That evening when he exits the shower he finds his partner, soul mate, and love of his life lying in bed restlessly perusing Woman's World magazine. He scoots into a seat next to her in bed.
"You ran out of things to read on your kindle?"
"No. I just picked it up at the airport."
He furrows his brow, "You find those insipid."
"Generally yes."
"I think you've gone as far as to refer to them as vapid debauchery to perpetuate a patriarchal narrative within our societal construct."
She hands him the magazine. He glances at the cover.
"Bye-by bad moods? Or over 50 can't lose weight? Scully what would possess you to buy this?"
"I wish that I could answer that, Mulder," she admits misty-eyed.
"You're having an existential crisis, aren't you?"
"Probably."
He kisses her forehead, "I'm listening."
"I don't even know who I am anymore. I just feel like an imposter. Whose life am I living? Why doesn't having all the things I ever wanted make me happy?"
He shrugs, "The answer to that question is in your ballpark, not mine."
"None of it makes any sense."
"Are you regretting…" he begins.
She cuts him off, "I don't regret any of it. I'm just not sure I understand any of it, either."
"None of us anticipated this transition would be tangled up in the midst of a post-partum depression."
"When I look in the mirror I just don't even know who I am anymore."
"How can I help you figure it out?"
She shrugs, "I don't know."
"What do you want to do?"
"Run away."
"From me?"
"From everything," she admits.
"From this world?" He tries to pin her down.
She shrugs, "I can't answer that right now."
"Did you stop checking your email?"
"After it exceeded a thousand unopened messages after Charlotte was born I abandoned it. Why do you ask?"
"The FBI is attempting to recruit you."
"Fox that ship has already sailed."
"As an FBI recruiter."
She furrows her brow, "What does that even mean?"
"Apparently they want your assistance recruiting women who are leaders in STEM to positions at the bureau."
Her lips pucker, "Why were you reading my email?"
"I locked myself out of the baby monitor feed, and I had to reset the password, which is linked to your email."
"But you can remember the password to my email?"
"It is not particularly difficult. It is your favorite flower, and the year followed by an asterisk."
She leans against him and shakes her head, "I know that you are just trying to get me to feel better, but I'm not sure any life altering changes are the ticket right now."
He exhales, "I'm sorry for pushing you. Neither one of us are particularly adept at patience."
The winter days seem to drag on, and on. Eventually the cherry blossom trees begin to show signs of life suggesting that spring has gained its foothold. Mulder is out of town at a sasquatch conference, or something as equally ridiculous. Dana puts Charlotte into the stroller and begins down the sidewalk. Charlotte babbles in response to whatever Scully is saying. Scully stops at the end of the block, and locks the wheels of the stroller. She squats down next to the baby, and offers a genuine smile. The little one babbles, and kicks her feet.
"You're in a rare form this morning."
"Mama."
Scully's eyes light up, "What did you say?"
"Mama," she smiles with two bottom teeth.
Scully kisses her pudgy little hand. "We probably shouldn't say that in front of daddy, okay? He's going to be devastated."
"Mama, mama, mama," Charlotte squeals.
"We should get heading back. It's still a little chilly out here."
"Mama!" Charlotte screams as Scully attempts to walk away.
Scully returns to her line of sight, "We've got to get home. We have to go out for an appointment."
Mulder returns home late that evening. Scully is sitting at their dining room table with her hair pulled into a clip as she sifts through piles of paperwork.
"You're up late," he comments.
"I was waiting for you to get in."
He kisses her, "That was unnecessary."
"Hardly."
"Is there something on your mind? Why is there a suitcase in the hallway?"
Dana exhales, and ponders her next utterance very carefully. She quietly taps her toes on the hard tile floor. Her mind wanders to the suitcase, and the pair of olive LL Bean boot that always remind her of a duck's bill.
Mulder clears his throat, "And whose car is parked in the driveway?"
"After all of these years there are a lot of things that you still don't know about me."
"All of the roads to you were closed off to me for such a long time. A quarter of a century later you have offered me a cow's path to your innermost workings, and half the time I find myself mired in a bog on my way to you."
She shakes her head, "I'm sorry." A single tear rolls down her rosy cheek as she brushes past him.
"Where are you going?"
She continues to the foyer, and slips into her boots. As he materializes he glances out the window at the old Jeep in their driveway. It's sort of a gold (if you could call it that after all these years) old Cherokee.
"I am going away."
"For how long?"
"I can't answer that," she rolls her suitcase to the door.
"Where are you going?"
"I have written the coordinates on a piece of paper in the kitchen. I also pinned the location in your phone."
"I don't understand."
"I love you madly, but the life we're living is driving me mad."
"Let's talk about this."
"I've got to go."
"Dana," his voice cracks.
"Please don't make this any harder than it has to be."
"What are you searching for?"
"I'm just looking for me, Mulder."
"That's what worries me," he admits closing the gap between them. He brushes hair behind her ear as she secures her rain jacket. "I don't fear your entanglement with the beasts out there. I only grow leery of the animals raging in your own mind."
"You have to let me go."
"What about Charlotte?"
"There is plenty of milk in the freezer."
