Final Chapter: God's Blessings on this Conclusion!
Part 1
When I arrived at the airport, I was surprised to see my parents waiting for me.
I thought that they'd send their assistants to pick me up. Turned out that they used their rare reprieve from work to pick me up themselves.
"Aika-chan! We missed you so much!"
My mother, Mizuhara Kurone, ran up to hug me. I stiffened up from the contact. It had been close to eight years since I last saw my parents in person. Sure, they called often, but it wasn't the same as actually having your mother hugging you and crying into your shirt.
I didn't want to say that my own mother felt like a stranger, but it had been eight years since I last saw her. I spent most of my teenage years and early adulthood without seeing my own mother in person. I knew that I had no one to blame but myself, since I was the one who decided to stay in Japan. There was still a part of me that felt resentment, though. Even if it wasn't aimed at my parents in particular, I felt an ugly, vague resentment over the unfortunate situation itself.
Perhaps my mother sensed my unease, since she withdrew with a weak smile that failed to hide the guilt she felt. The joy I saw from her earlier was replaced with the guilt of knowing that they chose to prioritize their work over spending time with me. No matter how justified they were, they were still my parents. They couldn't help but feel guilty about it. I felt guilty that they felt guilty. Funny how that works.
My father, Mizuhara Natsume, joined us once he saw my mother's shoulders slumping. He placed a hand around her and smiled at me.
"It's good to see you, Aika-chan. You've grown a lot since we last saw you."
I was fifteen years old when you last saw me, of course I would have grown up since then. I bit those words before they could come out, surprised at the dark pleasure I felt while imagining myself saying them.
"It's good to see you, too, dad."
We stayed there for a while, not saying anything. Their mouths opened and closed more times than I could count. I broke the silence.
"I had a long flight. Did you guys get here by taxi?"
"No, we had our driver bring us here. Let's go, you must be tired."
My father took my luggage from me and we walked to the parking lot. My mother asked me questions about my life in Japan that I had answered many times before. The fact that she asked me the same questions every time, and was legitimately surprised by my repetitive answers time-and-time again, led me to believe that she forgot a lot of the things we talked about due to the stress and busyness of her work.
The car waiting for us wasn't a limo, but it was still a sleek black luxury van that gathered a lot of eyes. The driver, who doubled as a bodyguard, came out to open the door for us. There was a lot of room inside, with the passenger seats facing each other, so the occupants could talk during the drive. It was one of those vans you often see in gangster movies. I wondered if it was bulletproof.
My parents had a lot of money saved up, but they didn't spend a lot of it on frivolous luxuries. Aside from the personal driver, the van and the property they owned, they didn't own much in the way of expensive belongings. They probably spent more money on me, with the condo they bought for me in Japan, the clothes and jewelry they sent me on my birthdays, than they did on themselves.
They didn't have time for luxuries, anyway, since their strenuous work took much of their time. I really didn't have much to complain about. Most children would kill for my familial circumstances. I got to live alone and I had rich parents who lavished me with expensive gifts. Compared to the lives other people were born into, there was nothing tragic about mine. Some parental neglect was hardly a heartbreaking story.
While we were in the car, my parents tried to catch up with me some more, but they got a call from work. One of their patients showed an unexpected allergic reaction to a drug that they had no problems with before. My father, who was normally a taciturn man, snatched the phone away from my mother and yelled at the person on the other of the line, ordering them to interrogate the nurses on how much dosage of the drug they had given the patient, since an inexact dosage was the only reason why there would be unforeseen allergic reactions at this stage in the patient's recovery.
Once news came back that the nurses might have been careless in measuring out the dosage, my father went red in the face.
"We can't even step out for a few hours without people screwing everything up! You better have those nurses finish writing up a report to explain their malpractice by the time I get there!"
Once he hung up the phone and handed it to my mother, he remembered that I was in the car with them.
Still red faced from rage, he smiled and said,
"So, Aika-chan, how's school going?"
"She already graduated, dear."
"Oh, that's right."
I answered their questions, once more automatically giving them the same answers I always gave them. I watched the scenery of New York at night, while we engaged in recycled small talk. I watched the city whizzing past in a blur of motion, while my emotionless reflection stared back at me from the windshield.
Part 2
After depositing me in their condo, they apologized and said that they had to go back to work immediately. I told them that I was fine being by myself, since I had to unpack my luggage anyway.
"You can order delivery whenever you get hungry. Don't worry, the bill will go straight to us."
My mother said, while she was in the middle of closing the door.
She already closed it before I could wish them good luck with work.
Once they were gone, I looked around at my new home for the next few days, or for however long I wanted to stay. The condo was bigger than the one I had in Japan, but I wouldn't say it was more luxurious. My parents would feel guilty if the place they stayed in was more valuable than the place I had in Japan. They were weirdly conscientious about things like that.
I suppose the view was unique, though. I compared the view of New York to Tokyo. I wouldn't say that one was better than the other, although I would say that Tokyo was a bit more sprawled out, had more space, while New York was a cluster of buildings and space was practically nonexistent. Both cities were brimming with energy and a sense that some kind of big event was happening at all times, but while Tokyo displayed its liveliness at night, New York was a kinetic mess of entangled chaos regardless of the time.
The streets were filled with road ragers, police sirens and sometimes fights breaking out for no discernable reason. The amount of homeless people I saw on the way to the condo was honestly startling to someone like me, who had lived in Japan for most of my life. It wasn't like homeless people didn't exist in Japan, or like they were some kind of mythical creature hiding away in the spirit realm, but they weren't out in the open for everyone to see, slumping against decrepit walls spray-painted with obscene graffiti. In Japan, they were hidden, like a grim secret you never tell anyone.
The view of the city was very beautiful, though, in a modern, urban kind of way, if you viewed it from above without thinking about what happened in the streets below. The rectangular, uniform lights from the buildings and the streaking headlights of cars in the highways and roads made the city look like a giant, bioluminescent lifeform; the illuminated buildings were its protruding carapace, while the winding roads were its elongated appendages. The city was strange yet undeniably beautiful.
I took a few pictures and sent them to Kazuma.
I texted him, "Just arrived! Not as good as Tokyo, but I guess it's ayt".
I sent an obscenely long train of emojis that didn't have anything to do with the message.
A few minutes later, he replied.
"Good to hear you arrived safely. I'm on my way to meet a new client right now. Ttyl."
Since my nights would be his mornings that meant that we wouldn't have many chances to actually talk properly. I wished him good luck and put the phone back in my pocket.
I took my parents up on their offer and ordered delivery. Since I heard a lot of things about New York style pizza, I ordered some for delivery. I was surprised by the sheer size of the thing when it arrived. I only paid 15 USD and I still got way more pizza than if I paid double the price in Japan.
The pizza was fine, but it was still only just cheese and pepperonis. No amount of folding the pizza or any other such 'New Yorker idiosyncrasies' improved the taste or experience. I chalked it up as an overhyped tourist experience and put the rest of the pizza in the fridge. The amount of grease in that thing ensured that I could only handle two slices before calling it quits.
I thought about streaming, but most of my audience, like Kazuma, would either be in school or working. I would only be streaming to NEETs and no-life otaku at this hour in Japan, and I didn't want to deal with those guys again. I scrolled through some American channels on TV, only to find that the random talk shows and cooking shows I flipped through were just as lifeless and uninspired as the variety shows and comedy shows on Japanese TV.
My parents didn't get home by 4 am. They were surprised to see me still up, but they chalked it up to me still not being used to the time zone difference. I didn't tell them that I stayed up to wait for them.
"Go to sleep soon, Aika-chan."
My mother said, as she walked to their room like a zombie, hands reaching out to prevent herself from bumping into anything.
"Yeah, sure."
I watched them enter their room and pass out. I didn't know what I was expecting by staying up waiting for them. Did I think that they would want to watch a movie with me? Enjoy some leftover pizza?
I went to the bathroom to wash up for bed. While I was splashing water on my face, I stared at my reflection in the mirror. I knew I was pretty, beautiful even. Kazuma said that he felt insecure about it at times, while he also felt proud that he punched above his weight class by getting a girl like me to date him.
I didn't really understand him, though. Sure, maybe when we were just getting to know each other, I felt like I was way above his league thanks to my looks alone. Once I got to know more about him, though, and saw how his family supported him even during his NEET phase, I only felt envious of his life and circumstances.
Good looks? Wealth? A successful streaming career? What did that matter in the end?
For most of my highschool life, I lived alone in an empty condo that could hardly be called a home. Even now, with my parents sleeping so close by, this condo hardly felt any different from the one in Japan. The place was still dark and empty and cold, just another component in the writhing organism that was New York city. It was the loneliness of Japan all over again, with just a bit more grease and extra calories in my dietary indulgences, this time around.
Part 3
"They still haven't done anything with you?"
Kazuma said, as we video called each other with our phones. It was Saturday, and he had the day off. He took weekends off, even though most kids were free on the weekend. He said that he didn't want to take away from any of his kids' free time by having his services available during the weekends. That didn't stop some parents from sending their kids to cram school on the weekends, though. Some people just couldn't read in between the lines.
"Yeah, they're still busy with work. By the time they come home, they're too tired to do anything. We spend some time catching up during breakfast, though."
"I kinda feel bad for making you go there."
"Nah, it's fine. You're right. I needed to see them someday. It's been years."
"And yet, they didn't even take any time off."
When it's a job where human lives depend on your work, there is probably no such thing as 'time off'. If my parents could transplant their brains into robot bodies that didn't get tired or need any sleep, they'd do it in a heartbeat.
"It's fine. I'm used to it."
"I told you. The fact that you think this is fine is what's pissing me off."
I didn't want to argue with him again, and I knew he was right, to an extent.
I also knew that just being right didn't mean that you had the answers to everything. It just meant that most people will agree with you.
"Maybe I should just go home at this rate. I mean, I showed up. We caught up, somewhat. That should be enough."
"Maybe you should confront them. Tell them how you really feel."
He was talking as if he really understood how I felt. I loved a lot of things about Kazuma, but sometimes I didn't like how he acted like he was smarter than everyone else. I mean, sure, I wasn't really that smart in the beginning, but, thanks to him, I learned about a lot of things since then. For one thing, I was smart enough to realize how dumb that whole homework scam I came up with to try and trick Kazuma, when we first met. What was I even thinking?
Can anyone really fault me for being such a dumbass back then, though? I grew up with inattentive parents and spent most of my time learning about the world through the internet. The freaking internet. Imagine having some pretentious windbags from 2chins taking the place of your parents and telling you how to act and view the world around you. It was no wonder why I pretty much acted like I had brain damage back then.
If it wasn't for that, I wouldn't have met Kazuma, though. I guess having brain damage at one point wasn't so bad.
"I don't really feel anything about it. I was a bit disappointed and lonely at first, but not anymore."
Kazuma could argue all he wanted, but I was telling the truth, or at least, what I believed to be the truth. Maybe my subconscious had a different opinion, and I was just denying or repressing what I really felt, but what did that have to do with my immediate emotions, clouded and misguided as they may be?
I wasn't the type who second guessed herself. Maybe some might view this personality trait as impulsive, but I'd like to think that I was just being honest with myself. I didn't want to waste time or effort second guessing my emotions as they are in the present. Even if my gut feeling ends up leading me to a disastrous outcome, at least I could confidently say that I didn't have any regrets doing it.
That was what led to my whole NFT and cryptocurrency stint back when I was in university. Thankfully, Kazuma managed to stop me before I could go deeper into that.
Alright, so I might still have been a bit of an idiot who didn't think things through a lot, but I was an educated idiot, and an educated idiot still learns from their mistakes, even while they're currently in the process of cleaning up after the mess of their previous screw up.
"How can you just say that you don't feel angry or sad anymore when you came all this way and they're just ignoring you?"
I smiled, appreciating his concern.
"They're not ignoring me. I can tell that they care for me. If nothing else, my coming here confirmed that for me. It's hard to tell in a video call, but when I looked into their eyes, I could tell that they still loved me more than anything."
It wasn't like they prioritized their careers over me. They loved me so much that they wanted to make the world a better and safer place for me.
Even though they were only doing a small part, even though they couldn't save every person in need, or cure someone from a terminal disease, they were still part of a bigger force of human goodwill that sacrificed themselves to make the world a better place.
Once when I was a kid, my parents let me come and watch an operation once. I insisted, saying that I was curious about their work, and they broke some rules to let me observe. They were operating on a little girl who had complications with her heart. It was an open-heart surgery.
Once it was done, I asked my parents how they were able to endure the nearly 14 hour operation, without any breaks. I couldn't even endure watching half of it and went to the hospital's recreation room since I got bored.
My mother and father looked at each other and said,
"We pretended that the girl was you, Aika-chan. That gave us the push we needed to save her life."
It was an odd contradiction. Without their love for me, they wouldn't have been able to push themselves to save so many lives, but it was this ambition of theirs that limited their ability to show their love for me in the obvious, tangible way that other parents displayed their affection to their children.
They showed their love for me in their act of saving others. Their love for me lived on in the repaired bones, the resuscitated hearts, the smiles they were able to return to their patients. In exchange for my missed birthdays, other children lived to see their own birthdays and mothers lived to see those birthdays.
"If you're sure, then that's fine, I guess. How long will you stay there?"
"Not too long."
"Good… I mean, it's not good, but, you know…"
I could tell that Kazuma was hopeful. He felt guilty about feeling hopeful that I'd come back soon, but he knew that if my parents dropped everything just to make up for lost time with me, I'd probably choose to stay for much longer. He didn't want me to stay with them. He wanted me to come home, to the small apartment in Tokyo we picked out.
It wasn't like his worries were unwarranted. If my parents were serious about having me stay, I would have probably stayed a bit longer. If they were really serious about it, I might have stayed permanently. Unless Kazuma decided to drop everything and move to the States, which I didn't expect him to do, then that would probably spell the end of our relationship.
Mea-chan would probably drive over to his place and fuck him as soon as he was available. That girl somehow maintained her little crush on Kazuma until now. I mean, it was still just a crush, it wasn't like she was full on in love with him, and she was still dating other guys in the meantime, but I could tell that there was such a thing as a 'Kazuma waiting list', and at the top of that list was Mea-chan, followed by that Kuroko girl that hangs out with him a lot, too.
There were probably a bunch of other girls I didn't know who had the hots for Kazuma, not to mention that the former class-rep, Konno-san, might have some feelings for him. Something about the guy just drew girls to him. Maybe it was because it didn't seem like he was playing games with you. He had a way of making you know that what he was telling you was honest and from the heart. He didn't bullshit around.
I didn't want to break up with Kazuma, unless it was absolutely necessary, and it pained me to say that my desire to make up for lost time with my parents was probably one of those absolutely necessary things. He probably knew this, which was why he was so on edge while talking to me about my parents. He knew that, given the chance, I'd choose them over him, now that I was here with them, seeing them for the first time in ages. It was much easier to pretend that I didn't give a shit back in Japan, when I didn't see them everyday.
Part 4
I talked to Kazuma some more before he had to go and meet his client. Without Kazuma around, I didn't have anything to do. I could go and wander around the streets, but I didn't have anyone showing me around, and I didn't want to be robbed, since I was such an obvious tourist. There was also the fact that I didn't know a lot of English.
I hadn't streamed since I landed, so I decided that I might as well do that. I took out my laptop, mic and headphones, as well as my streaming costume. I didn't have my usual set up, but I mentioned on stream that I was traveling, anyway. Those fans of mine should just be grateful that I was bothering to stream while I was technically on vacation.
I changed into my blue dress and put on the pink scarf around my neck. I completed the outfit with my blue wig and contact lenses. Kazuma's first gift to me, the H20 hairpin, tied the wig into a loop that went from the top of my head to the back. I checked myself out in the mirror, noting how hot and cute I looked, before settling down in front of the built-in laptop camera to start the surprise stream.
I looked at the chat messages as I announced the start of the stream. Compared to before, there weren't a lot of obsessive otaku freaks lusting over me. Being called a mainstream streamer, or even a normie streamer, kind of sucked, especially since I was a freaking Mico Mico Douga veteran and was a part of the early culture, which some people either forgot about, or they were too new to even know that. A part of me wanted to go into a rant and show them all the old MMDs I made or the singing trends I started, but I also knew that I'd attract the wrong crowd again if I did that.
It just pissed me off whenever someone who was clearly new acted like they knew what the hell they were talking about, saying blasphemous shit about me, that I was a leech who was 'exploiting Mico Mico Douga and ruining the platform with her normie audience'.
Bitch, you're the normie if you don't even know who I am! Watch my Go Home Aqua, You Are Drunk video from a freaking decade ago before you say shit, fucker!
Even as I read the pre-stream chat, I was starting to see messages like that.
"Ugh… This new e-girl streamer hasn't given up yet? She and her simps are ruining the website."
I clicked this dude's profile. Account created 9 months ago. His profile picture was Nezuko with a gun. His bio says that his top three anime are Demon Slayer, Jujutsu Kaisen and My Hero Academia.
Why in the world is this bastard calling me a normie?!
The fact that he thinks I'm new should be enough of a sign that his opinion is worthless!
Also, how can a guy who has a 9 month old account call other people new?! This guy has a lot of misplaced confidence!
"Isn't this the e-girl who sells NFTs of herself? Greedy e-girls like this should just die. I don't know why idiots support someone who only cares about getting rich and sucking up all her fans' money."
I checked his profile. He mainly watches streamers who play gacha games, and he's logged thousands of hours in multiple gacha games. He was also a self-proclaimed whale.
So it's fine to throw your money away by way of micro-transactions to some Chinese mobile game company but not to me, huh?!
Not only that, his previous messages in my chat are all him getting salty whenever I stop doing gacha pulls. He says shit like, "Keep going! Why did you stop?! It's so close!". He talks about gacha pulls like it's sex and he's about to reach climax.
"Why are you simps wasting your time watching this e-girl slut? She's not gonna sleep with you. Spend your time on educational things, like political podcasts. There's this socialist podcast that I highly recommend…"
Marx is not gonna sleep with you.
The stream hadn't even started yet and I was already getting pissed off.
I pressed the live button.
"Kon-baqua! Blessings to my lovely listeners! How are you all today?!"
Despite how frustrated I got, I still couldn't give up on streaming. It was my dream, my passion.
It started out as a coping mechanism. I didn't realize it at the time, but it became obvious when I looked back at my early days in Mico Mico Douga. I wasn't even streaming at the start. I was making music videos and vocaloid videos featuring my OC, Aqua, the blue haired Arch-Priest who would later on become my streaming identity. I was singing covers, starting trends, following trends. Most of my time away from school and the drama club, I spent online, looking for people to talk to, chasing praise from strangers.
Like I said, my intellectual and emotional development probably became stunted because of all this. Try learning about how you should operate as a human being, with your only educational tool being shady message boards and forums full of equally misguided youth and emotionally stunted adults. My only source of positive reinforcement, aside from the praise I got from my fellow drama club members, was from the work I did online. I became a bit of an attention whore, I guess.
I guess that was what started it, my desire to perform in front of an internet crowd. There wasn't anything deep about it. The internet was easily accessible. I didn't have to get permission from the city and sing in the streets to gain an audience, or wait for the annual drama club performances to show my skills in front of a crowd. I didn't have to deal with the disappointment of seeing everyone's parents show up to the performance except for mine.
The crowd was anonymous and, for better or worse, they spoke their mind. If they loved you, they expressed their undying love in an oppressively stalkerish and parasocial way. If they hated
you, they made sure you knew it and that they wanted you to kill yourself in the most horrible fashion possible. It was primitive and sick but it was also honest and sincere. Their hate and praise was living and organic and felt more real than the words someone says right to your face.
That was part of the reason why I didn't participate much in my highschool's drama club. I told Kazuma that I chose to focus on my streaming career more, and of course, that was true, but part of the reason why I chose streaming over IRL performances was that my online audience felt more real than the flesh and blood ones that watched the drama club audience. For a kid like me who craved intimacy, even negative attention was attractive to me. I relished it. Getting enraged by hate comments, feeling like I was on top of the world whenever I saw a positive one, the manic switches in mood was an intoxicating drug.
The stream went on like usual. I played some games, sang a little. I got death threats, professions of love, fans whiteknighting me, 'true' fans calling out the parasocial stalkers despite logging in more watchtime hours than anyone else. The unhealthy rage, the mental breakdowns, the hypocrisy, the desperation, some might call such things repugnant and cruel but for me it was home.
Part 5
The next day, I was alone again in the condo when someone called the landline phone. I just got out of the shower when I heard it ringing. While drying my hair, I took the phone and answered it, pressing it against my ear with my shoulder while I continued to dry my hair. Stray moisture spilled down my shoulders while I patted my hair down.
"Hello? Mizuhara speaking."
"Ah, Mizuhara-san? Do you remember me? It's Tachibana Kurisu…"
"The 'it's me, it's me' scam, huh? I can't escape you scam artists even in the U.S. Leave me alone!"
I hung up the phone and resumed drying up. It started ringing again. I picked it up.
"What?"
"Mizuhara-san, I know it's been a while, but… Wait, your voice kind of sounds different… More youthful, I guess?"
She must have mistaken me for my mother.
"If you're looking for Mizuhara Kurone, she's working right now."
"I see… And what's your relation to Mizuhara-san?"
"I'm her daughter."
"Ah, from back then…! Thank you for the get-well card you gave me!"
"Huh? What are you on about?"
"You don't remember? You see, I was a previous patient of your parents. I needed an open-heart surgery and they saved my life. Apparently, you were watching? You gave me a get well card after."
This girl was from the operation I watched back then.
I vaguely remembered passing on a get-well card to her parents, since they were in the waiting room with me. I bought it from a store nearby and asked her parents to pass it along. I guess I might have just done it on a whim, since I was bored. I nearly forgot about it.
"What are you calling for, Tachibana-san? Are you having problems with your heart again?"
"No, no, it's fine! It's just that this is the tenth year anniversary of that procedure, and I wanted to thank your parents for the life they've given me. I know this might be a bit too forward, but I really wanted to thank them."
I bit back the surge of jealousy I felt. What was there to be jealous of? It wasn't like this girl got to regularly interact with my parents more than I did. She was practically a stranger to them.
Yet, there was something in how she owed her life to them. There was a bond there, one that would last until the girl's heart stopped beating. I wondered if that bond between the saved and the savior was stronger, more profound in a karmic way, than the bond between estranged daughter and her neglectful parents.
"They're busy. They hardly have time to do anything outside of work."
I tried not to let the venom slip into my voice, but I found myself falling into a pit of irrational anger over this girl. Something about her happiness towards my parents, the awe and venerance in her voice, it made me want to wipe that smile off her face. And I could practically hear her smiling. Tenth year anniversary? My parents didn't even show up to my graduation and this bitch was talking about some ten year anniversary with my parents?
"I see… Then, if you're free, would you like to meet me for coffee? It's probably too much to ask to meet your parents directly if they're busy, but I'd like to pass along my gift to them and some words, if you don't mind."
She was trying to use me as an errand girl to deliver her gifts to my parents. I wanted to laugh. They didn't even have time to eat a slice of pizza with me after work, and I was supposed to use up that precious time, when they got back with that exhausted gait of theirs, to talk about some old patient of theirs?
"Fine. Where do you want to meet?"
I didn't have any reason to disagree. If this girl got a hold of my parents and they heard I refused a former patient of theirs, our distant relationship would become even more strained. I'd head home to Japan with my family ties damaged even more than it had ever been. I would have made Kazuma wait for me for nothing.
We agreed to meet in a coffee shop that was close to where I lived. Once I explained that I was just visiting and I didn't know my way around the city, she chose a place that was near where I was staying. She sent me a selfie, so I could find her in public. She was a fit girl with short hair dyed silver. She was Japanese, but her blue eyes led me to believe that she was either wearing contacts, or she was a half-breed. I sent a selfie back.
Even though I was already close by, I found her already waiting for me there. She was wearing a green tank top that exposed her midriff and active tights that hugged her sylvette form well. It pissed me off even more, seeing how fit and attractive she was.
"Are you Tachibana-san? You didn't need to run all the way over here."
I said, returning a small bow when she gave me one. The sight of us bowing confused some of the cafe customers, at least those who didn't know about Japanese customs.
She smiled and scratched her cheek. I noticed there was a small scar on it.
"Just call me Kurisu! Well, my friends here call me Chris."
Part 6
"I guess you're all healthy now."
I said, when we sat down after getting our coffee. She was running around and didn't seem to have any problems doing so. She laughed and rubbed the back of her head.
"Yeah, like I said, I owe your parents a lot. I can run without any problems. Well, I can't go to the Olympic level or anything, but things like jogging around the block are easy for me."
"That must be tough, not being able to be the best in a field just because of physical limitations."
"Well, it's not like I have ambitions to be an Olympic sprinter, or anything. Running is just a hobby of mine, a way to keep fit."
"It's still a limit. I don't really like limits. If I had one like yours, I'd probably go crazy."
"I guess Mizuhara-san is the kind of person who wants to have all kinds of possibilities within her reach, huh?"
"Just call me Aika if you're gonna make me call you by your first name."
I took a sip of my coffee. Chris offered to treat me, so I went and ordered the most complicated and expensive thing the cafe offered. Instead of complaining, she went ahead and ordered it. If she got anything wrong with the instructions, I didn't notice. The coffee wasn't bad, but there was just too much going on to make sense of the flavor profile. I did it to try and prank her a little, but I ended up giving myself a punishment game.
Chris drank her coffee, her normal coffee, before resuming the conversation. She asked,
"How are your parents at home?"
"Aren't you being a bit nosy?"
"I'm sorry. It's just that I'm really curious about them. They did save my life and all."
"You're really going to keep saying that, huh?"
Her smile faltered.
"Sorry, Aika-san. Did I say something to offend you?"
"Not really. We just met and you're already asking about my personal life. Isn't that a bit rude?"
She made a noise of understanding and scratched her cheek again.
"Ah, sorry. I guess I've gotten too used to America that I lost a bit of that good 'ol Japanese restraint."
"How long have you been here?"
"Since I graduated High School. I'm very blessed to have a job right now that lets me work from anywhere as long as I have an internet connection. I chose to come to the States since my family lives here."
"You're the complete opposite of me, then."
"How so?"
"My parents live here, too, but instead of coming to join them, I chose to stay in Japan. This is the first time I've seen them in years."
"Is that so! Then you must be happy to spend a lot of time with them now, huh?"
"Spend time with them? If they were free, they would be here chatting with you, wouldn't they?"
She flinched, seeming to realize what I was getting at.
"I-I see…"
I sighed. I didn't mean to snap at her. Taking out my frustrations on some random girl, I was becoming like those degenerates from 2chins.
"I'm sorry, Aika-san…"
"What for? It's not your fault. I shouldn't have blabbed about my family life, in the first place. I even scolded you for being nosy."
"You must resent me, right?"
I glanced at her. Instead of the accusing look I expected, I only saw a sad smile.
"Like I said, it's not your fault."
"That may be… But I view your parents as heroes for the work they do, not knowing the sacrifices you had to endure for the sake of people like me, who needed saving."
"I don't really care either way. I know that what they do is necessary. If I bitch and complain, what's that gonna do? I could throw a tantrum like some kid and my parents would probably take the day off, but what if some poor kid dies because I was being selfish? I don't want blood on my hands."
"That's what I mean by sacrifice. Normal kids don't need to have blood on their hands just because they want to spend some time with their parents. I'm lucky enough to have parents that are always around. They're around too much, I'd say. Listen, Aika-san, what I'm saying is that if your parents are heroes, then you should be considered one as well."
"Me, a hero?"
I laughed. What was this girl saying?
Firemen were heroes. Soldiers were heroes. Doctors and surgeons like my parents were heroes.
I was just some blue haired streamer.
"I think heroes are those who sacrifice an essential part of their lives for the greater good. Aika-san qualifies as a hero because you sacrificed much of your childhood for the sake of other people. If Aika-san had been a bit more willful, maybe your parents wouldn't have had enough time to save me."
I remembered why my parents even agreed to let me watch Chris's heart operation. Normally they wouldn't let me watch, but it was my birthday and they had to do an emergency procedure on a girl who was in critical condition. I told them that it was fine for them to miss my birthday, but only if I could come along and watch.
I wanted to see what was so important that my parents would miss my birthday party for the sake of someone else. If I didn't see it, maybe I would have never understood. When I saw Chris's parents in the waiting room with me, their eyes filled with despair and hope, both existing together impossibly, when I saw the relief in their eyes when my parents came out and announced that the operation was a success, I understood.
Their job was more important than my little birthday celebration.
"Here, Aika-san. This was supposed to be for your parents but… You're the one who showed up. You could have just ignored me and hung up the phone, but you still gave your time to see me, just like back then."
She handed me a black box.
"Sorry… I already have a boyfriend."
"I'm not proposing! Just open it!"
I opened the box. I saw two jade bracelets inside.
"It's pretty."
I said, picking one up and peering into the green stone.
"I picked jade because I heard that the stone symbolizes 'Blessings and fortune'."
She held my hand and smiled.
"You can give the other one to your boyfriend. You can think of it as God's blessings for you two."
"Are you sure? You bought these for my parents, didn't you?"
"It's fine. Just give them this card for me, will you? Besides, I don't know if my heart can take it if they don't even recognize me."
She glanced aside and let out a weak laugh while imagining that scenario.
I thanked her for the gift. Afterwards, we chatted some more, longer than I expected. When it was time to part ways, we exchanged contact information.
"Ah, sorry! I gave you the wrong address!"
She quickly snatched my phone before I could take a closer look at it.
I thought that I saw the name 'Eris' in the address. I stared at Chris while she erased the contact information she gave me and put in a new one.
Could it be…?
Nah.
This girl, Chris, was actually kind of sweet.
She couldn't be Eris, my rival streamer, the e-girl slut everyone worships for no reason.
Besides, Chris clearly doesn't pad her chest.
…
…
When my parents got home later that night, I told them that I was going home soon.
They didn't complain or try to stop me. They understood why I was leaving.
"We're sorry we couldn't find time for you, Aika-chan. We thought that we'd have some free time, but…"
"It's fine. I understand."
And I really did.
Perhaps seeing Chris running around years after her operation finally made me come to terms with it all.
I understood why my parents were always absent, but I never really appreciated why they did what they did. Chris was the living proof of it, the physical embodiment of their sacrifice, my sacrifice.
"Here. I actually met one of your old patients earlier."
I handed them the card Chris gave me.
"Oh…! Ah, I see…"
My mother read through the card. She was pretending like she remembered who Chris was.
They saved so many lives that they couldn't even remember the one life that ended up meaning the most to me.
That was all I needed to see. I smiled and walked over to pull them into a hug.
They were both surprised, but they quickly returned it.
"I'm sorry, Aika-chan…! I'm so sorry!"
My mother couldn't hold it in anymore. I felt her tears soak my shoulders. My father followed after, sobbing as he wrapped his strong arms around me.
"We're the worst parents ever. We couldn't even watch you grow up."
"Don't cry. I grew up fine."
They were probably holding in their tears ever since they saw me arrive at the airport. They knew they didn't have the right to cry. To their daughter who had been holding in her tears her whole life, they didn't dare to cry in front of her.
I didn't cry with them. I spent too many years being strong. What I felt was a warm contentment spreading throughout my body.
If I wasn't at peace with my life, their tears would become meaningless. And so, I let them drench my back with tears, while I looked forward past them, my eyes set on returning to my true home, where Kazuma was waiting for me.
Epilogue
"Onii-chan, I don't get it!"
Kome-chan said, crossing her arms when she failed to understand the question I had her solve.
Megumin, who was watching us from behind, sighed and said,
"Kome, your onii-chan here is doing you a favor by giving you tutoring for free. Do you know how much he usually charges his clients?"
"Huh? How much?"
Megumin wrote up a total on the notebook Kome-chan was working on.
"Onii-chan, please marry into the family!"
Kome-chan said, turning around to hug me.
"Idiot… He has a girlfriend."
"Ow…"
Megumin flicked Kome's forehead, making her back away from me.
After mentioning this girlfriend of mine, Megumin said,
"How is Aqua, by the way?"
"She's still in the States."
"I see… Any idea how long she'll be there?"
What could I even say? Hopefully not too long?
If I truly cared about Aqua, I'd say that I wanted her to stay there forever. I'd say that I'd ditch my job as a tutor and follow her to the States. Then she could spend as much time as she wanted with her parents while being with me.
Here's the thing, though. I love my job.
I only took it up as a way to support Aqua in case her streaming career failed, but after I graduated university, got my degree and actually started working, I found that I legitimately cared about the work I did.
The delight I felt whenever I saw my clients improving, when they showed me their grades with pride on their faces, the joy I gave to their parents whenever they saw their children show enthusiasm for schoolwork, I found myself addicted to the process of education.
Could I really leave all that behind for Aqua's sake? Could I choose her over my career?
Suddenly, her parents didn't seem so cruel in my eyes anymore.
And I wasn't even saving lives. They were.
"It doesn't matter how long she stays there. I'll always be waiting."
I said, smiling to Megumin.
She smiled back.
"Knowing you two, you'll be just fine."
"Why do you say that?"
"I don't know. To me it's weird to see you two apart. It kind of seems like no matter the circumstance, you two will always be involved with one another. Even in another parallel universe, you two would either become the best of friends, the worst of enemies, or become lovers, but no matter how you end up, you two will always end up being together in some shape or form."
I stared at her and said,
"Megumin, your chuunibyou is showing."
After I spent another thirty minutes tutoring Kome-chan, in which she finally solved the question she was stuck on, the tutoring session ended and I left to go back home.
While I was taking the train to Tokyo, I noticed that the train was littered with promotional posters for Axel Hearts. Lia, Konno-san's idol identity, was the central figure of the posters. They were climbing up the ranks of top idols, thanks in part to the dedication and natural talent of their leader. I smiled while seeing it and decided to take a picture to tease Konno-san with later.
During the train ride, I took out my phone and checked out the player stat sheet for FC Tokyo.
"Goddamnit Mitsurugi… I picked you for my Fantasy Team for this game!"
Even though Mitsurugi had been on a hot streak, scoring at least one goal in the last 8 games, he didn't score in the one game when I picked him up for my Fantasy Team.
…Surely he did this on purpose after he saw me post in the group chat, telling him to score for me since I picked him for my team.
Maybe that was why he was playing defensively all of a sudden, still contributing to make his team win, but making sure not to get any flashy stats that would benefit my Fantasy Team.
"That freaking bastard…"
I posted in the group chat:
"Oi, Mitsurugi, I took you off my team. You can start scoring goals again."
Mea-chan and the others posted a bunch of messages making fun of me. Mea-chan said,
"It's your fault for not putting him in your team since the start, you freaking bandwagoner."
One of the sausages replied,
"Yeah, we all had Mitsurugi in our team from day one! It's your fault for doubting him since he had a rough start!"
Mea-chan and the others were all doing fine. Well, as fine as salarymen and OLs can be. Mea-chan found a company that had a good track record for treating its employees well, and the others also ended up in decent companies. They still complained a lot, but at least they didn't have any horror stories about harassment and the like.
Kuroko, who had also joined the group chat, had some words for me,
"Kazuma, why are you even complaining? You're still ahead of everyone. You're such a tryhard at this. What's even the point of being in a league with you?"
Even since Mitsurugi became pro, we started a Fantasy League between us friends.
I was always in the top ranking, of course.
However, due to Mitsurugi's hot streak the last few games, the others were starting to catch up with me. I thought I'd jump on the bandwagon for this game, but Mitsurugi intentionally sabotaged me on the one game when I put him on my team.
Finally, Mitsurugi himself responded,
"I'll play defensive midfield if Kazuma puts me on his team again."
This bastard…!
I turned my phone off as everyone in the groupchat started laughing at me.
In a bad mood, I went straight home without taking the scenic route.
I usually went to a ramen stall or watched the sun set over the city of Tokyo. It was always beautiful, how the golden sun drew away from the city, shadows pouring in to reveal the many lights of Tokyo at night. This time, I didn't spare a glance at any of those things, as I mourned the loss of my fantasy points.
Compared to Aqua's condo, the apartment we were renting out was far from luxurious. It was what you'd expect from a couple in their twenties, moving in together for the first time, a typical 1LDK apartment in Tokyo. The fact that it was in Tokyo meant that the rent was kind of ridiculous. Thankfully, I was able to afford it thanks to all the rich clients I got in contact with thanks to Claire's help.
I entered the passcode and opened the door.
"I'm home."
I said, knowing that only the shadows of the room would be there to greet me.
"Welcome home."
I turned the lights on. Aqua was there, waiting for me in the living room. She put some take-out sushi on top of the low, short-legged living room table she stuck her legs under.
I stared at her for a while. She was clearly back from a long flight. No makeup on, wearing a loose sweater and joggers, bags under her eyes.
"...Why didn't you tell me that you were coming back?"
"I wanted it to be a surprise? Besides, I did say something in the group chat earlier."
That must have been when I turned off the phone.
"So… How did it go?"
I asked, broaching the topic carefully.
"Better than expected, I guess?"
She smiled. I didn't see any hint of distress or disappointment about her trip.
"So you and your parents…"
"We're alright now."
"Why didn't you stay, then?"
"Because I want to be with you."
"Is that so?"
"That's so."
I smiled and joined her, popping some sushi into my mouth.
She turned on the TV and we watched highlights of Mitsurugi's match.
In the middle of it, she took out a black box. I thought that she was proposing to me, but it turned out to be some very pretty Jade bracelets that one of her parent's former patients gifted her.
"A blessing, huh?"
We looked at our pairing bracelets, holding it up to the light.
"Hey, Kazuma?"
"Hm?"
"Tonight, do you want to start one?"
"Start what?"
"A family."
"Are you sure we're ready?"
"I'm sure we'll be fine. Both of our jobs don't even require us to leave home. You can have your clients come over to our place and I can stream from my room."
"Are you saying that HikiNEETS make the best parents, even better than surgeons?"
"You know it."
We laughed. We looked into each other's eyes, before embracing each other.
"Yeah, let's do it."
And so we did.
...
...
A/N: Thank you for the reading this far and for your support. This story is about people chasing their dreams, only to find that to pursue one's dream, one needs to sacrifice some part of themselves, or must be willing to ask others to sacrifice themselves for the sake of their dream. Aqua's parents sacrificed their daughter to pursue their ideal of saving others, while their daughter sacrificed the chance to reunite with them to be with her lover. Kazuma's parents sacrificed much of their adult life working long hours to ensure that Kazuma and Kazuto lived comfortable lives, while Kazuma was willing to sacrifice his relationship with Aqua to let her be with her parents. He also realized that he was more than willing to put his career over his relationship with Aqua, in much the same way Aqua's parents did.
Mitsurugi didn't intentionally have to make his own sacrifices, but he would have given up his ambitions as a pro-soccer player to be with his first true love, Aqua. Konno/Lia also had to sacrifice her other passion as a Naginata club captain in High School, as she put in more hours in her idol activities than practicing her martial art. She ended up with a disappointing performance in her last tournament as a third year, as a result. Mea-chan had always wanted to be with Kazuma, but never got the chance since her best friend was dating him. Dark+Angel/Kuroko had to give up her own body just to get approval and favors from strangers. If Aqua hadn't taken up a more productive hobby, maybe she would have ended up in the same route. I suppose Kuroko was supposed to act as a foil to Aqua, in some ways.
One could say that the ending is bittersweet, since the characters didn't get exactly what they wanted, or everything that they wanted, but I think that there's something hopeful and optimistic about people who still find happiness in compromise. If you want to achieve anything in life, you have to decide what you want to keep and what you want to leave behind. We should all be grateful to those who sacrificed themselves for us to pave the way for any kind of comfort and happiness we have now. Blessings don't come from nowhere. They are the cultivation of mankind's continual, generational sacrifice.
Thanks for reading,
BB
