74. Monster Like Me

He hadn't looked him in the eyes once.

Albus had worried about Harry's disciplinary hearing more than he had let on. The law had always been on Harry's side, but Fudge's behaviour was no longer simply unreasonable. He was now purely driven by anger and desperation, which made him more dangerous and unpredictable than ever. Changing the time and place of the hearing at the last minute and holding a full criminal trial had been clever attempts to catch them off guard, but Albus had been expecting the unexpected.

What he hadn't been able to figure out beforehand was how he was supposed to get so close to Harry, be in the same room with him, defend him, without actually allowing them to be close. In the end, Fudge had helped him with that by choosing the old dungeons for the hearing. They were so vast and cold and filled with so many judging faces that it had been easier for Albus to act in an aloof and detached manner. He had presented their case, called on Arabella as their primary witness and trusted that enough of his former colleagues on the Wizengamot would uphold the letter of the law.

And then Albus had left – having never looked at Harry once.

He had noticed Harry's attempts to catch his eye. They had been subtle at first but had quickly become more insistent. And painful. For Albus at least. His every instinct had screamed and clawed at him, desperate to turn his head and give the boy a reassuring smile, as though he were a compass that must always point due north. But he had forced himself to stare straight ahead.

The good thing about it was that Albus could only imagine the look of anger and disappointment on Harry's face. He hadn't actually seen it. But the expressions on the faces of everyone else around him gave him a pretty good idea.

The deep frown on Molly's face when Albus had arrived at Headquarters the night before the hearing and had told her not to wake Harry because no, he hadn't come to talk to him. Well aware that Harry had probably been lying awake, scared that his whole life might change in a few hours. The flicker of resentment and rebellion in Sirius' eyes when Albus had warned him not to accompany Harry to the hearing, even though he would have been desperate for some company and emotional support.

They said they understood that Albus was keeping Harry at arm's length to protect him, but they didn't really. In their heart of hearts, they thought he was acting like a monster. In his heart of hearts, he felt like one, too.

A couple of days after the hearing Albus stopped by Grimmauld Place to drop something off. It was very late and he wasn't surprised that almost everyone had gone to bed. He had expected to find only Sirius awake, but he met Remus in the kitchen instead.

Albus could have said a quick hello to Remus and then left, but something made him ask, "Where's Sirius?" It always worried him a little when he saw neither Sirius nor Kreacher during his visits. Kreacher because he was most likely still looking for ways to betray them and Sirius because he was still the most likely to do something reckless.

Remus sighed. "He's hiding in the attic. He's been particularly unhappy since Harry's hearing."

"But the hearing went as well as it could have and Harry will be safely returning to Hogwarts soon."

"Yes," said Remus, "I think that's the problem."

"Ah," said Albus, nodding in understanding.

"You can go up and talk to him," Remus suggested hopefully.

"I doubt he'd want me to. I am, after all, the most convenient person to blame for this entire situation," Albus pointed out. "If he won't even talk to you…"

"Sometimes it's easier to talk to someone when you're not so close to them," Remus said shrewdly.

Albus thought about that, smiled in acknowledgement and made his way upstairs. The attic smelled worse than the rest of the house, which might have been because of the remains of Buckbeak's dinner. Chicken, by the looks of it, or turkey perhaps. At the moment the Hippogriff was dozing, though he did open one eye when Albus entered. Sirius sat on the floor, leaning against Buckbeak's hindquarters. He eyed Albus just as warily as the Hippogriff.

"I thought I would come up and see how Buckbeak is doing in his new home," Albus explained his intrusion.

"He hates being locked up," Sirius replied curtly. He could have been projecting his own feelings onto the Hippogriff, but it was clearly also the truth. Buckbeak ruffled his feathers, drawing attention to the fact that he couldn't simply spread his wings and fly away whenever he wanted to.

"We could find a way to set him free," Albus offered.

"No!" Sirius exclaimed suddenly and then hid his face in his hands. "And here I thought I couldn't sink any lower," he muttered.

"It's understandable that you wouldn't want to lose your only likeable companion in this house once school starts and Remus leaves to work for the Order," Albus said softly.

"Understandable? Maybe. Selfish? Definitely."

"I think he'll be willing to forgive you."

Sirius' voice was quiet when he asked, "What about forgiving myself?"

Albus sensed that he wasn't talking about Buckbeak anymore. "That is a different matter entirely." Giving Sirius a moment to decide if he wanted to elaborate, Albus walked up to the Hippogriff, who bowed lazily to him and then allowed him to stroke his head.

After a long pause Sirius said, "Before the hearing Harry asked me if he could come and live here with me if things didn't work out for him. I never said yes or no. I told myself that I shouldn't get his hopes up, just in case living with me wouldn't be an option. But the truth is… I didn't want to get my hopes up! What kind of godfather hopes for his godson to be kicked out of school?"

With his hand resting on Buckbeak's neck, Albus turned to look at Sirius again. "A godfather who never got to spend as much time with his godson as he should have."

Sirius met his gaze defiantly. "How can you always be so kind to people who were never kind to you?"

"I realise that we've had our differences lately, but I wouldn't say that you were ever unkind to me," Albus disagreed with a slight frown.

"Oh, I was." Sirius laughed harshly. "At least in my head. Several times, actually, though some probably no longer count. Like that time James and I flooded the entire first floor of Hogwarts Castle to get out of a History of Magic class. Professor McGonagall yelled at us and gave us detention and all that. But you made us apologise to every single portrait that had been even a little bit damaged by the spray of the water. It took forever and I hated you for it. In hindsight, you probably didn't deserve me cursing you in my head for something incredibly stupid I had done."

Albus chuckled, having only a vague memory of that incident. "I'm sure there were other times when I did deserve whatever you were feeling towards me."

"And that doesn't bother you at all?" Sirius asked.

"Even if it did, dwelling on it wouldn't do either of us or anyone else any good."

Sirius raised a brow. "So you're saying I'm not important enough."

"Yes," Albus said simply. "And neither am I." He stepped away from Buckbeak and held out a hand to pull Sirius up from the floor and back to his feet. "The only one who matters right now is Harry and whatever's best for him. Our personal feelings must come second. You may not believe this, but I promise you I know how hard that is. Sadly, it's not a choice, it's imperative."

Sirius gripped his forearm almost painfully. "And yet you won't let me do anything for him."

"That is not true. Sometimes all we need from the people we love is for them to love us in return and to be safe, so we can rest our minds at ease, knowing they will still be there when we really need them."

It was clear that Sirius still didn't like it and he certainly wasn't at peace with himself or the situation he was in. But he was smart and he loved Harry. And it was nothing new to him – the need to suffer for the greater good.

The two of them had that in common, it seemed.

Sirius' gaze was thoughtful. "You really love him, too, don't you?"

Albus had never called it that. Not out loud. Not to anyone. Not even Minerva, though he suspected that she had never asked because she thought it was obvious. "I do."

Looking at him for a moment longer, Sirius finally let go of his arm and nodded.


"This is a complete and utter disaster!" Minerva sank into a chair in front of Albus' desk and dropped several pieces of parchment onto it. "This is all rubbish. There is no way I can draw up the new timetables with two teachers missing! The booklists haven't been sent yet and term starts the day after tomorrow! We have less than 48 hours to figure this out or we'll have failed this school in a way no administration before us ever has." She glanced up at Albus and froze. "Why in Gryffindor's name are you smiling right now?"

"Because I've missed you." Albus reached across the desk for her hand.

Her fingers laced with his without her actually meaning to do so. They had both been so busy over the summer working for the Order that it felt like they hadn't seen each other at all, to say nothing of having the time to talk or touch. It felt wonderful simply to hold hands. How was that even possible after all these years of loving this man? She had held his hand a million times before and yet there was still this rush of excitement and warmth.

"That's all bloody romantic but not at all helpful," Minerva said when she came to her senses again.

Reluctantly, Albus let go. "It still needed to be said. But I do have something that will help with the matter at hand. Wilhelmina just wrote to me. She agreed to take over for Hagrid for as long as need be."

"Bless her heart!" Minerva said in relief and tapped one of her makeshift timetables with her wand. With the Care of Magical Creatures lessons taken care of, it looked a little better. "How long do you think...?"

"I don't know," Albus said, shaking his head.

Minerva bit her lip worriedly. "But Olympe said Hagrid was fine when they separated?"

"Yes, so let us assume that Hagrid will be back with us as soon as he possibly can."

"Well, if he's fine and if Wilhelmina is willing to fill in for him, I guess he can take his time. But quite honestly, if I had to cancel either Care of Magical Creatures or Defence Against the Dark Arts classes, I would not have chosen the latter. Certainly not now when it's of greater importance than ever!"

"I know," Albus said gravely. Minerva had blamed them both for not doing their jobs and he hadn't argued, but she knew he didn't agree. He saw this as his personal failure. He had failed to find a new teacher for them.

She didn't know how to soften the blow because it was true. It was a problem she had no idea how to solve. She was desperate to try, however. "I can't believe I'm saying this, but what if you just let Severus have what he wants and tried to find someone to teach Potions instead?"

"I'm afraid at this point no one is willing to come work for me at all, no matter what subject."

"That can't be true!" Minerva banged a fist on the table in frustration. "If everyone is so easily influenced and intimidated by a man like Cornelius Fudge, then what is this world coming to?"

"It's not just him. There's also the small matter of the death toll among Hogwarts teachers that rose yet again at the end of last term, though Barty Crouch Jr. didn't die, of course, but suffered a fate even worse than that," Albus reminded her.

"And whose fault was that? Fudge brought that blasted Dementor into the castle and lost control of it. But that didn't make it into the papers, now did it?" Minerva shook her head and tried to calm herself because this was getting them nowhere. "Anyway, I still have to send out the letters. I finally managed to compile a list of names for the new prefects and this year's Head Girl and Boy."

She handed him a scroll of parchment and watched him scan the students' names. "Thank you. I do have one objection."

"If it's Pansy Parkinson, I don't know what to tell you," Minerva said, rolling her eyes. "Severus insists she's the best option."

"No, I was referring to the Gryffindors. I would like Mr Ronald Weasley to be prefect alongside Miss Granger."

Minerva stared at him, sure she must have misheard him. She had added the names of the Gryffindor prefects only as a formality. She had thought that Potter and Granger were a given. "Did I miss something? You haven't talked to Potter all summer despite everything that happened and now you don't want him to be prefect? This could help him defend himself against all of his classmates who will have read too much of the nonsense in the Daily Prophet. I don't understand, Albus, and neither will he."

"Perhaps not. If you think that Mr Thomas or Mr Finnegan would be better suited for the job, I shall leave that to your discretion, though Mr Weasley does have a Special Award for Services to the School," Albus said matter-of-factly.

"You're serious," Minerva realised slowly, disbelievingly.

"I do believe you asked me not to waste any more time." Albus was putting up a wall. She recognised the signs. He had made his decision and he was not going to budge. He didn't want to fight her on it, but he would if she forced him to.

She hadn't decided yet when Filch burst into the room. "There's a woman at the gates demanding entrance. She says she's some kind of secretary."

"She's a what?" Minerva asked irritably, annoyed at the interruption.

"No, wait, Undersecretary, that's what she said," Filch corrected himself, "to the minister."

Minerva's eyes widened in surprise. She didn't know why Fudge would send one of his henchmen to Hogwarts and she didn't care to find out. "Tell her to go away. The headmaster is busy."

The caretaker hesitated.

"Do you want me to go and tell her?" Minerva snapped.

Filch looked to Albus for help.

"Minerva," he said softly. "We have to hear her out at least."

"Do we? Fudge hasn't listened to you either and he certainly hasn't treated you with anything close to respect or common decency. We don't owe him anything." When it came to the Minister for Magic, Minerva's anger had swelled to such proportions that it was probably a good thing he hadn't come to speak with them in person.

It took a lot more, however, for Albus to lose his poise. "We may not owe it to him, but we owe it to ourselves not to sink to his level." He gave Filch a little nod. "Please bring our visitor up to my office."

Grudgingly, Minerva moved her chair to the side so she could see the door and wait for whatever this was. Albus rested his chin on his intertwined fingers and looked perfectly at ease, but his eyes were alert, thinking, pondering, calculating. Something about that look made the hairs on the back of Minerva's neck stand up.

They stayed that way when the door to the office was opened again. Minerva had been so focused on the Minister for Magic himself that she had nearly forgotten who his Senior Undersecretary was. Dolores Umbridge. Minerva didn't know her very well, but she knew plenty about her and her work – her anti-werewolf legislation and her attempts to persecute merpeople. That alone would have been more than enough to account for the feeling of disgust Minerva struggled to hide.

Umbridge's outward appearance did the rest. She wore a fluffy, pink cardigan over similarly hideous robes, and at first Minerva thought that a large insect was sitting on the top of her head. But then she realised that it was some sort of ugly, black bow, except Minerva had never seen a grown-up, middle-aged woman wear such a silly thing. Then again, it was debatable whether Umbridge really was fully grown. Compared to both Albus and Minerva, she was almost ridiculously short and squat. Nevertheless, she had a sickeningly sweet smile on her face. It said that she knew what she wanted and that she was about to get it too.

Without knowing what it was, Minerva instinctively wanted to prove her wrong.

"What an unexpected surprise to see you here today, Dolores. Please come in and have a seat," Albus greeted her and Minerva marvelled at his ability to be so flawlessly cordial. She had to look closely at his slightly narrowed eyes to see that he was not watching Umbridge like a welcome guest but more like a boiling cauldron that could either continue to simmer harmlessly or erupt suddenly in a violent explosion.

Speaking in a terribly high-pitched voice, Umbridge sounded harmlessly enough. "Thank you, Headmaster. I would have sent you an owl to inform you of the time of my arrival, but things have happened so fast. I thought it best to simply deliver the news to you in person."

"What news?" Minerva couldn't help asking. Anything the Ministry considered news usually made her sick to her stomach for days.

Umbridge shot her a quick look before she made a point of focusing her attention entirely on Albus. "I see I needn't have worried about my own manners," she said pointedly. Minerva gritted her teeth. Since Umbridge was practically ignoring her, she stopped herself from shooting back a reply. She didn't want to undermine Albus' authority in any way.

"I do hope I didn't interrupt anything important." Umbridge eyed the desk that was covered with their plans or their lack of such plans for the new school year.

"When you're running a school, there's always important work to be done. But there's still time for important conversations," Albus replied politely.

"Quite right, because I think you'll be very interested in what I have to say, very interested, indeed." Umbridge paused as though she expected them to beg her to continue. Albus feigned some interest while Minerva only glared at her. "Cornelius, excuse me, I meant to say our Minister for Magic has decided to come to your rescue."

"I'm afraid I do not follow," Albus said slowly.

Umbridge seemed extremely pleased with that response. "You have – as of yet – been unable to find a new teacher for Defence Against the Dark Arts, isn't that correct?"

Albus answered with a terse nod of the head. That he didn't have any words was definitely not a good sign.

"Well, the minister has found one for you," Umbridge said, smiling like the proverbial cat that ate the canary. "Which would be me, of course."

Minerva bit down on her tongue to stop herself from making a noise. Albus also remained silent.

"Now, I know what you're thinking," Umbridge went on. (Minerva seriously doubted that.) "You're wondering how the Senior Undersecretary to the Minister for Magic could possibly find the time to teach at Hogwarts despite her other responsibilities." She laughed, but it sounded more like the giggle of a teenage girl. "It will definitely be a challenge. But Cornelius and I agree that there is nothing more important than to ensure that the next generation of witches and wizards is taught all about the different forms of defensive magic in a safe and Ministry-approved manner." She tried to make her voice sound firm now. It only climbed even higher. "Regrettably, there have been no qualified candidates for this particular teaching position in the past several years and you were forced to subject the students to highly unorthodox, questionable and downright dangerous methods of teaching. But you can rest assured that all of that ends now. The Ministry has decided to take a closer look at our current educational system. We will help you to turn Hogwarts into a safe and orderly place of learning that is beneficial to all of us."

There was blood in Minerva's mouth from biting down so hard and she wanted to spit it right in Umbridge's face. It took all of her self-control to swallow it, along with a few choice words she would have liked to hurl at that woman. Instead, she glanced at Albus.

His face was as impassive as if hewn from stone and his voice was colder than Snape's dungeons in the midst of winter. "I applaud the Ministry's decision to make education a priority again, as there are few things of greater importance, though there are some that come to mind at the moment. Nevertheless, Hogwarts will be happy to hear this pledge of support from the minister himself. However, as experienced as he is when it comes to governing our wizarding community, making staff decisions at Hogwarts does not fall within his purview. I thank you for your gracious offer to take on this responsibility on top of the other demands of your position, but I must politely decline."

"Decline?" Umbridge repeated. If her voice had been barely tolerable before, it now reached certain heights that soon only dogs would be able to hear. "But you don't have anyone else for the job!"

"Not yet, no, but we were just about to go over all the options when you arrived. So unless there is anything else you wish to discuss, I suggest you let us get back to it." Albus told her this in a way that for his standards was downright rude.

It didn't really make any difference, but it looked as though Umbridge had just stood up. Unfortunately, she was not leaving. She plunged a hand into her robes. For a split second Minerva thought that Umbridge was about to point her wand at them. But she only retrieved a scroll of parchment.

"I had hoped it wouldn't come to this, but sadly, I had suspected that you might adopt this regrettable attitude. It is thus my duty to inform you that just this morning the Minister for Magic signed the Educational Decree Number Twenty-two, which states that in the event of the current Headmaster being unable to provide a candidate for a teaching post, the Ministry shall select an appropriate person."

She handed Albus the scroll. He opened it, scanned it and said nothing. Meanwhile, Minerva had reached a point where she simply couldn't hold it in any longer. "That's preposterous!" she burst out. "The Ministry has no business making such decisions at Hogwarts!"

"It is not up to you to decide what the Ministry can or cannot do," Umbridge replied angrily. She stared at Albus, expecting him to say something. "I trust you'll find that all the signatures are in order and that the matter is settled."

"So it seems," Albus agreed, his tone clipped.

Umbridge waited for him to say more. When he didn't, she declared haughtily, "I see that I can't expect to receive a proper welcome. I shall go and find my new office by myself. Perhaps the caretaker will be courteous enough to help me with my luggage."

"I would, of course, accompany you, Dolores. But it seems the Ministry does no longer trust me to handle such important matters, so I dare say it's best if you take care of it on your own," Albus replied drily.

Well aware that he was mocking her, Umbridge's face reddened. But she decided not to respond and mercifully left the room.

"Tell me this did not just happen!" Minerva sprang to her feet as soon as they were alone again. "Tell me Fudge did not actually pass a law that allows him to force us to let his personal secretary parade around the school, pretending to be a teacher!"

Albus closed his eyes for a second. "I wish I could."

"That's a load of bollocks! She's not here to teach anyone, certainly not anything that's even close to fighting the Dark Arts! She's here to spy on you and to make sure you're not leading the students in a rebellion against Cornelius Fudge!" Minerva's voice was rising, too, but in her case there was power behind it and a raging fury.

"That last part wouldn't worry me as they're merely chasing ghosts of their own making," Albus replied, rubbing his temples in thought. "What does concern me is that Cornelius has found a legal way to interfere at Hogwarts and to chip away at my authority. I doubt he's done yet and I'm afraid this is entirely my fault."

Minerva had been about to let her anger run wild and free, but that brought her up short. "What? Why?"

"Because I told Cornelius to his face that he didn't have the right to decide such things at Hogwarts when he wanted to expel Harry." Albus heaved a sigh. "Clearly he didn't like that and clearly he fears me even more than I thought. And now Hogwarts is about to pay the price."

Walking over to him, Minerva made sure to face Albus fully when she said, "It is not your fault that Fudge is a scared, silly, little man!"

"Scared, silly, little men who hold the law in their hands can become exceedingly dangerous. I should have remembered that."

"If Fudge has decided to fight us more openly, then we will fight right back," Minerva said decisively. "We may not be able to kick Umbridge out because of this Educational Decree Number Twenty-whatnot, but we can freeze her out. I will talk to the rest of the staff. We all stand behind you and we won't let her dig her pudgy fingers into this school. We only have to deal with her for a year and then the curse will take care of her for us."

Albus quirked a brow. "I thought you refused to believe in the existence of such a curse."

"I believe that there are some people who might just deserve it," Minerva amended.

"All right, you can talk to the rest of the staff and warn them that they should act with caution around Dolores. But you cannot do the very thing Dolores is here to prove, namely stage a rebellion against the Ministry. We have to play this very carefully."

Albus stood, took her hand again and held it in both of his. "We have to assume that no means of communication or arranging meetings inside and out of Hogwarts are safe anymore. Certainly no letters but also no late-night strolls through the corridors and grounds or travelling by Floo Powder. Cornelius is hoping for a legitimate reason to get rid of me, but I doubt he would mind going after someone as close to me as you are, even not knowing exactly how close."

Not interested in worrying about anything Fudge could possibly do to her, Minerva was more focused on the real-life problems it would cause if Umbridge had her eyes and ears everywhere. "Then how do you expect us to be together at all?"

"I'm sure an accomplished spy such as yourself, who has managed to work in secret without raising the suspicion of Death Eaters in the employ of Lord Voldemort, can figure out ways to move around in this castle without being seen by Dolores Umbridge."

"Of course I can, but I hate that she can just come in here and turn Hogwarts into enemy territory," Minerva ranted.

Albus worked up a grim smile that was entirely for her benefit. "One battle doesn't make a war."

"Maybe not, but one should never have to fight on two fronts at the same time," she warned.

He pressed her hand to his lips. "Then let's not fight in here and remember that the true enemy is to allow anything to divide us."

In other words, she shouldn't push him on comparatively minor issues such as why he didn't want Potter to be a prefect. And she wasn't about to. But she wanted to make one thing perfectly clear. "You don't expect me to make friends with that woman, do you? Because you might as well hope that there won't be any rain in the highlands this year."

"I would never," Albus assured her and this time the smallest of smiles on his lips seemed to come from within. "I happen to love you in the rain."


A/N: Unfortunately I couldn't delay Umbridge's arrival any longer, but I hope you enjoyed the chapter regardless. :)