"How's Krieg doing?" Asked Lilith to Axton. "He's... just standing there. He's been like that ever since Odin's visit." Axton pointed to Krieg, who had been standing silently in the center of town since the previous day. "You think we should snap him out of it?" asked Lilith. "I'd normally agree, but this is Krieg we're talking about. I'm scared he might disembowel anyone who tries to get his attention."
INSIDE KRIEG'S MIND:
"You mean to tell me all these years you were the embodiment of a Norse god's blessing!?"
"I AM THE ALL-FATHER'S GUT-RIPPING GIFT!! A MIGHTY MEANS TO SAVAGELY SLAUGHTER THE WICKED AND PRESERVE THE LEFTOVER INNOCENT MEAT SAUCE!!!"
"Is that thing Tannis theorized to be the source of our insanity also a part of Odin's 'gift'!?"
"THE PSYCHOREAVER GIVES SUCCULENT STRENGTH, SO LONG AS HE'S KEPT ON THE LEATHERY LEASH OF RIGHTEOUS RESTRAINT!!!"
"So you're saying as long as we don't succumb to mindless rage and violence, this blessing is ultimately beneficial for me?"
"PERFECTLY PRECISE, PUPPET MASTER!!!"
"Y'know, you could've explained this to me before we got involved with the forces of Hell and Norse deities."
"NEVER THOUGHT I'D NEED TO."
"Wait, did you just speak coherently?"
Krieg was still standing in the center of town, as if he was in a trance of sorts. Eventually, Moxxie got a bit sick of everyone else's reluctance to snap him out of it. "It's been a whole day and no one's woke him up! Well that does it, I'm going in!" Moze attempted to stop Moxxie. "I wouldn't do that if I were you, little guy. Krieg's pretty volatile when it comes to getting taken by surprise." Unfortunately, this did nothing to stop Moxxie, who walked up to Krieg with a stepladder, climbed up said stepladder, and delivered a slap to the psycho's masked face. With that, Krieg awoke.
"AAARRRGH!!! WHERE DOES THE DANGER HIDE!? I'LL SHANK ITS SADISTIC SMILE!!" screamed Krieg as he grabbed Moxxie by the collar and pinned him to the wall. "Told ya Krieg wouldn't like that." said Moze, facepalming. Krieg looked around and remembered that he was in Sanctuary. He dropped Moxxie, who was likely traumatized from the experience. Mordecai walked onto the scene, holding a tablet-like device. "Good to see you're back, Krieg. Got a job for you n' Axton. Some pop star's touring Promethea, and she needs some security ever since her last enforcer was 'corroded to a skeleton by a big-ass snake'. Heh, wonder what the story behind that could be."
Krieg put 2 and 2 together and realized this pop star Mordecai was talking about was none other Verosika Mayday, that succubus he'd saved from Jormungandr's acidic morning breath. "We got a ship prepped for you at New Haven, just go there, and you n' Axton'll be on Promethea before ya know it."
LATER, WITHIN PROMETHEA'S ORBIT:
The shuttle held up well, as to be expected from Sanctuary's resident mechanic, Scooter. Axton gripped the controls, and jetted the ship towards the metropolitan planet. "Attention, unknown spacecraft." said a voice over the radio. "This is Atlas Air Control Tower 7. We are going to need identification before we can clear you for entry into Promethean airspace." "Atlas Air Control Tower 7, this is Axton, the vault hunter, along with my friend Krieg and a cargo of our gear." replied Axton. "Wow, Vault Hunters! Let 'em through, boys." Krieg and Axton flew through the Atlas security barriers and into the planet's atmosphere.
Suddenly, Claptrap popped out of the glove box in front of Krieg. "Hey guys! We there yet!? I think my oil's starting to leak." Axton jumped in his seat. "Gagh! Claptrap!? The hell are you doing onboard?!" "I couldn't get tickets to the Verosika Mayday concert 'cause they sold out MONTHS beforehand! When I heard that you and Krieg would be acting as Mayday's security, I figured I could use that to get in for FREE!" Axton recomposed himself. "Alright, fine. You can tag along, just stay still, and don't touch anything, please." said the Commando as he plopped the CL4P-TP unit in a seat between his and Krieg's.
Approximately 5 minutes passed before things started going south. "This is taking too long!" cried out Claptrap. "The concert could be happening without us AS WE SPEAK!" "THE SACRILEGIOUS SYMPHONY DOESN'T BEGIN UNTIL THE SKY IS COATED IN PURPLE!!" Claptrap suddenly pushed Axton out of his seat. "ETA: 30 minutes!? Ha! I can get us to Halcyon Spaceport in 5!" Claptrap put the ship's thrusters on full throttle, propelling the group forward at intense speed. "CLAPTRAP, WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING!?" screamed Axton as he struggled to find something to hold on to. "GOD AS MY WITNESS, I WILL HAVE MY VEROSIKA MAYDAY BODY PILLOW SIGNED BY THE WOMAN HERSELF! HAHAHA!!" shouted Claptrap as he began maniacally cackling.
As the ship neared the Halcyon Spaceport's landing bay, Atlas Air Control Tower 7 noticed the speeding craft. "Attention, Vault Hunters, your ship's going way too fast. Please slow down. Repeat, please slow down. Hello? Vault Hunters? Can you hear us?" The radio operator watched as the Vault Hunters' transport continued barreling towards the landing bay. "I need all emergency services on standby!" called out the operator to the rest of the tower.
Axton finally managed to pull himself to the front of the ship, yanking Claptrap out of the pilot's seat, and climbing back in. He attempted to readjust the controls so that they weren't about to plow straight into someone's parked space-yacht, only to see that the wheel had been stuck in place with used chewing gum. "HOW DID HE EVEN MANAGE THAT!?" shouted Axton. In a last ditch effort, he pulled a lever to deploy a parachute to slow down the ship. While the chute deployed successfully, it only slowed the ship a fraction of what it was supposed to. Axton looked in the rear-view mirror to see the words "BLITZO WUZ HEER" cut out of the chute. Axton could only slam his face on the dashboard and begin crying in defeat as the ship continued on its downward plummet.
The Crimson Lance had deployed on the spaceport's runway, with a safety net prepared to intercept the outta-control spacecraft. The ship came crashing onto the runway, and was successfully caught in the net. However, the ship's sudden stop in momentum sent Axton flying out the windshield, and sliding across the tarmac. The ship finally came to a screeching halt. The door opened, and out came Claptrap and Krieg. "Helloooo, Promethea!" Krieg attempted to say something, only to begin rigorously vomiting from having went on Mr. CL4P-TP's Wild Ride. Crimson Lance medics attended to Axton, who was still lying on the runway. "Sir, are you OK? Sir, please speak to us!" As the medics put him on a stretcher, Axton could only manage to let out a weak: "Ugh, my ears burn...".
LATER, AT AN AFFORDABLE HOTEL:
Krieg and Axton watched as Claptrap was driven away by the Atlas Police Force. "Eh, Lilith'll probably bail him out soon." said Axton. Just then, a pink and black tour bus containing Verosika and whatever of her entourage that hadn't been killed during Jormungandr's attack back in Chapter 15 pulled up in front of the duo. The bus came to a halt and out stepped the succubus herself. "Greetings, Miss Mayday. I'm Axton, he's Krieg. We're the Vault Hunters you hired as personal security for tonight." "Oh, hey, I remember you." said Verosika upon seeing Krieg. "You're the guy who saved me from that giant fucking snake a few weeks back. Thanks for that." Krieg stood there, with what seemed to be a look of anguish on his face, judging from what little of his face his mask showed.
INSIDE KRIEG'S MIND:
"Now's our chance. We're both interested in her, just ask her if she'd like to go out after the concert. And please. Please, for the love of all that is good and holy in this universe, do not say anything about fecal matter or seminal fluids."
"UHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH..." Krieg continued standing, seemingly flabbergasted. "Eh, that's probably just his way of sayin' 'you're welcome'." reassured Axton. The two Vault Hunters climbed aboard Verosika's tour bus, Krieg having some difficulty due to his size. After several stops, a nasty encounter with invading Tediore soldiers, and a discovery that blood can be used as bus fuel that may or may not be related to the previously mentioned Tediore soldiers, the group had made it to Strongfork Stadium, named for Atlas's CEO: Rhys Strongfork. As Verosika's crew unloaded equipment, Krieg was pulled aside by the bus driver, who was an old, yet muscular man with a short gray beard and an eyepatch-oh, God, it's Odin again, isn't it?
"Hello again, Krieg!" "YOU'VE ALREADY GUTTED ME WITH YOUR GIFT! WHY WILL YOU NOT DISAPPEAR, DAMNED DEITY!?" "Ok, look, I understand my blessing my have had several... unintended side effects, heh. So, I've decided that I will try to make it up to you!" "HOW DO YOU MAKE WHAT IS ALREADY DESTROYED, SAVAGELY SLAUGHTERED, DEPRESSING DESOLATION AND DEATH ARE ALL THAT ARE CONTAINED IN ME!!!" Odin, taken aback by Krieg's brief rant, recomposed himself. "Alright, so I've been watching this whole little adventure you've been having with Charlie and company, and I've noticed that you seem to have eyes for Ms. Mayday over there." said the disguised All-Father as he motioned towards Verosika, who was preparing for her performance. "But, you're evidently not very good at vocalizing your true feelings about her or really anything in particular." Odin grabbed a large pile of books. "So, during her show, hopefully I can have you at least able to get your feelings for her across without getting a restraining order put on you."
SEVERAL HOURS OF MUSIC ABOUT FOREPLAY AND A STADIUM-WIDE ORGY LATER:
Odin gave Krieg lessons on proper etiquette on talking to people backstage, whilst Verosika put on her show. "Alright, Krieg, you've done great so far, now, pretend I'm Verosika. Here, this should help." Odin proceeded to shapeshift into a copy of Verosika, albeit with an eyepatch. Krieg, stood up, inhaled deeply, and for the first time in over a decade, spoke with (some) clarity. "Hrrrrrrggh-HELLO, Miss Mayday. WE-er-I WOUld like to go out with you, if you're so inCLINED!" Krieg's voice sounded as if his Sane and Crazy personalities were actively struggling for control over his mind. "Well, the show's about to end, so that's as good as we can get for now." shrugged Odin, morphing back into his bus driver disguise. Verosika could be heard saying her goodbyes to the audience. "Thank you, Strongfork Stadium! I'd stay longer, but I'm certain that the Atlas Police Force has a warrant for my arrest by now!"
"Alright, people, let's get everything loaded up and outta here." said Verosika as she walked backstage. "Eh, wuh?" muttered Axton, waking up next to Josh, one of Verosika's cohorts. "Alright, go get 'em, tiger." cheekily said Odin as he walked back to the bus. Krieg walked towards Verosika, and prepared to apply what he learned. "Hello Miss May-" "I heard your sessions with the driver backstage, just so you know. I'm gonna be busy with a merch signing event back at the hotel, though I'm available Friday if that's ok." Krieg nodded his head in agreement and walked off to help Axton finish loading Verosika's equipment. "Huh, that was deceptively easy."
Back at the affordable hotel, Krieg stood outside while Axton made a call to Sanctuary. "Hey, uh, Scooter? Yeah, this is Axton. Our ship's totaled thanks to Claptrap, any chance you could send down another? Thanks." As Axton hung up, the aforementioned CL4P-TP unit was thrown out the hotel's front door by a pair of Crimson Lancemen. "You're lucky, bot. Commander of the Crimson Raiders called and posted your bail. Now get outta here." Claptrap recomposed himself, then triumphantly held up his Verosika Mayday body pillow, now emblazoned with the demonic pop star's autograph. "YYYYYES!!! I can now die happy!!" Krieg then picked up Claptrap. "Krieg, keep Claptrap in check on our way to Halcyon Spaceport, please." requested Axton as the trio made their way to where Scooter was bringing their new transport.
After several hours of walking and wondering why they didn't just call a taxi, The Vault Hunters (and Claptrap) had made it to Halcyon Spaceport, where Scooter waited with a new ship. "Howdy, guys! Got the new ship y'all needed. Say, how'd that security gig go?" "Axton laid an incubus and Krieg's got a date with Verosika Mayday herself!" blurted Claptrap. "Hey! I told you to keep what happened with me and Josh between us!" said Axton. "Well hot damn! Congratu-freakin'-lations, Krieg! Wish my game was that good. Then again, you've prolly got an advantage, what with yer 8-pack n' all." The group climbed aboard Scooter's vessel, and prepared for liftoff. "This is taking too long!" "CLAPTRAP DON'T YOU FUCKING DARE-" before Axton could intervene, the ship went flying off the runway and blasted out of Promethea's atmosphere, leaving behind a plaid-patterned trail.
