There's a girl sleeping under the same roof as me. A woman….. That's never happened before.
No, don't let yourself get distracted, Twilight; remember your mission. She's here for one purpose and one purpose only. You're going to use her like all the others, then drop her immediately. She'll never know that the marriage isn't really legal; she'll just think you've left her suddenly. Yes, it has to be this way, for the good of the mission.
Don't look at her more than necessary. Don't talk to her than more is required. Be polite so to keep her close and obedient of her own freewill, but constantly remind yourself it is all fake. Do not get attached.
Above everything else, do not get attached.
I didn't sleep well last night- big surprise. The bed was a queen-size and very comfy, and I was grateful for the extra blanket Loid put out for me, but no amount of tossing and turning could get me to sleep. A million thoughts were zooming through my head all at once.
I hadn't shared a bed with anyone since Yuri was a child and used to get night terrors. It's not that I wanted Loid to share my bed so soon! Of course not! It's just that…. knowing he was sleeping in the room beside mine. The very notion made my cheeks blush to no end. He's in there, so close to me…. only separated by a single wall. I wonder if it'll always be like this. Will Loid and I grow to love each other? He seems to like me enough, or at least tolerate me. If he doesn't like me, he sure hides it well. And he's so polite…..
Loid was already up and dressed when I exited my room the next morning. He was sitting at the dining room table with a newspaper and cup of coffee. Our eyes immediately reached the others when I appeared out of the hallway in my casual dress. I hadn't bothered getting changed into my work uniform since well…. that would be pointless now I suppose.
My new husband grinned at me, setting down his cup and lowering his paper. "Oh, good morning." "G-Good morning," my hands clasped the front of my dress. Why am I stammering? Why is my heart suddenly beating a mile a minute? We just saw each other last night, and it's like I'm looking at him for the first time all over again. It made my temples tingle.
"Did you sleep well?" He sounded a lot more in control of himself than I currently was, looking calm and attentive. "U-Uh, yes, thank you! It's a very lovely room, and the bed is really comfy. I really like it," where is all this word vomit coming from? Why did it feel like I had to say nice things? Why did I want him to like me? That shouldn't matter; we're already married. But I didn't want him to think I was unhappy…. for some reason. For reasons I cannot begin to fathom, I wanted this experience to go well for us.
"Y-Your up early," I heard myself blurt out, unsure what else to say. He nodded. "I'm always up early. Hungry? Would you like some breakfast?" "Um, no…. No, thank you. I'm alright," more fumbling with my fingers. I could only stare at the floor ahead of my feet now. He frowned slightly, getting up from his chair. "I'd feel better if you had something. At least let me pour you a cup of tea," he headed towards the kitchen. Blushing, I nodded. He's being so kind to me….. Is this all an act? Or does he want me to like him too? What could be his motive, if there even is one?
I watched him pour me a cup of black tea, which he brought over to the table. Placing it down, he next pulled out the chair opposite where he was sitting and motioned for me to sit down. "Please, sit," his tone was reserved but gentle. I wordlessly obeyed, and he pushed me in. For my part, I gazed down at my tea, almost refusing to touch it. My stomach was still in knots. He took his seat across the table and set aside his paper, so to give me his full attention.
His hands clasped together on the table. "I said we'd have intimacies to discuss this morning. First of all, on the subject of your personal allowance….." There was a pause here, but I knew better than to say anything. The truth is that I was substantially well off, thanks to Yuri's job; turns out illegal assassin work pays rather well. I only took a job for appearance's sake. Everyone- including the secret service- would wonder where a single, unemployed girl got all this money from. To prove I wasn't a spy, I spent modestly and worked a standard job for a lady. Course Loid didn't know any of this, and I felt it was best to keep this to myself for the time being. He considered a minute before continuing.
"How does five hundred a month sound? Would that suffice?" "F-Five hundred?!" I gasped. A clerk didn't make that in a year, but Yuri could make that in one night, so I pretended to be surprised. He nodded resolutely. "I believe that's a proper amount for a psychiatrist's wife. Course I'll give you funds for groceries and other household expenses as well." "W-Well thank you! That's very generous of you," it really was. Most wives were lucky if their partners gave them fifty dollars a month, much less five hundred plus expenses. I never realized the government paid so well…..
His beautiful head nodded again. "That settles it; we'll visit the bank later today. Now, as to your routine….. I'll be frank with you, Mrs. Forger, I had a profession for you in mind when I asked you to be my wife." I knew it. It felt like the walls were crumbling down around me as I gawked at him. I knew it….. I knew it was too good to be true. He must have read the sudden dismay on my face as he was very quick to continue. "The truth is I'd like you to become a socialite." "A…. socialite?" I blinked puzzled. That's not what I was expecting to hear.
"There is this famous, prestigious club- the Garden of Eden- which several high-ranking officials frequent. Their wives host balls, galas, and elegant afternoon teas. It is implied that…. that any government employee will not be granted a promotion unless he… and his wife…. are members of the Garden of Eden," he expounded all this like he was trying to convince me of something, probably to join the club with him. It's then that I started putting the pieces together. My hand rose up to my chest timidly. "So you want….. to join this club?" He took a moment to answer, almost like he was hesitant to agree.
"I'm looking to get a promotion, and it was made clear to me that would not happen unless I was married and was a member of the club. Both me and my wife, that is." I see, so that's why he married me; he wants a promotion. Well I can't say I'm surprised, and I feel like I can't even judge him for it. After all, this marriage serves me more than it does him. I'll get him a mere promotion, while he'll save my life….. I owe him that much when I think about it that way.
"So in order for you to get your promotion, we'll have to join that club?" My hands twisted a tad awkwardly. I'd never been a part of anything fancy before; the idea kinda made me nervous… A whole lot of nervous. He folded his arms and nodded his head. "It's a very elitist club, so it won't be easy to join. But I'll help you through the application and interview process." "Application?! Is it…. is it really that hard for us to become members? You already work for the government, I mean. Surely someone in your position should be entitled to….." But a shake of the head cut me off. I guess it didn't work that way…. somehow. "Even within the party there's a strict hierarchy, but you need not worry. I'll devote all my resources to getting you…. er, us prepared. It is an absolute imperative that we should join, Mrs. Forger." "I understand, if your promotion depends upon it…." I peered down at my clenched hands. I was not prepared for this; it was like leaving one job for another.
I'm sure Loid could have seen that I wasn't exactly happy just then. He watched me a moment before standing up from his chair. I flinched in surprise as he came around the table to rest his hand on my shoulder. I don't know why but the gesture felt cold, hollow…. Like he was doing what he thought he ought to do to console me. Still, my eyes widened a bit astonished. "Please don't worry. I'll be with you every step of the way, and this membership will benefit us both." "Oh… Oh, yes! Yes, I'm sure it will," I wasn't sure about that. But the glimmer in his eyes just then….. He really wants me to believe it, to believe him. My lips parted a sliver as this small grin drew across my lips. "I'm not worried. I'm sure it'll be fine," I tried to sound more sincere this time. He nodded and released my shoulder. Then he turned to head for the hallway.
"I'm going to look over some paperwork. Be sure to finish your tea before it gets cold." Oh, right! Tea. "I will," I'd almost forgotten it was there. I waited to take a sip until he was out of the room. For a while I just sat there, contemplating my new situation and life. Yes, I'm a wife and clearly with an intended purpose. Does that matter? Should it change anything? Loid is being very kind to me so far; he really doesn't want me to feel alone with this. My hands balled into fists on my lap as I continued staring down at my full cup. Why does that make me kinda happy? Why does his polite demeanour make me feel good? No one's ever taken care of me before; not since my parents anyway. Yes, Yuri is concerned for me, but it's different. It felt different….. here with Loid.
Don't get attached.
