A/N: this fic comes to an end. Hope you enjoyed and feel free to review
PART 2
The moment comes and she knows she should have been more prepared for it, but the ceremony was more important. Kurt is more important than her concerns about seeing her ex again. Kurt's happiness is more important than their obvious unresolved issues.
"Hey." Finn is standing in front of her, in his best blue suit and a red bow tie that probably could have come out of Blaine's side of the closet.
"Hi, Finn." She holds onto her bouquet of flowers and looks at him.
"It was a nice ceremony, wasn't it?" He looks around the almost empty garden, that had hosted the celebrations. He could still the distant sound of Kurt's voice, taking pictures with his new husband.
"It was beautiful. Good thing the weather didn't ruin it." She chuckles at the clouds above their heads. They have been lucky enough to avoid a storm showing up as an unwanted guest.
"That's why September is safer than end of April." He chuckles sadly. "How are you?"
"I'm well, Finn. And you?" She replies with the same genuine interest. She owes it to the guy who got his heart broken by her.
"I'm okay." He tucks his hands inside the pockets of his suit pants. "New York is treating you fine? Still the city of your dreams?"
"Always, but I moved to Los Angeles. It's not a permanent thing, just until we stop shooting the show." She looks down at the flowers in her hands. "You're opening another car tire shop right? Still under Burt's name?"
"Yes, but I'll manage it." He nods. "We're expanding and with Burt's new role as Congressman, he needs my help to run the business. It's one of the few things I am good at."
"That's not true, Finn. You're a lot better than what you think." She wants to reach out and comfort him, but she stops herself.
"But not good enough to make you happy." His smile is sad. "That's why it couldn't have been us today."
"Finn…" She looks away. Maybe she should just tell him the truth. Maybe she should just tell him it's always been her wanting more or needing more. Maybe she should tell him it was never supposed to work and not for this long.
"I thought that watching Kurt, today, I would have thought of us but you know what I realized? It could have never been us." He looks at Kurt and Blaine. "They didn't have to make compromises to be together, they want the same things and they want them together."
"They do." She looks at their happiness and she can't recall a moment when they have been like this, not even in high school.
"We should have never tried for that long." Finn looks back at her. "Does she make you happy?"
"What?" She turns to him and almost gives herself a whiplash.
"Are you surprised that I know or that I am not mad about it?" He chuckles. "Kurt let it slip a few months ago."
"You're not mad? Why?" She keeps her arms crossed over her chest.
"Because I should've read the signs before you called the wedding off. You were distant and uninterested in making any choice about the supposedly best day in a woman's life." He takes one of the flowers from the bouquet. "I could never get how you let the planner organize everything without having a say in it, when you were the opposite when we dated in high school."
"I'm sorry, Finn. You didn't deserve that." She closes her eyes when his hand brushes the side of her face, as he tucks the white rose behind her ear.
"We didn't deserve to be unhappy." He leans down to kiss her cheek. "Thank you for saving us from that kind of life."
"Are you happy, Finn?" She opens her eyes to look at him.
"She's not you but she makes me happy." He nods. "But you should stop worrying about me and start working on what you need.." He points behind her shoulder and when she turns, she falters in her steps.
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"Rach, what are you doing here?" He rubs his eyes, still half asleep. He is barefoot, in tattered gym short that have seen better days and a loose t-shirt.
"Can we talk?" She fidgets on the doorstep and looks behind at the car parked in the driveway, meeting her Dad's gaze.
"Of course, are you alright?" He waves at the men in the car and leads her inside the living room. "Do you want some water? You look sad."
"No, thank you." She wipes the corner of her eyes. She has no reason to cry. She has no reason to feel so bad for what she is doing to him. She has no right to get comforted, after what she has done to him.
"You look like you've seen a ghost. Why don't you sit down?" He tries to get her to take a seat but she escapes his touch, putting more space between them. "Rachel…what's going on?" He is more awake now.
"I thought I could do this, Finn. I really did." She sniffles. "And I know it's not fair and we're almost there, but it's not too late."
"Backup, backup…what?" He is confused.
"I can't do this, Finn. I can't marry you." She looks up from having stared at the floor for the whole time. She needs to step up and take responsibility for her actions, even if it hurts.
"You're kidding me right?" He chuckles. "This is a prank before the wedding? Puck? Where are you?" He shouts, searching for his best man and hoping to see him come out from his hiding place, confirming it. Confirming his hope.
"It's not a prank." She keeps her distance when the smile drops from his lips and anger replaces it.
"You can't. You said yes and you can't take it back!" He shouts so loudly that she takes two steps back and footsteps hurry from upstairs, until Burt and Carole show on the staircase, in their night clothes.
"Finn! What's going on?" Carole moves a couple of steps lower but Rachel holds her hand up, stopping her.
"Tell them! Tell them how you're making this fucking mess!" He points angrily. "Tell them how you're breaking my heart after all these years…"
"I never meant to hurt you, Finn." She shakes her head, tears on her face. "And I wanted it okay? I wanted it when I said yes."
"And now you don't? What changed? This is huge, Rachel. It's not like returning one of those ugly sweaters you like so much. It's our future!" He tries to take a step towards her but she doesn't allow him. "You owe me the truth. What happened?"
"It's not you, Finn. It's me." She crosses her arms over her chest.
"Oh please, spare me. Of course it's me or you wouldn't be here calling the wedding off. You'd go along with our plans and marry me in two days." He snaps at her. "What did I do wrong? Was I too suffocating? Or was it too soon? We could have set it at a later date, would have that helped?"
"No, I don't think so." She looks away.
"Do you even love me, Rachel?" He is on the verge of tears.
"I loved you. I loved you for a long time." She nods.
"But you don't anymore, do you?" He drops on the couch, holding his head between his hands.
Her silence is louder than any apology she could try to make.
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"So, you came." She walks up to the blonde, who is standing by the bar with two glasses of champagne.
"I thought it could be fun." She looks around the garden. "I didn't have to crash this wedding 'cause I was on the guest list this time."
"Is that another way to pick up girls to take home?" She takes the offered glass and has a sip.
"I'd be lying if I said no." Quinn mirrors her and smirks at her over the rim of the glass.
"What?" She looks down at her dress, thinking something is wrong.
"You look beautiful, has anyone told you that today?" She sets her empty glass down and reaches for her left hand, going for the flower on her wrist rather than the bouquet in her hand. "Interesting choice."
"Kurt knows I love gardenias and the ribbon matches my dress." She allows the blonde's fingers to graze the inside of her wrist. "I love your dress."
"I can clean up when I want to." She pulls her closer by the wrist and looks into her eyes. "Was that your ex?"
"Have you been looking out for me?" Her other arm circles her neck, getting even closer to the blonde.
"Just watching, really." The blonde looks over her shoulder but it's just two of them and a couple of waiters, cleaning the tables outside. "He is tall."
"Indeed." Her nose brushes along the side of her neck and up behind her ear, kissing the skin there.
"Have you checked his new girlfriend out?" She pulls her even closer, fisting the dress with her hands.
"No and I don't really care about that." She nips at her earlobe and tugs, earning her low moans. "I've got you to keep my eyes on."
"I am not going anywhere, you know?" Quinn nudges her back, pushing their foreheads together. "But I found it hard to look away from you, for the whole time I've been here."
"Flattering, you're totally taking me home tonight." Rachel leans in to whisper against her lips.
"Go me." Quinn grins and leans down, to catch her lips for a hard and deserving welcome kiss.
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"Kurt, I wasn't expecting you." She is surprised to find him - her best friend but also her ex's step-brother - on her doorstep, a week after the wedding cancellation.
"I'm bearing gifts." He holds a duffel bag and she let him in. "How are you holding up?"
"I'm okay, I guess. Can I ask?" She leads him to the couch.
"He's dealing with all of it, you know Finn…he needs time to process everything." He drops the bag to the floor by the couch. "Had to stop him from coming here though."
"Thank you." She sits on the couch. "This is some of my stuff right?"
"Yes, it's not much." He nods and sits on the armchair across from her. "You're sure of this, Rachel?"
"Kurt…" She looks up.
"I….well, we just find it hard to believe you called the wedding off. You've been chasing after Finn for years and…" He shakes his head. "Something must have happened for you to change your mind."
"Let's drop it okay?" She stands up and pads to the sink, to get herself a glass of water. What she doesn't realize is Kurt following after her
"No, I can't drop it. He's my stepbrother but you're my best friend and I don't want to have to choose between you two." He leans against the doorway.
"You can't fix this, okay? Our relationship is damaged beyond repair. Finn will never forgive me and he has every reason not to." She fills her glass with some more water.
"You made up in the past. You're Finn and Rachel, you always find your way to each other." He chuckles.
"No, Kurt. This time, it won't work." She holds the counter hard.
"Getting cold feet happens okay? You're still young and the idea of tying yourself to someone can be scary, I get it." He stares at her shoulder, slumped in defeat. "Your career won't be stopped by Finn, he wants you to succeed."
"I know but we both know he never wanted New York, Kurt." She turns to face him. "Love shouldn't be about making compromises or sacrificing a big part of you for the other person."
"He loves you enough to come here for you." He takes a step forward. "He is trying."
"Then, I didn't love him enough to wait for the life he promised me to." She wipes her cheeks. "It's selfish, I know, but I realize I wanted more than that."
"And you realized that two days before the wedding? On your own?" He scoffs at her and when she looks away, he knows it. "You didn't. Tell me you didn't."
"Kurt." She tries but the guy holds his hand up, stopping her.
"You should have told him instead of just…" He gestures with his hands, frantically. "Just throwing bullshit at him. You cheated on him? With whom?"
"You don't know her." She wraps her arms around herself.
"A girl? You're not even bisexual!" He slams his palms on the kitchen island. "How did you even meet her? At the theater? She works with you?"
"You kind of did that…" She gulps. "You dragged me to that club and when you disappeared, well…I met her."
"Fuck. Fucking fuck." He curses himself under the breath. "Fucking fucking fuck, damn it."
"You can't blame yourself okay? I did the rest." She tries to reach for him but he pulls back, almost hurt by her touch.
"You're together now? Or was it just the first of many others?" He snaps and she is hurt by his accusations. She is a cheater, she knows she is.
"It was a one night stand." She omits the second time, but it doesn't change anything for him. She still cheated. She still threw it away for a fling.
"She must have been a fucking dynamo between the sheets, if she made you forget about the love of the last 10 years of your life." He chuckles bitterly.
"Leave her out of this" She balls her hands in fists.
"You should have left her out in the first place!" He points at her. "Hope you won't regret this, Rachel. Hope you won't wake up, years from now, and realize you threw your happiness away for a fuck." He turns on his heels and marches towards the front door. "'Cause I won't be there to hold your hand." He walks out of the door and slams it behind himself.
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"Hmm." She rolls her hips back and forth, to meet the thrusts inside her from behind and, also, to grind down against the fingers stroking her upper folds.
"Fuck yes, you feel good." With her nose, she brushes her hair away from her neck to kiss and bite along it, covering her body with her own, as she bends over the brunette.
"Tell me about it." She tilts her head to catch Quinn's lips for a hard but complicated kiss. It cannot last how much she wants it, due to their straining necks. So she drops her head forward, between her shoulders and lets her pump inside her from behind, hips against her backside with each thrust in.
"I wish I could feel you from the inside." She watches the toy slip in and out, glistening with her juices and so she just rubs her clit harder, making Rachel moan louder and louder.
"Yes. Yes." She moves back and forth to meet each thrust. Her back arches in a perfect bow whenever Quinn slams in, hitting her spot.
"Mm." Quinn leans over to kiss her shoulders and down her back. It feels almost like an apology when she slips out of her, leaving Rachel halfway there. "Give me a second."
"Where…where are you going?" She turns to see her bed companion slip on her back, beside her.
"Come here." She pats her thighs and Rachel doesn't need her to repeat herself. She crouches over the blonde prone form, straddling her waist and lowering down to take it all back inside. "Like that."
"Yes, so full." Her hands clench around the bedsheets and her insides do the same around the toy. She is gripping it so tight that she might ache in the morning.
"So beautiful." Quinn arches off the mattress to kiss the skin of her collarbone and down, between her bouncing breasts. "So sexy…" Her hands trail down the back of her thighs, pulling her down against her.
"Fuck, Quinn." She braces herself against the wall above headboard and cants her hips back and forth. She keeps on rolling them forward, getting herself off.
"Don't stop." Her palms urgently scale up her front to grab onto her breasts and to squeeze them. She pushes them together and scratches around her nipples, keeping them rock hard.
"I'm close…" She looks down into her eyes and when she does, she feels herself burn up all over. She looks down into her eyes and her core spasms, in pleasure.
"Me too." Quinn nods and rolls them over, taking over the pounding until the bed squeaks and the headboard slams against the wall. "Fuck, take it." Her face is buried against the side of her neck and Rachel is gripping her with all she has.
Arms. Legs. Her insides. She is gripping and holding onto Quinn, as she fucks her into the mattress. Forna second, she wonders if there will be an indentation on the mattress shaped like them. Shaped like their tangled bodies.
"Quinn…Quinn…" She moans out, loudly. She is on the verge of screaming her name out, in the quiet night. She is on the verge of tumbling off the edge, with the blonde close behind.
"Come with me. Now." Quinn urges her on and she complies. She scratches down her back with her short manicured nails and pulls her inside her, when she finally comes.
She comes hard. She comes hard and faster than she thought but it's no news with Quinn. She knows what strings to pull, playing her like an instrument.
"Quinn…" She drops on the mattress, loosening her grip around the blonde, who just drops beside her, on her back.
"That was…" She gulps, catching her breath.
"Yeah, it was." She tilts her head to look at the other woman, who does the same to meet her gaze.
"Hey." Quinn smiles tiredly and stretches her arm under her head, just to tug her closer.
"Hi." Rachel rolls on her stomach and cuddles closer, with an arm draped over her waist. Her fingers play with the straps of the toy, still on her.
"I didn't hurt you, did I?" She adjusts her head on the pillow.
"It was harder than usual, but you didn't hurt me. Don't worry." She brushes her hair back and leans down to kiss her softly. "I'd tell you to stop, if you did."
"Good, good." She curls her forearm behind her head and holds her close, tasting each other's, on their lips.
"Can I sleep here?" She looks at the clock on the nightstand.
"You don't have to ask." She nods and drags the blankets over them, with her other hand. "You need anything? Water, tea?"
"Nothing." She pecks her again and again, hand trailing along her thigh to the base of the toy, hanging between her legs. "Take it off?"
"Mm sure." The blonde fumbles with the straps until they're off and she can just drop it aside, to be taken care of in the morning. "Better?"
"Indeed." She drags herself across the mattress and crawls over her, arms cradling her head and tangling their legs.
"Comfy?" Quinn grins, wrapping her arms around her back.
"Mmm." Rachel nods. She slips down until she can rest her head sideways against her shoulder, curling in her arms.
"Goodnight." The blonde holds her a little tighter and leans her head against her temple, closing her eyes.
"Night." Rachel settles down, with million thoughts running through her head that will keep her awake, despite the tiredness
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"I was a bit surprised when you called." She slips in the booth across the brunette woman, removing her jacket as soo as she sits down.
"Coffee or something stronger?" She waves the waiter over.
"What are you having? I'll go for that." Rachel nods to the drink in Mercedes' hands and smiles whe the waiter takes note of it, leaving them alone.
"Why are you surprised? We're friends, aren't we?" She chuckles.
"Yes, but Kurt is your best friend too and I thought you'd take his side on this." She hands a couple of 10$ bills, not minding the change. "You have every right to do so."
"We're all friends, here, and who am I to judge you?" She shakes her head. "I want to know something though…"
"Sure, ask me." She takes a sip from her Manhattan.
"How are you holding up?" She reaches over to cover her hand, with hers. "I know everything about Finn or Kurt but what about you?"
"I don't deserve your concerns, 'Cedes." She sighs.
"You made a mistake, Rach." She squeezes her hand. "But marrying someone you don't love would have been a worse mistake. One of those mistakes that would mark you forever."
"You think?" She looks up from her drink.
"You and Finn deserve to be happy, even if it means staying apart for good." She pats the back of her hand. "Have you ever wondered if you tried too hard? Maybe you should have let each other go, time ago."
"You've never been a fan of Finn." She chuckles.
"I like that boy, Rach, but I don't like the guy he becomes when he's with you." She takes her hand back. "And I don't recognize my friend when you're with him."
"We tried to make it work, we really did." Looking out of the window, she watches people pass by, ignoring the attention she is giving to them.
"Maybe you should have never tried in the first place." Mercedes looks out as well.
"Maybe but-" Her words are interrupted by the familiar ringtone coming from the inside of her purse. Holding her fingers up, she retrieves her phone and swipes her fingers for the right, accepting the incoming call. "Hello? Yes, that's me."
She presses her fingers to her other ear, making the phone call clearer. She wants to make sure she is getting everything right. She wants to make sure she is not imagining things. She wants to make sure it's not a prank.
"Rach, who was it?" Mercedes asks as soon as she hangs up, but she is still somehow lost in her mind.
"It was my agent…" She furrows her brows.
"Good news? You got a new show?" She smiles encouragingly.
"Not exactly." She looks up at her. "I got a part in Sofia Coppola's new series."
"That's amazing. Aren't you happy?" She leans over to hug her, mindful of their drinks.
"Yes, but there's one thing…" She sits back down. "I need to move to Los Angeles for the shooting."
"Oh." Mercedes drops back in her seat, suddenly filled with sadness.
"Yeah." Rachel looks away and sighs slowly. It's a choice she has to make. It's a chance to start over again.
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"What's your Sunday like, usually?" Rachel leans back in the armchair, crossing her legs under her and covering herself with the shirt she has borrowed from Quinn's closet.
"Well, it depends." Quinn stretches her legs on the coffee table and tilts her head to look at her.
"On what?" She props her chin on her elbows.
"On the weather or on my mood." She smiles. "I don't like staying home when I can live and breathe this city, but there are moments when I just want to sit back and relax with a good book. Especially if it is raining."
"Do you want to go take a walk?" She leans back, stretching her legs until her toes brush the side of her shin.
A thunder breaks their moment, making them turn towards the nearest window. Rain is pouring down, hitting against the glass like in a perfect storm.
"Or we can stay here and talk…" Quinn nudges her foot. "We never talk for too long."
"That's because we are usually otherwise occupied doing other stuff." She smiles, tucking her hair behind her ears.
"And we're very good at that." She smirks, in approval.
"Why do we always end up talking about that?" She huffs and crosses her legs under her.
"I don't know." Quinn chuckles. "What do you want to talk about?"
"Where did you grow up? How was your childhood like?" The smile drops and so does Quinn's.
"I grew up in Connecticut, a little town just a few miles north of New Haven. You know the typical suburban town with all the perfect houses and cars and families." She hugs one knee to herself. "Perfect on the outside but we had our issues behind closed doors."
"You are not in touch with your family?" She leans her chin against her hand.
"Now yes. There's been a time when we were not on speaking terms." She shrugs. "Being an openly queer woman in a town of 3,000 souls ain't for everyone, but at least they didn't kick me out and stopped paying for my degree."
"Where did you go?" Rachel tilts her head to the side. "And what kind of degree?"
"Drama and Art History at Yale." Quinn says it nonchalantly. Like it's not Ivy League. Like it's not challenging or tough. "Useless degree, I know."
"Not what I was thinking, no." She shakes her head. "You're smart and you totally underestimate yourself."
"You sound surprised. A pretty face gets you almost everywhere." She snorts, with some bitterness.
"You're not just that." Rachel stands from the armchair and shifts to sit beside her. "You're a very pretty girl, Quinn. The prettiest I've ever met but you're a lot more than that."
"If you say so." She tilts her head back against the back of the couch and Rachel just leans down to kiss her.
She kisses her softly.
She kisses her tenderly.
She kisses her like someone who is here to stay and make things right.
She kisses her like it's not a goodbye.
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Rachel is packing when the knock happens. She is halfway through her second suitcase when the someone knocks, catching her in the middle of it.
"Coming." She pads across the small apartment and swings the door open, once having made sure there was no weirdo on the other side.
"Truce?" Kurt holds a bottle of wine, her favorite, in front of him and his face is hard to resist. He looks like one of those cute dogs waiting to be picked up, from the pet shop.
"Come in." She rolls her eyes and lets him in. She can catch a break between suitcases and boxes.
"What's going on? You found a new apartment?" He looks around the tiny apartment, filled with boxes.
"Kind of, yes." She retrieves the glasses she hasn't packed yet and allows Kurt to serve them a couple of glasses. "But a friend is subleasing it from me."
"New neighborhood? How far?" He sips from the wine.
"Far enough." She looks away with sadness.
"Brooklyn distance? Or within Manhattan?" He takes a seat.
"More like Venice Beach distance." She sits across from him.
"Excuse me? You're moving to Los Angeles?" He almost spits the expensive wine on her face. "Since when? For how long?"
"I got the call a couple of days ago and I guess I'll be there for the duration of the shooting. Could be weeks or months." She finishes her glass.
"You were leaving without saying anything? Not even a goodbye?" He shakes his head with disappointment.
"I wanted to give you space, I know you're mad." She sits the glass down. "I would have told you."
"Does she know you're moving out?" He looks at her, with a fake disinterest.
"No, we haven't spoken in a while and I only told Mercedes, because she was there when I got the call." She pours herself another glass.
"You're running away from what you've done." He clenches his hands into fists.
"I'm moving on, Kurt, like Finn will and so will you." She is tired of apologizing for wanting to be happy. "This is what I need and that I've always wanted."
"To be free? Without someone waiting for you at home?" He chuckles bitterly. "You're lying to yourself. I know you enough and you want love as much as you want a career. You just don't want to get hurt and that's why you're not even trying with this woman. A woman you dumped your future husband for.."
She has no answers for him. She doesn't know what to say because he is just voicing the thoughts she has in her head. She just stares at him, accepting that he is just right.
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"Quinn…" She nuzzles her nose behind the girl's ear and presses up more into her, hoping to wake her up in the softest way possible.
"Five more minutes." She turns away from her, titling her head to the other side but Rachel doesn't give up. She follows after her, hand slipping under the hem of her sweatshirt to caress along her side.
"Wake up, Quinn." She tries more insistently. Her voice is louder and she feels Quinn's response to her touch, too. She arouses from her short lived slumber, curling the arm around her a little tighter.
"Rachel?" Her eyelids flutter open, slowly. She focuses on her surroundings until her eyes land on Rachel, who is pressed up in her, as they lay tangled on the couch.
"Welcome back." She leans in to kiss the corner of her lips.
"How long was I out?" She stifles a yawn but her eyes get teary eyed as she does that. She does it again until Rachel chuckles. "Sorry."
"You should get some rest." Pushing against her chest, she sits up and slowly gets on her feet, trying to locate her things.
"You don't have to leave, I'm awake." She follows after the brunette, who is gathering her things from the night before. She is collecting her staff without even looking at her. "Rachel, hey…" She stops in front of her, before she can slip her shoes on. "You can stay."
"No, Quinn." She looks away. "I really can't."
"What's wrong? Did I offend you or something? I didn't mean to fall asleep during the movie-" Lips cover hers, hushing her.
"I need to go back, Quinn." Her hands cup each side of her face, tilting it so their foreheads can rest together. "I can't stay anymore."
"Right, your project." She nods softly. "But you can stay a little longer, no? We can go out for dinner and then, I'll take you home."
"I think it'd be better if we ended it here." She shakes her head. She slips out of her arms and goes for the door, to retrieve the shoes she had taken off the night before.
"So, this is it?" Quinn looks at her slouched pose. She can only see Rachel's back.
"We both knew this moment was going to come." She holds herself up, braced against the door.
"Yeah, I know." She is behind her in two strides and it takes her one more, to press up against her back, hand covering hers against the wall. "But it doesn't mean I'm ready for it."
"And you're ready for more?" She tilts her head to look at her over her shoulder and when Quinn falters, taking a half-step back, she knows her answer. "I am not asking you of anything, Quinn." She turns around and pulls her in.
"Neither am I." She tucks a loose chestnut lock behind her ear. "You need to do this, for you. I get it."
"Thank you." Rachel leans on her toes to peck her lips softly. The moment she leans back, Quinn chases after her and presses her back against the wall, mouths meeting more eagerly. The blonde braces herself with her forearms against the wall and kisses her.
She kisses her until Rachel's knees go weak and she has to hold onto Quinn, not to collapse on herself.
She kisses her until Rachel's lips are sore and her lungs are in need of a refill of oxygen.
She kisses her until she does not, anymore, because they just need to stand close. To stand still and to think time is not against them.
"What time is your flight tomorrow?" She looks down into her eyes and Rachel leans back, head tilted towards her.
"Around 7 PM." She keeps her hands to herself even if Quinn is so close and it's hard to resist. It's hard not to reach out for her.
"Do you need a lift?" She nods softly. "I can borrow my friend's car and take you."
"Quinn…" She shakes her head, crossing her arms over her chest.
"Okay. Okay, I get it." She pushes herself off the wall and does the same, hugging herself almost protectively.
"Do you?" Rachel questions her. "Do you want more than this?"
"What do you mean?" She is at loss.
"We've been tiptoeing around this for days and we never really talked about what this could mean." She takes a step forward. "Do you want more than this? More than just hooking up and sleeping together, when we don't have better things to do?"
"I thought you were okay with this, you never said anything." She looks even more lost.
"Because I knew you didn't want that but I'm not like this, Quinn." She gestures between them. "I am not cut for one night stands okay? I want sex. I want fucking good sex but I want everything else too."
"So, you never had one night stands before me? I get it, you were engaged but I thought that you did that, in Los Angeles." She rubs the back of her head.
"No, you've been the last one in a long time." She wonders if she should have confessed that, but it is too late to rewind it. It is too late to take it back. "Again, I am not trying to put any pressure on you, Quinn, but you needed to know where I stand."
"I don't know what you want me to say." Or do. She thinks. She thinks about what Rachel wants and what she can give her, but she's at loss. Again.
"Nothing, really. I don't want lies or false promises, we owe it to each other don't you think?" She smiles sadly. "And I really should go, now."
"But…" Quinn steps forward as she slips her heels back on, gaining a couple of inches on her.
"I'm not mad." Rachel cups her face, stroking her cheeks slowly. "If you're worried about that."
"So, it's over?" The blonde looks into her eyes and Rachel can just lean forward, to kiss her one more time.
To kiss her one last time.
To kiss her goodbye.
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Los Angeles is not New York.
Los Angeles is loud but New York has a language that is universal and yet, not for everyone.
Los Angeles is hot, but New York is warm and familiar.
Los Angeles is new and exciting, but New York is home and she misses it. She misses it like she misses the Deli around the corner, with its owner greeting her like she is not just a customer passing by.
She misses it like she misses the angry drivers honking and swearing because she cuts between them, even if it's a red light.
She misses it like she misses the Sunday brunches with Mercedes and Tina, in the Village when they catch up on the latest gossips and new conquests.
She misses it like she misses walking around in Central Park with Kurt, between a book review or just a new fashion trend to debate on.
She misses it like she misses walking in a club, never expecting to find her world turned upside down by a pair of hazel eyes that still haunt her dreams at night.
"Hello?" She reaches on the phone on the bedside table and brings it to her ear, without even checking the called ID.
"How's the city of angels?" Kurt's voice is softer than she has heard from him lately.
"Interesting. How are you?" She settles against her pillows.
"Taking a break from my last shooting. Models were a disaster and the fashion show is just two weeks away." He sounds panicked but still good. Still in control.
"You'll do great, I'm sure of that." She chuckles.
"One of your Martini's would help." He smiles through the phone. "When are you coming home?"
"Probably for Thanksgiving, but it all depends on how it goes here. You can't miss me already, can you?" She laughs.
"Of course, I do. You're my best friend."
"Even after the mess I made?" She looks down at her ring finger, now bare.
"Finn's my brother but I love you like a sister." He says it so naturally that she cannot help a lone tear. "I've been too hard on you."
"You were right." She sniffles.
"It doesn't matter, anymore." He takes a deep breath. "Rachel, I've got something to tell you…"
"Should I get on the first plane?" She sits up in bed.
"Not yet, no. But maybe you should keep your schedule free for a couple of weekends, next June." He chuckles. "He asked!"
"Oh my God!" She squeals so loudly that her neighbors might have heard her, through the walls. "Congratulations, Kurt!"
"You're the first person I told…no one knows." He is equally happy on the other side. "It happened last night and I couldn't…I had to tell you."
"Thanks. I really appreciate that." She grins. "You have to tell me everything…"
"Well, he took me out for dinner…" He starts going through the events of the night before and Rachel listens. She listens to it, carefully, but her mind somehow wanders. It goes from thought to thought, but everything always leads her there.
Everything always goes back to her…
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2 Weeks Later
She has just come back from another long day on set and all she wants is to drop on her comfortable king size bed, surrounded by pillows and with some room service accompanied by a fine bottle of wine.
She is going through a magazine when her phone beeps, on the wireless charger. Her Dads have just called and she usually doesn't hear from her friends that regularly.
And it cannot be Finn, can it? That boat has sailed a long time ago, towards happiest yet separate destinations.
'Dinner tonight?'
It's a simple text. It's a simple text that beholds a meaning that is nothing but complicated. She re-reads it again, wondering if it just a mistake. Wondering if it's a bad joke and she has received it when it was meant for someone else.
Wondering if she has moved on, falling into the same old habits that had led them to cross paths. That had made their worlds collide. That had pulled them apart, for wanting different things. For needing different things that were not just incredible sex and casual flirting.
'Hey, Rachel.' Quinn picks on the second ring and she is probably surprised by how quick her heart is beating in her chest. She is surprised by how good her name sounds on her lips. She is surprised by how much she's missed her, in such a little time.
'Hi, Quinn.' She leans back against the pillows and tilts her head up, to stare at the ceiling. 'You've sent it by mistake?'
'Do you think it's a mistake?' She sounds so sure that she can picture the smirk on her face. A smirk that she wants to either slap or kiss away.
'I'm 2800 miles away from you, but we can FaceTime as we eat. You'll just have to excuse me for my not so proper outfit.' She chuckles.
'Or is that kind of call? What are you wearing?' She smirks over the phone and Rachel laughs. She laughs at the implications of her words and because it is funny. Attempting a sex call with Quinn.
'Stop it.' She shakes her head.
'Take care, Rachel. It was good to hear you.' Quinn's voice is softer now.
'You too, Quinn.' She hangs up and throws the phone aside. She throws it to the side but not too far to reach and just linger on the last words she has written. To linger on the last word they've spoken. To linger on those they didn't say.
She is about to get her phone back and do something that she might even regret when the knock on the door happens. She slips out of bed and fastens the hotel robe around her, padding barefoot across the hotel suite to get to the door.
It must be the quickest room service she has ever ordered. She opens the hotel door and when she looks up, she is not prepared for the person standing before her.
"So, you're wearing something underneath?" Quinn smirks and all she can do is get herself out of her stupor, to roll her eyes at her.
"It's a robe, what do you think?" She leans against the doorway. "It wasn't a mistake."
"You owe me a dinner, remember?" She reaches for her suitcase and when Rachel steps aside, she rolls it inside the spacious room. "This is what the Hollywood life looks like huh?"
"As if you don't know what this feels like." She closes the door with a soft thud that catches Quinn's attention. "How did you find me?"
"I've got my ways." She takes a cautious step forward. "Money helps, you know?"
"So does the truth." She tugs her in by the front of her dress and they're suddenly pressed together, arms around each other.
"I asked your friends. I kind of made an impression at the wedding." She tilts her head down to nuzzle her jawline. "I think your friend Tina hit on me a couple of times."
"Oh God." She laughs and drops her head against her shoulder, holding onto her. "Sorry."
"I'm flattered, really." She nuzzles her nose behind her ear slowly. "But I only had eyes for you."
"That's what you said back then." Rachel pulls back and those eyes are on her, as usual. "Why are you here?"
"To take you out for dinner." She braces herself against the door and looks at her. "If you don't have plans already."
"You flew all the way here to take me out for dinner? That's a bit too much for someone who wants to get me in their bed after, don't you think?" She pats her chest and slips from under her arms.
"Is it too much for someone who wants to ask you out again tomorrow and next week or next month for as long as it lasts?" Her words stop Rachel, in the middle of the spacious living room of her suite.
"Sorry, what?" Turning, she looks at Quinn who is standing a couple of feet away.
"I know you want more than sex, Rachel. You said you aren't cut for one night stands and I get it. You caught me off guard okay?" She rubs the back or her head.
"Because I stopped whatever we were doing?" She tilts her head to look at her.
"Because I never thought I could want it too." She takes another step forward. "I don't remember the last meaningful relationship I had but it doesn't matter, does it?"
"Of course not." Rachel waits.
"I should have run after you, when you left my apartment." She stands just in front of her. "But I would have never asked you for more back then, because I wasn't ready for it."
"And now? What changed?" She clenches her hands in fists to avoid reaching out and touching her.
"I can't stop thinking about you." Quinn wraps her hands around her fists, lacing their fingers. "And I miss you. I miss you like I've never missed anyone else in my whole life."
"Just that?" She looks away.
"You know what my Grandpa used to tell me about falling for Grandma?" She brings her knuckles to her mouth. "You know you are falling for someone if you can just spend hours watching them sleep. It sounds creepy, I know, but I always found it incredibly romantic."
"You're falling for me?" She tugs her by the hands and circles her arms around her torso.
"I think so, yes." Quinn nods, cupping each side of her neck. "It scares the shit out of me."
"Why?" She chuckles.
"'Cause I know nothing about relationships, let alone with a celebrity like you." She shakes her head.
"I wouldn't worry about the celebrity part, we can just keep it to ourselves." She strokes along her sides. "But you're not alone in this. If we do it, we go at whatever pace we need…"
"I want this." She leans down to touch their foreheads together.
"So do I." She cups her face and tilts it, to press a gentle kiss on her lips.
"What do we do now?" Quinn pulls her into her arms, stealing another kiss from her. "I don't really know my way around here. "
"Well, room service is on the way, so maybe we could stay in for tonight?" She brushes the pads of her thumbs over her cheeks. "How long are you staying?"
"I have an open ticket. I wasn't sure how it could go between us, so I can leave tomorrow or in a week." Leaning down, she kisses her again and grabs her by the back of her thighs, hoisting her over her waist.
"Or two weeks?" Looking down into her eyes, she kisses her again. "We might wrap this up in the next two weeks and then, I can come home."
"Sounds good." She deposits her on the edge of the bed and Rachel tugs her forward, against her.
"Where are you staying?" The jacket comes off and drops to the floor with a soft thud.
"I booked a room here, 7th floor." She nuzzles along her neck.
"Mmm." She nods and grabs her by the hair, pulling her closer. "You can always stay here."
"That's how dating works?" She chuckles and pulls back to look down at her. "I thought people waited for three dates, at least."
"So, you want to wait?" She loosens the belt of her robe, showing what's underneath. Showing her what she could be missing.
"You don't play fair, has anyone ever told you that?" Quinn gulps, eyes roaming up and down her front.
"Is it working?" Her hands reach for the zip in the back and slowly pull it down, taking her dress with her. "Or do you want to stop?"
"What do you think?" She sits up on her knees to throw her dress across the room, leaving herself in just her bra and underwear.
"I think you're still overdressed, for my liking." Rachel rolls them over and just pins her against the mattress, crushing their mouths together.
RQRQRQRQRQRQRQRQ
She stirs awake, earlier than her usual wake up call, and just rolls over, almost forgetting she is not alone tonight. Quinn is lying there, on her stomach, wrapped around one of her pillows, deeply asleep.
She looks so peaceful that she doesn't want to move or breathe, with the fear of bothering her and of waking her up.
She keeps watching over her, taking in every detail despite the darkness surrounding them. The moonlight is enough to get a glimpse of the blonde beauty beside her.
The moonlight is enough to make Quinn look like one of those princesses in the fairytale, asleep and waiting for their other half to save them.
The moonlight is enough to make her fall even more in love with her, proving Quinn's words to be right. She is falling for this woman, in the most surprising and unexpected way.
"Mm, you're watching me sleep?" Quinn's voice brings her out of her thoughts. She can hear the smirk in her voice and for a moment, she wonders if it infuriates her more than charms her.
"How long have you been pretending to be asleep?" She scoots across the mattress to brush her hair out of her face. Leaning in, she kisses her temple.
"I just woke up." Her arm slips around her back to keep her close, as she rolls on her side to face her.
"Sure you did." Her lips trail along the side of her face, to land on the corner of her lips.
"I swear." She yawns against the pillow and Rachel chuckles, nuzzling her cheek. "It's too early, isn't it?"
"It's not even 3." Rachel looks over her shoulder, confirming her thoughts. "You can sleep some more."
"And you?" Quinn wraps her arm around her, bringing her over to the side of the mattress. "You're staying awake?"
"I'll be right after you." Resting her head on her pillow, she drops a soft kiss on her pouty lips. "I promise."
"Good. You need to…" Quinn's voice trails off, as she succumbs to her tiredness. She falls asleep like a baby would. Suddenly.
"You're just too cute." Rachel shakes her head and keeps on stroking her face, thumb brushing the apple of her cheek.
She keeps on watching her sleep, wondering how everything has led them there.
Wondering how a forbidden encounter, like theirs, has turned into something so rare and precious.
Wondering what could have happened if she had not given into her longing for this beautiful stranger.
Wondering what could have happened if she had just stayed away.
But when Quinn reaches out for her, in her sleep, she knows that what she has there, beside her, is all she ever needs.
It is all she ever wants.
This love left a permanent mark
This love is glowing in the dark,
These hands had to let it go free, and
This love came back to me
THE END
