Chapter 7

Dovakiin's calling

Whatever doubts I had about Nord parties, they were all proven to be wrong. I was on my third bottle of mead when the dancing began, which was incredible. The Nords in the party, who were a majority, paired up and swooped and pranced in wide circles. The other races in the crowd each had their own distinct ways of dancing. I didn't even know what all of the races were called, but I took it all in. I had a good buzz going on when someone, I don't even remember who, pulled me in and started to dance with me. I did my best to copy them, but I'm sure that I did a horrendous job. Malon had always said that I had two left feet when it came to dancing. The singing that accompanied the dancing was beautiful, if strange. The singers varied in their races, but the Nord musicians always seemed to have the clearest and most sonorous voices. I can't remember fully what was sung, but when a bard started singing about a man named "Ragnar the Red", everyone went nuts. It was apparently a very popular song. The rest of the night passed by happily, and all of my memories of the last week were drained away in song and mead.

The next morning, I woke up with a splitting headache. I opened my eyelids to see the ceiling of a wooden room. Pushing myself up to a sitting position, I groaned at feeling something pounding in my head like a blacksmith. I gingerly opened my eyes further, wincing at the sunlight seeping through a window's curtains.

"Well, that… Was awesome!" I croaked. Despite my dragon-sized hangover, I could still recall flashes of what happened last night. I hadn't gotten that drunk since an enormous party at Lon Lon Ranch. It was for its 40th anniversary, and a huge barrel of beer was bought for the occasion. I smiled at the memory, then stood the rest of the way up. Walking over to a small basin of water, I splashed some water into my face. The cold helped me focus, and my head cleared a little more. I took longer than I normally did, walking slowly, but I got dressed and made my way out of the room I was staying in. I exited into the feasting hall, which was still a mess even though I saw a dozen servants cleaning up. Some leftovers from the previous night were laid on the table, and I took a few pieces to nibble on while I found the rest of my things. I couldn't find any of my gear in my room, so I guessed they were taken for cleaning and maintenance. It took only a few moments to ask a servant, who bobbed his head respectfully.

"My Thane, your gear was taken to be repaired by Eorlund Gray-Mane himself. You should be honored! The Skyforge, where he works, is in the wind district. You can't miss Jorvasskr, the Companion's hall. If you look behind it, you should find the forge." Nodding gratefully, I walked out into the crisp morning air. I shivered lightly, though I didn't mind the cold. The morning air was simply… divine, with no other way to describe it. Even the smells that tended to permeate most settlements didn't have much of a hold there. I walked down the path to the town, noting just how well-defended Dragonsreach was. It sat on a hill, with the only easy path upward a small path. The strategic part of my mind highly approved. I strode into the town, seeing the massive tree that took up much of the town square. Turning left, I went up another path and towards another impressive building. This one was built like an upside-down boat, with a curved roof and pointed ends. Shields painted in bright colors hung along its entire rim, and there was a busy flow of men and women in various types of armor going in and out of its impressively carved wooden doors. I avoided the building, instead taking a path that curved to the left and behind it.

As the servant had promised, a forge was built into the small hill behind Jorvasskr. As I approached, I saw a white-bearded man lightly tapping on a piece of metal with a hammer. Despite his apparent age, the man had impressive muscles and was wearing thick hide armor. Before I said anything, he looked up from his work and stared at me directly. He gave me a once-over before grunting

"Took you long enough. Here, just give me another half-hour." His curt attitude surprised me, though I made sure not to offend the man who was actively fixing my armor. I sat on a nearby bench for a while until he finally finished, taking the armor piece off the anvil. I got up, but the man who I assumed was Eorlund ignored me, walking over to another corner of the forge. He pulled a strip of leather out from a pocket and riveted it to a chest plate. Looking at the armor, I realized that it looked different. Instead of the Imperial captain armor that I wore for so long, a shining set of what looked like steel armor was laid out on the workbench. Only moments later, the final piece of metal was cool enough to be added to the armor. Looking up at me again, Eorlund saw the question in my eyes and grunted again.

"That armor was on its last legs. Whoever tried to fix it must have been blind and spun around with how shoddily it was fixed," he spoke. My cheeks flushed as he insulted my smithing, but after examining his work more closely, I could see that he was right. Compared to his skill, my patching was shoddy at best. Nodding in thanks, I accepted the armor. It took a few minutes for me to strap each piece on, but when I was finished the armor fit much better than the previous pair. Soon, I walked away wielding a shiny new set of armor, and a new sword and shield. I was also given my old enchanted blade, which Eorlund hadn't bothered to fix. In his own words "I'm surprised the old piece of shit hasn't fallen apart already. It's a damn ticking bomb, too. If that blade snaps, then the enchantment will explode." Having finished gathering my gear, I went back to Jorvasskr to seek out Lydia. I had met with her shortly the day before but hadn't truly gotten to know her yet. From my first impression, however, she seemed like a loyal and dependable woman.

Sitting down once again at a long table, I took a pitcher and took a deep swig. I still had a headache from my heavy drinking the previous night, but it was diminishing more by the hour. I was on my second glass of water when a guard walked up to me and saluted.

"Thane, the remains of the dragon have been retrieved, and treasure has been found. I was ordered to notify you of this, as you were the one to slay the beast." I followed the guard back out of the building, sighing internally. I couldn't stay mad though, as I gazed upon what the guard showed me. Mounds of gold lay in the chest, along with several long dragon bones, a handful of its hand-sized scales, and strangely enough, a bag made from a deep brown hide.

"This is all for me?" I queried. The guard nodded and replied "As the dragonslayer, these are your trophies of war. In addition, if felt… right, to give the dragon's remains to you, as the Dragonborn."

There was that word again. Dragonborn. I still hadn't processed the overload of information from the day before, and it still confused me. I had killed dragons before, most prominent among them Volvagia, an ancient dragon revived by Ganondorf during my first adventure. I hadn't absorbed his soul then, so why would I absorb this dragon's soul, now? Questions flew around my head, but I simply filed them away for later consideration. Thanking the guard, I picked up the surprisingly heavy chest and carried it to the general store. It took several different offers, flaunting my title as Thane, and all of my bartering skills at my disposal, but I managed to sell the dragon bones and scales for just shy over one thousand septims. Along with the hoard that I had in my chest, plus what I had left over, that left me with a little over 5000 septims. With this massive amount of coin, there was a problem. I couldn't just carry a chest around, so I examined the leather bag that was also in the chest,

According to the guard, the gold and the bag were both found in the skeleton, roughly where its stomach would have been. Opening the flap, I took a look inside. It seemed surprisingly spacious. Looking again at the outside, I confirmed my suspicions. It definitely looked larger on the inside. Deciding to test it out, I pulled my new sword, sheath and all, off my back. I then began to slowly push it into the bag. It went deeper, and deeper until the entire blade was inside the space. A huge grin split my face as I realized what it truly was. It was a bag of holding! I held a pouch of holding during my adventures in Hyrule, and it was truly my most magical and precious item. There was no way otherwise that I would have been able to carry half the amount of equipment then. However, this current bag of holding was different. Upon putting my sword inside, I still felt it get heavier. Compared to the bag that I once had that was nearly weightless, it had its limitations. Despite this, I was still grateful for the enormous luck that was set upon me. To celebrate my success, I decided to risk another mug of mead up at Dragonsreach.

Trekking all the way back to Dragonsreach, I was met with a grumpy Lydia.

"My thane, I have been entrusted to protect you. As such, you shouldn't go wandering around without me." It appeared, that Lydia had a large hangover as well. Explaining my absence to her made her frown lessen, but she still seemed in a bad mood. Her expression changed from one that was grumpy, to one of disbelief when I reached over and poured myself a new bottle of mead.

"You're still drinking? Shor's Bones, and I thought that us Nords were resilient," she said in awe. This brought a smile to my face as I took a swig from my mug. People were sitting all across the room, blearily eating a late breakfast. Among those people was Avencci, the Jarl's advisor. This sparked a memory, and I scooched my chair closer to his to talk.

"So, Proventus, now that I'm a thane, I can purchase property in the city, right?" My overly cheerful attitude made Avencci glower at me, but he still replied civilly.

"Yes, Thane. There is one house available right now; Breezehome." As Avencci talked about work matters, his bad mood faded some.

"It's quite a lovely home in the typical Whiterun style of architecture. It is not currently equipped with many amenities, but it does have a few pieces of furniture and storage. More can be bought if you pay additional fees. The best part is; It is currently selling for only 5000 gold! That is quite a good bargain right now if you ask me. If you want to purchase it, we have a monthly program that can be used to pay its cost." Once Avencci finished speaking, a slow smile crept across my face for a second time.

"Well," I said as I pulled my new bag onto my lap, "I just happen to have the amount in full if you will take it."

The look on Avencci's face alone was worth the tremendous cost. I still had 137 septims but was definitely feeling a lot poorer. After being directed to Breezehome and given the key, Lydia and I both stepped inside. It was… underwhelming. Much of the inside of the house was empty, save for some crates stacked underneath the staircase and an empty fireplace. Stepping upstairs, I saw three rooms, a smaller room to the left of where the staircase ended, a living room, and a master bedroom. All of the rooms were bare, save for a few essentials. The master bedroom was equipped with a straw-covered bed and a single chest, while the smaller room had only a small drawer and a similar straw-covered bed. It wasn't much at the moment, but it was home for now. I stopped by the chest for a moment to drop off items that I didn't immediately need. Several souvenirs, a bottle of mead, an extra set of clothes, and 30 gold went into the chest. I immediately felt lighter, and more able to move without the extra weight. Nodding my head in satisfaction, I walked downstairs and walked out through the open door. Having no other things to do on my list, I took inventory of my gear. My new armor and weapons were in top shape, though I did see what Eorlund had meant about my old enchanted blade. It looked like being shoved into a dragon's skull had done a number on it. Several nocks were in its blade, and its edge seemed rather dull. Seeing the condition of my blade, Lydia shuddered.

"It's a relief that you have a new blade. I doubt this is even recoverable. Why don't you try to disenchant it? I know Farengar, the court wizard pretty well, so I'm sure that he can give you some advice." I considered Lydia's words, then agreed with her. I couldn't use the sword anymore, and it was dangerous to even melt down for scrap. The best thing to do would be to learn its enchantment. Sighing at having to walk back up to Dragonsreach once more, I trekked up the path with Lydia by my side.

Hours later, I emerged from Dragonsreach, mentally exhausted. It took an hour of teaching alone from Farengar on how to properly disenchant an object, and then several more agonizing hours to carefully go through the process. I had learned that if items were not properly disenchanted and disassembled, then the item would simply turn to ash, and the enchantment would be lost. Fortunately, I had a stroke of luck. I seemed to have at least a little talent for enchanting, which helped the process along greatly. Now, I "felt" the enchantment in the back of my mind. It felt cold like ice but stayed locked away until I came in contact with an enchanting workbench. As Farengar had said,

"The enchanting table focuses the enchantment and allows for the flow of Magicka into a non-magical item. If you wish to enchant an item, a soul gem, or even multiple soul gems may be needed. This provides the energy that saturates the item and maintains the enchantment. Nobody is truly sure where the first enchantments came from, but of course, scholars still debate about it." Farengar was a good teacher if a little stuffy. Now, I had nothing to do. I had a limited amount of money, only a barebones house, and had a feeling that I was wearing my stay out at Dragonsreach out. Having nothing better to do, I decided to ask Lydia.

"Well," Lydia said thoughtfully, "You could try to apply to the Companions. They are the best warriors around. If that doesn't suit you, though, then why not ask if there is anything you can do to help? You seem like a good fighter, killing a dragon and all, so I think it will be easy for you to find work. If that doesn't pique your interest, then I suggest you try exploring more of Skyrim."

Later, I wished I hadn't said that I was bored out loud. As it turned out, killing wolves on a farm was not only dangerous but also pointless. More wolves would just come, so why couldn't the farmers just make better fences? I sighed as I picked up the carcasses of the animals. I figured their hides might sell for something, so I carried two of them on my shoulders. Lydia shouldered the other two, and we marched back towards Whiterun. I needed the money, but I didn't enjoy killing. Despite my gained skill at the blade, I preferred to fight only when I needed to. My thoughts were broken when the earth itself seemed to shake once more with a word.

"Dovakiin!" My head snapped toward the source of the sound. It came from a mountain, its peak climbing high into the air, and snow crowning its jagged tip. I frowned as my mind recalled where I had heard it before. It woke me up yesterday, and it was the same word that followed me every time I passed through the market. Dovakiin. Dragonborn. The weight of the situation crashed down on me. My eyes widened, and my chest tightened suddenly.

What was I even doing there? I had sought out adventure, and it had found me. It was like I had held meat in front of a wolfos, and it had snapped it right out of my hands. I stumbled, and the wolves held over each shoulder fell with meaty smacks. I vaguely heard Lydia yelling my name, but it all seemed like I was seeing and hearing things in a haze. Everything felt… insubstantial, almost surreal. I had finished the destiny the goddesses had laid out for me already, hadn't I? I had gone through the horrors of the Shadow Temple, sustained hundreds of injuries, and seen things that I could not unsee. Wasn't that enough for them? I was tired. So, so tired of being a pawn for greater powers than myself. It was hard to breathe, and I gasped raggedly. When I uncurled from the fetal position I found myself in, I saw Lydia's concerned eyes on my face, along with a small crowd of people who were drawn by my commotion. Tears streaked down my face as I still took heaving breaths. Each breath was short, with its exhale being even more so.

"Link, are you okay?" Lydia asked softly. Her use of my name didn't pass by my addled mind, as she normally stuck to tradition like a fly to Deku honey. Her soft tone also surprised me, as she always seemed tough as the most hardened soldiers that I knew. I shook my head weakly. It was still hard to breathe, so I couldn't respond. Lydia seemed to sense what was going on and started shooing away the crowd of people that had thickened since I last checked. Eventually, she came back, a man in yellow robes following behind her. He knelt and smiled kindly at me.

"Your name is Link? Well, just take deep breaths, Link. In, out, in, out, just like that." He rested a hand comfortingly on my shoulder, and I followed his advice. I moderated my breathing, inhaling deeply, then exhaling slowly. This helped more, and the man kept on giving advice.

"Think about the present moment, rather than what happened, or what will be. Breathe. I'm here for you."

It seemed to take forever, but eventually, my heart stopped beating so fast, and my mind stopped spinning. My breathing was more controlled, and I still sat in the same place where I had collapsed. The corpses of the wolves that Lydia and I had carried lay scattered around me, but I didn't care. Nodding gratefully at the robed man, I stood on slightly shaky legs and looked him in his eyes.

"Thank you. I… I really needed that." I said softly. Internally, I was still a turmoil of emotions, but I was more in control of myself then. Feeling exhausted, I walked to my new house, leaving the wolves behind, and I collapsed on my bed. It took only moments before I fell asleep, into troublesome dreams.

My dreams were restless, filled with half-seen monsters. Scaled wings and long tails also seemed to float in and out, covered in jet-black scales. The worst part came with the blood. It poured from above in warm sheets, like rain. It filled the dark void that was all around me until I began to drown. I paddled wildly, held down by my steel armor, struggling to keep my head afloat. As soon as my head went under, all I was blackness. I awoke to darkness, and in a panic, I thought I was still in a dream. When nothing else happened, I slowly craned my neck to look around myself. Adjusting in only a few moments, my eyes could pick out the details of my mostly bare room. Having no windows, I had no way to tell the time. Still, I felt I must have been asleep for at least a few hours. I still felt emotionally drained, but I felt rested enough. After changing out of my armor and into a more comfortable set of clothes, I wandered downstairs where I saw Lydia trying to set a fire in the stone-lined pit. It looked like she hadn't had much luck, with only a faint trail of smoke rising from the pile of twigs. Kneeling, I blew gently on the pile. From my many adventures, I'd learned the importance of fire, and had drilled myself until I could light one in my sleep. Soon, a small fire was crackling in the hearth pit, and Lydia and I sat around it. We lay in silence for what seemed like forever until she finally spoke.

"So… what happened? ", She asked. I stared into the coals of the fire, which were burning a dull orange. It took me a minute to gather my thoughts to answer her question.

"Lydia, I have a... Complicated past. Heh. I'd say that's the biggest understatement of all time. Would you even believe me if I told you?" Lydia tilted her head slightly to the left.

"Try me," she said. "I've had my own fair share of experiences. I haven't always been at Dragonsreach, you know. I earned my position as housecarl through sweat and blood, and I'm damn proud of it. Now, what's your story?" I stared at the coals for a moment longer, then looked up, sighed once, and began my long story

"I was born 34 years ago. It was in a country named Hyrule. I have checked every map I can find, asked every person I've met, and checked every star chart I can find. Despite that, everything shows me that it apparently "doesn't exist". Despite what other people say, I was born there. My entire life, I've been going on adventures. The goddesses of my homeland decided to choose me as their chosen hero, even though I was barely ten when my first journey began This journey was not a small thing. I had to save all of Hyrule from a wicked sorcerer named Ganondorf. Imagine that, having to prevent a powerful sorcerer from taking over Hyrule, while I just barely got my first sword. As you would think, this led to me doing a myriad of quests to stop him. First I was to break a curse placed on each major tribe in Hyrule, and gather three spiritual stones to give to the princess, Zelda. What happened after that, nobody has ever believed me when I told them. One day, Ganondorf stormed Hyrule castle, killing the king and forcing Zelda out of the city. I took the three gems, along with a musical instrument called the Ocarina of Time, and I opened a sealed door within a sacred temple. This door protected two powerful artifacts; The Master sword, and the Triforce. The Master sword is a powerful blade that can seal away evil, and can only be carried by the chosen hero of the goddesses. The Triforce, however, is what Ganondorf was after. The Triforce has the power to grant any wish that its user desires. If Ganondorf got hold of it, all of Hyrule would fall, and eventually, the rest of the world. Unfortunately, that is exactly what happened. When I unsealed the door and pulled the Master sword out of its pedestal, I was put into a magical sleep for 7 years. I awoke as a 10-year-old in the body of a 17-year-old, and Ganondorf had stolen the Triforce while I was asleep. Afterward, I had to fix the mistake I made. I traveled to temple after temple, cleansing each of them from Ganondorf's evil and awakening their sages. The sages were pivotal to defeating Ganondorf, but that isn't the point. Their temples were... horrible. Filled with monsters, demons, and death. Have you ever seen the bodies of the damned? Felt the cold grasp of dead fingers gripping your legs, your arms? Have you ever seen things you simply cannot un-see? Have you felt the pain of a thousand wounds, a thousand scars? That is what happened to me. After I freed the sages, only then could I try to defeat Ganondorf.

"Defeating Ganondorf was almost worse than all of my torture put together. I must admit, he was a fierce warrior, but it cost me heavily. In the end, I lost friends, allies, and family, only to simply seal Ganondorf away into a prison in a different realm. That caused me to blame myself for my shortcomings, to blame myself for Hyrule's fall. Afterward, I was sent back in time and became a child again. This time, a suffering young man in the body of a 10-year-old. I thought that was the end, and I tried to get better until I was dragged into yet another cursed adventure. I was fighting not against an evil sorcerer, nor a mighty monster. I fought against time itself. I had to travel through the same period of three days again, over and over, trying to figure out how to save the strange new place I had found myself in. The things I saw while I was in there… I do not even want to mention them. The only thing I will say is that I got more scars, more trauma, and no time to process any of it. I eventually stopped the cycle, defeating the demon that was the center of all of the problems, and I was finally able to rest. This time, I thought, for good. And, I did get better- at least I thought so. I met with friends I had made in my adventures, slowly healing, slowly trying to forget and push down what I had seen, what I had done. It worked, I thought. I became more cheerful, more like myself, and I trained my mind and body to try to forget what happened. When I heard that I was the Dragonborn, this loosened the stitches in my mind over what I had hoped to forget. Every time another person spoke that damn title, they loosened a little further. They finally snapped when I realized that this is happening… I am in yet another quest, yet another pawn for powers stronger than I am… I can't do this again."

By the time I was finishing my story, my voice was barely above a whisper. A tear streaked down my cheek at the last words, and I felt ashamed for crying in front of Lydia. My eyes couldn't meet hers as the coals of the fire finally died out. The room was dark and silent. Lydia hadn't interrupted once during his story, which had helped me tell her all of the details. I had told few other people my story, and few among them believed only a part of it. I felt drained again, my throat dry from talking and my mind tired from holding back memories that I didn't want to see or remember. A gentle touch stirred me from my thoughts, and I saw a hand on my arm. Lydia's expression was confused, but I could feel the compassion in her voice.

"Link, I think I believe you. You have many more years in those eyes than one would think. I know what happens when you live a life as you and I do. One of adventure, one of death. I've had my own dark moments, and my own scars, but I always remember one thing," Lydia trailed off for a moment, leaving me to look back at her face. "I always remember that I matter, that my feelings matter. Don't push your memories down, hoping they'll go away. They are a part of you. You may not like them, or think they are from your darkest self, but you need to recognize that they are a part of you. You can embrace them or leave them behind, but acknowledging that your darkest thoughts and memories are a part of who you have become is the first step to begin healing. I can't blame you for being scared, or for being angry, from what I've heard in your story. I just need you to have courage, and help those who desperately need it at this time."

Lydia's words felt heavy across my chest. I wanted to push her away, yell at her for saying that everything that had happened to me was a part of me, and explain to her that she could never understand what I'd been through. I did none of those things, however. It was odd, having a person who I had met just the day before seeing me in such a mess, and trying to console me. Despite that, I was… grateful. Grateful that someone in this wide, new world understood me, and what I'd gone through.