chapter 18 Close Quarters
Elizabeth meets with Anne, posts letter, later in day, invitation to ball at Lady Metcalfe comes, everyone gets excited.
Elizabeth woke the following morning to the sun streaming through the curtains. It had been a long time since she had slept so late. She tried not to dwell too much on her company the previous evening. Mr. Darcy could be aloof and distant, and then he could be a warm, considerate conversationalist. Intricate characters could be interesting to study, but Mr. Darcy appeared to be a complete enigma. She was not certain she would ever fully understand him. Having promised to visit Miss de Bourgh again, Elizabeth rose and called the maid to attend her quickly.
She found Miss de Bourgh in bed, reading a letter which she hastily hid.
"Good morning, Anne!" Elizabeth said, remembering that Miss de Bourgh had requested they speak more freely when alone. Elizabeth thought the best way to become comfortable would be to treat each other as sisters, but Miss de Bourgh had grown up alone in that regard. Every whim of hers was satisfied, but she was alone.
With confidence she was not certain she possessed, Elizabeth climbed onto the bed and pretended to take Anne's letter. "What news do you have there?" She paused and asked before she could actually take the letter. That was a little too abrupt of a sisterly lesson.
Anne quickly stuffed the letter under her pillow. "No news, I am afraid. Just an old letter from a friend."
"Do you often get to see your friend?" Elizabeth settled in comfortably and Anne rested her head against her shoulder.
"No. She lived near when she was young, but she married three years ago and is already expecting her second child. She moved to Devonshire with her husband."
Elizabeth nodded thoughtfully. It was unlikely that Anne would travel much, and it made sense that her friends would eventually move away. "Do you have many friends that still live near here?"
"A few, but they can only come and call when their parents come, so it is not the most entertaining. I invited my friend to come stay, but she is not prepared to travel for some time because of the children. I think part of the problem is that she would be required to live under Lady Catherine's thumb during the visit, and that would be terrible. Cassy was almost forbidden from visiting because she would not adhere to my mother's dictates of polite society."
Elizabeth sighed. She could well imagine upsetting Lady Catherine. "I suppose she would not sit up straight or perform to perfection on the first try," she said to add some levity."
Ann laughed. "Yes, something like that." She yawned and decided to change the subject. "Tell me of your childhood again."
Elizabeth thought for a moment, then decided to speak of her time in London with her aunt and uncle. "When I was fifteen, my mother wished me to be presented to London society. My father hates London and refused to attend. So, I was sent to live with the Gardiners, my aunt and uncle, with the expectation that I would attend a million balls and sweep some rich gentleman off his feet."
"At fifteen, she thought you would find someone so quickly!"
"Especially with my aunt and uncle in trade who had just had a child." Elizabeth laughed as she remembered her mother's outrage. "Mama could not understand that it took longer than a few weeks to be ready to face balls again, but she did not find out until I came home months later with stories of my new niece, not having attended more than one or two fashionable dinners at the home of one of my uncle's customers. Dinners without even one potential husband. My mother was livid, but I simply said I had done all I could and went on a long walk until I figured my mother had calmed down.
"When I returned, she refused to speak to me for a full five minutes as she enumerated all my flaws and despaired that I would ever catch a husband. She then forgot all about her despair as Jane had received a letter from my uncle saying that a gentleman had asked after her. The man was not rich enough for my mother to consider him a true potential husband, so she then wailed that her brother was determined to vex her."
Anne laughed. "That sounds very like my mother, only everyone cowers to her will far too often. They seem to have about the same amount of sense." She paused, then sat up quickly. "Oh, I am sorry to have offended your mother. I am sure she is only looking out for you!"
Elizabeth laughed. "Think nothing of it. I am sure she was looking out for me as much as your mother looks out for you."
"Ugh!" Anne pulled a pillow up to her face. "I cannot wait until Mr. Darcy marries and I can start looking for actual matches. She is too determined and will not even let me speak to another gentleman for fear that… I have no idea what she thinks will happen." She eyed the pillow where she had hidden her letter. "Have you finished your letter to your sister?"
Elizabeth replied in the affirmative, wondering why Anne would remember such a small detail. "I shall post it today on my walk."
"No!" Anne nearly shrieked. "You must put it on the salver in the foyer. That is where all mail is put." She moved to feel under her pillow. "And you must put these two under yours."
Elizabeth was astonished to see two more letters, already perfectly sealed, come out from under the pillow. "What else are you storing under there? Is your writing table concealed under the pillow too?" Laughing, Elizabeth took the letters without looking at their addresses.
"No, silly! I worked on them while you were in the library."
Elizabeth's smile vanished immediately. "How did you know I was in the library?"
Anne shyly looked away, but Elizabeth repeated her question.
With a great sigh of resignation, Anne admitted that she could hear through the walls. "My father put in a speaking tube so that he could read to me from the good light of his library to my bed." She pointed to a small metal tube on the side of her bed, painted to look like part of the bed frame. "I cannot hear everything, but if you sit by the fire, I do pretty well."
Elizabeth smiled. "Your father installed a pipe so that he could read to you. That is very sweet."
Anne explained that she had been in bed much of her youth, and her father still had doted on her. Her mother barely visited, but her father would sit in the library and read to her as often as his business would allow. Sometimes she would listen to him conduct business, and they would talk about her ideas for improving the estate together.
Elizabeth followed this with a story of how her father taught her to add and subtract with the account books and they had discussions on economy, savings, and dependability throughout her childhood. Turning serious, Elizabeth explained, "Every time we had managed to save, something on the estate would need to be done, and the savings would evaporate. My father once talked of having our family economize so that we could save, but my mother threw such a fit that he gave in. We are not poor by any means, but not having dowries has hurt our chances of marrying well."
"You shall still marry well, Elizabeth." Anne replied confidently through a yawn.
"Thank you, Anne. I would prefer to marry for love, however, so I do not expect very much of an income. When I think of the well-to-do gentlemen, their manners tend to disgust me. I wish for a man who will respect me and think me his equal. Men of great wealth would never look at me as an equal because there is little I bring to the marriage." Elizabeth sighed and continued, "I am resigned that I will care for nieces and nephews if I do not fall madly in love."
"You are boring me, Elizabeth." Anne said with closed eyes. "You shall marry for affection, and you will bring poise, wit, intelligence, beauty, and much more to the marriage. Any gentleman would be a fool not to see your worth."
"We are all fools in love, as Charlotte once told me."
"Charlotte is very wise, although I am not entirely certain it was wise for her to marry Mr. Collins. Nevertheless, I am glad she did. I enjoy her conversations. Now, I need to prepare for the day, and you need to leave before Mrs. Jenkinson comes to check on me. Perhaps you should go take your walk now and remember to put the letters on the salver. I am counting on those going out today!"
Elizabeth smiled and kissed Anne's forehead before she jokingly snarled an agreement, calling Anne Lady Catherine on her way out.
In the foyer, Elizabeth set the three letters on the salver. She then moved to collect her bonnet and pelisse from the servant in the cloak room. While she was hidden behind the door, she heard the housekeeper come to collect the letters.
Elizabeth did not mean to eavesdrop, but she gasped when she heard the housekeeper say, "Let's see. London and Devonshire will need to go out. Ah, Thomas can deliver this one today if he leaves soon. Oh, Mr. Warden, I hope you manage to woo Miss de Bourgh properly one day. She is deserving of the best, and you are getting all our hopes built up something dreadful."
Elizabeth had not read the addresses on the envelopes and had no idea she had helped Miss de Bourgh write to a suitor. For a moment, she worried Lady Catherine would be cross with her, but she quickly put that aside. The housekeeper hinted that this was a longstanding correspondence, and surely moving the letters from Anne's room to the salver was no great transgression.
Feeling relieved, she finished buttoning her pelisse and stepped out into the cold morning. The sun was nearly halfway to noon, so she felt she ought to only walk around the lilacs again before returning to break her fast with the others. Resigned to a smaller walk for now, she thought over everything Anne had told her. She was so lost in thought, she startled when Mr. Darcy came upon her, equally startled.
"Mr. Darcy!"
"Miss Bennet!"
They each blushed and looked away, not sure what the other would say to their confusion. Eventually, Elizabeth regained her equilibrium first and explained that she had been lost in thought.
"As have I, Miss Bennet. I had thought to meet you out at the grove, but I see you are only just beginning your walk." He spoke quickly, as though he were attempting to quell his anger or desperation.
Elizabeth colored more as she realized he had been hoping for her company. "I was speaking with Miss de Bourgh in her bedchamber. I will probably walk to the grove later today."
"Very good." Mr. Darcy said as he desperately attempted to regain control of his emotions. In the first half hour that he waited for her, he had thought himself a fool for waiting for her like a puppy. For the rest of that hour, he worried that she did not wish to meet him, and perhaps was walking elsewhere. Then he worried for her safety if she had taken another path and tripped and might be unable to return to Rosings. Desperate to know her fate, he was headed to the stable thinking all manner of travesties that might happen when he suddenly looked up by the lilacs and she was there standing not three feet from him. The rush of joy he felt at knowing she was unharmed was quickly stalled by the dejection he felt that she had deliberately told him her plan to walk in the grove so that she would not meet with him.
Worried she might not wish for his company, he held out his arm tentatively, and sighed with relief when she accepted it. He turned them to walk around the lilac bushes silently, hoping he would master his thoughts so that he could have a proper conversation. Her scent was overpowering, even with the lilacs so close. When they turned a second time, he moved toward another grove where the cherries were starting to bloom. Elizabeth's gasp of delight did nothing to even his temper, but he delighted in it, nonetheless.
Eventually, Elizabeth broke the silence. "Mr. Darcy, I must apologize. I was intending to go to the grove, but my discussion with Anne… excuse me," she shook her head to clear her thoughts before she continued, "with Miss de Bourgh took longer than I had realized. She is a charming lady, and I enjoyed our time together."
"Perhaps we could all go for a ride in her phaeton after we break our fast. She would enjoy showing you her favorite haunts, since you are becoming friends." Mr. Darcy rejoiced internally that he managed two completely coherent sentences.
Elizabeth agreed to the possibility. "We are to ride to the local market to purchase new dresses later today, so I hope there is time."
"That color looks very pretty on you." He replied.
Elizabeth thanked him and then was silent. Eventually, she stated that Anne seemed to have been very close to her father.
Mr. Darcy seized the conversation, "Yes, they were very close. Everyone knew his death would be hard on her. My father made me promise to travel here for a visit at least once every year to spend time with her. We all knew her life would be very different here without him."
"So, you come to be her friend each year."
"Yes." He wanted to say more, but he had looked at her eyes and had lost his train of thought. With her dark curls peaking out of her bonnet around her bright face, the cherry blossoms could not shine bright enough to matter. But he could not figure out how to tell her, so he simply stared at her and waited for her to say something.
"It is very warm." Elizabeth finally broke the silence, worried that his mind was miles away and unsure why she could also think of nothing better to say. She followed her statement by removing her bonnet and lifting her face to the sun. "The sun is so inviting."
Mr. Darcy could not speak, for all his self-control was being tested. He wished to kiss her. The cherries now danced in the background, as her face and neck were lit up by the sun, contrasting with her dark curls. In this moment, he was not certain she was not a temptress sent to test his strength. He insisted on prevailing, whatever she was, and eventually she brought her head back down and resumed walking. At the end of the grove, they turned back toward the house.
"Do you have much business to complete today?"
"No, I finished reviewing the majority of the books days ago."
"Then you will join us on our outing." Elizabeth finished her statement by wondering if she was asking him to join her or if she merely wished to know where he would be.
"If I am invited by Miss de Bourgh, then yes, I would be delighted to join you." Mr. Darcy continued staring at her as they walked.
As she watched him, she realized that her old belief that he was only looking at her to find fault was completely wrong. She felt the tenderness in his gaze. Unsure how to respond, she turned away.
Wishing to know if she would welcome his company, he added, "Should you or Miss de Bourgh decide that I would be in the way, then I will be here waiting to hear how it went."
"I cannot imagine Miss de Bourgh not wishing for your company." Elizabeth said shyly. She needed time to process this new information in solitude, but she could not be so rude as to insist on leaving him now.
Mr. Darcy's perceptiveness would have caught Elizabeth's uncertainty, but his attention was too focused on the fact that what he wanted most to know had been denied him. He longed to ask if she would desire his company, but he was too afraid of a negative to put the words out.
When they reached the hall, they parted. Mr. Darcy longingly watched as Elizabeth climbed the stairs to her room. He then moved to the library for a very stiff drink before joining the others in the dining room. Unsure how long his constitution could withstand his current proclivities, he stopped before he finished his first glass.
Elizabeth entered the dining room cautiously. A quarter hour to correct her hair and straighten her dress had not been enough to calm her mind. Her heart raced as she prepared to meet Mr. Darcy again. Did she wish him to be attracted to her? She never had before. But if the rumors continued to build, she might need to encourage him to marry her, and his having begun to like her would help matters.
She was so caught up in her thoughts, that she did not realize she claimed the seat between Mr. Darcy and Anne until Anne pulled her into a conversation.
"Miss Bennet, are you even listening?" she exclaimed, with more energy than she would have shown if her mother had been present. After Elizabeth looked up, she added, "The weather is perfect for a phaeton ride. I shall take you to the modiste today so that you can have some of your own gowns made. While you look much better than I did in those gowns you now wear, I am certain you would like some of your own."
Elizabeth agreed to the sentiment, but she added, "I am not certain I ought to buy more than one or two. Only a few coins were found in what was left of my trunk. My father will send money, but it will take time."
"Nonsense." Anne replied. "Hunsford is part of Rosings' property. Rosings coffers will pay for the rebuild and refurnishing of the parsonage, and that will include the items that were lost. I fully intend to purchase at least ten dresses for Mrs. Collins, and five each for you and Miss Lucas."
Elizabeth wanted to protest, but Anne's speech was followed by a coughing fit, and then Lady Catherine walked in. It was probably best not to argue the point now.
Mr. Collins followed behind Lady Catherine, speaking of the seeds he would buy in town so that he could begin cultivating replacement plants for the garden he had lost when the rubble had fallen over into the eastern yard. He turned to Mrs. Collins to explain excitedly, "Lady Catherine has offered me a few benches in her glass house to grow the vegetables we lost. Is that not a sign of her condescension. I know not how I shall ever be able to make amends for your kindness, Lady Catherine. It is not your way to expect repayment, so I shall simply tell you…"
He continued, but Elizabeth's attention was drawn to her other side as Mr. Darcy was watching her as she ate. He looked pained. When he noticed her attention, he smiled slightly. He leaned forward and stated that he looked forward to their excursion later. "Miss de Bourgh specifically asked if I would provide escort to the four of you today. She insisted that I would be better suited to peruse the bookstore to help replace Mr. Collins' library."
Elizabeth nodded thoughtfully, thinking of her father's books she had lost. "While I highly doubt you and Mr. Collins read many of the same books, it is kind of you to provide your help with refurnishing the house." She paused before she added, "If my father were to join my family at the modiste, I believe he would need to hide in his library for at least a week. It would take at least that amount of time before longing for conversation from a lady again would return him to the parlor in the evenings." She laughed at the thought.
"Four ladies is not six, and I expect the conversations today will be quite different to what Mr. Bennet would overhear if he were to join your family in Meryton. I quite look forward to our outing."
Elizabeth scrunched her forehead as she attempted to make out his meaning. She was not sure if he was attempting to make light of the situation, criticize her family's lack of meaningful conversation, or something else entirely. She wondered if she would ever completely understand Mr. Darcy. She used to think herself able to read his displeasure before, but her surprise today had made her wonder if all her other suppositions had been wrong.
Shaking herself out of her thoughts before being caught woolgathering, she stated that she would like to see the glass house. "My father has considered building one, and I should like to see how it can be used."
Anne interrupted their stilted conversation. "Oh, Darcy! You should take her to the glass house while I am preparing for our outing. The sooner you finish your meal, you can leave." She leaned closer to ensure no one else could hear as she added, "Mr. Collins has not yet drawn breath. I am certain my mother will not notice you leave the room. She loves being thanked for doing her duty. It is no wonder that she hired your cousin, Elizabeth." Once again, she finished with a cough and tucked into her food.
Looking at the head of the table where Lady Catherine was listening to Mr. Collins wax eloquently about herself, Elizabeth chuckled and agreed with Anne. The three then promptly finished eating and left with a salutation that was not even noticed by the others.
AN: I was upset with myself for not writing much this past week, then I counted that this is the 5th update in 16 days. That is pretty good. I hope to keep up with at least one per week, but the second quarter is more draining than the first usually, so let's see where it goes. One thing is certain... reading reviews make me more eager to write.
