Aww thanks for the reviews guys. Lol and to those who thought this took two years to update, nope, it was a one shot. It was suggested as an option for a longer story, but Bear to Love and Eclipsed by the Moon both had more votes than this option. Let's see if we all need a recovery story like Linger after this one.
o~o~o
Part Three
o~o~o
A child's scream woke Scarlett in the middle of the night, tearing her away from her own nightmare. Although waking was merely existing in a new nightmare.
It was only a mother's nature that allowed Scarlett to free herself from the bedding without falling on her face. She didn't stop to grab a robe as she ran to the door she had left open.
Launching towards the nursery where just a few months ago, she had moved Wade out in hopes of getting Bonnie into it and Rhett back into her room.
"You died!" Ella screamed at Scarlett as she ran into the nursery.
"I didn't die," Scarlett found herself screaming back, pausing for the briefest of seconds after as she realized what she had just done.
"You died like Aunt Melly and Bonnie," Ella accused.
"I didn't die, Mama's still here," Scarlett said pulling the upset child into her arms as she practically fell into bed with her.
"You died!" Ella's hands hit at Scarlett before she dissolved into hysterical sobs.
Scarlett eventually looked up from trying to soothe the upset child to see Rhett in the doorway with Beau and Wade. "Ella had a nightmare," Scarlett offered them, "she'll be fine in a few minutes."
"Come on boys," Rhett said with a hand on each of their shoulders, "let's get back into bed."
o~o~o
Scarlett kept it together as Mammy and Suellen arrived at the house, Suellen through the front and Mammy through the rear. Scarlett pressed a soft kiss to her sister's cheek. They were only a year apart. They had played with their dolls, made mud pies, half slept against each other in the early morning hours when they were brought to the one room schoolhouse they had attended for part of their childhood. She had done all of that with Suellen, but despite it all Suellen wasn't her sister. No, Scarlett's sister lay lost forever in her coffin, waiting until tomorrow when the lid would be sealed, it would be buried and the only way Scarlett would ever see her face again was through the few photos that would remain.
Scarlett excused herself from the visitors and went to find Mammy in the kitchen. The kitchen went silent when Scarlett began crying into her mammy's arms, the notorious Scarlett Butler was sobbing like a child and more than a few visitors heard it as they passed by the room.
She eventually brought Mammy out, so she could pay her respects and Scarlett dared anyone to oppose the act. Not a single person did. Mammy cried and spoke words similar to Rhett's about what a great person Miss Melly was. Mammy didn't stay out in the front parlor for long and Scarlett ended up sending her home shortly after she had gone to the kitchen as Scarlett realized Mammy was working.
She saw her mammy now, for what she was. An old woman, an old woman who had lived a long life and had taken care of generations of babies. She deserved to rest now, to have some peace. Scarlett could now understand why Rhett had demanded Mammy be allowed to leave without a fight.
o~o~o
Conversation stopped at the supper table when they heard Scarlett entering the house. Long moments passed until she graced the doorway. All three bereaved children looked at her anxiously.
She did the same peculiar thing that she had done the day before, she held her arms out. The children all scrambled out of their chairs to reach her, manners forgotten. Ella's spoon clattered to the floor, Beau's napkin dropped quietly, a servant was quick to retrieve and replace them both.
"I'm so sorry I'm late," she kissed heads and stroked hair.
Rhett suddenly realized what he imagined the children had been aware of since Miss Melanie's death, Scarlett was truly all they had left in the world. It seemed his wife realized that as well. She was all they had and they were all she had. He realized what she had said last night was true, he had left them when Bonnie was just a baby. He was their uncle not their father. The thought should have comforted him, but it did not. He was struck by a sudden sense of loss that he couldn't understand. He had no desire to care about anything or anyone, but realizing that he had closed the children out…There shouldn't be new ways to hurt after loving Scarlett for a decade, having Bonnie be ripped from the world and having the only true friendly and good person he had known, possibly in all of his life disappear.
"Let's eat," Scarlett said placing another kiss on top of Beau's head, "I'm famished."
A servant was quick to fill her bowl from the tureen the moment she sat down.
It was then that Scarlett noticed her sister and flanking her Suellen were her two girls, each less than a year from Bonnie in age, older and younger. They were watered down versions of their cousin. Their hair a pale brown, glinting with the highlights of childhood that Scarlett knew would fade to a mousy brown as they aged, eyes a pale soft blue, even together they didn't have half the soul as her Bonnie had.
They were still here though. Suellen got to still hold her children and watch them grow.
o~o~o
"Thank you, Prissy," Suellen said taking her son Billy from her as they returned to the nursery.
He was a sweet looking child; Scarlett wasn't sure who he resembled more her Pa or his own. They were both good people to take after. He had his own father's eyes at least; Scarlett would not have survived seeing a brilliant blue on his small face.
She had met him before; she had avoided him before. They had gone out to Tara the summer before for two weeks. Scarlett had hoped that Rhett and Bonnie would join them, but he refused and he certainly hadn't appeared to miss her when she returned.
Billy was mere months younger than her child would have been. Her precious and beloved child, who never got to take breath because she had been foolish and hurt and she had destroyed his life in order to make Rhett suffer.
"Scarlett, do hold him, he's your nephew, act like you have feelings," Suellen snapped at her when Scarlett didn't immediately take the child being offered to her.
The child, not quite two was dumped without ceremony into her arms. Scarlett remembered that day, remembered the way Bonnie's chubby little legs had carried her to her mother, remembered the weight of her toddler. Scarlett clutched the child close to her. Feeling Bonnie and her baby all in that moment.
Then she saw Rhett looking on, with no emotion on his face. She shoved the baby back towards Suellen, "I need to take a bath in order to be ready for tomorrow. Prissy will help with anything you need."
o~o~o
"I was thinking I would take Ella to Charleston for her birthday, stay with my aunts." They were alone in the family parlor, the formal parlor had practically been sealed off since Bonnie had been laid out in a closed coffin, for a brief period once Melly had finally gotten Rhett to relinquish the body
"Charleston?"
"Don't worry Rhett, I will not go out of my way to ingratiate myself to your mother, so she sends you home to me. Likely Aunt 'Lalie won't let me say more than two words at a time. Your mother will think me a simpleton."
"Why Charleston?"
"It's what I did as a girl. I enjoyed it; I imagine Ella will. I've been remiss in not taking both children to not see family and see places outside of Georgia. I've never even taken Ella to Savannah."
"Why now Scarlett?"
"Because the woman who has practically been their mother since Wade was three is gone and the only thing I can do is copy what my parents did."
"You're still young Scarlett," Rhett offered the fatherly wisdom.
"Stop saying that," she took a sip of her brandy.
"It remains true," he took a sip of his.
"What does age have to do with this world? Our daughter died before she was 5, Melly wasn't even 30, my mother only 35. I reckon some, not yourself, would consider me very old."
Rhett paused at the mention of their daughter.
"Despite all the marriages, I've been the head of my family for over a decade. Trust me Rhett, I have been very old for a very long time." She felt every single year of her 28 years.
"I imagine I should take offense at not being called the head of our family," Rhett was able to return to his typical sardonic indifference as he lifted the glass to his lips.
"You have financially provided for our family better than any man before you or truthfully any man I've encountered anywhere in Atlanta." It was Scarlett's turn to pause, "I don't have the energy to do this tonight. Charleston, will you be there the weekend after Ella's birthday? I'd rather not put it off until after Thanksgiving, not that I'd imagine Thanksgiving will be much of anything this year."
Thanksgiving, he had forgotten about that day. "I will arrange to be elsewhere."
"I assume you won't return for Thanksgiving? What about Christmas?"
When he didn't respond quick enough, she continued on.
"I suppose it would just be better to disappoint the children now, better that they deal with everything at once rather than have it be their lives for the next two months."
Rhett recovered enough to speak, "I had not given consideration to the holidays, if you recall, I asked you for a divorce, I hardly expected to keep up appearances."
"You would have just abandoned the children?"
"As you so aptly pointed out my dear, I am not their father, merely their friendly uncle."
"Don't you dare start with semantics Rhett. You are the only father those children have ever had; I imagine even with your distance you managed it better than most."
"I am impressed by your use of vocabulary."
"Yes, thank you, my vocabulary did manage to grow in the past decade, did you imagine I sat staring at a wall all those nights you were out?" Scarlett looked particularly annoyed with him.
"I will think on the holidays and inform you of my decision before I leave after Melly's funeral."
"Will you take the train tomorrow afternoon?"
"I will wait until the next morning," he supplied.
"Thank you," Scarlett nodded. Not sure how she would have coped with the children saying goodbye to Melly and Rhett in the same day.
They continued to sit in silence in the parlor, each in an arm chair angled off the fireplace that held a low fire, it allowed them to focus on things aside from each other. The dining room had forced them to look at each other, she supposed that had been why they had liked it so much back in the early days of their marriage, back when the sight of each other had been pleasing.
She thought of Rhett the night Melly died. His weary appearance. How she had noted the thickening of his waist, the wrinkling of his suit, the coarsening of his face. How she had seen it all and still loved him. Perhaps she had even loved him more because of it. She recalled that vain girl, discarding everyone for some minute flaw, but on Rhett. They were not a reason to discard him, they were a reason to curl into his lap and hold him closer to her. That was love. She understood that now, she understood it years too late, but she understood it.
She wanted to cry all over again.
"Rhett, you said you planned to leave me when the children and I returned home from Marietta, we should still be there. Why couldn't you have given me just a few more days?"
"After all you said, it would have been cruel to allow you to believe there was hope for us."
"Trust me Rhett, nothing could have been crueler than the other night."
Her husband said nothing.
"Rhett, now that this is all done and you are forcing us to live in a life without dreams and hopes, the possibility of a better tomorrow."
"Scarlett," he turned, "I imagine many of our days will be better without each other in them."
She focused on the fire and took a moment before responding, "We speak in truths now. Answer me this truthfully, did you truly plan to leave me when I returned?" He had just let them go without a hint of anything on the horizon. Why had he decided to stay alone in the house for days rather than tell her before she left. Had something happened without them in the house?
"Scarlett, I planned to leave you every day for the last month. I think we both know, if not for the baby I would have left you over two years ago."
"You did leave me and I suppose I'll still be here just like I was then, should you ever return home." She let out a low sigh, "Should I have had more pride or less pride when it came to you?" So many years of bravado with Rhett.
He arched a brow looking over at her in amusement.
"I should have told you to go to hell years ago."
"You did," he supplied.
"You and everyone else, yet here I still am trying to get you to like me, want me. I imagine, it's not actual pride when it is dependent on others."
"Truly Scarlett there is still hope for you," he lifted his glass towards her.
"I wish I'd had it in me to be biddable. You would have been bored with me, but I imagine I could have found happiness with a lesser man."
"That fiery, Irish temper of yours," Rhett agreed.
Her lips lifted up gently, "Rhett, I almost imagine you miss it."
He smiled softly, "Perhaps I do."
"It was awful constantly. I'd say or do things and then," she nodded and took a sip, "then I'd have to live with them and act like I actually believed in them." To admit that finally after all these years
"No one would have thought less-" Rhett began.
"Yes you would have," Scarlett cut him off, "you would have mocked me like you always did. God, how sad is it that I was almost happy for the last two years, when I imagine you've been miserable and staying with me out of duty."
"I was hardly miserable," Rhett supplied thinking of the last half of Bonnie's short life.
"But you were hardly happy," she retorted.
"Does this mean you'll give me a divorce?"
"No, you did this to yourself Rhett. I could have had a very nice life as the Widow Kennedy."
"You could have a very nice life as a rich divorcee."
"Truthfully I don't imagine I would," Scarlett answered honestly.
"You could try," he offered again.
"Absolutely not Rhett, do let it go," Scarlett said growing annoyed with her husband. Scarlett found herself suddenly mournful of how this room had been vastly underused as it should have been. Her and Rhett at the same time with the children, with Bonnie.
She loved her daughter more than anything, but at the same time she wished more than anything that she had been given more time before becoming her mother. Scarlett recalled how quickly the thrill of the parties and events had faded, they hadn't been faded though when she fell pregnant with Bonnie, the thrill hadn't yet peaked before it had been ripped away.
The last two months, Scarlett had enjoyed spending evenings in this room with Rhett and the two children. Perhaps she had just been so grateful to have a tiny fraction of Rhett back.
She knew the room was overtly styled and Rhett distained the look of it as he did the entire house, but it was cozy. The chairs and settee comfortable to spend hours on, the rug soft and thick, meant for children to forget their manners and play on it or sit as they were being read to, no draft ever entered this room. The dog and cat were never loudly banished from the room as they were with most rooms on the first floor. The room wouldn't be the same once Rhett left, just as the parlor at Tara had never been the same once her mother was gone.
"Rhett," she looked over at her husband, at the love she had not been able to identify until it was too late. Now that she saw it though, she saw it elsewhere. As infatuation and interest as a teen. Longing in the years that followed. Love had been there as she conceded to his proposal. Love had been there with those long nights at the dining room table. Love had been there the moment she had been rejected in favor of their daughter. Love had been there the day with Ashley when she realized no passion lay between them. That had been her love for Rhett, ever present and overlooked. "I know you don't care, but I'll always be here. For whatever you want, for whatever you'll give," she shrugged.
"I told you, I'll not-"
"Live in a lie, pick up broken pieces-" Scarlett supplied. Scarlett shrugged again, her mother would currently be horrified by her manners, her mother would likely be horrified by a lot. "I have always been here when you returned, I will always be here when you return. I don't imagine, I will ever develop enough pride to forsake you." Her voice suddenly gained spirit, "Do not for a minute think that does not mean that I don't wish I could."
Rhett's lips had lifted slightly for the return of her spirit.
"It is simply one of those basic truths, I should have been done with you that day at Twelve Oaks, but I won't ever be," Scarlett conceded with a quick nod.
"I promised you that I would visit, but I won't ever return," Rhett informed his wife.
"Your visits had once been the brightest part of my life," Scarlett informed him, "so while you may want to hurt me with that. You won't, not truly. I'll take whatever you have to give Rhett, just as I always have."
"Scarlett, I am aware this has been a particularly difficult week for you, but this morose-"
"It isn't morose Rhett, it's honest as we should have ben a very long time ago. Come ho-" Scarlett stopped herself from saying the word home, "come here whenever you want. Even if it's just to use me like you would Belle's girls. I'm sorry my pride didn't allow me to crawl back into your bed, I imagine that could have made your life with me more bearable."
"A child will not-"
"I'm not talking about a child Rhett. Seeing as you no longer view me as a wife-"
"You're willing to demean yourself to being my mistress-"
"No Rhett," Scarlett said standing, "I am your wife and I will do whatever to bring fleeting moments of happiness to your life. I will take lessons from her girls if necessary. Is that humbling enough to make you happy?"
"You're distraught, I'll forgive this-"
"You'll forgive it?" She looked at him scornfully, being dismissed by her husband yet again. She truly had no pride left, she was almost grateful for it. She would never have anything more than the moment she was living in. One day he would walk out that door and never return and all she would have were the regrets of the risks she did not take. "Forgive whatever you like Rhett, but don't forget it. Don't forget when you are above a woman being paid to be there that I actually want you. My marriages have certainly taught me the difference between the obligation of a woman's company and her being an active partner."
Scarlett did not drop a kiss to her husband's lips, or run a caressing hand along his arm, she did not even linger in the room.
No she left her husband with words that she hoped would haunt him with every bed that he graced that wasn't hers.
Thanks for reading!
