came back to me, I couldn't avoid the situation any longer. "Fuck!"
Loosening my grip on her, I didn't stop running to the car. If I could get her in the Chevelle and buckle her in tight, I could fucking breathe. But right at that moment, I was choking. This girl was fucking killing me.
"I don't know why you're mad at me. We're not together. We're not even friends," Bella said, but her words came out slurred.
I turned and grabbed her. Pulling her lips up to mine, I sniffed her breath. It reeked of vodka—Jesus!
"How much have you been drinking?"
She rolled her eyes. "Get off it."
"Do you think this shit is a game? Huh? You're a kid. That stunt you pulled upstairs was…" Dangerous, I thought. She had no idea who I'd kill for her. No, I won't let Bella get the best of me. I had to calm down. Taking a deep breath, I reminded myself, she was young and needed me to keep better tabs on her. "It won't happen again."
That was a fucking promise.
Gripping her by the wrist, I turned on my heel and headed toward the Chevelle again.
"And what happens if I meet someone else? Are you going to pull me away from them too?"
I laughed because that was never going to happen—not with me around. "I don't care who you date."
Once we got to the car, I dug into my jean's pocket to pull out my keys and kid used that opportunity to piss me off more. She tore herself out of my grasp and backed away. The migraine was growing, and it was hard to not lose my temper with her, but I knew being gentle would win her over.
"What are you doing?" I asked and held my hand out to her. "Just, come on, get in the car and we'll talk about it."
Bella glared. "Talk about what? How you don't want to fuck me—"
I had to interrupt her there. My dick got hard from her mere suggestion and that word, when she spoke it, was hot, and damn it, I was trying to be good.
And that was where I slipped, and Bella seized it.
She stepped into me, her chest pressed against mine, and her sweet voice nothing but a whisper. "Who's allowed to fuck me? If not you?"
That little performance upstairs was for my benefit. Bella didn't want that guy. I hadn't lost her yet. If I took her in the backseat of my Chevelle, she would be mine forever. My mistake revealed her cards and gave me back the control.
Opening my eyes and smiling down at Bella, I grabbed her hand and nudged her forward. "Get in."
Her eyes glazed over, and she let out a small sigh. "Fine."
Getting into the car, I threw myself back into my seat and put my hands in my hair. "What the fuck are you doing?"
I asked myself that all the time, but when I thought about cutting her loose, I freaked out. Even when she tried to leave, I stopped her. The reality of her out of my life made me feel things I didn't want to feel.
I pulled my hands from my hair and gazed over at her. She was staring at me. There was this look of sadness on her face, and everything that concerned me went right out the window. "What were you trying to prove back there?"
"Nothing," she said with a dismissive shrug and glanced away from me. "I was dancing."
The guy had his hands all over you. Don't fucking lie to me. That's what I should've said, but I had no claim on her.
Still, I couldn't keep the disdain out of my voice. "You were doing more than just dancing, kid."
That lit a fireball within her. "What does it matter? If I was fucking the guy in the middle of the room—"
"Stop saying that fucking word!" I yelled at her.
And just like the brat she was, kid doubled-down and made my dick harder and my will to stay away from her weaker. "Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!"
I couldn't take it and clamped my hand over her mouth. "Please," I whispered and pressed my forehead to hers. "Bella, I'm begging you to stop."
She nodded.
I released her and got back to my side of the fence.
It was quiet for a beat.
Then she started in on me again. "You had no right to pull me away like that."
I couldn't look at her and lie at the same time. "I was protecting you."
"From what? A good time?" She stared at me, waiting for a reaction, but what would I say to that? It would only show my cards, and I wasn't ready. "Whatever! You're not my boyfriend!"
That almost made me laugh.
No fucking shit.
"You made that point quite clear when you sat that girl on your lap!"
That got my attention.
"What?"
"You're not into…" Bella's steady, stern voice dropped, and she fidgeted in her seat. I stared as her cheeks flushed a deep red. How fragile she was to me right then. "I'm sorry. It's just when I saw her…with you, I just…It hurt, and I lost it. Okay?"
I groaned. "That's what this shit is about?"
Over fucking Jacey—some cracked-out bitch?
I pushed Bella into that guy's arms. It was my fault.
"I get it," she said, voice so low and shy. "You're with somebody. I was hoping..."
"Kid." I stopped her short because if she finished that sentence, it would be over, but keeping my hands off the girl wasn't something I could control. It was an innocent squeeze of her knee and meant to express my sincerity. "Jacey means nothing to me. It's business. Just some girl I play to keep strung out—" Bella narrowed her eyes, and I had to force a smile. She didn't need to know how big of a bastard I was. "That doesn't matter. The point is, she's not…" Nothing I was saying coming out right, and I needed to detach myself quick or risk undoing all my work. Hands off, I told myself, and put the offenders on the steering wheel and intended to keep them there. God, she was so fucking beautiful. If only I were a decent fucker, a man without vices or baggage. I could take care of her. Love her. Do all that fucking goody-two shoe shit, but Bella wasn't my girl, and as she said only ten minutes prior, I repeated it regarding Jacey, "We're not together."
She unbuckled her seat belt and shifted her body toward me.
"What are you doing?" I asked, but I had a pretty good fucking idea.
"What does it look like I'm doing?" She got her face closer to mine. "I'm demanding you to kiss me."
"Okay." Smiling at her, I knew this wasn't going to fly, but I took hold of her hand and kissed it.
Even that ignited a wanting fire in me, but I ignored it.
She pouted, looking fucking cute as all hell. "That's not what I meant."
"I know, but I've already taken more than my share," I confessed sadly.
Two kisses, and to think, I tried to fucking limit myself to one.
"Ugh," she growled, throwing herself back into her seat. I held back a smile. "Do you honestly torture me this way for the fun of it?"
"I'm torturing you?" I laughed. Oh, the fucking irony. "Do have any idea..." I stopped abruptly. She had no clue. "Do you honestly think that I don't want to kiss you?"
"After the way you've been treating me lately. I'm baffled you keep me around."
The guilt I felt for being an asshole was immense, but I wish she understood it was for her own good.
Except, Bella didn't understand, and when I reached out to touch her again, she pulled away.
I didn't push it further.
"Keeping you at a distance was easier than the alternative."
"Easier?" The kid turned an even deeper shade of red as her eyes brimmed with tears. "You didn't care how that would make me feel?"
"I'm sorry, but it was the only way I knew how to keep myself in line." Unbuckling my seatbelt, I faced my body toward her. I wanted her to listen to me. She had to understand that I wanted her, but I couldn't bear pulling her down in this fucking world with me. "I know this sounds crazy, especially coming from a fucker like me, but I don't want to cross that line with you. Not while you're still underage."
"What? Are you kidding me right now?" Her eyes widened, and like a bomb, fury exploded in her, and she was fucking shouting at me. "You're a drug dealer, Edward! A freaking drug dealer! You smuggle pounds of weed and smack into the States every week. Statutory rape is the least of your worries."
She was the only person in this world who could yell at me and live to see another day. She was even that more appealing to me. The balls on this kid were bigger than mine. I admired that. But despite making my dick harder with her no-bullshit attitude, I had to admit she made a decent point.
What was one kiss?
It wouldn't hurt anything.
I could control myself.
I wasn't a fucking animal.
"Besides," Bella whispered as she pressed her fucking tits into me. "Who's going to turn you in?"
Another excellent point, because who would tell?
"I was hoping you would make this shit easy on me, but fucking look at you." I waved my hand over her body and those hard nipples. "Just fucking with my head and..."
"And what?" she asked, biting down her bottom lip.
That's what broke me.
"Fuck!" I growled, beating the hell out of my steering wheel, trying to get out some of his fucking sexual frustration. "You have no idea what you're doing to me, do you?"
I was pleading with her, asking her to drop it, and give me a fighting chance to resist her and be a good boy—for once.
"I want you to kiss me," she said, her eyes imploring mine. "Just one stupid kiss. It's not like I'm asking for a marriage proposal."
I scoffed and narrowed my eyes at her.
Marriage?
Bella didn't want to marry a fucking loser like me.
"If I give you one kiss," I started, a deal already forming in my head, "will you shut the hell up about it?"
And leave me in peace, so I can pretend that I don't fucking want you or need you?
"Yes," she said without thinking about it. "But you have to kiss me on the lips."
"Which lips?" My eyes roamed over her body and imagined all the places I could put my mouth.
She seemed flustered by my suggestion. "Um…"
Getting under her skin was enjoyable.
"Well," I said, nudging her out of her stupor.
"I'm thinking," she snapped.
Smiling like an asshole, I leaned back in my seat and put my hands behind my head. "You just tell me where."
I'll put my mouth anywhere she wanted.
Her brow furrowed, and she thought about it. Finally, her eyes found mine, and she looked determined. Resolute even.
"Here," she said, pointing to her lips. "I want you to kiss me here."
I was disappointed.
"Are you sure?" I asked, hoping she would rethink her decision. "Because one kiss is all you get."
Unlike me, the fucking cheater.
"One kiss?" she asked, her eyes bulging out of her fucking skull.
"It's just one kiss until you turn eighteen," I said, bending, and twisting the rules to my liking. I'd already given in and decided that I wasn't going to stay away from the girl. The last two months were prolonging the enviable. "That's the deal. Take it or leave it."
"I'll take it!"
I leaned across the center console, and my lips ghosted over of hers, feeling their softness. "Are you sure you want this?"
I was giving her an out.
She didn't say a word, just closed her eyes, and nodded.
"All right." I smiled with relief and reached up and held her face in my hands, entrapping her there.
Pressing my lips against hers, I knew that one kiss was never enough. Two was better, and three would be divine, and from there, I didn't fucking know. I just wanted to feel Bella and taste the sweetness she provided. As I nibbled and pulled at her bottom lip, I felt the fire engulf me and lost myself in its flames.
I took it slow with Bella, showing her, in this one kiss, how much I fucking wanted her and always would fucking want her.
Nothing else in this world held me as she did.
Pulling away from her was the hardest thing I would ever have to do, but eventually, I did.
"More," she said.
I laughed because the girl was too damn cute.
"Don't be greedy, kid. One kiss is all you get until September 13th. That's the deal."
Her eyes shot open. "You know my birthday?"
"Of course, I do." This beautiful girl tempted me. She was my vice, and my sin, the Bonnie to my Clyde. Every thought I had was about her and knowing the day she was born wasn't hard to remember, but that was too deep, and too soon, so I lied. "I marked it down on my calendar."
AN: As you can tell, a lot of these are already written. I need to pace myself.
