Hi, so here is another chapter and I hope you enjoy it.

Just to clarify this does jump a little around with the time frame of the past. Anything to do with Camille I am keeping until we get to the Season 3 episodes so bits of Jay's past will be both before and after her death until we get to Season 3. Season 2 I am only going to focus on a few Jay episodes so please don't be offended if your favourite Season 2 episode is not covered.

There is maybe two more chapters left of this Season 1 arc so please keep that in mind.

Disclaimer-Nothing here is mine

Also TRIGGER WARNINGS for PTSD and flashbacks to War. I have tried to cover Jay's reaction as realistically as possible as from what I have seen on the show but please keep in mind that I am not a medical expert when it comes to this.

Please Read and Review.


Born Under A Bad Sign

Chapter 7-Bloodlines

As a bomb rips through Chicago and a manhunt is launched for the bomber Jay remembers the time when he was eighteen, just graduated and desperate to go and fight as memories press deep. Potentially shortish chapter.


13th November 2014


He had been there to run the bloody thing. And he'd been in a good enough shape for it as well. He'd always been able to run and he'd always been able to have good stamina—it was kind of a requirement for the Army and definitely one for the Army Rangers, and he'd been feeling good. Lennie was dead, his drinking was…better…he thought…well…it had been a long time since he had woken up with the sudden urge to throw up. He had even been getting his shit together on the personal front. Erin had made it clear that though they had tried when he was eighteen they were not really in ready to try again and he had been comfortable with that. The simmering tension between the two of them that had been there from day one and it was always on the backburner but since Lennie's death…since he had gone round to the house and seen Allie and seen a family rebuilding now that they finally, finally had something that was justice well…that was beyond what he could put into words.

It was easier on him too. He found that he could sleep easier. The constant urge for the bottle to keep away that nightmare had gone. There were several other nightmares, several other times he had needed a drink but the truth of the matter was that Jay was standing, still standing and for once it felt good.

The only crinkle in the whole thing was Voight. He and Hank had never had what one would call the best relationship. It had been like him and Justin. They'd been too alike, rubbed off against each other and like what he had with Erin there had always been the spectre of another parent in the picture just…lurking. But the truth was Jay had considered Hank the father that he had never really had and while he had never said it he'd been in the same boat as Erin—always knowing they were like Hank's kids and never needing it to be said out loud. In their house they had each other's back's and it hurt like hell to know that Hank had thought him capable of the cold blooded killing. It had hurt him to realise that his father was not going to even call him while this was going on, that he had thought in a drunken rage that he was capable of doing something like that.

It was a mess. All of it a mess and running had seemed to help a little.

And that had been what had taken him to the hospital and he had been signing up (eyeing Matt Casey from a distance) and then the bomb had gone off and he had been thrown (and there was no other word for it but thrown) backwards landing on his bad knee and back into the worst of his memories.

The ones he would pay all his monthly salary that he could forget…

He staggered upwards in full ambush mode dragging himself to his knees looking around and wating for the second hit to come. There was dust everywhere people screaming and Jesus Christ didn't they evacuate the civilians already? Insurgents moulding themselves in with the civilian population was a thing that they had always been taught to watch when they did routine patrol sweeps and—

And someone was calling his name. Someone was dragging him upwards by the arm and he turned through the dust his ears a mess of white noise and his mind a mess of white noise to see Mouse—

Only it wasn't Mouse. It was Matt Casey.

Matt Casey?

What was Matt Casey doing in Afghanistan? Had he grown tired of tracking Voight down in Chicago? Was he that unsure that he could get a conviction in the courts that he had come here to the camp to get Jay to—

And then it all came rushing back to him.

He was not in Afghanistan. Neither was Matt Casey. He was in Chicago. A bomb had just gone off. He was a cop. A first responder. And he had a job to do.

"I'm ok" he said though he wasn't and he wasn't sure he was talking to Matt or trying to convince himself. He took one look at the gaping hole in the building he had just been about to go into and he swallowed hard against the bile and the vomit in his throat rising rapidly. Now was not the time.

But Christ if it didn't remind him.

"You sure?"

"Yeah" he said though he could hardly hear his own voice. "Yeah where do you need me?"

Matt Casey clapped him on the back and then they went to work and Jay had to work very, very hard to keep his hands from shaking.

From the look on Hank's face when he turned up ten minutes later speeding through the crowds with such recklessness Jay wouldn't have even dared to drive like that through open warzones, well, well he knew he hadn't succeeded.

But that didn't matter.

Because there was a job to do.

And…and also because they weren't speaking outside of work and even then that was the bare minimum.

Even if in that moment Jay desperately wanted them to be.


11th July 2004


He slipped in through the door his whole body aching.

"Good run?"

"Jesus Hank! Do you just lurk in the shadows now? I thought you were at work?"

"I traded the shift with Al so he and Meredith could spend the day at Lexie's school doing…I don't know doing something to do with a report card."

"That's why you're here?"

"Camille's got some doctor's appointment she's at. Apparently she wants to talk afterwards"

Jay felt the ice crawl into his stomach. He didn't need this today. Today was a hot day and he…he needed a drink. He needed a drink now because he knew why Camille…he knew what she was going to speak to him about.

"Jay you alright. You've gone green?"

He hated this. He was eighteen, this had been the best home that he had ever known. Hell this had been the only home that he had ever really known and now there was this big secret that was rapidly unfolding in the middle of it.

"Jay?"

"Yeah err…sorry…Hank…too much running"

"I'd say. Kid you're dripping in sweat"

"Yeah"

And then because he wanted to escape this crawling feeling that was rummaging under his skin he found that he was turning and telling the closest thing to a father the truth.

Well not that truth.

Another truth.

"Hank you know I've graduated"

Hank who had been re-reading what looked like a case file put it down.

"Yeah Jay…I was there when you graduated, you and Erin both. I chalked it down to a minor miracle and took you both out for steak remember?"

Jay did. The Purple Pig did the best truffle mash that was known to man. He could eat that morning, noon and night though it would kind of derail his plans.

"Ha ha" he said shaking his head and grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge.

"It's…it's about afterwards. I mean…about what comes next. I know that Erin has spoken to you about the police academy next fall"

"Yeah she has"

Was that Jay's imagination or was that excitement in Hank's tone. Shit. This was gonna be harder than he thought it was because unlike Erin who had been dead set on this path since she had turned seventeen he had been dead set on another.

The only issue was there was a bomb about to go off and he wasn't sure if it was self-preservation making him run away from it or fear but he wasn't sure if he wanted to be around what happened next.

"I…I was thinking…I…I don't wanna be a cop. I mean…not yet anyway."

"Not yet?"

"No I…I had this idea and I was gonna talk to you about it but It's been in my head for a while and I want to see it through"

Hank eyed him for a long second.

"Jesus don't tell me you want to become a firefighter"

"A—no!"

"Oh thank God, because Jay I don't have to tell you that the rivalry is fierce. You couldn't go to another fight night again"

Jay rolled his eyes. Hank saw but for once let it go.

"No…I…I was thinking about the Army"

"The Army" Hank said slowly as if he was testing out each and every letter that made up those two words.

"The Army" Jay repeated feeling a little bit like an idiot. It was always hard to tell with Hank what he thought of an idea. They had come a long way since he had been the boy on the bridge but the truth was Hank still had the ability to scare the shit out of him.

"Huh"

"Can you say anything other than that?"

Hank flashed him an annoyed look. "Jay as much as I would like it if you didn't take a job that might get you killed I'd be a bit of a hypocrite if I tried to stop you. If this is something you wanna do then you go ahead and do it. Let's look at your options together. As a family"

"Yeah?" Jay asked almost breathless with something that he didn't want to call hope but it absolutely was.

"Yeah" Hank said smiling at him in that way that just made you want to squirm a little. "But do me a favour? Don't mention it to Camille just yet. Her nerves are still shot to shit over Erin joining the department"

And just like that the moment was over. Jay turned before the man could get a good read on his face and moved into the kitchen putting the empty bottle in the bin. When he came back in he hoped his face was perfectly under control and he told Hank he was going for a shower.

He didn't tell him that he knew that Camille's nerves were not just shot to shit over Erin joining the department and him joining the Army.

But he had made a promise so he couldn't do that.

Breaking a promise to Hank was one thing.

Breaking a promise to Camille was another thing entirely.


15th November 2014


It had been a whirlwind forty eight hours and Jay got back to his apartment feeling like he was trudging through snow both mentally and physically. He was bone dead exhausted again both mentally and physically. They had caught the bomber. Prevented another massive attack from happening and Burgess's niece had survived. It was a great win for the good guys and yet all Jay could do was throw his keys on the table, double lock his door and then throw up in his sink.

He turned the tap on and let the water hit the bottom sliding to the bottom of the kitchen floor shaking and shivering.

This one had been a tough one, this one had been the hardest one so far. He felt cold all over and yet hot all over and he wanted to crawl into the very tile of his kitchen floor and not get up. He didn't want to drink, he wanted to die. He'd seen too much and done too much and why is he alive when all his friends are dead over there?

There's a banging on his door but he ignores it. He's too trapped in memories, locked in pain and terror and a panic attack that's fully developed and brutally robbing him off his breath and oh holy shit he can't breathe.

But he's not alone.

At some point he's going to have to remember when he gave Hank a key before for the life of him he doesn't remember. But that's not for right now. It's not surprising really either looking back that Hank knew he was in trouble, knew he was spiralling. Every time Jay has been spiralling Hank has always been there to catch him.

It's Hank who sits down on the floor with him and pulls him into his arms. And it's Jay who clings to him despite everything that he's been through. He clings to him fingernails digging into leather refusing to let go.

"It's alright Jay" Hank says softly. "Just breathe. Just concentrate on breathing, in and out. It's okay son I've got you. You're in Chicago. You're not there anymore. You got out. Your home"

Jay tries to breathe. At first he thinks he can't and then he can. Somehow he can and his lungs greedily attack the air when he can get them down.

Somehow Hank gets him in the shower and then changed and then into bed. Jay doesn't know how he does it but he shivers under the covers like he's burning with a fever.

When he wakes up three hours later he realises Hank is still there.

And again another hour after that.

"Your still here?" he mumbled once as sunlight poked it's way over the horizon. The panic had dulled it's way into a throb beneath his veins and now the embarrassment is beginning to sit in although he has been told time and time again that there is nothing embarrassing about what he is going through—but he is not going through anything. He got back with his arms and his legs so what does he have to cry about? A few nightmares? He is perfectly fine, Jay is a fighter, has been one all his life, and he can fight this one too and he can win. He can be fine. Just fine. Perfectly fine. Forever fine. Fine. Fine. Fine. Fine. Fine—PTSD is not a label that applies to him he knows it.

Fine. Fine. Fine. Fine. Fine.

"Course I stayed Jay" Hank says in the darkness and Jay's aware, hyper, vigilantly aware that Hank's hand is on his shoulder a warm brand though the thin cotton and that his voice is very soft as if nothing from the last few weeks with Lennie has affected them at all.

"You're my son. Of course, I stayed. Now go to sleep. I'll be here when you wake up"

Jay drifts off to sleep. He doesn't know how he does it, if his brain and his body are just simply too tired to keep him going. If he collapses on autopilot but he drifts and he dreams again and every time he wakes up, true to his word, Hank is still there.


And there you go, I hope that you enjoy and I will do my best to bring you the next chapter sooner rather than later.

Next Chapter-As Pulpo comes back Intelligence is on high alert. Antonio asks Jay for a favour which leads Jay and Hank to share a moment. In the past Jay meets Charlie Puglisi and Bunny Fletcher.