betting on false hope pt. 2, Cassie's pov
Cassie looked for him at every show. It sounded ridiculous, what would Luke Morrow be doing in some random city in the midwest? Then again, she hadn't had any communication from him, but she knew he'd been out of the brig for a while—longer than a while, actually. Maybe he moved across the country to pursue a career he'd dreamed of since childhood? She wouldn't know. But still, she couldn't help it. Some nights, she would swear she saw Luke in the crowd, only to be snapped back into reality and realize the person she was looking at didn't even resemble him at all.
When her career first started taking off and The Loyal opened for Florence and the Machine, that was the time Luke was admitted into the brig for their fraudulent marriage scheme. It was a tough decision for Cassie, to risk her future or risk her love life? With the mess that was her life, why couldn't the world spare her and just let her be goddamn happy for once?
Midway through The Loyal's set during their first big performance at the Hollywood Bowl, Cassie decided that she was going to fight for Luke. She hated that he took all of the blame at the trial, it was her idea in the first place, he was just desperate enough to go through with it. It wasn't fair and she didn't care that Luke did it as an act of love. So as soon as she got offstage, she bolted to her car and raced back to Oceanside, in hopes that she could say goodbye to Luke and lay it out on the table. That she loved him, that she didn't want to lose him, that he was her everything. She had never been so certain of anything in her life.
But for Cassie Salazar, happy endings were only a fairytale not meant for people like her. Even after going way over the speed limit—she was so thankful she hadn't gotten pulled over—she arrived at Camp Pendleton too late. She sat in her car and stared at the stupid gates as cars came and went, and stupidly hoped that somehow, Luke would would appear and that he didn't have to carry out his sentence because of some legal loophole. Eventually, she accepted that he wasn't coming back. So she rested her head against her steering wheel and let the tears fall.
It was scary for her to admit it to even herself, mainly because she hadn't had to rely on anyone for so long. She didn't even believe she was capable of love. That changed when Luke came along. She really did despise him at first, an arrogant, pretentious marine. But as she got to know him through the letters while he was in Iraq, she realized how genuine he was in them, and how scared he was to be there. She realized that she was wrong about him. She could remember when it first hit her that maybe she had feelings for him. The night she received that call, when Luke was wounded in battle. She felt a pain in her chest and her heart was in her throat. Even then, she knew: she didn't want to lose him.
Cassie hated to think that her story with Luke was over. When she got back to her apartment from Camp Pendleton that day Luke was admitted, she sat at her piano and began to write. She didn't write a new song. No, she began to pour her heart out in a letter. A letter she wanted to send to Luke. In her letter, she wrote everything that she had wanted to say to Luke if she'd made it on time. Her hand couldn't keep up with her racing mind, and by the end, the paper was just scribbles of her heart.
She continued to write to Luke, even when she was on tour. She would address the letters to Luke's father with a note that told him to bring it to Luke when he visited. She never received any letters back, but she kept sending them anyway. But eventually she realized that sending the letters were no use, that she was being pathetic, that Luke probably didn't want to hear from her again. She figured that's probably why he never responded to her. So eight letters later, she stopped sending them. But that didn't stop her from continuing to write them.
Cassie found it therapeutic, writing letters addressed to Luke but never sending them. In a way, knowing that Luke wouldn't read them made the letters even more deep and personal. She treated it like a journal, documenting her travels, and including snippets of new songs she was working on. She would write about how much she loved him and how much she hoped he was doing well and how she wished things were different. She thought about how much Luke would have enjoyed this, that Cassie, the person who claimed to not believe in love, had fallen for him. If love wasn't supposed to hurt, then why did Cassie feel so much pain? It was stupid of her to have let her guard down—she was never meant to get hurt. Neither of them did.
After sleepless nights in her bunk on the tour bus, she learned something new about love: that love was about sacrifice, and doing what was best for the other. So she filed for divorce. She didn't want to, because deep down, she had hope that things would work out between them. But she knew that this divorce would be good for the both of them and they can start fresh.
But she didn't want to start fresh. She just wanted Luke. And she continued to wear the ring he'd given her, the one he made.
Now, Cassie was standing in the wings of the stage at the House of Blues in Oceanside with the echoes of the roaring crowd that awaited her and her bandmates. For the past few months, The Loyal had been headlining arena shows across the country, but once they got back to the west coast, they decided that Oceanside deserved a smaller, more intimate show, a thank you for the place that started it all.
Cassie had never had stage fright before, she was a born performer. She would put on shows for her mother and her stuffed animals and joined every school talent show when she was younger. She loved to entertain people, she loved how she felt when she did. But tonight felt different, as she waited for her cue, she felt her heartbeat quicken and palms sweat. Surely, this had nothing to do with the fact that she was home and that the possibility of Luke being in the crowd went up exponentially. That is, if he wanted to see her.
Cassie's nervousness was short-lived as soon as she stepped on stage, the energy of the audience fuelled her in a way that made her forget about any negative thoughts or feelings she had earlier. She bounced around on stage as she sang her songs, songs she never thought would get the light of day, let alone being on the Top 40 radio charts. It still amazed her that all these people sang every word to every song. Words that were so meaningful to her, a testament to her heart and brain.
The thrill of performing for her sold-out hometown crowd had her blood pumping steadily in her head, and as she examined the faces of the people in the crowd, she couldn't believe her eyes. She saw Luke, beaming proudly at her as he sang along. Cassie remained composed as she got through the song, stealing a glance at Nora, who swayed her head to the beat as she strummed her guitar.
Cassie often turned to Nora when she had hallucinations of Luke, it was Nora that would snap her out of her Luke-induced trance. But when she looked back at the crowd, Luke was still there. It couldn't have been a hallucination, she memorized every feature of his face: his high cheekbones, strong jaw, full lips, kind eyes. There was no denying that it was him.
Whether it was in her head or not, Luke's presence had allowed Cassie to give the strongest performance of her life, confirmed by the ear-piercing screams of the crowd when she took her final bow.
After the show, Cassie sat at the vanity in her dressing room, wiping her makeup off. She had sweat so much that her eyeliner and mascara smudged, turning her into a tiny raccoon.
"Cassie," Nora said, barging into the room with a grin on her face. "I think you might want to take a look outside."
"As much as I love our fans," Cassie sighed, letting her hair down. "I'm really not in the mood to sign autographs."
"Trust me," Nora insisted, jerking her head towards the door. "You're gonna want to meet this one."
Cassie changed out of her show outfit and threw on something more comfortable, matching sweats and sneakers. She took her time walking down the narrow hallway to the side entrance of the venue. She pushed open the door and inhaled the heavy salted Oceanside air. She looked around, the streets quiet and asleep, with only street lamps illuminating the night. There was a bench nearby one of the street lamps, where Cassie noticed a man sitting. She couldn't make out his face, as she could only see his side profile and there was no direct light on him. She watched as he slouched his shoulders and tensed his jaw. Cassie squinted to try to get a better look at this man, and then it hit her: she knew those cheekbones. She knew that hair, the way it flopped over to one side. It was Luke. It really was him in the crowd.
Cassie closed her eyes and took a deep breath, much like the ones she did for her vocal warmups. She opened her eyes and thought to herself: Here goes everything.
