Ichiraku Ayame, Ninja Delivery Girl!
By Andrew J. Talon
Disclaimer: I do not and probably never will own Naruto or any other copyrighted works mentioned in this story. I am not writing this for profit.
Ayame Ichiraku may be the most significant female presence in most of Naruto's life, yet she's barely touched upon in the canon, or in fanfiction.
So! This is a collection of shorts I've written based around the same premise: Ayame was a ninja, did her service, and then was mustered out when her time was done so she could work at her father's ramen stand. Lots of ninjas do this.
It also makes her one badass delivery girl...
Strangely, there was a visitor at Team 7's usual meeting bridge the Monday morning Naruto, Sasuke and Sakura arrived. It took a moment for even Naruto to recognize his friend in her unfamiliar ninja clothing.
"Ayame-chan?!" Naruto gasped in disbelief.
The ramen chef beamed and waved.
"Hey guys!"
"What are you doing here?" Sakura asked. Naruto sniffed the air and sighed happily, as Ayame brought out some ramen in containers.
"You brought us breakfast?! You're a goddess made flesh, an angel beyond reckoning, Ayame-chan!" Naruto sighed happily, taking the offered container and eating it happily. "Mmmm... I'm filled with pure divine goodness!"
"Oh you," Ayame giggled.
"Figures he'd remember how to say complicated words when it comes to ramen," Sakura muttered.
"Thank you," Sasuke said, a rarity for him, when Ayame handed him a container, "but why are you here?"
"Oh! Well, technically, in the Ninja Reserves, I am a jounin," Ayame said. "Kakashi-san has a special mission to attend to, so for the next week I'll be teaching you instead!"
Naruto spat out some ramen, and coughed hard. Ayame helpfully patted him on the back.
"Wh-What?! You're a jounin?!" Naruto gasped.
"Sure!" Ayame said cheerfully. "You just have to pass the exams! I did great on the written portions... And then got through the survival course... And my thesis on using common fire jutsus to warm things got me a passing grade!"
"Wait, you didn't have to fight your way through anything?" Naruto asked dully. Ayame nodded.
"Nope! I'm a delivery girl, after all! Fighting just leads to delays!"
"But if you're a jounin," Sakura protested, "you could go off on ninja missions!"
"Yeah! You could be a great ninja!" Naruto added.
"You could be very powerful," Sasuke chimed in.
Ayame beamed happily.
"Yeah, but I don't want to be a great ninja! I want to deliver ramen!"
"Urgh... I'm torn between my two great loves..." Naruto groaned.
"So! For our first mission," Ayame said cheerfully, "we'll be delivering this ramen to a catering event at the Daimyo's palace! A nice, simple C-rank!"
She gestured to a wagon, which had a bicycle mounted to it. Ayame hopped onto the bike, and beamed at her students.
"Hop on! This shouldn't be too hard!" She said happily.
"Well, that sounds easy enough," Sakura said, climbing on with Naruto and Sasuke. The Uchiha scion snorted.
"This will be a waste of time."
"Come on Sasuke-kun, it'll get us out of Konoha," Sakura tried to be optimistic.
"And we're learning from a ramen ninja!" Naruto said happily. Sasuke mightily tried not to roll his eyes, and failed.
"As nice as she is, Naruto, she's not going to train us to be stronger, and she's a reserve jounin," Sasuke pointed out.
"So?" Naruto asked.
"So... how good could she be?" He muttered to his teammates.
Not an hour later...
"We want to poison that ramen to kill off the Daimyo and overthrow the corrupt government!" A missing Ninja jounin declared, his sword clashing with Ayame's frying pan as they dueled atop the wagon.
"You'll never kill off our corrupt government! Er, I mean, that's not the way!" Ayame shouted, casually backhanding a chuunin-level missing ninja who tried to stab her in the back.
Naruto was pedaling for dear life while his clones fought numerous ninjas and bandits, Sakura kept the wagon's contents safe, and Sasuke shot off fireballs to thin their numbers.
"YOU HAD TO JINX US!" Naruto shouted.
"THIS IS NOT MY FAULT!" Sasuke shouted back.
"THEN WHOSE IS IT?!" Sakura demanded.
Sasuke scowled deeply as he sat in the lotus position. Ayame-sensei had them on meditation for the start of their training, and she was sitting peacefully nearby on a log as she relaxed. Naruto, Sakura and himself were arranged nearby, all trying to focus.
Naruto had been fidgety at the start, but he calmed down when Ayame had hugged him and told him to focus on what made him happiest. After that, the idiot had been utterly at peace.
Smiling and drooling.
"Sasuke-kun?" Sakura murmured to her crush, "what is it?"
"She fought well enough on that delivery fiasco," Sasuke snorted, "but she had to call in ANBU. I don't believe she's really a jounin."
"Well she is retired," Sakura suggested, "maybe she's just out of practice?"
"I did not pay for a ninja education just to get substandard instructors," Sasuke muttered back.
"Wait, you paid for your ninja schooling?" Sakura asked, amazed.
"The Uchiha left a huge grant to the academy," Sasuke stated, "I'm the last Uchiha, so it's my money. And I deserve more for it!"
"Uh, sure Sasuke-kun," Sakura agreed. "So... What are you going to do-?"
Sasuke pulled out a kunai and threw it right at Ayame, as hard as he could. Sakura's eyes bugged out.
"Wait what-?!"
And Ayame caught it between her fingers. She opened her eyes and smiled.
Naruto had his eyes open and he was gaping in disbelief. He glared at Sasuke.
"What the hell was that, you bastard?! You can't just throw knives at Ayame-chan-!"
"Oh, sorry Sasuke," Ayame apologized, "I suppose you'd prefer a more... Aggressive... Training method?"
Sasuke nodded with a scowl. Ayame beamed, and stood up. She examined the kunai in her hand, and shook her head.
"I've never cared for kunai. Too general purpose," she stated, before she tossed it up into the air. It flipped end over end, falling for Sasuke. He caught it... Just in time to block a very large, red glowing santoku kitchen knife-like sword from going right through his face! He leaped back, deflecting several more vicious, hard strikes from the knife, landing with only enough time to spin around and pull a second kunai. He crossed the blades, just in time to trap the oversized kitchen blade from cutting his face in half!
Ayame held the knife, and grinned devilishly. Her usually gentle brown eyes were glowing red. Sasuke felt like a mouse, now pursued by a very hungry cat.
"However," Ayame said, still maddeningly calm, "I do tend to lose control... When I get to use my special knives."
Ayame swung furiously, her strikes slicing through the air so fast Sasuke could barely keep up-Even with his Sharingan! Sparks flew off his kunai as he parried and deflected the ramen girl's blindingly fast swings! He was forced back with every blow!
The worst part was her smile. And her red eyes! Her mouth was like a gaping void, hungry to devour him, as her eyes burned like fire!
Sasuke tried to strike back, regain the momentum! He lunged forward with his kunai, feinting for her eyes while going for her stomach-
SHWING!
The heads of his kunai were sliced right off, and the tip of the kitchen knife was right up against his throat. Ayame breathed hard, in exertion or excitement Sasuke couldn't tell.
"Not bad!" She said cheerfully, her eyes now back to that gentle brown, "but you should take better care of your kunai."
She tucked her knife away in her pouch.
"So! Now that we've meditated and warmed up a bit," Ayame said, "let's get to our missions!"
"Yes, Ayame-sensei," Sasuke said, echoed by his two teammates. Ayame set off at a jog, and the three genin followed. Naruto kept pace with Sasuke easily. The blond boy smirked.
"Impressed enough yet, bastard?" Naruto asked smarmily.
"Shut up," Sasuke grumbled.
"See, I learned long ago to never mess with Ayame-chan's kitchen," Naruto said. He shuddered. "That was a scary time..."
"And you didn't warn us because...?" Sakura asked.
"You never asked."
Post Sand/Sound Invasion...
"Lucky thing your stall was spared, huh Ayame-san? Ayame-san?"
Ayame started, and beamed kindly at Inuzuka Kiba.
"Absolutely was! Pure luck!" She said happily. "Beef and Miso, right?"
"Got it in one!" Kiba said, "and for Akamaru too!"
"Of course! I'd never forget him, you cutie!" Ayame giggled, setting down both bowls for dog nin and dog. They tore into the food with gusto, while Ayame again stared out into the street.
"You all right, Ayame?" Her father asked gently. "You've been staring into space a lot today."
"Hmm? Oh, um... I guess I'm just distracted," she admitted, "worrying a little about Naruto-kun. Hope he's going to be all right on his own."
"He'll have Jiraiya with him," her father said, patting her on the shoulder, "he'll be fine!"
"That's what I'm worried about," she admitted softly. She narrowed her eyes at the food stand just across from them. Two men in black cloaks with red clouds on them... One with black hair, the other looking... Distorted... As though by genjutsu...
The black haired man had most of her attention though. He was so familiar, in a hundred little ways she couldn't forget yet couldn't place...
He shifted a bit, when he knew he was being watched. Ayame felt her heart stop in her chest.
No... It can't be...
Ayame frowned more deeply as the two men got up, and walked off. Ayame sucked in a deep breath.
"I'm taking a break, Dad," she declared, "and I'm taking the cart!"
Ayame crept up after the two men... Not an easy task given she was lugging the ramen cart along, but she was able to keep up. That was concerning.
She still remembered the nice, kind of weird boy that every other girl in class had gone gaga over from her genin team. Who was such a dork talking about all the cool things his little brother was doing. The one before...
She shook her head. She pressed on.
In any event, he probably knew she was following them. Which meant he didn't fear her, didn't care, or both.
Good.
Which is when Asuma and Kurenai engaged the two. Good. She could sit right here and they'd take care of-
Ayame groaned.
"Why is Kurenai using a genjutsu on a Sharingan user?" She muttered.
Okay. Fine. Plan B. She slammed her hands onto the sides of the ramen cart, and pumped chakra into it. The ancient and complex seals within it flared to life. She took a deep breath. Another one.
She could do this... She wasn't... Wasn't really a ninja... But she could stop them.
Stop him.
She raced towards the two missing ninja, cart trundling behind her. Itachi and the blue guy locked eyes on her as she charged them. Asuma shouted a warning that Ayame ignored.
She took a deep breath.
"ITACHIIIIII!" She bellowed. "YOUR BROTHER'S CRAYON PICTURE... WAS LAAAAAAAMMMMMEEEE!"
Just the slightest twitch of his eyebrow... The tiniest clenching of his jaw... Yes!
Uchiha Itachi was distracted!
Which was literally the only reason she got in range to yank open the doors to the ramen cart window. A deep black void greeted them, sucking up everything like a whirlpool. Itachi's blue friend dodged, but Itachi was caught. He was yanked towards the window, but slammed his feet on either side of the cart window to hold himself still.
Which is where Ayame's preparation came in. She tackled him from behind, and they both fell into the oblivion beyond!
"AYAME!" Kurenai shouted, just as the windows slammed shut.
Of all the souls Uchiha Itachi had known from Konoha... He had hoped not to run into Sasuke the most. But second to him was probably... Her.
And now he stood facing her, in an infinite black void. Outwardly, he was calm and collected. He looked her up and down, disinterested, as though she was just a rock or a tree or something else that didn't matter to him a bit.
"The Second Hokage's work, I take it?" Itachi asked. Ayame nodded.
"Yeah," she said, "Dad got it from the Third. Hidden in plain sight. It's just a ramen cart without the seals activated, but with it-"
"It becomes the perfect counter to a high level Sharingan user," Itachi recited, "an isolated pocket dimension of spacetime that cannot be escaped by any Sharingan art."
Ayame shrugged.
"I guess so? I just know how to turn it on and off, and use it," she said, "not the theory behind it."
"He was planning to use it against Madara," Itachi said. Ayame crossed her arms under her breasts.
"That right? Huh."
"It relies on the chakra of both prisoners within to function," Itachi stated further, stock still and monotone, "it only deactivates in one of three ways. Either the user ends it willingly, you run out of chakra-"
"Or you kill me, and escape," Ayame said with a nod, "I know."
The missing nin stared at Ayame. She kept her gaze locked onto his chest, stubbornly refusing to meet his gaze. Her knife was clenched tightly in one of her hands. She was trembling, yet her voice was so level.
"You would do that? Sacrifice yourself? Just to kill me?" Itachi asked.
Ayame shook her head violently.
"No, damnit... I don't want to kill you! If we could talk this out, I would be happy! If you could... But I don't think that's possible! So... I did the only thing I could think of. Take you out of the fight. Even if for only a few moments! Because I'm sure as hell not going to be able to stop you!"
She sighed heavily. Itachi stared.
"You... Are acting strangely," he observed.
Ayame gaped at him.
"ME?! You're the one who went psycho and killed his entire family and tortured his little brother!" Ayame shouted. "I mean, what the hell happened?! Shisui disappeared, apparently dead, and then... And all this crazy shit... Your poor brother... I just don't understand, Itachi!"
She shook her head.
"Nothing about that has ever made any sense!" She insisted. "Hell, if you were really that psychotic, why haven't you killed me already? Escaped?!"
Itachi was silent for a long, long moment.
"This... Is going to take some time to explain," he said. Ayame held out a hand, and a flash of chakra erupted from her palm. Two plain wooden chairs appeared behind them. Itachi sat on one, and Ayame sat in the other.
A countertop appeared between them... And a bowl of ramen followed. Ayame shook her head.
"I... Think that was already in the cart," she admitted, "but I willed it warm? Still not sure how this thing works. I'm just kind of winging it. Still..."
She took a deep breath.
"Itachi? I... We were friends. And... I'm willing to give you a chance to explain things. If you want... I'll listen."
Itachi was quiet. He was always quiet.
"Unless you want to fight me to the death," Ayame said, a fake smile plastered on her face, "which would suck. Because then we'd both die on empty stomachs!"
He nodded, letting out a soft sigh. He almost smiled, around the eyes.
He pulled the bowl of ramen up to himself, and took some chopsticks. He broke them in two, and began to eat.
"It began... Like this..."
Itachi talked about it. He'd never really talked about the whole thing. Not even with himself. It felt like he was drawing poison from a wound, in a sense. A ragged, ugly, emptiness was left inside... Yet it was almost liberating at the same time. To just talk. To be honest.
By the end of it, he had finished his ramen. He stared at the bowl in silence.
He felt her hand rest over his palm. But he didn't look up at her.
"Itachi... I... Wow," Ayame said softly, "that is... Really horrific."
"Yes."
"And... Um... I mean, your plan is a little..." She trailed off. Itachi glanced up at her, avoiding her eyes.
"You never held back in the past," he said.
"You weren't a deep cover agent of the village who had to kill off your family and defect!" Ayame muttered. She sucked in a breath. "Okay... I mean... Orochimaru has marked Sasuke."
Itachi tensed.
"Has he?" He asked in a soft, deadly tone of voice.
"Yeah. A cursed seal or something," Ayame said, "it's been... Influencing him. The snake creep's trying to get his hands on the younger brother, since I'm guessing he can't get you."
"You guess correctly," Itachi stated. From anyone else, it would have been bravado. From Itachi? It was just fact.
"But this orange masked guy," Ayame hummed, "that's a bigger problem... You're sure he's also an Uchiha?"
"Positive," Itachi stated. "HIs abilities suggest Madara reborn, and yet..."
"Yet?" Ayame asked.
Itachi shook his head.
"He seems... Familiar, in a strange way," he admitted, "that, and Madara's plans were always concrete and concise. He was melodramatic, yes... But not..."
He was silent, trying to find the words. Ayame decided to help him.
"A total and complete dork?" She suggested.
"That... Is one interpretation, yes," Itachi said. Ayame breathed out a sigh.
"Well... Fate of the world and all that... Plus everything else... It hasn't been easy for you," she said, "you're just... So strong, Itachi. Taking all this on... No matter how much it hurts."
Itachi closed his eyes, and nodded. He couldn't just say thank you. Not with all the blood on his hands.
"Even so," Ayame said, "I think maybe your plan needs... Some refinement? I mean... Isn't there a way you don't have to die?"
"It is the price I am willing to pay," Itachi said. Ayame squeezed his hand.
"Isn't it better for you both to live, to fight this Madara wannabe?" She asked.
Itachi slowly shook his head.
"Sasuke... Will be the one to defeat him. With Naruto. I'm sure of it," he said softly.
"Still... You shouldn't treat the rest of us as pawns," Ayame grumbled. Itachi shook his head.
"You were never a pawn to me, Ayame," he said quietly.
She had the grace not to blush. She just shook her head.
"Still such a dork," she sighed, "still... You may have really messed Sasuke up. And insane people are not predictable. So... Maybe... If you run into him... You should at least tell him the truth. Plant it in his mind or something."
She sighed.
"Not sure this isn't just a stupid genjutsu you've put me in," Ayame grumbled.
Itachi leaned forward, and brushed his lips against hers. She yelped, and fell off her chair, bright red.
"I-I-ITACHI!" She shrieked. "WHAT THE HELL?!"
Itachi remained perfectly stoic.
"Does that prove this isn't a genjutsu?" He asked. "Or do you regularly have fantasies about me?"
"Dick!" Ayame growled, sitting back in her chair with burning cheeks. "Look... I don't want to blow your cover, but I am about to run out of chakra here."
Itachi nodded slowly. He stood up.
"Only a few minutes have passed outside," he said, "it's impressive you've kept it going this long. However... We must make this look good."
"All right," Ayame sighed. She made the furniture vanish, and leaped up high. A pole appeared, and she balanced atop it. She summoned glowing red kitchen knives to her hands, and made hundreds more appear around her, floating above Itachi like a deadly sky of stars. She gave him a sad smile.
"Just remember... If you can find a way out of this that doesn't involve self sacrifice? You'll always have a seat at my stand."
"Ayame," Itachi said softly. He nodded. The words rose to his lips.
"... Thank you."
"Don't mention it," Ayame said cheerfully, as she commanded all of the chakra knives to shoot for Itachi like bullets!
Outside, the shutters to the ramen cart burst open. Ayame was blasted out, covered in cuts and bruises. She slammed into the water, sinking fast, apparently unconscious. Kakashi and Gai, who had joined the battle, moved to help.
Itachi appeared next, entirely unharmed. His companion, Kisame, was grinning as he held up Samehada.
"You took your time, Itachi!" Kisame laughed. "Having fun with that ramen girl, huh?"
"Ayame-san! Are you all right?!" Gai cried, helping her up. She coughed loudly, and looked up weakly.
"I... I tried... To fight him," she moaned, "he was... too much...!"
Itachi barely nodded.
"You cannot begin to grasp the gap in skill between us, Ayame-san," he stated, "those bonds between us only held me back. Now that I have severed them, I have grown more powerful than you can possibly imagine."
Ayame snorted, and barely held back rolling her eyes. The ghost of a smile may have threatened to break out on his face.
He had better end this quickly. Any more of his 'villainous dialogue' and she'd give the whole thing away...
While Naruto was off on his training journey with Jiraiya during the Time Skip...
In Amegakure...
Ayame: Dodging through hails of senbon, kunai, and shuriken! Swinging through rapidly shutting doors! Sliding underneath buzzsaws! Flipping through animated golems!
She finally makes it to the central doors, and knocks on them hard. The doors open automatically, and Ayame walks through them into a central meeting room. Pein is addressing his subordinates.
Pein: "Therefore, to bring true peace to the world, all must know pain-"
Ayame: "Excuse me?"
Pein: blink "... Who are you and how did you get in here?"
Ayame: "Hi, um... I'm Ichiraku Ayame. I'm here to deliver your order?" Bright smile "Oh hey Itachi! Long time no see!"
Itachi: "... Hello Ayame."
Ayame: "I've got orders for Lord Pein, Konan, Sasori, Tobi, Itachi, Kisame, Deidara, Hidan and Kakuzu?"
Pein: "Why were we not informed? Who made the order?"
Ayame: "The credit card is listed under Akatsuki Enterprises Inc?"
Everyone turns and glares at the treasurer.
Kakuzu: "... What?! Ordering dinner for all of us is a business expense! I put it on the company credit card!"
Kisame: "Wait, do we even have credit cards in this universe?"
Deidara: "If you knew she was coming, why did you put up the base defenses?!"
Kakuzu: "I ran out of excuses to not tip her! If she dies, or is late, it's free!"
Sasori: "This isn't the first time?!"
Itachi: glares at Kakuzu
Deidara: "Well it didn't work, did it, hm?! What kind of delivery girl is she?!"
Ayame: "Oh, this is nothing. I've had to deliver to Lightning Country, and to Orochimaru's hideout! Those are pretty terrifying!"
Itachi: "Thank you very much, Ayame-san."
Ayame: "You're welcome! How are you?"
Itachi: "Missing nin criminal."
Ayame: slowly nods "Um, sure. Your brother is doing... Pretty well! He has friends."
Itachi: "I see."
Ayame: "So! I have another delivery to Water Country, so if I could get my money now?"
Pein: "... Kakuzu. Pay her. And give her a generous tip."
Kakuzu: "But-But Leader-!"
Pein: "Out of your personal funds."
Kakuzu: grumbles, hisses, and snarls as he slowly reaches into his wallet, and slowly, reluctantly... Hands over the money
Ayame: "Oh, um, thank you sir." bows, releases her bicycle from a storage scroll "See you next time!"
Itachi: "Ayame-san, you have a senbon in your hat."
Ayame "Oh yeah! I get enough of those in it already, I just get used to it!" Pulls it out and tosses it over to Itachi
Kakuzu: catches it "Don't just throw those away!"
Pein: "You are quite talented for a civilian delivery girl."
Ayame: "Oh? Well, I did go to the Ninja Academy but then dropped out before I graduated once I'd learned enough to help my family business!" Beams "You wouldn't believe how many Konoha civilians do it!"
Deidara: "Er... But you could have graduated?"
Ayame: "Pfft. Yeah, right! Being a ramen cook and delivery girl is way more fun and rewarding than being a ninja! Er, no offense. I'm sure you're all..." Slowly stares at them all "... very happy with your life choices."
Akatsuki: "..."
Ayame: "Um... Anyway! Thank you, and I hope you order from us again!" She rides off on her bicycle, dodging through the traps once more!
Pein: "... Is this what they mean by the Will of Fire?"
Kisame: "Oh my!" slurp "It's still warm! Kakuzu, how could you stiff her on tips so many times?!"
Kakuzu: "Because she has to deliver from Konoha and I'm trying to save money!"
In the Shippuden Era...
Ayame sighed as she woke up. She grumbled-Her bed felt very cold and hard, like stone. She then paused.
Her bed was stone. And it was cold out. And windy. She wasn't in her room at all. She was chained down to the hard stone. And there were unusual chakra signatures around her... Save for one painfully familiar one.
"You may as well open your eyes. I know you're awake," said an older, but still somewhat familiar voice.
Ayame did so, looking up at Sasuke... Some redheaded girl with glasses... A gigantic young man with orange hair but a gentle air... And a smirking, white haired guy with pointy teeth. The sky was overcast, and she could make out mountains in the distance. And old ruins around her, but that didn't help.
"Uhhh... Hey Sasuke," Ayame said, "it's been a while... May I ask where we are?"
"No," Sasuke stated.
"Okay," Ayame tried, "how about..."
She looked down her body, and flushed.
"Why am I dressed like a pornstar's idea of a kunoichi?!"
"That was my idea!" The shark toothed boy leered. The redhaired girl adjusted her glasses.
"Well, it wouldn't do to have you in normal clothing. That won't distract Itachi for Sasuke-sama," she said.
"Wait. What," Ayame deadpanned.
"In order to get my revenge," Sasuke explained, "I needed to lure Itachi to a place of my choosing. While Karin, Suigetsu, and Jugo prevented anyone interfering. And the only thing that would draw him out is you, his lover-"
Ayame's eyes burned red as she struggled angrily.
"WHAT?! YOU KIDNAPPED ME TO BE BAIT?!" She shrieked.
"Yes, obviously-" Sasuke tried, but Ayame's terrifying glare managed to cut him off.
"FIRST OFF! I AM NOT HIS GIRLFRIEND!" Ayame shouted.
"Secret lover?" Karin asked, sounding scandalized.
"Allies?" Jugo suggested.
"Friends with benefits?" Suigetsu leered. "GAH!"
Ayame had managed to free her foot and kicked Suigetsu in the balls. The shark toothed boy went down, clutching his privates.
"How... Did she...?"
"I'M STILL A NINJA, DUMBASS!" Ayame screamed. "FURTHERMORE, I AM NOT BAIT! ITACHI'S NOT GOING TO COME FOR ME!"
Sasuke smoothly refastened the chain around Ayame's kicking leg.
"I think he will," Sasuke stated calmly, "I think he's more human than you give him credit for."
"NO! I mean, YES! Yes he is! But not how you're thinking!" Ayame shouted.
Karin paused, and smirked.
"He's coming," she said, shooting her vicious look over at Ayame.
"Seems he values you more than you thought," Sasuke growled. "All right, get ready. This is the day Itachi is going to die..."
Ayame closed her eyes tightly, took a deep breath, counted to ten really fast, and calmed herself down.
"Okay, Sasuke?" She said. Sasuke paused, and turned back to her.
"Yes, Ayame?"
"I did not want to be the one to tell you this," Ayame began, "but given what you've done and your present company-"
"I think she means you, Karin," Suigetsu muttered, still wincing in pain. Karin glared.
"Fuck off, she means you!"
"...I hope she doesn't mean me," Jugo murmured.
"-I think I need to clue you in on some village secrets," Ayame finished, not even bothering to shoot an annoyed look at Sasuke's 'friends'.
Sasuke shook his head.
"Nothing you say can sway me from my path."
Five minutes later...
Sasuke held his face in his hands.
"MY LIFE IS A LIE!"
Ten minutes later...
"I'LL KILL EVERYONE IN THE LEAF!"
Fifteen minutes later...
"I'LL KILL DANZO AND ALL OF THE SARUTOBI CLAN AND THE VILLAGE ELDERS!"
"Getting there," Ayame allowed, as Sasuke's friends gaped in disbelief, "okay, so, also-"
Twenty minutes later...
"I'll kill Danzo and 'Madara', and then become Hokage and force the village to pardon Itachi! And make a statue of him for his services!" Sasuke bellowed, fists clenched, and face red from shouting.
"Er... Close enough?" Ayame managed.
There was the sound of an awkward throat clearing. Sasuke, his team and Ayame looked over to see Itachi and Kisame standing on the stony tiles.
Itachi was silent, but staring with fairly wide eyes for him. Kisame coughed.
"I can't help but feel we walked in at the wrong moment..."
Meanwhile, in Konoha...
Naruto had looked over all the evidence with Kakashi, Yamato, and Sakura. There was no doubt about it. Ayame had been kidnapped... And Sasuke Uchiha had been responsible.
He stood in the center of her empty room, and sucked in a deep breath.
"... so you've chosen death, Sasuke. Kyuubi, give me all of it."
Inside the seal, Kurama blinked.
"Uh, getting a little intense there, Naruto-"
"Did I stutter? Power, now."
And during the Kage Summit...
Ayame Ichiraku hadn't let the destruction of Konoha slow her down any! There were deliveries to do and money to be made! Just like her favorite customer in the world, she wasn't going to give up!
"EEEYYYAAAAHHHH!" She cried, as yet another chakra enhanced swing of a samurai sword nearly slashed her (and her bicycle) in half!
Though in all honesty, she was now rethinking her commitment. She darted around fast, jumping up over obstacles on the dirt road up Three Wolf mountains! More samurai unleashed attacks at her, and with another surge of chakra she leaped up over them.
"I'M JUST A DELIVERY GIRL!" She bellowed. This time, a tornado erupted from one of the sword swings, and Ayame screamed as her jump carried her into the maelstrom. She was tossed and turned about, but having been through crap like this when she delivered to Wind Country, she cast a simple wind jutsu to ride the winds!
Finally, she reached the top of the tornado... And was spewed out into the open air over the top of the mountain. Her eyes widened as she fell right for a large, prominent skylight and she held onto the handlebars of her bike for dear life!
"AAAAHHHHHHHH!"
"And so you see," 'Madara' continued his villainous boast in front of the assembled Kages of the Five Great Villages, "you have no chance against me and would do well to hand over the-"
CRASH!
"EEEYYAAAAAHHHH!"
THUD!
Ayame groaned, lying in a heap atop something relatively soft and person shaped. She sat up, rubbing her helmeted head. She looked around, her impact addled brain piecing together just who was around her.
"... Delivery for O. Uchiha," she managed, holding up her portable container. "There a... There an O. Uchiha here?"
"Owww," groaned the masked figure underneath her. Ayame looked down, her pain immediately forgotten in light of the situation of the man she'd just landed on.
"Ohmigosh are you all right?!" She cried.
"SERIOUSLY?!" The Raikage bellowed. "An errant delivery girl can defeat Madara Uchiha?!"
"I'm not defeated!" 'Madara' shouted. He got up and shoved Ayame off his person, brushing himself off. "She just caught me by surprise, that's all!"
"Oh? Then we can do the same?" Mei asked, her eyes narrowed. Ayame looked around.
"Hey! Where's my bike?" She asked. 'Madara' looked over at her and sighed. He blinked, and the bike appeared in front of her. "Oh! Thank you?"
"You're welcome, Ayame," he replied. "And I'll take that ramen."
Ayame blinked. As did pretty much everyone else.
"Obito-nii-san?" She asked with a broad smile. 'Madara' shook his head rapidly.
"No! No! I'm Madara! Madara Uchiha, returned from the dead-"
"OBITO-NII-SAN!" Ayame cheered, hugging him tightly. "I missed you! Oh, and here!" She held up a worn ticket filled with punch holes. "Look! You got a free meal!" She beamed at him. "See? I kept it all these years!"
"Er... No, I'm not Obito-"
"So you don't want a free meal?" Ayame asked. 'Madara' shook his head.
"Well yes! I mean no! I mean-!"
"Too late!" Ayame said with a wink, as she punched the punchcard for him. She handed the travel container over to him. "You should really see Kakashi-san! He misses you terribly!"
"I mean, I'm not-!"
"Anyway, you clearly are all in the middle of something important," Ayame said quickly, "so I'll just be going now! Um... The meal's free but if you could possibly-?"
"Ugh, FINE!" 'Madara' groaned, pulling out a thick stack of ryo notes and handing it to her. He then gave her a shove. "Go! Get out get out get out!"
"Okay okay okay! Sorry!" Ayame cried, hopping back on her bike and pedaling out of the room as fast as she could. 'Madara' took a deep breath and looked back at all of the assembled ninja.
"I... Don't suppose we could just pretend that never happened, could we?" He asked.
"LIKE HELL WE COULD!" Shouted everyone.
Omake Flashback:
How Ayame and Itachi Met:
Itachi: "Do you remember the first time we met?"
Ayame: deadpan "It is forever etched into my memory."
THE PAST!
Little Ayame sees Itachi on the playground
Ayame: "Hey. Wanna play ball?"
Fangirls: "HEY! YOU CAN'T TALK TO HIM!"
Ayame: "Eh?"
Fangirls: "WE SAW HIM FIRST!"
Ayame: "I just wanna play ball with him-"
Itachi: "Let's go."
The fangirls gnash their teeth as Ayame and Itachi play ball
Ayame: "That's weird... Sooo... What do you like?"
Itachi: "I like... My little brother, Sasuke! He's so cool! He's learning how to walk now!"
Ayame: "Awwww! That's great!"
Itachi: "And I like playing ball!"
Ayame: "Even though you're like, this super cool ninja? I mean, you're already a genin! But you hang out with us?"
Itachi: shrugs "I still like playing ball."
Ayame: "That's cool! Wanna be friends?"
Itachi: "... I'd like that."
Ayame: "Me too!"
LATER...
Itachi: "AYAME! SASUKE JUST RAN FOR THE FIRST TIME!"
Ayame: "Wow, that's great!"
LATERER...
Itachi: "AYAME! SASUKE WAS POTTY TRAINED-!"
He's nailed in the face by a boot
Ayame: "ITACHI! THAT'S GREAT! BUT IT'S 3 IN THE MORNING! FUCK OFF!"
Itachi: "SOWWY!"
After graduation...
Sensei: "Now, after careful examination, we have decided that Team 2 will consist of Uchiha Shisui ... Ichiraku Ayame..."
Ayame: Well... He's Itachi's cousin, but surely he can't also be a total weirdo...
Shisui: waves awkwardly and smiles
Ayame: waves back, just as awkwardly
Sensei: "And Uchiha Itachi!"
Ayame: "Oh no..."
Itachi: "Isn't this great, Ayame? I can't wait to tell you about what my brother did yesterday!"
Ayame: "Y-Yeah... Grrrreeeaaaat..."
The present...
Itachi: "And so you retired to the reserves, and I went onto ANBU."
Ayame: "Uh, yes Itachi, I remember. I was there."
Itachi: "... Are you sure you didn't fall in love with me at first sight?"
Ayame: "NO! Geez Itachi! You were a brother obsessed weirdo then! And you're a brother obsessed weirdo now! You just happen to have a very large body count now!"
Itachi: "I see... Still... I always saw you as a sister figure."
Ayame: "Oh... Well, that's nice Itachi-Wait..."
Itachi: stares "What?"
Ayame: "You... Do realize how creepy that sounds in this context... Right?"
Itachi: "No, not really. Is it?"
Ayame: "I mean, weren't you betrothed to your cousin or something?"
Itachi: "First cousin."
Ayame: "First cousin?!"
Itachi: "Yes. It was traditional in the Uchiha Clan."
Ayame: "Ohhhh my God... And suddenly, so much is explained."
Itachi: "Had the clan thought I actually harbored feelings for you of a romantic nature, they would have probably discouraged it. Perhaps harshly."
Ayame: "Oh. Well... Um... I guess it's good that you don't have those sorts of feelings for me. You don't, right?"
Itachi: "..."
Ayame: "You... Don't, right?"
Itachi: "... Well-"
Ayame: "OH COME ON!"
Sasuke: "You're... Sure you don't have any feelings for one another?"
Ayame: exasperated "Itachi, tell them that we are just friends!"
Itachi: "We are just friends."
Ayame: "Thank y-"
Itachi: "In fact, she is my only friend. She is the only girl in my class I feel comfortable around. She might be the only girl I ever feel peaceful talking to. Izumi, my betrothed, always felt like an obligation to speak to, even though she was kind and I cared for her. But Ayame was honest with me. She was brave, and strong. I always admired those qualities about her. She lived the shinobi life, did her duty, and then returned to life as a civilian to make others happy. I have always envied... And loved that about her."
Ayame: "Itachi, this is sweet but please shut up!"
Karin: "Hey... D-Does anyone else feel that... Horrific chakra?"
Sasuke: "Huh... I feel as though I've forgotten something-"
An eight-tailed Naruto/Kyuubi monster lands in the ancient ruins, howling in rage.
Naruto: "WHO KIDNAPPED AYAME-CHAN?!"
Everyone there slowly points at Sasuke.
Sasuke: "Oh... shit."
Anyway. I hope you've enjoyed this very silly collection of short bits. And I hope it inspires you to give a little more attention to an underappreciated ramen chef and delivery girl in your stories.
