I swear whenever I forget to C+P my AN, I lose it. ANYWAY - read, review, enjoy. My family wnet on a trip so I apologize for the delay. Remember we are starting to transition over to A03 in case anything happens over here, so please get archive of our own accounts.
Disclaimer: I own nothing
July 2018
"This beach needs better security," Rory hoped her voice didn't sound as shaky as she felt. Seeing him in the flesh all these years later and she instantly felt like no time had passed. Like she was still that kid and he was still her best friend. Rory dropped her book in the sand like she had done al those years ago and stood up to look at him. He looked older, but she supposed she did too. Clearly Logan was on a run. He had filled in, he was always fit, he had always been in shape, but this was something else. He was all muscle and tanned and glistening with sweat. Couldn't he have gotten ugly?
"It's rude to stare, Ace."
Rory bristled, her arms wrapped around her midsection which without realizing it really only highlighted her boobs to him, which he didn't mind. "I didn't know you were here," she told him softly, her nerves calming as he gave her a smile that wasn't quite like the ones she used to get, but it was something. "I guess I should've…Neil…"
"He was a good man," Logan agreed. "When I signed my contract to take over," he referred to the company he was now running, "he was the first call I made."
"He always knew you could do great things Logan," Rory was being honest. Neil believed in them, both of them. He believed that they could do whatever they set their mind to. He was the kind of man who believed in dreams and aspirations and exceeding expectations not because someone else wanted you to, but because you were capable.
"I hear you're at The Times?" Logan smiled. He was trying to return the compliment. Tell her that he was proud of her for achieving her goals, her dreams. The things they used to talk about when they would sit on the beach late at night in the middle of the week, when they were growing into the people they were supposed to be. "That's really amazing Rory."
"Well not quite as amazing as running a business," she never could take a compliment from him. She had to deflect. "I should," Rory inhaled and nodded back up towards the house. "Get inside. Make some lunch. Something makes me think that a diet of rose will not be the best thing I've ever done."
"Come by later?" Logan asked, a little sparkle in his eye as he smirked at her. He could see her cheeks flushing as she considered his offer. "C'mon Ace. It's been a long time. We can go and see Jane, I'll make some dinner. I wanna know how you've been. What were you going to do tonight? Watch a movie? Read a book? FaceTime your boyfriend? Couple of old friends catching up…"
Rory didn't even know how to respond. What had she planned on doing that night? There were groceries in the fridge so she probably would've made herself a charcuterie board for one and sat on the big oversized white couches that had replaced the old blue couches in the den and watched a movie on the new flat screen TV. "We can go to see Jane, and maybe have a drink? I have plans for dinner." Of course that was a lie. She was trying to play it safe. Talking to him now, wondering when the other shoe was going to drop. Wondering if he was going to ask her why after all this time. There were questions she couldn't answer. Questions she didn't know how to answer. She had broken his heart, and broken her own in the process and a part of that had never really healed even with all the time that had passed.
"You happy?" Logan asked her after a moment had passed and it was just the two of them and the sound of the ocean. One of the many perks of where they were was that tourists didn't find them. Just people who owned property along the beach frequented it and they were completely alone at the moment. "The Times? New York? Princeton?"
She felt the familiar churning in her stomach, was she happy? Superficially she had everything she wanted. A decent job, nice enough place, no roommate, laundry in her building (although she would prefer in suite), she didn't worry about her bills but she didn't spend irresponsibly. Rory may not have been breaking any records or winning awards, but she was on the right path. She lived a life that she enjoyed. "I have what I wanted," she answered. It wasn't convincing, but she had always known her better. She never would've been able to lie to him. "Are you?"
Logan rolled his eyes and shrugged, "I was never looking to follow my dreams. I always knew what was expected of me, I met the expectations."
She wanted to tell him that he was so much more than a plan. He had achieved so much more, he was brilliant and kind. He was a good man, he was all sorts of things that his parents had never let him believe he was and they certainly didn't let him think mattered in their world, but she couldn't. She couldn't because if she started telling him those things, she wasn't sure she would be able to stop. "I'm going to get changed. Pick me up in a couple of hours?"
"You wanna walk?" Logan asked tentatively. It was probably 20 minutes to town. He had to figure their speed might've picked up a bit as they got older, but maybe he was wrong. Back then they would walk and stop to catch their breath over laughing fits and sharing ice cream cones on the way back. "Nice day," he had looked at the weather earlier, "I'm sure Jane will have a bottle of something there…"
"And Mr Responsible doesn't drink and drive," Rory smiled genuinely. She was relieved. The Logan she had known put safety, especially her safety above anything else. He did a lot of dumb stuff but he tried not to be careless with anyone else's life - including other people on the road.
"Mr Responsible would lose his company," he admitted, his lip curling upwards in a smile that matched hers.
"See you in a bit," Rory shrugged her shoulders. She gathered her things, acutely aware of how he lingered just a few feet away. She ignored the rush of whatever it was running through her belly as she took one more glance at him and made her way up to the house. By the time she had gotten to the patio she could see his figure retreating, his hand running through his tousled hair and once again she was transported back in time to before everything had become so complicated. Rory was slow but meticulous about putting her things away. The basket went back where it came from, the bottle of wine back in the beverage fridge. She washed the glass by hand and wondered if she should shower again before he came. Rory assumed she didn't have too much time. Just enough to get changed again, this time into a linen dress that cut just above her knee with spaghetti straps and then she fixed her hair. While the sea breeze gave some people wavy curls, all it did for Rory was add what felt like a layer of grit to her flat hair. So she went with it, running a hand through the hair, hoping it would come off as texture and not grit. She added a nearly nude lipstick and a tiny bit of mascara and then she decided that she was ready to go.
It was another 10 minutes before he arrived. She used the time to respond to an e-mail from her boss and also check in with Christine. She had told her mother she was coming, but she would not be telling Lorelai about her run in (or was it plural?) with Logan, nor would she dare mention it to her grandmother. There hadn't been much discussion of why she and Logan had simply ceased to exist before she went to college. No, there were questions when she quietly decided to attend Harvard instead of Yale (there had been more fanfare when she decided not to go to Harvard), there had been a couple of questions of whether or not she would attend certain family events to which she had brushed off in favour of studying or school and no one had fought her on it. Rory without Logan had shifted…not quite back to the shy, people pleasing girl she was before him, but some of that fire had dulled when she went away to school.
"All set?" He asked as he hopped out of his sleek, black Range Rover - a far cry from the days of picking her up in a little two seater BMW. He looked good, of course he looked good as he stepped out, a crisp white dress shirt with the top two buttons undone and a pair of dusty blue shorts that hit just above his knee. Logan Huntzberger belonged in this place.
"All set," Rory nodded. She stepped forward and hugged him. She wasn't sure what made her feel the urge to wrap her arms around his body, but she did and everything about it felt like safety. "I can't believe he's gone," she whispered, reminding herself that she was there because someone she had cared about was dead, not to live out some weird Hallmark movie with her ex who had aged like a fine wine.
Logan held her for another moment. Her head nuzzled under his chin as he thought about the heartbreak he had felt when Jane called, so he had an idea of how Rory felt at the loss. At least Logan had been in touch with Neil and Jane. He hadn't just stopped coming one year. He still visited, he still got lost in books, he would argue his taste had improved over the years, but they were still a sanctuary for him. A safe haven from the realities of his life. "He was proud of you," Logan paused for a moment, unsure of what exactly to say next, "and I think everyone thought I ran you off. So no one really blamed you. They just assumed that I fucked it up Ace," he held her at an arms length now, trying to give her a look that would reassure her that no one thought any less of her for vanishing out of their lives. "No one thought I was made for a relationship in the first place, right? Certainly wasn't good enough for Rory Gilmore."
If Rory thought leaving had broken her heart, hearing how he talked about himself even all these years later was truly enough to destroy her. "Logan," she cocked her head to the left, her thumb stroking his bicep as she squeezed it gently. "You were never…god, you never should have taken the blame. God, this was…I chose to leave. I chose not to come back. You weren't responsible for that." In so many ways she wished that there was more she could say. Logan shook his head, assured her that it was all water under the bridge at this point and that they should get going. Rory agreed. She slipped into the car before he had a chance to open the door for her. He was always chivalrous. It had been engrained in him. Opening doors, taking coats, offering drinks…no one could entertain the way that man could, or the way he used to…she didn't imagine it had changed. They drove in silence for a moment. Each of them stealing quick glances at each other when they thought the other wasn't looking. "I'll explain it all Logan," she told him softly, her lip quivering as she watched the houses zip by and they closed in on the town. "Not right now…I need to get through this with Neil, but I will explain it all. You deserve to know."
His scoff was involuntary and he could tell it hurt her, but he couldn't help it. Since when had it mattered if he knew where things had gone wrong? It had been a whole lifetime since then and he had managed to live without that closure the entire time. "It doesn't matter anymore. We're here, we both cared about Neil and Jane, the weekend is like a time machine. You don't owe me anything, I don't owe you anything. It was another lifetime ago. We're just two adults catching up."
It hurt. It hurt to hear him try so hard to dismiss it. To dismiss them. Maybe it hadn't meant as much to him? Maybe she had created something in her mind, she had taken a friendship and a fleeting moment of a relationship and turned it into something bigger. Time had a way of doing that. Changing your perception of things…maybe time had romanticized their relationship. Maybe it was just books and laughter and eventually kissing and sex. Maybe while she cried in her dorm room for so much of that first semester of college, Logan was just living it up at Yale. "I still owe you an explanation," her voice came out more firmly than she had anticipated. She had thought it might waiver, that it might come through broken or sad, but it didn't. "It wasn't nothing, Logan."
He tightened his grip on the steering wheel, he could feel his jaw clenching and he could feel her eyes on him. It hadn't been nothing, he knew that, but did they really need to relive it? He had moved on, he had long ago moved on. He had relationships and dates and women who were a part of his life. Sure, her disappearing act had fucked with him? Of course it had. She was the first person that he had ever really grown to care about outside of his family and the people who had been in his life since birth. He chose Rory, they chose each other…and then one day she was gone. "I know," he admitted, signalling before he expertly parallel parked the SUV. "We don't have to do this Ace."
Rory didn't respond. She got out of the car before he had a chance to open the door for her and shut the door behind her a little more forcefully than she had planned. Why is this so hard? she wondered to herself. Did it have to be this hard? She never remembered being in his presence and not just falling into sync with him - even now if she thought about it, they were still in sync, there was just tension under the surface of it all. "I wonder if the door will even be open?" Rory asked, it was half to herself, half to him as she made her way to the storefront and wiggled the doorknob. The light was on and before Rory had time to do it herself, Logan had reached about the window and found the spare key that had been hidden there for decades. She watched as he slid it in the lock and then turned the knob, "hello?" Rory poked her head in, relieved when no alarm started blaring. It meant Jane was either there, or that they had never gotten an alarm system, or more than likely both. "Jane, it's me, Rory Gilmore. I'm here with Logan." They heard a bit of clamour and then a sigh and Rory wanted to say something, call out to make sure whoever was in there (hopefully Jane) was alright, but Logan put his hand on her forearm and shook her head, giving a knowing smile as he waited for the woman to more or less come tumbling out of the back office.
The tiny bookstore had never been known for being the most organized place, Logan remembered his father having such disdain for all of the books and magazines seemingly discarded wherever and without any order. Logan had long tried to say it was organized chaos, but back then it had just been chaos. Now…now he supposed it was organized chaos. The floors were clear, the books were straightened up, there were cocktail tables and chairs neatly arranged with crisp white table cloths on them. Aside from the venue itself, it looked like it was prepared for the kind of event his mother would throw, although he supposed this was more morbid than one of her cocktail parties. "You came?" Jane cried, her hair had turned a silver colour, still straight as a pin and Rory thought there was a striking resemblance to the character Mandy Moore played on This Is Us, Rebecca Pearson, but she still looked the same. Jane wrapped the pair in a hug and it was a feeling of coming home for Rory. "You're here. You both came."
"Of course we came," Logan spoke first. He could see that Rory was struggling, emotions coming in waves over her face and her eyes glossing over with tears that she wasn't quite ready to let fall. "We are so sorry about Neil," he hugged the older woman once more, "you know how much he meant to me, to Rory…you guys were like our parents for those years."
"Well lord knows your parents," Jane pulled away and gave Logan a once over like a mother would when her son came home for Thanksgiving for the first time in years, "weren't doing it. My god, do you eat? You're too thin. Rory, he's too thin!"
Rory laughed, finally getting her wits about her. She embraced Jane and mumbled her condolences, sniffling and apologizing for being gone for so long. Jane shooed away her concerns, telling her she understood and that there was nothing to apologize for. "Something tells me this guy lives at the gym," Rory smiled at Logan who was trying to subdue the redness coming to his cheeks. "I've seen him jogging on the beach Jane. What kind of weirdo likes to jog in sand?"
"A glutton for punishment I say," Jane sighed.
Rory had always thought that Jane shared some traits with her own mother, a love of food and distaste for exercise being two things pretty high on that list. "How can we help?"
Jane shrugged and gestured wildly around the space, telling them that supposedly it was ready for the service, but it still felt so wrong. It felt like he shouldn't be gone, they shouldn't be doing this, they shouldn't have to, but they did have to. "I would love if you two would just sit and talk to me," she told them honestly. "I want to know about your lives, what you're doing, how you're doing. Tell me everything! I have a bottle in the office."
Before either of them could respond Jane was gone, back into her office shuffling around and returning a moment later with a bottle of vodka that Rory was fairly certain had been around since before she had stopped coming to town. She had three paper cups and gestured for the pair to take a seat on some chairs that Rory immediately noticed had been replaced in the years she had been gone.
"Honestly my life isn't that interesting," Rory crossed her feet at her ankles and took the small cup of vodka from Jane. "What is new here? The place looks great…"
"Neil wanted it to be more organized," she smiled wistfully, thinking about the conversations she had with her husband about wanting the store to be more visually appealing. "I just feel like books…they're meant to cause a bit of chaos, you know? You put down a romance novel and maybe next you're reading about fine arts or the economy or self help-"
"Or Lord of the Rings," Logan laughed.
"God, please tell me your taste has improved over the years? What are you reading right now?" Rory gained a bit more confidence in her ability to poke fun at Logan as she downed the last of the clear liquid she had been given and Jane immediately topped her up.
Logan grimaced and let out a laugh, "I've grown."
"You're reading Game of Thrones, aren't you?" Rory raised her eyebrow and laughed, her blue eyes sparkling as the blush crept up his neck into his cheeks. "God you are predictable. Anyone ever tell you that?"
"I have," Jane chimed in with a laugh. "Did you know he still orders from me? I mean he could order from anywhere. Barnes and Noble, Amazon, but no. Once a month or so I get a call from Logan and he gives me a list of books he wants to read and I ship it and he sends me a cheque…"
"Well if I paid by credit you'd get stuck with the processing fees," Logan made it seem like it was no big deal, but Rory knew it was. She knew that this was a conscious effort Logan made to stay connected to this part of his life, to this town.
"Did he order Game of Thrones?" Rory giggled and Jane raised her eyebrow which resulted in both women erupting in laughter.
"Isn't there some sort of code here?" Logan groaned. He had barely taken a sip of his drink while they were both well into their third. He figured he had to drive home so one was more than enough given the mindfuck it was for him to be around Rory after all these years.
"I am not a doctor, lawyer, or priest," Jane winked, of course she knew exactly what she was doing.
"It's called the Song of Ice and Fire," Logan glared at Rory and then turned to Jane, "see if I don't start ordering my books from Amazon from now on."
The evening moved along, Jane peppered the pair with questions, it was clear she was hoping to garner some tidbit about what was happening between the two of them. Rory spoke of her job and both Jane and Logan noted how animated she was, how excited she was about her position. She talked about the items she had reported on and what it felt like to be on the ground for certain moments in history. Jane told them about the changes in the store, the kids that had come on in the years since Rory had left, the way the tourist economy in the area hadn't really changed, likely due to the old money that was so entrenched in the area, and then it was Logan. He was vague about his personal life, no matter how many ways Jane tried to ask about his dating history, he talked about his parents and his sister, his niece and nephew and his job. Rory was relieved when he admitted that he liked his job more than he ever thought he would and that he wasn't as bitter as he had expected he might be. He confirmed he was still friends with a lot of the same guys from college and Rory couldn't help but wonder if they hated her. She had to assume that they hated her - she had unceremoniously left without a word, changed her college plan and sworn her grandparents and mother to secrecy about her decisions. She hadn't told them why. Just a statement that she and Logan were not together anymore and she didn't want to go to Yale.
"Do you two kids not believe in marriage? Neil and I had been married for a decade at your age…" Jane asked somewhat abruptly when there was a moment of silence among them. Rory's head shot up and Logan's eyes widened, neither were sure if she was referring to marriage in general or to them getting married.
Rory spoke first, she couldn't speak for Logan. They'd never discussed anything like marriage when they were kids, they had thought about Yale and college together but they had been so young and beyond that felt like a million years away. "I'm just waiting for the right person," she admitted. "I'd like to get married, but I have my job and I date, and I don't know," Rory finished her fourth drink, "I'm happy enough."
Jane exhaled, she could see that happy enough wasn't enough for Rory. It wasn't that Jane believed getting married and having kids was a model to base your life on, in fact she knew it wasn't necessary, but she also thought that these were two kids who once upon a time had wanted those things, even if they hadn't said it out loud. "As long as you're open to what the future may hold."
Logan smirked as he watched Rory fidget in the hot seat, "I was engaged once," he admitted. He looked at the walls, his eyes dancing along the bookshelves, titles that he had read years ago catching his eye as he went. He couldn't look at them, he couldn't look at her. "After I graduated. We were together for a few years and I proposed. What I was supposed to do, you know? But uh… it didn't work. It wasn't right."
Rory could tell that it wasn't something he wanted to talk about, not something he liked to talk about. It wasn't like he needed to talk about it, there wasn't some gun pointed at his head demanding that he tell the truth, but then the other shoe dropped. "Well dear, of course everyone in town heard about that." So Logan had been engaged to someone from the area, a local perhaps? Or maybe someone who came for the summer and then left? "Speaking of people who haven't been seen around town since…"
Logan rolled his eyes and Rory tried not to seem too invested in the details of the conversation. Who was she? Was she one of the girls that Rory heard about back then? From before she left? Was it someone Rory knew? Did the girl just frequent the Vineyard because Logan did? "When was that?" Rory asked, trying not to seem too interested. How had she missed a whole ass engagement? Not that she frequently googled the man, but she surely would've heard if the man running HPG had gotten engaged.
Logan caught her eye, he wanted to snap back, ask what difference it made to her who it was. She had chosen to leave. She didn't even give her the courtesy of telling him she had broken up with him. Using the terminology of today, she had ghosted him before ghosting was a thing. When Logan had walked up to her on the beach, he was sure that he was over it. He was over her, but apparently there were still moments when he just wanted to lash out. He wanted her to hurt the way he had hurt. "A year after I graduated," he told her. "We uh…met here. She was visiting a friend, it was after my second year at Yale," he added that part to make the point that he had decidedly not met the girl he would later be engaged to while he was still with Rory. She may have been willing to hurt him, but he had never been unfaithful to her.
Jane responded, something about Logan being much better than that girl and how he deserved more. Rory thought maybe Jane added that part for her benefit. It was like being in a time machine. If Rory closed her eye sand ignored the alcohol warmly moving through her veins, she was back to being a teen. She was sitting at the bookstore, she could feel his arms around her, his lips on her neck for those few weeks of that last summer when they were really together. But then Jane was talking about cancer and chemotherapy. She talked about temporarily shutting down and moving to Boston for treatments and how hard Neil had fought. She wasn't aware of the time that had passed or how many drinks had gone into her until the door opened and Jane's sister came to collect her. Apparently Jane had asked to be picked up and reminded to go home and almost immediately, Rory was walking back to the car with Logan a step behind her to make sure she didn't go head first into a garbage can or a car.
"You're mad at me," Rory surmised as she got buckled. She wasn't quite drunk, but she also wasn't not drunk either.
"I'm not mad at you Rory." His lips were in a firm line as he checked for traffic and pulled onto the road. "You need to eat." They hadn't eaten anything with Jane and maybe that is why everything had gone straight to Rory's head. The few times he had seen her drink when they were younger, and even in that moment they were in, she seemed more free. More willing to be goofy and fun, a big smile played on her lips as they continued to drive and she pointed out houses, the things that had changed, the things that hadn't, the memories she had of the places.
"Remember when my Grandma," she laughed as they finally pulled into his driveway, "caught us making out in the basement?"
Logan chuckled as he cut the engine. "Sent us down to grab a bottle of wine, came down and found us. At least she didn't notice where my hand was." Rory blushed and Logan grinned, "c'mon, can I make you something to eat?"
"I made a charcuterie board," Rory told him with a proud smile, "took a course a few months ago with a colleague." Christine had dragged her, that was the truth, but he didn't need to know that she had gone against her will. "Have some wine. You can tell me about your work, or we can watch a movie or something?"
"Only you would find my work interesting," Logan nodded towards the path that would lead to the beach and the easiest access between the two properties which had been purposely developed many years ago to provide the illusion of space and privacy despite being on neighbouring lots. They walked, they waked and despite her protests, Logan walked into the house and found a bottle of wine, 2 glasses and a blanket while Rory grabbed the charcuterie board she had carefully curated earlier in the day. She had made it with only herself in mind so she had even included some of the Sour Patch Kids that she had brought with her on the plane - who said charcuterie couldn't indulge a sweet tooth too? They reconvened on the patio, Rory noticed that at some point string lights had been installed and she had to imagine her grandmother had no idea that it had been done because Emily Gilmore was not a fan of whimsical outdoor lighting. "You good?" Logan asked as Rory placed the food down and Logan poured the bottle of wine while they sat beside each other on a couch. Rory nodded, nothing that a good nights sleep couldn't handle. "No Ace, I mean really…being back here…it can't be easy."
She knew what he meant. The last time she had been there, her grandfather was alive, they were together, everything was different. "You shouldn't be concerning yourself with whether or not I'm ok. I should be asking you that. I'm the one…I'm the one who made it weird. Who screwed things up. I mean, Jane clearly knows it was me who screwed it up. She knew your fiancé?" Rory was rambling now, "you brought her here?"
"I met her here." Logan ignored most of what Rory was saying. He was clearly starting to spiral and Logan had been privy to more than a few Rory Gilmore freak outs. From when she decided on Yale instead of her lifelong dream of Harvard to when her first boyfriend, a kid who he remembered worked at the town grocery store had told her he loved her and Rory had frozen. He had been on the receiving end of many a late night call where they went through pro-con lists and talked about her worries about school, her struggles with her mother and all the things she had wanted for her own life. He had been her safety. "She was visiting a friend, we both went to Yale, hit it off…"
"You wanted to marry her?" She wasn't sure she could imagine it. Logan imaging his future with anyone but her that was, for so long, well after they had broken up, she had imagined them together. She had imagined that even though she had destroyed them, their love was the kind of love that conquered anything and everything - Rory wasn't stupid. She didn't believe in love at first sight or fairytales, but Logan…he made her believe in soulmates without even trying.
"Thought I did," Logan plucked two pieces of gouda off the tray and offered her one. She took it, gratefully and then he popped his in his mouth. "Didn't work out."
"Why?" Rory asked.
"Why what?"
"Why didn't it work out?"
Logan paused. He scrubbed a hand over his face and wanted to wonder out loud why she had to do this to him. Did she enjoy bringing up the past? His failed engagement wasn't exactly something he enjoyed talking about, even if it had been him who called it off. "Why do you care?" He countered.
It just took a second. A moment until Rory had sat up and leaned over to him. Her hand covered his cheek where his own had just been. Her thumb stroked his five o'clock shadow that she thought was one of the hottest things she had ever seen, and then her lips were on his. He tasted like wine and cheese and Logan, god he tasted like Logan. He froze for a moment. He froze and she moved, her tongue sweeping against his lips for a moment and then when he opened his mouth, his own tongue matching hers tentatively, his head leaning back and his entire body relaxing, she maneuvered herself until she was straddling him without breaking the kiss. She may not have settled down, but she certainly hadn't been celibate in all of those years and apparently her game had improved slightly. Her hands found his chest and his found her hair and as their tongues battled and their bodies meshed together, her dress riding up as she pressed her hips into him, it was like no time had passed and nothing had changed.
