Mr. Mupples Gives Rabastan An Excuse To Go To London and Tyler Decides That They Need to Visit Dippy

Corban Yaxley found himself looking forward to heading into "work" that day. Not only did he look forward to not having to deal with an entire house full of reading Death Eaters and werewolves – everyone had taken to Augustus' mythology books – but he was hankering to see the carnage caused by the latest prank attack. The only people Yaxley remotely had any sympathy for as he arrived at the Ministry the following morning, sans Thalia, were the civil servants who were forced to work with Umbridge and were no doubt going to be the first on scene to the potential carnage that had been wreaked in the Senior Undersecretary's office. It must have worked a treat, though, because the moment the undercover Death Eater had stepped foot into the Ministry lobby, people were already talking about "crazy kittens defiling Madam Umbridge's curtains and taking dumps in her shoes". Indeed, Yaxley had not even managed to get to his office before he was accosted by Amelia Bones and Tonks, who was sporting some … very interesting new clothes.

Old Victorian style with weird gears adoring her clothes and hat. Yaxley had no idea what this style was – he had never seen it before. He quickly wagered it had to be part of the prank Potter had sent to Tonks, and it seemed the irritating Auror had actually taken a liking to it.

"Corban, thank Merlin you have arrived!" Amelia stated dramatically, but not too much – that would be too theatrical for a public display. "We need your assistance immediately."

Tonks' grey eyes shone with mischief. "The mischief makers have been at it again!" she added.

Right on cue, there was another banshee wail that managed to echo down into the lobby of the Ministry, causing Yaxley to muster up his best exhausted sigh. "I had hoped that this unfortunate business would be resolved by now, but apparently not. Lead the way, ladies."

Both Amelia and Tonks forced themselves not to smirk as they led the way up to Dolores Umbridge's department. They found that they could for once have a lift to themselves – followed of course by the paper birds delivering important messages – because no one it seems wanted to be anywhere near the Senior Undersecretary at present. Not even the current Minister and the former Minister, who had apparently gone to a meeting with the Muggle Prime Minister in order to try and escape for a bit.

As Yaxley had expected, the offices belonging to Madam Umbridge were in turmoil. Papers and documents were on the floor, on the cupboards, up on the light, some had been hidden in the refreshment cupboard – civil servants scrambled about retrieving them. Advisors and secretaries were chasing the kittens around. However, thanks to Charlotte Higgs, the kitties were more than well versed in the art of evading capture and often escaped up onto the cupboards, forcing Umbridge's people to Accio them down. More than a few of the typists and secretaries were already close to a full nervous breakdown, judging by the fact they refused to get up from their seats once they collapsed. They also paid Yaxley, Amelia and Tonks no mind what so ever.

"Oh my …" Amelia's eyes did widen.

"How did these kittens get in, I wonder?" Tonks added, trying desperately not to laugh and to not look in Yaxley's direction. "I doubt they appeared out of thin air."

"They didn't!" one of the advisors who happened to overhear confirmed. "We came in this morning to find that Madam Umbridge's office was overrun with these kittens. We have no idea how they got in!"

"Well, we had best take a look," Yaxley stated silkily. "Is your boss in?"

"Yes, but be careful, sir! She isn't feeling well and we just heard her scream at something," the advisor informed as he dived for Tsar, who skilfully jumped out of his reach, causing the poor bloke to fly into a colleague, sending them both to the floor.

"She isn't feeling well," Tonks snorted at that. "She's a freaking toad! Of course she is not feeling well!"

"Well, let us see what the matter is first before we jump to conclusions," Amelia suggested with a covert sly smile as she stepped towards the door to the office. Indeed, from within, one could hear Umbridge shouting and ribbiting at something incoherently.

The Head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement opened the door, and she, Tonks and Yaxley promptly stepped into the mauled, scratched, chewed and defecated office. The music that was playing was definitely not Celestina Warbeck. It was something that neither Aurors had ever heard before – Yaxley did. The song had switched from an N.W.A song to ABBA, only it sounded like it was being sung by a choir of demons. All three pairs of eyes were on Umbridge the toad who was hiding up on one of her cupboards, trying to hide under a lampshade, from an automaton hound that was barking profanities and the odd blast of ice in the pink toad's direction.

Amelia and Tonks had to quickly conceal their amusement behind their mouths while Yaxley bit as hard as he could into one of his cheeks.

"Leave me alone you – ribbit – filthy mechanical mutt! Leave, I say! Ribbit! Get out!"

"Filthy half-blood with Muggle manners, you would serve a better purpose as a vegetable!" the automaton shot back, another icy wind being sent around the room.

"I AM NOT A HALF-BLOOD!" the toad shrieked, causing Yaxley's lips to curl into a sneer.

"I thought you detested liars, Madam Undersecretary," Yaxley could not stop himself from commenting.

The toad squealed happily. "Corban! Thank Morgana and Nimueh! Get this malfunctioning piece of garbage away from me and send it to those maggots down at the Misuse of Muggle Artefacts Office! Get rid of that awful music while you are at it!"

"I very much doubt that an automaton would be welcomed," Amelia stated crisply. "Especially one that very likely isn't cursed."

"Amelia as well! I am safe – ribbit," the toad sighed in relief, and at this point came out from under the lampshade.

Unfortunately, Umbridge the toad took one look at the three people in her office before she started shrieking again. "YOU ARE NOT CORBAN AND AMELIA! Ribbit – YOU ARE NOT NYMPHADORA TONKS! YOU FILTHY – ribbit – HALF-BREEDS, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH THEM?!"

Yaxley bit into his cheek again in an attempt to remain composed while Amelia and Tonks blinked at the aggressively angry toad in shock. The automaton continued barking, causing the toad to back away from the edge a bit but it still did not abate Umbridge's fury.

"Dolores, what on earth-" Amelia was about to chastise for real.

"YOU DO NOT FOOL ME! YOU ARE – ribbit – PARADING AS THEM AS YOUR LITTLE FRIENDS ARE PARADING AS MY – ribbit – STAFF! I WILL NOT FALL FOR YOUR TRICK, CENTAUR!" Umbridge shrieked. "I WILL SEE YOUR – ribbit – KIND REMOVED IF IT IS THE LAST THING I DO!"

Blinded by rage, the toad started hopping about madly, utterly ignoring the automaton still barking at her. Because Umbridge was practically frothing at the mouth and only focused on her irrational hatred, she was not paying the slightest bit attention about in which direction she was hopping. Umbridge hopped closer and closer to one of her windows, promptly setting off Mr. Mupples' clay dragons and figures. Utterly dumbfounded, Amelia and Tonks watched in silent amazement as the Senior Undersecretary was hounded around the office by clay creatures spewing fire and throwing clay weapons and an ice-breathing automaton. All the while, Umbridge was still shouting about killing half-breeds and wishing she knew how to use an axe herself to do the job that the Ministry was too pathetic to do. At one point Umbridge jumped down from one cupboard to a chair to the next cupboard, setting off the fart cushion with an almighty TTTHHHRRRRRRPPPPPPP!

Because the whoopee cushion was still under an Invisibility Charm, it appeared as though the noise came from the toad was because of this fact that Tonks broke within seconds.

"YOU DARE LAUGH – ribbit – AT ME, YOU FILTHY HALF-FANGED FREAK?!"

To the shock of both Yaxley and Amelia, Umbridge launched herself through the air, fully intent on attacking Tonks. The issue was, Tonks was laughing so hard that she ducked out of the way of the Senior Undersecretary's attack, sending the toad zooming straight for her open closet and straight into … Bella's cursed pink dress.

Almost as soon as Umbridge collided with the dress, the ribbons decorating the ugly garment reacted almost as fast as the tendrils of one of the accursed brains down in the Department of Mysteries. It shot out its ribbon-feelers towards the cursed Senior Undersecretary entangling her in a web of blue, red, green and white with the toad screaming away and the models and automaton skidding to a halt.

"LET ME GO – ribbit! UNHAND ME YOU WRETCHED THING!" the witch shrieked but the more she struggled, the more the dress decided to tighten its grip on the toad.

Yaxley actually used a minor hex to cause himself enough pain in order to stop himself from laughing. Amelia pinched the bridge of her nose and quietly contemplated how precisely her life had gotten this interesting so quickly. Tonks had taken a seat on the floor, next to the automaton, with her head in her lap, trying to compose herself.

Once she did, Tonks jumped back up onto her feet, her eyes shining with mischief as she regarded the toad. Umbridge glared back, still struggling against the dress. "What are you going to do, you filthy half-vampire?" the woman hissed madly.

Tonks smirked as she unsheathed her wand. "This."

With one viper-fast movement of her wand, Tonks had Stunned the shrieking banshee toad into silence and then put the toad under a sleeping spell for good measure. Once the dress was aware that its prey was no longer moving, it seemed to get bored and dropped the snoozing pink toad as though it were a bored spoilt child flinging down a doll they had lost interest in. Umbridge continued sleeping as she crashed to the floor. The Metamorphagus smirked as she noticed the automaton and clay figures pout. Knocked out targets were no fun, apparently.

"Well, that was something you don't see every day," Yaxley commented with a slight smirk. Oh yes, this was definitely worth showing in a Pensieve.

Amelia huffed. "I am not even going to begin to ask how any of this happened. The less I know the better."

Yaxley rolled his eyes. "No one is going to go to Azkaban over this, Amelia. If anyone is going there, it's her," he snarled as he turned his gaze back onto the sleeping Umbridge. The automaton was sniffing at her while several of the clay figures were poking her, trying to wake her up.

"No, but we all could face suspension," Amelia grumbled. She then allowed the smile she had been holding back to form. "And I think that in this case it is all worth it. However, I do think it is a good idea to bring Madam Umbridge to St. Mungo's, just in case. Tonks, I will leave the rest of this," she gestured to the automaton and the radio and the clay figures, "to you."

Tonks shrugged and saluted. "You got it, boss. But first – doughnut! Yaxley, walk with me."

The Death Eater spluttered – since when did this upstart Order member get it into her head that she could order him around – but buckled under the pointed look from Amelia and followed Tonks out of the office. Outside, the civil servants had somehow managed to round up all the kittens and put them into fortified-by-sigils kitty travel cages, all of them with their heads on their desks.

"Poor buggers need a day off," Tonks commented as soon as they were out of earshot.

Yaxley agreed internally and then frowned. Why wasn't Tonks nattering his ears off like she normally did?

"Did you bring Thalia with you today?" she asked curiously.

"No," Yaxley answered simply.

"Awww, pity. She's fun to talk to."

Yaxley gave her a funny look. "You don't know what she's saying!"

"I can read body language!" the strange Auror protested.

Yaxley scoffed at this and then frowned. "What's with the change in look?" he demanded.

"Oh you noticed!" Tonks lit up. "The style is called Steampunk. Harry responded to a … request from one of your friends. My prank was a set of awesome new disguises! My favourite is my dragon one – got the Ministry into a right raucous the other day. Don't know if you heard."

"I didn't," Yaxley admitted, internally trying to strangle the sheepish feeling that had brewed in the pit of his stomach.

"Oh well, I will show you some other time," Tonks stated, looking and sounding a little more like herself.

Yaxley's brow furrowed again. "Why would I not notice something so obvious as a change in your style? I mean, it is slightly for the better but then again you are the daughter of Andromeda. Nothing is conventional about you."

The jovial air around the most irritating Order member apart from Moody suddenly vanished into thin air. A look of melancholy appeared on Tonks' face. "I … It's stupid. It is my … problem to deal with."

The Death Eater smelled a secret, and he wanted in. "Can't be that stupid if it is making you more bearable," Yaxley could not help but stated snarkily. "Did you get shouted at by Moody or Shacklebolt? Did Dumbledore come and give you a good telling-off?"

Tonks scoffed. "Poncy arsehole."

Yaxley smirked as they stepped into the lift and Tonks pressed the button for the level with their food court.

"No, getting told off is basically natural to me as breathing," Tonks grinned slightly. "No, it's a stupid girly problem that I thought I would never have but I teased Asteria and Merula relentlessly about."

"Oh?" Yaxley tried to sound as disinterested as possible.

"Yeah. I was basically the shoulder to cry on for those two stupid Snakes when they both believed that the other would not fancy them back," Tonks scoffed. "Especially Merula, once the cow lightened up a bit. Kinda promised myself I would never be in that situation myself. That I would be open about my feelings rather than pining away like a fucking damsel."

"And … now you're pining like a damsel?" Yaxley really had no idea how to respond in this situation.

The Metamorphagus huffed irritably, her hair turning from that horrendous pink colour into a fiery red that was like lava. "No! I told the guy I like straight to his face that I am into him … but … he doesn't want me back."

Lava red was quickly replaced by one of the most depressing shades of blue Yaxley had ever seen. Seeing this irritant visibly deflate … somehow, it did not sit all too well with Yaxley. It was at this point the lift doors opened.

"So, what are you going to do now?" Yaxley found himself asking.

"Mope, cry, buy fifty kneazles," Tonks listed as they stepped out of the lift.

Yaxley snorted involuntarily. "I thought you said you were not going to be a damsel," he challenged.

"What can I do? I can't force someone to like me back, no matter how much I may wish to. I hate love magic – it's too unpredictable," Tonks pulled a face.

"What is his excuse for not wanting to court you?" Yaxley could not help but wondering. He hated to admit it, but Andromeda's filthy little half-blood daughter wasn't … all too bad looking. It couldn't be the looks department.

"Our age difference," Tonks snorted derisively, shaking her head.

Yaxley frowned. "That's it?" he could hardly believe his ears.

"And the fact he things he doesn't deserve me."

"Oh wow, he sounds like a right puppy."

"Shut up!" Tonks could not wipe the grin off her face, though.

Yaxley smirked and then sobered. "Who is the man, anyway?"

Tonks exhaled sharply. "Remus."

Yaxley very nearly tripped over his own feet as well as his cane. "What?! Lupin?!"

A few Ministry workers that passed by gave them odd looks but continued on their way.

Tonks deflated. "Go ahead and laugh, Yaxley. I know you want to."

"You have feelings for a tweed-jacket, cardigan wearing werewolf who still has Fenrir crying a corner every time he thinks of him," Yaxley stated for himself, desperately trying not to laugh. "Merlin, I did not see that coming!"

Bellatrix and Narcissa were going to freak!

Tonks rolled her eyes, huffing a little. "You had your fun yet, Corban?"

"No, I was only just beginning," Yaxley smirked. He regarded her curiously for a moment. "Why did you oblige me, Tonks?"

"Because I highly doubt that your master gives a shit about my love life!" Tonks snorted. The next thing Yaxley knew, her face morphed into a comedic imitation of the Dark Lord, which got a lot of extremely concerning looks from witnesses. "Ooooh yes, Yaxley, who isss the filthy half-blood dating now? A werewolf you sssssay? Awwwhooo to that and please kill her next time you sssee her," Tonks rasped in a voice that was scarily accurate.

Yaxley could not help himself: he split his sides laughing. More people started staring because of this – and wondering who the hell was Polyjuicing as Corban Yaxley – and Tonks was internally preening at the fact she had gotten a Death Eater to laugh at her impression of You-Know-Who. She was equally pleased when Yaxley bought a doughnut too without so much as complaining.

Little did she know, it was because Yaxley was already internally plotting something and thus decided to save his energy by not arguing with her.

"Oh by the way! We got a confession out of Umbridge. Well … you guys did, somehow. But it's on parchment – only not in the way anyone would expect," Tonks stated as she reached into her pocket and fished out a leaf of parchment and handed it to Yaxley. She smirked. "I think you may know what to do with it."

Yaxley clicked his tongue in agreement and began reading the accidental-confession letter.

##########################################################################

If there was one thing that Harry thought he would never be able to do, was win something in a Potions contest that also included Hermione and Draco. The Half Blood Prince's book was saving his grades and was expanding his magical knowledge to a point where Harry found some of the spells that they forced to learn during Transfigurations and Charms, utterly boring. But his Draught of Living Death had just been as good as the last one he did, perhaps even better.

Because of it, he had won the little glass vial of Felix Felicis; Liquid Luck. Now that was definitely something that Harry knew would come in handy in the future! Professor Slughorn had been as enthusiastic about Harry's successes as he had been in the previous classes, but this time, happy enough to ask Harry, Hermione and – surprisingly – Neville to see him in his office during their next free period.

Neither the Boy-Who-Was-Going-To-Make-Pranking-History, nor his sister-in-all-but-blood, nor the keen Herbologist, knew what the Potions Master could want with them. Thus, when they stepped into Slughorn's rather grand office, they were confused and on-guard, ready for a scolding of any kind.

As it turned out, Slughorn did not want to put any of them into detention or take points. Instead, he offered them each a glass of pumpkin juice and offered them a place in his Slug Club.

Harry had blinked at hearing this. "The … what?"

"Slug Club, dear boy!" Slughorn beamed. "My exclusive little group of students who I think are extremely talented and are likely to go very far in life. Your mother was part of it in her time you know!"

Harry very nearly choked on his pumpkin juice at hearing that. Hermione patted his back immediately.

"You must be joking," was all the Boy-Who-Knew-Voldemort-Would-Laugh-At-Him-Choking-On-Juice stated once he was able to.

"Oh, Harry, of course I am not! She was one of my absolute favourites. She was an extraordinary witch," Slughorn was toddling over to a cupboard that was positively covered in photo frames and came back with one, beaming, and handed the photo to Harry.

It was a group photo, made up of several students and Slughorn, all raising their glasses to the camera. Right at the front on Slughorn's left, was Lily – the red hair and green eyes gave her away almost immediately. Harry could not help but smile, Hermione and Neville too.

"Your mother was a fine potioneer," Slughorn continued happily. "She and Severus were the best in my class; always got the best out of their potions."

This made all three students look up sharply.

"Professor Snape?" Harry repeated in disbelief. "He knew my mother?"

"Oh yes! They were best friends. Childhood friends," Slughorn answered. His jovial expression sobered. "Harry … did no one tell you?"

"No," Harry replied quietly, looking back at the photo. "They didn't."

"Well, now you do. Oh, and you see that blonde girl at the end? She is Pandora Everard. Your friend Miss Lovegood's mother. I think I have one of your mother too, Mr. Longbottom – oh yes, here is also one of your godfather's brother, Harry!"

The Potions Master came back happily with a few more frames; Hermione at this point decided to snoop at the rest of the photos while Slughorn was distracted. While Neville stared in awe and sadness at the photo of Alice, Harry was left to look at a photo of a past Slytherin Quidditch team looking at a curly haired boy with the same eyes as Sirius.

"Regulus was a talented Chaser in his time," Slughorn continued with a smile. He sobered a little. "Talented wizard too and conscientious. Almost the complete opposite from his brother."

Harry frowned a little at this. Fortunately Hermione had found something and decided to distract their Potions Professor before he ended up with a clown nose. "Professor, who is this?" she asked curiously, pointing to one of the frames.

Slughorn turned around and hurried over, with Neville and Harry following to have a look. Hermione was pointing to a frame of a party but the shot was entirely focused on a boy in some well-cut robes, who was playing the piano, not even noticing he was being photographed.

Once more the jovial expression on Slughorn's face mellowed. "Ah, that is Xander Mulciber," he answered sadly. Harry's heart skipped multiple beats at hearing that name, while Hermione and Neville's eyes widened. "Such as a talented musician … had quite the voice too. He was one of the few Snakes in the Frog Choir. I had hoped that Xander would … keep out of the ugly business that was going on at the time but …"

"What happened to him?" Neville dared to ask.

"He … died during the First War," was all Slughorn was able to say. He shook his head. "I had such high hopes for him, as I did for his father."

"Balthazar?" Harry stated.

"Indeed," Slughorn then gestured to a black and white photograph in the back of the group. Harry reached over, carefully, and picked it up. Once he, Hermione and Neville got a good look at the people in it, their eyes widened.

A considerably younger Slughorn was surrounded by several students, most of which were Slytherin boys. Right in the middle was none other than Tom Riddle. The Potions Master pointed to the dark hair boy on Riddle's right. "That is Balthazar. Highly intelligent, inquisitive and ambitious. Had the highest grades in Astronomy in about fifty years. He was also one of the few students who took three extracurricular classes."

"Three?" Hermione gaped.

"Yes. Ghoul Studies, Magical Theory and Ancient Studies," Slughorn smiled nostalgically. "Not even … his friends did extracurricular classes. I had hoped that I was witnessing the birth of the next great Magical Researcher but, as you probably know, he chose a different path."

This made Harry, Hermione and Neville exchange a look. Harry carefully put the photograph back.

"Thank you for enlightening us, sir," Hermione stated to their teacher.

Slughorn beamed. "You are welcome. I do hope you will attend the first Slug Club dinner on Friday. We have an interesting and diverse group this year, if I do say so myself."

"Thank you, sir. We will be there," Neville reassured.

The three Gryffindors quickly took their leave. As soon as she knew they were out of Slughorn's earshot, Hermione exhaled sharply. "Professor Slughorn is a people collector."

"Quite," Harry found himself agreeing easily.

"People collector?" Neville repeated incredulously.

"Didn't you notice? Every member of the Slug Club – past and present – has either got wealth, connections, fame or talent," Hermione explained. "He wants to be part of their success."

Neville blanched. "But then why invite me?!"

"Because with your talent in Herbology, you could get into the Hippogriff Club," Hermione pointed out easily.

"I am not even going to pretend to know what that is," Harry commented.

"It's basically an exclusive club of students who more than excel in the subjects of Potions, Herbology, Care of Magical Creatures and Astronomy," Hermione explained. "Cedric was in it …"

"Why are you not in it then?" Harry wanted to know.

Hermione flushed. "Because I know how to remember things well. I am not extremely passionate about any one subject. The Hippogriff Club is for those who have made those subjects their passion."

"Do you think Balthazar Mulciber was in it?" Neville could not help but wonder.

"Don't know. Maybe we should ask?" Harry suggested.

Neither Hermione nor Neville found themselves disagreeing with that suggestion, which both silently found a little bit concerning.

###########################################################################

Why is he so difficult to get a hold of? Does he have an anti-Snake alarm with him or something? It's safe to say I have done more than enough exercise for today.

Theodore Nott was annoyed. He had been trying to get a hold of the Boy-Who-Had-Somehow-Managed-To-Avoid-Theo-All-Day but it was apparently much more difficult than one would think. Especially when neither Weasley, Finnegan or Thomas were forthcoming about where their friend was. Theo had already expected the three Lions to react to him with hostility, but it had been worth a try.

So, Theo did the only thing he knew would perhaps yield a result: he visited Potter's favourite haunts, including visiting Professor Hagrid and Witherwings the hippogriff. Theo didn't mind; he quietly liked Witherwings. The hippogriff was at least much better tempered than Buckbeak!

When the Nott Heir got to the Care of Magical Creatures professor's hut, Witherwings, who had been relaxing outside in the pumpkin patch, looked up and chirped a greeting. Theo bowed – he wasn't an idiot – and approached carefully after the bird bowed back.

"Hey, Witherwings! How are you?" Theo greeted casually.

Witherwings chirped back happily.

"Oh, good! You haven't seen Harry Potter today by any chance?"

"He has now."

Theo whirled around to see an amused Potter standing at the edge of the pumpkin patch, smirking. Theo recovered quite quickly and scowled at him. "Did you have to give me such a fright?" he demanded.

"Yes," came the predictable answer. Potter bowed low to Witherwings, who eyed him with amusement and fondness, before bowing back. Theo huffed; so the so-called Saviour had already won Witherwings over.

"I heard from the little birds around the castle that you are looking for me," the Gryffindor stated candidly.

Theo flushed a little. "Yes. I know you have been helping Blaise and Millie with their vandalising-"

"And you want me to back off?" Up went a challenging eyebrow.

Theo scowled. "No! Now if you let me finish, you will know that I am asking you for your help as well."

"You?" the Boy-Who-Was-Really-Getting-On-Theo's-Nerves raised a challenging eyebrow. "What could you possibly need my help with?"

Theo began fidgeting. "I … erm … want to put the Secret Spiller in Dumbledore's office."

For a moment the Nott Heir believed that the Giant Thorn in the Dark Lord's Side was genuinely about to faint at hearing that before the green eyes lit up, dancing with amusement and the evil smirk was back.

"And what are you hoping to accomplish with putting my present from Macnair in Dumbledore's office?" Harry purred.

"Embarrass the Headmaster, and anyone else who steps into the office," Theo answered candidly.

"For what reason?"

That smirk was really getting on Theo's nerves. "Revenge. For allowing Umbridge into our school and for … doing what she did to your hands," the Snake answered through gritted teeth. "For being an incompetent Headmaster year in year out!"

"Well, you do have the right motivation," the Nightmare of the Dark conceded. "But what do I get in return for risking my own neck?"

"Your neck?" Theo repeated with a frown.

"I will plant the Secret Spiller," the coo-coo Gryffindor shrugged. "I have the perfect opportunity Saturday."

Theo nodded once curtly, both in affirmation and agreement. He frowned ponderingly for a moment. "I have no idea what I could give you in return, Potter, other than a promise not to hex you for what you pulled during the summer."

Harry chuckled. "You do have another talent, Nott: information gathering."

Theo's eyes widened. "If you think I am going to tell you a thing about the Dark Lord or my father-"

"Pfffft, don't be boring!" the Lion sighed dramatically. He smirked. "I will take an 'I owe you one'."

Theo paled at this, but he also knew that there was no other person who could theoretically smuggle the Spiller into the office without being seen as suspicious, especially if that person is supposed to be in Dumbledore's office at a certain time. Harry I-Make-Dark-Lords-Cry-In-Despair Potter was one such person, apparently.

"Very well," Theo forced himself to agree. He then frowned. "Why do you need to go to Dumbledore's office on Saturday?"

"Extra lessons," Harry answered brightly.

"Oh. On what subject?" Theo asked curiously.

"Now that would be telling!"

Theo huffed. It was worth a try.

##########################################################################

Draco Malfoy was losing the will to live. His deadline for finishing fixing the Cabinet was already short, and to make matters worse, something else had happened to the monolith that he could not explain. He had visited the Cabinet during lunch to try and get a few more attempts into fixing it in, only for him to be rewarded with brightly coloured confetti to be spat out into his face. When he had put a tiny white bird into the Cabinet, which had vanished without much issue, that bird came back with some friends.

The Room of Hidden Things was soon home to about twenty white birds that Draco had no idea from where they had come from. Was there something wrong with the Cabinet on Mr. Borgin's end as well? Draco hoped to Merlin that it wasn't the case.

After getting rid of the confetti and the birds, Draco tried again, this time with some old clothes of his that he had brought along just in case he would need to try something else. As with the birds, the clothes disappeared without much issue. It was when they returned that the Cabinet had started acting up again.

Not only had Draco's clothes reappeared, utterly rumpled, but the shelves were full of clothes that were neatly ironed and folded. There were shirts, trousers, skirts, dresses – what in the name of Mordred was going on?!

He had decided to try one last time, this time with one of his WALKMANs. As predicted, the WALKMAN vanished without much issue. However, on the journey back …

Draco heard the whooshing sound and braced himself for what would come out of the Cabinet as he opened the doors.

# BUT I STIIIIIIILL HAVEN'T FOUUUUUUND,
WHAT I AM LOOKING FOOOOOOOR!

BUT I STIIIIIIILL HAVEN'T FOUUUUUUND,
WHAT I AM LOOKING FOOOOOOOR! #

The Cabinet was singing one of the songs from the U2 cassette that Draco had forgotten to take out of the WALKMAN in operetta style.

Well, fuck.

Draco had slammed the Cabinet shut in frustration and left to go and vent his frustration to someone who would listen. Which meant he found himself heading once more to the Owlery to see if Potter's owl was willing to listen to more of his complaining. When he got there and saw that Hedwig, Jehoshaphat and that sleeping owl were all gone, Draco tried to kill the feeling of disappointment he felt.

He then scoffed to himself. "Get a grip of yourself. You're being pathetic," he told himself grumpily.

"Hoot!" his own Eagle owl, Cymbeline, disagreed firmly. She had flown down from her perch the moment he had entered the Owlery. The owl knew her wizard had wanted to speak to Hedwig – Cymbeline had been jealous at first, but Hedwig was a good listener and always gave good advice. If there was anyone who could help Draco, it was the snowy owl.

"A bit biased there, girl?" Draco smiled wryly.

"Hoot, hoot," Cymbeline gave him a pointed look.

"Yeah, I know you're looking out for me," Draco sighed, running his hand through his hair. "My … project isn't going very well. It is doing something it shouldn't and … I have no idea how to fix it."

Cymbeline cocked her head to one side. "Hoot, hoot, hoot?"

"Bee, if it was that simple I would have done it already!" Draco huffed. "It's spewing confetti, clothes and birds everywhere, and fricking singing, and I have no clue why! Have I been using the wrong spell? I don't think I have been. I have no idea what is going on and if I screw this up, I have more than a few Boglins to worry about!"

Cymbeline frowned in thought; she really wished that Hedwig was here. Hedwig would have a solution to the problem. This was something that the Eagle owl had no idea how to handle. Draco's expression softened.

"I … am sorry for snapping. You're just trying to help, I know," he sighed. "I … I think just need to clear my head. I will try again in the evening. Maybe I will have some inspiration then."

Cymbeline chirped in agreement.

So, that is what the young Malfoy Heir did. He tried to spend the rest of the day not focusing on his stressful assignment, which was made easier by Blaise and Millie's continued Cold War with their Head of House.

##########################################################################

Mr. Mupples was very excited. His Mama and the Dark Lord had given permission for him, accompanied by Uncle Rabastan, Uncle Tyler and Thalia, to go the London in order to buy a good prank for his Papa. When Thalia had heard Mr. Mupples wanted to buy a prank, she had immediately badgered the Dark Lord into allowing her to coming along too in order to make sure "Mr. Mupples got a good one". It was also the first time that Mr. Mupples was allowed to go anywhere since seeing his Papa off, so that was an extra bonus.

Uncle Rabastan was just as happy, even though Mr. Mupples had insisted on going to the Muggle part of London. Thalia had approved the idea as well.

*Yes, it is best to go incognito mode! Muggles will not know who Rabastan, Tyler, Mr. Mupples and Thalia are. Well done, Mr. Mupples,* the ball python had hissed approvingly.

They did have to disguise themselves for a bit in order to convert wizarding Galleons to Muggle money at Gringotts. The issue was, Mr. Mupples did not know precisely where to begin, so Uncle Tyler decided to take the group to several roads for good shopping: Oxford Street, Piccadilly Circus, Regent Street, and Knightsbridge. At Knightsbridge, they had briefly stopped at Harrods, where they got some funny looks admittedly, but Mr. Mupples did not like all the over expensive tat. King's Road and Convent Garden also yielded no results.

All the while, Rabastan had been taking in the sights with disbelief and awe in his eyes. He sometimes still jumped a little when one of the red double-decker buses passed by, but that was quickly wearing off.

A good thing too, because Thalia had tittered several times at the Death Muncher. *I hope that the Malfoys do not have Boggarts in their closets soon, especially in Basti's room. It will be awkward to explain why red buses keep jumping out! Hehehehe!*

Mr. Mupples had sighed at that comment. Rabastan and Tyler, of course, could not understand what she was saying, thus ignored her.

"Do you think Mr. Mupples minds if we take a break?" Tyler asked with an uncertain tone.

Mr. Mupples bobbed; Rabastan grinned. "I think that is a no, he doesn't mind. What did you have in mind?"

"Well, we are in London right now, so … would you like to go and see some dinosaurs?" the werewolf asked with a grin.

The Death Eater blinked at hearing that. "Dinosaurs? Actual dinosaurs?" he repeated in awe.

"Well, their skeletons, but yes," Tyler grinned. "There is one that everyone wants to see. His name is Dippy."

Rabastan's countenance lit up in five seconds. "Dippy? They name them?! And are you telling me that the Mug … I mean, people keep actual dinosaur skeletons somewhere? Let's go! Right now!"

*I don't see how,* Thalia huffed. *I mean, those things are huge! They would have to put them in a giant palace or something.* She lit up at this. *Hey, Mr. Mupples, what do you expect to find living in a prehistoric castle?*

Mr. Mupples braced himself.

*Tyrannosaurus Rex and Tyrannosaura Regina!*

Mr. Mupples almost wanted to facepalm.

Fortunately Rabastan and Tyler were blissfully unaware. Indeed, Tyler was almost like an excited puppy at the prospect of showing Rabastan the destination he was taking him, Mr. Mupples and Thalia to: the Natural History Museum. Of course, they Glamoured Thalia before they even got to the building just in case, and made sure that no one without a drop of magical blood in their veins could hear her hissing!

It was a good thing too, because Thalia was losing her scales over the architecture. *Merciful Python I was kidding when I said they need to keep these things in a palace, are you kidding me?! … WHAT IN THE NAME OF PYTHON IS THAT?! Oh wait … it's a diplodocus right? Wait a minute … ARE YOU TELLING ME THAT IS DIPPY?!*

The moment that Rabastan, Mr. Mupples and Thalia saw Dippy the diplodocus in the entrance, Rabastan gaped, Mr. Mupples could not believe his eyes and Thalia very nearly lost it. Tyler laughed in glee, especially when Rabastan unabashedly went to admire the gargantuan beast.

"Merlin, Morgana and all the fairies of Avalon! He's huge!" Rabastan laughed, ignoring the amused and slightly confused looks given by passing Muggles at his enthusiasm. "Oh my … how did they get him in here?! This is insane! They must have used magic. There is no way – there is no fucking way they didn't use magic!"

Thalia then commented, *it's a good thing none of the other wolves are here or Dippy would be renamed to Dipped-In-Sauce. There is no way that Izzy and the others would not be gnawing on Dippy's legs!*

Mr. Mupples very nearly snorted at that comment.

Once Tyler had managed to lure Rabastan away from Dippy, the group went to explore the rest of the museum. The Blue Zone was the biggest hit, mainly because of all the dinosaur bones, with the Red Zone coming in a close second. The Green Zone was less of a hit, mainly because Rabastan almost went on a rant against the Dodo, which apparently wasn't a Dodo at all, and Thalia didn't like looking at "boring old rocks".

Tyler had to clamp his friend's mouth shut in order to avoid getting weird looks from the Muggles. Steam was still coming out of Rabastan's ears by the time they had decided to visit the dinosaur gift shop.

Thalia was like a kid in a candy store. *Ooooo they have lots and lots of dinosaur stuff! Oh praise be to Python they have a joke book on dinosaurs! Tyyyyyyleeeeer!*

Fortunately Tyler, Rabastan and Mr. Mupples were also interested in the dinosaur books, T-shirts, plushies and weird mechanical dinosaur heads on sticks so Thalia didn't have to try any escape attempts this time. Whilst they got a comedy book for Thalia, Mr. Mupples had found a funny looking raptor with a T-shirt on for his Papa and Rabastan went on a spree for the rest of his friends, Nagini and the Dark Lord.

"Bella loved the T-Rex … this one looks angry and mean so it's perfect! Oooo this raptor looks evil and menacing. Dolph would love it – ooo this stegosaurus is almost as spikey as Amy. Oh Merlin this ankylosaurus looks like it's on sleeping medication – Avior would love it. This Mosasaurus looks perfect for our Lord!"

Tyler just sat back and watched in delight while kids, parents and even staff in the shop gave Rabastan funny looks – not that that Basti noticed for a single moment. He was having too much fun! Mr. Mupples and Thalia regarded Tyler and then exchanged a look, both thinking the exact same thing.

The werewolf had it baaaaaad!

Thalia decided it was perhaps time to give Tyler a little push. She started poking him in the ribs. *Tyler, you just got upstaged by Dippy and a bunch of plushies. They are being given more attention than you are. Do something!*

Tyler tried to ignore her. Then, Mr. Mupples started bobbing in his arms rapidly, which the werewolf tried to stop because he did not want to explain to the Muggles why the fuck this ugly plushie monster could move!

Mr. Mupples grumbled to himself. Thalia huffed. *It's no use, Mr. Mupples. I wish Bella was here.*

Then they heard a gasp from Rabastan. "They don't have Dippy merchandise!" he wailed. "Or I am blind!"

Tyler, Thalia and Mr. Mupples blanched.

*Hey, Mr. Mupples, what is the name of the walker who forgot to make Dippy merchandise?*

Mr. Mupples braced himself.

*Dipshit!*

###########################################################################

When Yaxley returned from the Ministry that afternoon, he found that very little had changed since the morning. The wolves were either enjoying their video games, duelling with lightsabres or were reading. Fenrir, Hannah, Mikah and the older wolves were reading too or playing card games. Yaxley's fellow Death Eaters, surprisingly, were all up in their own chambers, either reading or – in Antonin's case – trying to see if Morpheus would cooperate in showing of his powers a little more.

Embarrassingly enough, Yaxley had to practically bribe his friends and colleagues into viewing his memory of their latest prank attack – even the Dark Lord was reluctant to put his book on Aztec mythology down!

What Yaxley got to hear was calls of:

"Go away! I am on a good bit!"

"Can't we do this some other time?"

"I am pretty sure one more poke should do the trick! Morpheus, please wake up! Corban, go and get Teddy Ruxpin. … No, I don't want to see the memory right now!"

It was safe to say that Yaxley did not know quite what to do with himself.

I am too bloody tired for this nonsense, he grumbled to himself.

Nagini had tittered at Yaxley's disgruntled expression; she had been spying on him from Voldemort's room, her head stuck around the open door. *It seems that the Potter hatchling has turned all your friends into Book Eaters, Corban!*

*Nagini, please don't start as well!* Voldemort begged.

*Oh, please! Nagini knows you think it is too quiet too, Tom,* Nagini rolled her eyes. *So Nagini says to herself, what would Thalia do?*

The Dark Lord sighed in exasperation and turned back to his book, intent on ignoring his annoying python.

Yaxley eventually gave up trying to convince people to put their books down for a single moment and instead decided to go onto the next thing he wanted to do that evening. Admittedly it was something that he never in a million years thought that he would be doing.

He was going to write a letter to Harry I-Somehow-Have-Not-Been-Hexed-For-Pranking-Dark-Wizards Potter, on behalf of Nymphadora Tonks. Yes, Yaxley is scared of himself at present; no, it is not changing his decision.

Once the letter was finished, Yaxley made his way back to Antonin's room. There was no way to Mordred and Morgana that the Death Muncher was going to disturb Lilith with this stupid errand – it was much better to give the letter to Morpheus. It would get that freaky owl away from Antonin, too, before the idiot somehow got his room blown up by an owl with psychic powers.

As one might have suspected, the Russian Death Muncher was less than amused at being disturbed once more.

Antonin, who had been tickling Morpheus with a feather of all things, scowled at him and his lips curled into a sneer. "Corban! What is it this time? Can't you see I am busy?!"

"Oh yes, I see your business is very pressing indeed, Antonin," Yaxley drawled back sarcastically. "What you are doing might change the course of history – now, if you don't mind, may I borrow Morpheus for something a bit more pertinent?"

"Like what?" Antonin demanded.

"Sending a letter to the Brat," Yaxley really hated himself.

Antonin short-circuited for a moment before he gave Yaxley a look as though he had spontaneously grown a second head. "Who the fuck are you and what have you done with Corban Yaxley?" he demanded.

Yaxley huffed. "Do I have to Accio the owl or are you going to hand him over?"

Antonin pouted but then he sobered and narrowed his eyes at his friend. "Why are you sending a letter to Potter anyway?" he wanted to know.

"None of your damn business."

"Yes, it is, I am making it my business."

"Tough, not telling you."

"Fine, then I am not handing Morpheus over."

Yaxley sighed and drew his wand. "OK, you're opting to be difficult – Accio Morpheus!"

Before Antonin could react, the snoozing owl went zooming through the air and into Yaxley's expectant arms. Yaxley swept out of the room, leaving a disgruntled but suspicious Antonin behind.

"I must be losing my damn mind," the Death Muncher muttered to himself on the way back to his room.

"… Hoot … hoot …" came the drowsy answer from the owl in his arms.

Yaxley had no idea what the owl was saying but decided it was probably best that he didn't. Once in his room, he tied the letter to Morpheus' left leg and then opened the window. "OK, I have no idea if you can hear me, bird, but I need you to take this letter to Potter as quickly as you are able to. There is a problem with one of his friends – and his favourite werewolf is the cause."

"… Hoooot …?"

Yaxley blinked and decided to continue; he needed to get himself an owl translator as soon as possible. "In … deed. Anyway, I hope you manage to deliver this by the end of the day but if not, try and get the letter to the boy by breakfast."

" … Hoot, hoot …!"

Yaxley almost jumped out of his skin as Morpheus spread his wings with zero hesitation and flew out of the window faster than even Lilith could; the feathery comet was soon out of sight and Yaxley found himself wondering if there would not be a breach of the Statute of Secrecy with how fast the owl was going.

Rodolphus really was an idiot for buying that owl, Yaxley huffed to himself as he decided to take a leaf out of everyone else's book and decided to get a moment's peace and quiet in for himself while he still could.

About two to three hours later, Rabastan, Reed, Mr. Mupples and Thalia returned with … presents. While most of the house was either utterly flabbergasted at the fact Rabastan and Reed had willingly gone into a Muggle museum – and saw dinosaur bones, which made Augustus and Balthazar extremely jealous – or were excited at the fact they had gotten gifts – jealousy in both Augustus and Balthazar was lessened slightly by their plushies and books – Yaxley was just numb to the fact Rabastan and Reed had pulled something like this.

Bella was happy with her T-Rex. "Awwww it is so cuuuuute! Thank you, Basti. Yes, indeed, Mr. Mupples, we need to show Tom!"

Besides, Yaxley found he couldn't really complain. His Allosaurus wasn't … too bad. It was better than his stupid Boglins and the My Pet Monster he was forced to put up with!

I am definitely going mad, Yaxley stated to himself.

He could have sworn that his Allosaurus was grinning at him at this point.

But it seemed that Rabastan's gifts had woken everybody up because suddenly, everyone wanted to have a look at Yaxley's memory of that morning. By the end of the viewing though, none of the Death Munchers were satisfied.

"She is still not permanently in St. Mungo's! What do we need to do to drive that woman up the bend?!" Macnair wailed.

"My automaton didn't breathe as much ice!" Rowle huffed.

"My dress did not strangle her properly!" Bella pouted. "Yes, indeed, Mr. Mupples, how dare she outrun your army!"

"So if we cannot have her removed via mental illness, perhaps we should just get her fired the old fashioned way?" Avior suggested. "We send photos to someone like we did with Bones and Abbott!"

"It's too risky," Augustus argued.

"Well, we have literally tried everything and she is still not gone!" Avior countered.

"Well, we do have something that we didn't have before," Yaxley smirked. "Her confession."

"Her what now?" Antonin blanched. "And why did you not say this before?"

"Because you didn't give me the bloody chance!"

"Corban, ssshow me," Voldemort ordered.

Yaxley did not need to be told twice. Once the Dark Lord had read it, he passed it to Balthazar, who immediately had the rest of the Death Eaters around him, reading over his shoulder.

"This does change things," Rodolphus commented with a smirk.

"Question is, who do we send it to? The Daily Prophet is bloody useless," Alecto grumbled.

Rabastan lit up. "Maybe we should ask Potter for help?"

"I doubt the little shit would know. We can do this ourselves," Jugson snorted.

Mr. Mupples didn't agree.

"What's that, Mr. Mupples?" Bella frowned. "… Your papa has a friend who might know – who is Aunt Luna?"

*Oh boy,* Nagini and Thalia chorused, eyes shining. *This should be good.*

###########################################################################

Oh boy Tyler introduced Rabastan, Thalia and Mr. Mupples to Dippy! It seems that Thalia has new jokes to tell and Harry is going to get a prank from his plushie child. Madam Umbridge is well and truly losing it – but apparently it is not having the desired effect. What solution will the Death Munchers come up with, or rather, be given? And how is Draco going to handle the Cabinet? What secrets about the Dark Side will Harry discover next? Stay tuned to find out.

Holy cow, you guys are the best! I have been reading so many of your comments and I cannot wait for Harry and Team Prank to get back onto sending pranks next chapter because your ideas are amazing. This is an idea that has been stewing in my mind for a while and it needed to get out. I hope you guys like it! Keep sending me your ideas – they are golden and I will try to use as many of them as possible!

I probably should also do a disclaimer: I don't own any of the properties I am writing about or are featured in the story. I am making a mad sand castle out of JK Rowling's sand box and U2 obviously own their own music!

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